amwosu

mms- congrats on the football game!

LoveItaly

Hi mah1980..then back to the suggestion of getting caller ID for your phone..that way you can answer his calls when it works for you two! I am sorry, inlaw problems can be quite a strain on a family. Best wishes that somehow you get this worked out!

seetheworld

Hi CAPH So glad to hear that your husband will be able to enjoy Thanksgiving - it will be a special day for all of you. Truly a blessing.

I remember the first three years, my husband would make that trip to Boston at a moments notice to get our son (he loves to drive - I hate to drive with him though). Our trip is a much shorter and cheaper one than yours, lol. So he would get him for Thanksgiving and bring him back on Sunday -- a traffic nightmare. By the fourth year, he was like " *A* Can you take the bus or train down?" Anyway the time sure does fly.

Your daughter will have a nice long break with you (and her friends, can't forget them, lol) for the holidays. I'll enjoy the same with my youngest, but now things are changing with the big guy. No more winter breaks when you have a job, lol. But thankfully we still see him (in fact he's spending the night tonight ).

Thanksgiving is always a little sad for me (lost my sister right before), but we manage to make it a nice day. We plan on trying some new recipes this year. I just found a stuffing recipe in the holiday issue of Cooking Light Magazine that is made with turkey sausage and pears - it sounds good...we'll have to see how it tastes.

Have a good week - and good luck with those second graders, LOL! I think shorts weather is just about over

jorr

memejw, I somewhat agree about Dr. Phil's advice about the DH-2B is the one to tell his mother to back down, but if you are not seen as an assertive DIL by bringing it up directly to her she will find ways of going behind your DH's back. Like when you have a baby. She will say things like Men don't know anything about this, Let me tell you how to do this that and everything dear. Think about it. Don't let her think you will not assert yourself and make your own decisions.

CAPH52

Congratulations, mms! How exciting! Best of luck next weekend! Hope the weather is better then. Unless, of course, you think the weather gave your guys the edge!

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister, stw. Of course, there's never a good time to lose someone. But to have their death tied up with a holiday seems to make it all the sadder. I'm glad you're able to get past it and enjoy the day. That stuffing does sound good. I'll have to find it in my copy of the magazine!

Hope you enjoyed your visit with your older son! One good thing I'm noticing about having our daughter so far away is that when she's home, she actually spends time with us. Yes, she sees her friends. But she seems to genuinely enjoy doing things with us. And that's really nice. Unfortunately, one reason I'm so aware of it is that now that most of our son's friends have their drivers licenses, we're seeing less and less of him. I'm beginning to think I should be looking forward to his going away to school so that he'll actually want to spend time with us again!

As for those second graders, if any of you teachers out there have any tricks for keeping the conversation level of three classes full of them down to a dull roar during lunch, I'd love to hear 'em!! I'm tired of hearing myself tell them to use their "indoor voices"!They're the nicest, sweetest bunch of kids. But no self control!

Hope you have a great week, stw! And all of you other fodorites as well!

seetheworld

Big smile here CAPH, there is no way to stop those little creatures from making all of that noise, LOL. I'm afraid the only way to keep your sanity is to wear ear plugs

The second graders that I just completed my work with yell and scream everytime I walk through the building - as if I am some rock star, lol -- It's touching. But I'm sure it drives some people crazy! But it sure does make me feel special

Have a great week!!

amwosu

CAPH52- I am an elementary PE teacher with well over 700 K-3 students. During lunch, with approximately 175 kids per lunch period, quiet, calming, often classical music is played over the speakers. While the music is on, students are required to eat and talk quietly. If they do not, they are sent to the quiet table and then miss recess by sitting on the curb.

The music is not on until most students have gotten their trays and is turned off as students begin taking their trays to the lunch ladies. Of course, supervision is pretty good as well. There are at least 3 teachers aides walking around during each lunch period.

I have been teaching at "my" school for seven years and was pretty amazed that they handle lunch with music but it really works. I'm sure there would be a learning period to get it running.

memejw

Hey jorr and other concerned Fodorites!
I'm doing my best to hold my own but it isn't easy. Yes, he does his best to "put" her in her place but she is VERY strong-willed. Not to worry, I ain't skeered! It's going to be an uphill battle (think Marie on Everybody loves Raymond) but we're up for it. We're a team.

OneWanderingJew

memejw--I can relate. My MIL crossed the line several times before OWJ2 and I were married and my husband (then fiance') had to stand up to his mom's caustic tongue. It wasn't fun but she's backed off some and most of the time things are fine--though I never completely drop my guard around her. We've been married 1.5yrs and live 15-20min. from my MIL...I play things safe and let OWJ2 call her even now and never stop by unless I'm w/my husband.

CAPH52

They sound like a great bunch of 2nd graders, stw! And I can certainly see why that would make you feel great!

Thanks for the feeback, amwosu. When I worked in the grade 3 through 5 bldg, we used music with some success. Haven't tried it with the littler ones. But it's certainly worth keeping in mind. Unfortunately, we don't have a speaker system in the lunch room. But I would imagine we could come up with a boom box or something.

CAPH52

Hit post too soon.

Just wanted to say, OWJ, that the situation between you and your MIL is certainly her loss. I can tell just from your posts that she's missing out on having a relationship with a very nice person.

And what a shame to have that kind of tension between you when you live as close as you do. I'm very lucky. My MIL is a wonderful, caring person. And it doesn't hurt that we live 5 hours apart!

JJ5

I've been married twice and both of my MIL's were GREAT people. The first saw or talked to me by phone all the time until the year she died, and the other one sees me more than she does her son.

Isn't life FUNNY! And I see my friends with near perfect marriages have horrendous in-law problems from both generational ends. And I also have near perfect 10s for all the DIL's and SIL in the picture. This sure doesn't always happen, and I mention it only because I appreciate it SO much.

To be a good MIL, the best thing to do is to stay out of their business and live your own life, totally. And it works.

memejw

JJ5,
First the World Series and now you have the perfect mother-in-law!
Where's the little green devil smiley? LOL

P_M

I do not have a MIL, as she passed away years before I met DH. But I could write a book about how my FIL and BIL have interfered and caused trouble in my marriage. Without going into too much detail, I can tell you that they used to always pit DH and me against each other. About 8 years ago we very nearly divorced due to the trouble these two were causing. Finally DH decided to put a stop to this, so he went to see them and demanded they cut it out and stop trying to destroy our marriage. They were genuinely shocked that they were causing this much trouble, and they haven't caused any problems since. Relations were strained just after this confrontation, but these days we all get along much better.

My point is this: You don't just marry the guy, you marry his family too. I know it's hard to confront hard-headed family members, but sometimes is has to be done. It is possible that your situation is like mine and your MIL has no idea what a trouble-maker she is. Good luck, memejw. If you and your fiance are a team, you can beat this problem.

JJ5

Yes, exactly. Let it be known you as a couple are on the same page all the time, especially about her or hers.

memejw, I know it is just pure luck. I have a VERY good friend, like a sister, with 6 grown children and she is a great and loving MIL, near perfect. Yet the bad nasties work the other way, as well. This one DIL doesn't even come INTO the house when her son visits, but will sit out in the car and study or listen to tapes etc. And she has never done one thing to deserve it at all, but exist in "his" heart. She also will not take part in any greater family gatherings. How hard that must be on her son!

Cutting remarks and bad-mouthing are sure hard to put up with on any undeserved front, I know. You'll do the best by rising above it as PM says. It can be hard to do, I know. I had/have a shrew SIL for 35 years- but soon to be ex. I don't know how my brother put up with it all these years. Actually, he spent most of them in law enforcement and away from home, that's how.

I don't think you can change the personality or much of the interaction, but you can kill her with kindness and exhibit total solidarity. Good Luck!