Funniest thing you've been asked at a border crossing?
 

We are Canadians who live about 45 minutes from the US border at Niagara. My girlfriend and I cross to New York State to buy fabrics at a favourite store; just when we think we've been asked every question possible the immigration guys come up with a new one. Last week-end we were asked the usual "where were you born?", "where are you headed?", "how long will you be in the States?". Then he asked us what our relationship was to each other. My girlfriend started to laugh and he immediately apologized if he had offended us. He said,"I'm not implying anything; it's just that in Canada you have something called Lifestyle Partners, don't you?" I responded that my friend was just that, a friend and not a "Lifestyle Partner", that I had a husband and a son and my friend had an ex-husband. The poor man thought he'd really offended us but he gave us a laugh that carried on for a few US miles (not kilometres) down the road.

"What is your favorite color?"


(not really, just stole that from Monty Python's "In Search of the Holy Grail")

At the airport in St Kitts in the Caribbean, we'd been hurrying to catch our flight and it was a particularly sweltering day.

As we proceeded to the gate, we passed an apparently sleeping guard seated behind a desk with a hand-lettered sign that said, "Random Security." (This was prior to 9/11.)

As we stopped at the desk, he stood up and scrutinized us carefully. He asked my husband very suspiciously, "Why are you sweating so much?"

We decided he thought he looked like a drug dealer or was wearing a money belt stuffed with tens of thousands of dollars...

I am not sure it was funny, but the border patrol folks at the Sweet Grass entry station in Montana on I 15, win the prize, at least for entry stations west of North Dakota.

Last year when I drove up to the border station on our way from Lethbridge to Yellowstone, I presented the guardian at the gate with my passport and a bright yellow Hertz rental car contract.

He looked at my passport and asked,
"What's your name?"

Like with that ploy he would detect an imposter with a stolen passport who was so stupid that he did not know whose identify he was assuming.

Fortunately I still knew my name.

His next question was equally stupid.
"Why is an American driving a Canadian car?" Simple answer, "I rented it at the Calgary airport from Hertz."

Next question: "Why did you not rent an American car?" That was when I almost choked. Answer, "There were none available."
(Like how can I rent an American car in Canada)
Next question: "Whose car is this?"
Answer, "Duhhhh. It is a Hertz rental car.
Next question: "Does Hertz know you have it?"
Answer, "Yes, and the rental agent has a copy of my credit card number."

Of course the rental contract was yellow and black and had Hertz written all over it in big letters.

Did he think I stole the car from Hertz and was making a get away?

Next question, "Why did you fly into Calgary?"

Answer, "We wanted to visit the Canadian Rockies before going to Yellowstone. It is convenient to fly into Calgary from Atlanta." (I got the distinct impression he had no idea where Atlanta was located.)

Then, "Where do you live?" Like I would not know what the passport said.
Fortunately I remembered where I lived and answered correctly.

Then he told me my car insurance was not any good. That was very amusing because before leaving, I had reviewed my policy and all coverage provisions with the senior claims agent for my insurance company who is a CPCU. This bozo at the gate was of the opinion he knew more than a CPCU who had been with the company for almost 20 years.

(I'll bet you Fodors readers did not know that border officials were also insurance experts. This one at least claimed to have knowledge equal to that of people who have earned their CPCU designations. I would not have thought that was true, but I was corrected.)

I wish I could have handed him one of the tests for the CPCU exam and asked him to fill it out real quick. As expert as he was, it should have taken him only 10 minutes, which was less than the length of time we held up the line listening to his BS.

For some reason he did ask my traveling companion if she was my life style partner. Maybe he figured a fellow my age had to bring along his caretaker.
Or maybe he looked at her passport and saw we had the same last name. If I see him next year I will ask him if he thought she was my sister.

By contrast, when we returned, the Canadian official asked us where we were going. I said "We are going to Calgary where we will turn in this car at the airport, and fly home."

Response: "Have a good trip."

It took 30 seconds.

But just think how many threats to the USA that border agent is stopping from entering the USA by asking people their names and where they live.

Once in India, as we were about to board a plane, the soldier doing the pre board checks asked me if a had a machine gun or hand grenade.

I have never been asked "Where were you born?"
Routinely, I used to be asked: "What is your occupation?" which I always thought was odd butlately I noticed they do not ask that.
Usually my border crossings are pretty boring. Nothing too funny to report! Upon returning to Canada: Citizenship? Where did you go? How long have you been there? What are you bringing in?
Upon leaving Canada: Citizenship? Where are you going? How long will you be there? What are you bringing in?

baker, i'll bet the boarder guy was sexually fantisizing and probably only asks women that question.

strangest boarding crossing for me was leaving isreal and crossing into the sinai dessert where men were separated from women and questioned about how many american dollars we had. if you didn't have enough they gave you a hard time.

In 1978 we were asked how much money we had when we entered Canada from the US.

The last time we crossed into Canada just a couple of years ago the Canadian border patrol searched our motorhome from top to bottom. We had already declared the pepper spray but they searched anyways. When they were done, we asked one of the guys "why us" and he said it's because so many Californian were smuggling guns across the border.

Utahtea

Thanks for all your amusing replies; I enjoyed reading them. We were also asked this past week-end how much cash we had with us; I'm not sure what the "correct" answer is to this one...a little or a lot. I mean, are they hoping we're bringing in a lot which will be left behind paying for meals, hotels, etc.? or is bringing in a lot suspicious? I was waiting for the guy to notice the Egyptian visa and stamp which my friend had from a recent trip but no commentfrom him on that.

As to jor who thinks maybe he was sexually fantasizing; my friend and I are in our mid to late 50's; still (we think) attractive but definitely not fantasy material.

To Diana: My husband and I have friends who live in St.Kitts; so we have spent many vacations there. Years ago, one friend would phone with a long shopping list such that my suitcase looked like a covenience/drugstore; tins of tuna and salmon, licorice, cake mixes, lens cleaner, deodorants, etc. The sleepy guards asked us to open suitcases; when they questioned what we were bringing in we responded, "Well, we're here for 2 weeks" and our cases got the big X in chalk, meaning OK. They must think Canadians are weird; they need 6 cans of deodorant, etc.

Another time boarding one of the little island hopper flights, my handbag was weighed and I was asked my own weight. Then the plane was seated according to people's weights. This was only scary when I heard gargantuan ladies declaring that they were only 120 pounds instead of about 300.

My car invariably gets searched top to bottom when we cross into Canada. I have no idea why. I really don't think I fit any profile of a drug dealer or other criminal.

But someone I knew was once asked when he was leaving what he had that he didn't have when he entered Canada. He smugly answered, "a haircut". They nearly ripped his car apart to "teach him a lesson."

Husband and I were crossing back into the US after spending the day in Canada. Waited in line for about 120 minutes with my husband getting madder and madder. We handed over our passports which of course list our names and addresses. Our last names are the same and our addresses are the same. Border guard asks hubby if we are related. Husband who has been complaining for last hour, tells the guard, what do you think - our names and addresses are the same? Is that the best he can do to protect the US from terrorists? Guard, to his credit doesn't pull us over to get the major grilling, just says they need to be extra careful now. Hubby says he should come up with some better questions. Guard still doesn't lose his cool; he asks some other questions like what is our address, how long have we lived there and then lets us through.

I was working on an international team to develop a technical solution to land-mine detection in Bosnia-Herzegovina. The Dutch contingent had an infra-red camera borrowed from some top US department and needed a travel docket to transport it across borders. They didn't have a stamp from Croatia crossing into Bosnia. They were stopped crossing back from Bosnia to Croatia because of the missing entry stamp and held for an hour. So the funniest thing I got asked was to go down the road to a supermarket and buy loads of cigarettes and beer for the border guards. Even funnier than that was the look on the Dutch team's faces which were really serious while I was phoning my best mate in England and asking him to send a crate of beer to the Croatian-Bosnian border. .The Dutch were let across five minutes later.

I remember as a kid my mom, dad, brother and I were crossing into Canada. I think I was maybe 8, my brother 10. The guards asked a few questions and then looked at me and asked "Is this your daughter?" (Mom, dad and bro have brown hair, and I have very light blonde hair. Brother and I are adopted.) My mom looked at me for a moment and said - "Yes, she is. But she's a bottle blonde." Mom was kidding of course, and we got it, but the guard looked and said something like, "oh, okay then."

baker,

Yes, travel in the Caribbean is always an adventure. We are building on Nevis and I will be doing your suitcase-as-variety-store routine myself I imagine.

We also had a live (large) scorpion pop out of my suitcase during a hand search in St Martin returning from Nevis.

The person searching it yelped, zipped the suitcase back up faster than I thought humanly possible and shoved it back at me saying, "the Xrays will kill it."

We got home and laid the suitcase in the driveway and armed ourselves with various implements to catch, trap and otherwise dispatch with the creature, but upon unpacking with a pair of kitchen tongs, came upon its poor dessicated, lifeless body.

Crossing the border in October to visit my daughter in New York, we handed our passports over to the immigration guy, who looked at me, pointed to my sweetie sitting next to me, and asked "Who's he?" I really wanted to retort "Don't YOU know? You've got his passport in your hand!" However, I didn't really want to land us in jail (or delay us for hours while they searched the car) so I forebore. Luckily, I know what his name is. :)

We got a similar relationship question asked of us last week when we changed planes in Amsterdam. They asked my husband if we were traveling together. Yes, my husband replied. Are you friends, they asked. No, said my husband, we're married.

I guess the honeymoon is over!

We lived in Northern NY and frequently went to Montreal. Once crossing the border the immigration guy asked all the usual questions, then asked my dad his occupation. When my dad said he was a construction worker, the guy then asked if they were hiring and who he should go see to apply for a job and if he could use my dad as a reference. Strange...

This is a little off-topic, but I have always wondered what sort of information is available to the border guards as you wait in line to cross. I've crossed into Canada a few times in the past few years, and I got the impression that they knew something about me before I actually got to the guard (paranoid?). The last time, watching the guard as I pulled up, he glanced down at my license plate, punched in a few things on his computer, and then took my passport, etc. I answered the "where are you from, where are you going" questions, but then he asked me if this was my car. It wasn't, it was a rental. I said so, he seemed satisfied, and on I went. But I'm wondering if he has access to DMV records (US), for instance, that would tell him who I am prior to his actually asking me anything.
Crossing south of Winnipeg (prior to 9/11) I actually had to go inside the building....they were requiring everyone to do so. I stood in front of a counter and answered questions, one of which was not only where in the States I lived, but what other states I had also lived in. Each response followed with a few keystrokes, I assume checking those states files(?). Always courteous, but very inquisitive. Just wonder what sort of info they do have access to.
In response to a previous poster's question about "how much money do you have on you?", the reason for that is to ensure that you are not coming to work, or will not be stranded in Canada with no way to get home, etc. I did ask them the reason for that question.

In this era of ATMs, electronic transfers, and the ability to use credit cards for everything short of the corner hot-dog stand, the amount of cash you're carrying would seem to be moot!

About 10 years ago, crossing from Canada into the US in Vermont. I was staying in Vermont with friends, but had gone to Montreal to rent a house for Easter weekend with other friends. Stayed in Montreal just long enough to check out the house, sign the lease and shop briefly. Came back to the US crossing after being gone for about 4-5 hours and was grilled, had the car fully searched, including the mirror underneath, pulling out the spare, checking under the seats, etc. I am from Maryland, was only in Canada for a couple of hours, so they thought I was smuggling. They also x-rayed my fur coat! Not at all funny, but can't imagine how bad it must be post-9/11.