I did this at least a couple of times a year during my son's childhood. It really helped my husband and I to re-bond.

I just asked my son and he said he doesn't remember. And he is an exemplary 15-year-old right now so he's the proof of the pudding. I say do what you feel appropriate but be sure to give your kids plenty of space to let them find themselves and become their own persons. That includes time away from mom and dad.

We have two little ones (2 and 3) and I agree that it is important for mommy and daddy to get away w/o them every once in a while to have some quality alone time together (does that make sense?).

We take our kids w/us on a lot of trips - a week long beach vacation every year and a few little ones (we're taking them to Chicago in March). However if we're lucky we manage to get away 2 or 3 times a year on our own - we are fortunate to have 2 sets of grandparents in town who are willing to watch them. Traveling with them is great - it's so much fun to expose them to new things, but I treasure the trips dh and I take alone as well (we really do feel stronger and closer when we return home).

Back in 1982 when we had one son age 2, we went on a 5 day flying trip and he stayed with Grandma and Grandpa. We thought that was a great idea and so did they!

I would do it agian but I think that attitudes have changed a bit since then. There is more paranoia now.

Personally I wish more parents of under 3's would keep them off the airplane.

My parents would take the occasional weekend trip away and leave the four kids with my grandparents. We always loved it, my parents got a break, and my grandparents probably were thankful they didn't have us for any longer than a few days.

It is not selfish to leave your kids for a few days if they are well cared for. Going away for a long period of time (more than a week) can be confusing for young children, so I wouldn't advise that.

Speaking as someone who is a former summer camp counselor, it is VERY important for kids to spend a few nights away from Mom and Dad. I have seen 12 and 13 year olds get terribly homesick (worse than the 8 year olds!) because they have never spent a night away from their parents until they came to camp!

My wife and I are going to Portland, Or. this weekend and grandparents are staying with kids(age 1&4). No problem with this and it is great for my kids and grandparents.

However, a few days is enough.

Hey kerikeri, why are you putting this on your sisters? I think what should happen here is you should spend that time with your neices and nephews while the parents are away. Then you will have a greater understanding of what they go through day in and day out. It will open up your eyes, girlfriend :S-

And again kerikeri, why aren't your brothers-in-law subject to the same questions?

And everyone, do have pity for the poor grandmother who is watching them all alone on her "vacation" from work. One time I had three children under 4 for 3 days, that were NOT used to being at my house and it was extremely hard all around. The parents had to take off last minute cross country for a necessary business development. And it did need to be both of them. We plan better than that when it is "just vacation." After it was over I went back to work to get some rest.

That is what I love about having extended family around you. Other relatives and siblings took the babies for a couple of hours each, came over and just played with them. It is very hard to watch little ones who are totally out of their routine. I never had another non-working adult to pitch in when I was young. Many do have this and it is invaluable, so please don't ever abuse it.

Every family is different and it's up to them. One time I had to go to Europe and leave a 3 year old for 14 days as it was a once in a lifetime (literally a pilgrimage to Oberramagau and a family reunion for Eastern Block family members) and my father could not manage physically by himself.I was really SAD after about 2 days because I missed him so much. So I didn't do it very often. But it may be that you need to or want to.

Whenever I have a really spectacular vacation planned, and this only happens about every 2 years- my oldest son always asks me "Hay Mom, can you bring me with you." He's almost 40 years old, and he will still say it in the same tone of voice as when he was 5, and only half facetiously. Yes, life is short, so you might want to take them with you. But under about 4 years of age- I don't think they get as much out of it and/or as many mememories as the difficulties to all involved.

Our 11yr daughter goes with us to 'adventure/doing stuff' vacations (mostly US) but not to 'cultural/musseum/foodie' vacations (mostly Europe).

DH and I took a three week vacation to Italy when she was six and another one to Spain when she was nine. We called often but not on a daily basis. She was perfectly happy during this time staying with my mother and they did a ton of stuff together in those weeks (financed by us).

I must say that we (parents and kid) were happy with this arrangement because she (daughter) stays with grandma out of her own will at least a weekend out of every month. Sleeping over there is familiar and secure for daughter, it is not considered exile!

Daughter has also traveled without us. She has gone with Grandma and my aunt and she flew by herself for the first time last year to visit my sister. This last part was very difficult for me :( but she was sooo happy and proud afterwards that it was worth the stress :)

Bottomline, each kid and each parent-kid relationship is different. There is no right answer to your question. Some parents are OK leaving the kids and some kids are OK with the parents going.

Suggestion, do not bring up this topic during your Thanksgiving dinner. It will only cause trouble. I bet you the 2 yr olds did not even notice that the parents were gone!

Why are some of you so quick to judge what is right for other people?! Yikes, the terminology some of you are using is pretty frightening: escaping from your kids? I don't go away to escape, I go away b/c I love to travel, and it's great to spend some quality time with my husband.

My husband travels for business, so not only does he earn lot of FF miles, but he sometimes gets invited to nice trips that I can tag along to, also. On these trips, I've been able to go to Colorado, Cancun, Nassau and in May, we are going to Hawaii. We wouldn't travel as much without the kids if my husband did not receive these perks. But I feel it would be nuts not to take advantage of them!

It wasn't easy to leave my kids when they were younger, but they stayed with their grandparents and had a great time.

For a while, my husband and I were taking a week vacation each year by ourselves to do what we love to do: hiking, biking, etc. out west. But every year, we still take 2 family vacations with the boys and they are great fun. We are going to SF next summer with the boys, and my husband and I also have planned a trip to Glacier NP. My boys think scenery is terribly unimpressive, and that hiking is "wicked boring". So they will stay home and be spoiled by their grandparents and we will go hike all day. Pepper, you may refer to that as self-induced selfish entitlement, but it's pretty win-win in my family.

This past October, I actually went by myself, with a friend to Paris. My husband watched the boys (of course, most of the time they were in school). I did the things I love: art museums, etc. that my husband would find terribly boring and my boys would hate.

BTW, I have been a stay at home mom since my youngest was born, 11 years ago.

Life is short - enjoy it. And try not to be so concerned about what others are doing. Do what's right for you and your family.

Although a week or more would be waaaayyyy to long for me to be away from my son (when he was younger), the hubby and I took a few long weekends away together. We were fortunate enough to have two sets of grandparents and a few single aunts who loved to spend time with our son, so it was a no-brainer. Most of our vacations, however, have been taken with our son.

For the people who say "life is so short, why would you want to go on vacation without the children?" There are many variables. For example, did you work full time, therefore having to put the kids in day care, and then you felt it important to take the kids everywhere with you? Nothing wrong with that. Did you stay home with your kids (not work) and feel like you needed a little time away so took a little vacation with your husband? Nothing wrong with that.

For crying out loud, if you go away without your children for a few days once or twice a year and leave them with very trusted friends or relatives, I'm pretty sure they won't end up on Dr. Phil when they're adults.

I agree with CAPH52, children are with you such a short time why not enjoy them before they go off to college or they don?t think it?s cool to hang out with you anymore. There are so many places to go with your children these days and the travel industry caters to it. Once they are off to college we will have all the free time in the world. We need something to do then.

When my eldest daughter was 1, I took a week long trip to California with husband. Initially we were going to take her. However, grandma suggested that we leave her with her because she was so you ng. We did and I missed her terribly by the second day. When we returned, she did not even recognize me at first and it broke my heart. I have never left either of my two daughters longer than three days since then. My husband and I do take one or two weekend trips because I feel that it?s important to spend some alone time. We usually pick an ?adult? place such as New Orleans , Quebec, Vegas etc. .. and we feel like teenagers sneaking away, which makes it even more fun. The kids have resented it openly when we have done this, but eventually they get over it. I think you need to have a balance where your kids don?t become your entire life and at the same time keep in mind that you are a parent and they are with you such a short time. My kids have traveled on planes since the age of 2, they even have FF miles. They know how to behave, it?s not much different than a long car trip. The little one always falls asleep, the older one keeps busy.
Regarding the men, I really don?t think they see it the same way. My husband is fine leaving the children behind as long as they are well cared for (the provider syndrome). But it?s more than that. It has to do with your time together. The kids will tell you. Just remember how you felt when you were a child, your parents are your security.

Finally, it could be worse. I had a boss, whose wife stayed home and they had a live-in nanny whom they would always take on vacation. One year they canceled their vacation because the nanny quit and they could not handle the two kids on their own.

I was starting to feel guilty about our planned 11 day getaway to Italy to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. We were to leave our kids, 2 and 4, with their trusted and loving grandparents. I brought up the subject with my pediatrician, who loudly proclaimed that this vacation is a fantastic idea, don't feel a shred of guilt, it will be great for you and hubby, the kids, and grandparents. You know what? He was right!

thanks for those of you who offered answers about ages of travel that are appropriate.

i think you sister in law people have a point, i guess i let my brother (not brothers in law) off the hook as they are not the mothers and i was more interested in the separation of mother and child than father and child as i thought that is the more significant relationship for pre-schoolers. i should have phrased it that way to clarify.

i am very pleased to hear that this is perfectly "normal" and that no harm will come of it. i had been very concerned for the kids (having been left alone when i was a kid- none of you pop posychologists raised that possibility in assessing my "motives"!), but now that i see it is common and not at all harmful dveelopment wise, i'm not going to give it another thought.

thanks and happy travels!

I'm hesitant to add anything else to this, b/c by now I think we all have our own opinions (which is fine!) and we're probably not going to change based on what anyone says or thinks.

But...about waiting until your kids go to college and then travel. Here's my spin on that. My husband earns FF NOW. He may have a different job by the kids are in college and we won't be able to travel as much when air fare isn't "free". Also, if USAir doesn't survive, we might have wasted all those miles. We've gone on about a dozen trips with those miles - with and without the kids. We use them as fast as he earns them. They might not be around, or be worth as much tomorrow.

Also - I've heard way too many depressing stories. It seems every year some poor family in our school distict sees their father die of a heart attack, car accident, etc. Carpe diem.

Also, my husband and I have just turned (gasp, ack) 40. His knees and back aren't what they used to be, although he's very healthy and still runs about 7-plus miles a week. Who knows how much hiking, biking, white-water rafting, etc. we'll be able to handle in our 60s? Again, carpe diem.

The only time my boys expressed concern about me leaving was when I went to Paris and left them with their FATHER - the person I trust the most in the world to take care of them. They're happy to be left their grandparents!

Do whatever is right for you. Happy travels - wherever and WHENever you go!!

Jocelyn_P - Have a great trip and don't feel guilty!! If children are taken on trips and raised well, their confidence shouldn't be affected if their parents go away by themselves every once in a while. In fact I think it teaches them that their parents are people and not just parents. If a child has his/her confidence shaken after spending a few days w/grandparents, there are probably bigger issues that should be addressed.

kerikeri - I don't think anyone is advocating leaving their children "alone."

All of you,

Please! My children (and their granparents) consider it a GIFT to spend a week with grandmama and grandpapa while mom and dad spend a week in Europe.

snowrooster,

We DID take that trip, this past May. Of course the kids missed us, and we missed them, but:

DH and I had a chance to reconnect and strengthen our relationship, which benefits the kids in the long run

The kids got to spend some quality alone time with their grandparents, with whom they now have a great relationship

Being a stay at home mom, I tend to take my kids for granted. After being away from them for awhile, I had a renewed appreciation for them

This all worked out so well, the other set of grandparents is clamoring for the same opportunity, so we're taking off for Italy again next summer. Starting in 2006, when the kids are 4 and 6, we'll take them with us on our European adventures. Until then, they'll enjoy our domestic family trips that we take 2-3 times a year.