How do the rest of the world view Americans?
Nov 16th, 2000, 05:38 AM
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
How do the rest of the world view Americans?
To the citizens of the United States of America:
Following your failure to elect anybody, either a half
decent candidate or a B-movie actor as President of the USA
to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a
monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other
territories. To aid in the transition to a British Crown
Dependency, please comply with the following acts:
1. All Rednecks will have their 'whistle' haircuts trimmed.
2. Those living in militia communities shall be allowed to bear arms but not
children.
3. Those with and IQ below 50, ie 94.5% of the population will be
castrated/have their tubes tied to remove them from the gene pool and
prevent further devolution of the species.
4. Chewing tobacco shall be punishable by death.
5. Same for driving a truck, drinking womens piss(Budweiser) or wearing a
stupid cap advertising agricultural machinery
6. Mullets are fish. Any mullets found, plus whatever they're attached to,
will be send to the Birdseye for the "Captain" to "deal with".
7. If it weighs over 30 stone, it's a whale or an elephant. Send it to the
zoo or the aquarium.
8. Crystals do not cure disease. Nor does incense. Nor do waiting on a
trolley in a hospital corridor. But the odds are slightly better.
9. From now on, you also say "potato".
10. If it involves the sociology of Britney Spears, it's not a degree.
11. You've fundamentally misunderstood the use of base-balls bats.
Basically, if you're not from Belfast or the East End, you don't want your
kids playing with them.
12. Grasp that Jerry Springer's not laughing with you
13. Dieting tip: if something's bigger than your head, don't eat it
14. From now on, you will be participants in wars from the beginning.
Britain will join in in due course, just as soon as you're winning.
15. Buy maps of Britain. Some things to look out for: England is not in
London, Wales is not in England, there is no Oxbridge University marked.
Following your failure to elect anybody, either a half
decent candidate or a B-movie actor as President of the USA
to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a
monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other
territories. To aid in the transition to a British Crown
Dependency, please comply with the following acts:
1. All Rednecks will have their 'whistle' haircuts trimmed.
2. Those living in militia communities shall be allowed to bear arms but not
children.
3. Those with and IQ below 50, ie 94.5% of the population will be
castrated/have their tubes tied to remove them from the gene pool and
prevent further devolution of the species.
4. Chewing tobacco shall be punishable by death.
5. Same for driving a truck, drinking womens piss(Budweiser) or wearing a
stupid cap advertising agricultural machinery
6. Mullets are fish. Any mullets found, plus whatever they're attached to,
will be send to the Birdseye for the "Captain" to "deal with".
7. If it weighs over 30 stone, it's a whale or an elephant. Send it to the
zoo or the aquarium.
8. Crystals do not cure disease. Nor does incense. Nor do waiting on a
trolley in a hospital corridor. But the odds are slightly better.
9. From now on, you also say "potato".
10. If it involves the sociology of Britney Spears, it's not a degree.
11. You've fundamentally misunderstood the use of base-balls bats.
Basically, if you're not from Belfast or the East End, you don't want your
kids playing with them.
12. Grasp that Jerry Springer's not laughing with you
13. Dieting tip: if something's bigger than your head, don't eat it
14. From now on, you will be participants in wars from the beginning.
Britain will join in in due course, just as soon as you're winning.
15. Buy maps of Britain. Some things to look out for: England is not in
London, Wales is not in England, there is no Oxbridge University marked.
Nov 16th, 2000, 10:06 AM
#7
Guest
Posts: n/a
Ben,
Try reading Abolition of Britain by Peter Hitchens, younger brother of Chris. He writes that the heroic Britain of old is going down the tubes with tradition being tossed out the window. Furthermore, chawin' tobacco is great and at least a score of American microbrews are better than anything you English brew. Hell, the Irish brew better beer than the English. By the way, have you ever drank women's piss?
Try reading Abolition of Britain by Peter Hitchens, younger brother of Chris. He writes that the heroic Britain of old is going down the tubes with tradition being tossed out the window. Furthermore, chawin' tobacco is great and at least a score of American microbrews are better than anything you English brew. Hell, the Irish brew better beer than the English. By the way, have you ever drank women's piss?
