Civil War (both literally and figuratively!)

Old Jun 12th, 2006, 09:05 AM
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Civil War (both literally and figuratively!)

Hi all - I am in a bit of a tizzy and want to keep marital peace! We will be in Bel Air, MD next month for a wedding from Fri-Sun, wedding is on Friday night. Since my DH is very reluctantly going with me, as he will be missing a once in a lifetime opportunity to sail around Boston Harbor on the USS Constitution (this came up after I had already booked our non-refundable flights), I'd like to do something that he is interested in while we are there. He loves Civil War history and has never been to any of the battlefields before. We will have time to visit only one while we are there, so my question is - which one is better for an American history buff, Antietam or Gettysburg? He would love to do both, but we only have one full day to explore and since we have hotel reservations in Bel Air the whole weekend, I don't see how this would be possible. Or, do you think I should cancel one night of our reservation, visit both battle sites, and stay the night somewhere near Gettysburg instead? If I do this, we will be missing "post-wedding" activites on Saturday night, but I do feel bad that he'll be missing out on the USS Constitution event, which he won tickets at a teacher's raffle for! (Also, just to put this out there, this wedding is for some friends of mine that he does not know very well and he was not really looking forward to going in the first place!) What should I do? We've only been married for 8 months and I want to make it to my one year anniversary! LOL! just kidding, but seriously, what do y'all think?
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Old Jun 12th, 2006, 09:16 AM
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To be honest, I'd give him your blessing to not go to the wedding and let him go on the "one in a lifetime opportunity" on the Constitution. What a great gift to him (your blessing)

If he does indeed go, I would NOT try to make this a 1 year anniversary thing.

I've only been to Gettysburg (can't compare to Antietam) but it's a good idea to squeeze in Civil War sites for him.

But, honestly, I'd let him off the hook for a weekend wedding where he knows noone - especially when he has this great opportunity.
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Old Jun 12th, 2006, 09:25 AM
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I agree. Let him stay behind for the Boston Harbor thing. Cancelling the flight is a small price to pay, IMO. I don't think scheduling Civil War battlefield visits will make up for missing the other event, although it is a nice effort on your part. I know if it was me, I'd be thinking about what I was missing all weekend. At least give him that option, and then let him decide if he'd rather go to the wedding/battlefields with you, or stay back and sail.
 
Old Jun 12th, 2006, 09:25 AM
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I agree - if I hadn't already booked our flights (which are non-refundable), I would let him off the hook. So you think I should still let him off the hook and just swallow his airfare in the name of love? Then I was thinking, do airlines let you substitute another person for an airline ticket? I could definitely bring my friend (who the bride knows and even mentioned to me, 'if your husband can't come, why don't you bring so-and-so'?)

Also, I was joking about the anniversary thing - this is definitely NOT for our one year anniversary (which will be in October)!
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Old Jun 12th, 2006, 09:34 AM
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Actually I know my wife would give me a pass on this...weddings are really not a males' favorite thing to do anyway + you are depriving him of a once in a lifetime chance !! He deserves to go for even considering to go to the wedding instead...As you (hopefully) grow old together, you will realize that compromise is the foundation for any good marriage.
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Old Jun 12th, 2006, 09:38 AM
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Call the airline to see if you can get a voucher or to change the name on the ticket. Sometimes there's a $25 fee for the name change, but wouldn't it be worth it?

I agree with the others, let him go on HIS once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, while you go to a wedding for YOUR friends. This loving gift from you will do far more for your marriage than "squeezing in" a battlefield for him.
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Old Jun 12th, 2006, 09:45 AM
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Thanks everyone - for confirming what I was already feeling anyway. Usually I don't feel guilty about making him attend a wedding with me, but this time I feel bad (and oh yes, I know quite well about compromise - we've been together for 8 years for a reason!). I will call the airline to see what they charge to change the ticket, which hopefully won't be too much, then give my dear the good news. I appreciate everyone's advice!
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Old Jun 12th, 2006, 09:45 AM
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I would let him off the hook even if it means the ticket goes to waste. It would be great if your friend could use the ticket, but give him your blessing to not join you at this wedding. Your marriage will definitely benefit as others have said!
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Old Jun 12th, 2006, 09:56 AM
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If you have to lose the price of one ticket, think of it as a small price to pay for your DH's opportunity of a lifetime. He'll love you even more for your understanding: a win-win outcome!



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Old Jun 12th, 2006, 09:58 AM
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Most airlines will not allow you to change the name on a ticket. You can however change the ticket for another flight later on. There is a fee for doing this that varies between the airlines. Since your anniversary is in October, maybe you could plan a trip and use the ticket then.
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Old Jun 12th, 2006, 10:00 AM
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Take him down to Vicksburg in October. Amazing battle field tour and good shopping for you!
 
Old Jun 29th, 2006, 09:12 AM
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I agree with letting him stay behind. However, if he does go with you, here is my Civil War advice. You can do no justice to both battlefields in one day. Antietam is an easy one for a day, it is a wonderful experience, and you could perhaps even combine it with a short trip to Harpers Ferry. Gettysburg is so special though, that if it were me I would opt for the day there even if more rushed. Start early though.
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Old Jun 29th, 2006, 09:28 AM
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So what happened? Did you let him off the hook?
 
Old Jun 29th, 2006, 09:37 AM
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Lesson # 1- marriage is all about compromise and one of you giving in on something to keep the other happy.
( a reeeally hard lesson for some of us to deal with lol)

It is really a small thing that will give him so much pleasure. Do you think he will forget you did this? How can you allow him to miss something that is considered a "once in a lifetime opportunity?
This is just your first year, start it out right..make him happy whenever you can, it comes back to you a hundred times over. Scarlett who has been married forever
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Old Jun 29th, 2006, 12:59 PM
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So, what happened was this: The very day of my original post I had an open and honest discussion with my hubby and gave him the free ticket to back out of going to Baltimore with me. His response was that although he was bummed about missing the sail on the USS Constitution, he had made a committment to go to the wedding with me and there was no way he was going to "abandon" me. And that if I couldn't be his guest on the sail (which obviously I couldn't), then he didn't even want to go at all. I promise you all that I did not guilt him or hassle him in any way because all I wanted was for him to be happy and feel okay about the situation. I have to say, this whole thing makes me love him even more and makes me realize how lucky I am to have married my best friend!

So what I decided to do was cancel the second hotel night in Bel Air and book the Best Western in Gettysburg instead, so now we will have time to visit both battlefields.

Thanks everyone, for your words of advice and for checking back on me!
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Old Jun 30th, 2006, 09:00 AM
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Your post made me think of something that happened to me recently. I bought my wife a cruise for our 20th anniversary. We timed it fairly early so as not to get too much into hurricane season, but alas it really messed up Hurricane season. That is, I ended up missing the deciding game of the Stanley Cup finals when my Hurricanes won the championship in Game 7 (I had to give my ticket away). I had only missed two playoff games to that point. Anyway, I ended up thinking about it the entire cruise, and it really made enjoying the experience difficult. I have major regrets - not for buying the cruise - but for not picking a different date. Hopefully, the battlefields will help your husband deal with missing the ship. It seems that he is ok with that. It was a good idea to make sure. He will love Gettysburg and Antietam.
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Old Jun 30th, 2006, 09:44 PM
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FYI
Antietam Battlefield is VERY small=and can be seen in1/2 day without feeling rushed...
I kow your time is limited --
Gettysburg is quite large --I was there 2 days and could have spent at least another day I only mention this to give you some perspective for future..
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Old Jul 14th, 2006, 07:29 PM
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In the future, you might keep the concept of "sunk costs" in mind.

A sunk cost is something you've already paid out and cannot get back. In this case (unless you later found out it was refundable or transferrable) the airline ticket was a sunk cost. The money is spent whether or not he uses the ticket. The question then becomes, now that the money has already been spent and there's no way to get it back, what is the best way for hubby to spend those 3 days. The price of the ticket should not enter into the decision at all--that money is gone no matter what.

He could have the experience of a lifetime on the Constitution, or he could be miserable at the wedding. The cost of the ticket wouldn't change whatever he does--only the quality of his weekend experience.

Of course, things aren't always black and white, and your DH threw in the variable of not enjoying the Constellation voyage as much without you being there. He got some points off that one!
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