Attitudes?
 

Hi,

Just started posting several weeks ago w/hopes of learning stuff about places I've never been, tips, etc., as well as imparting my limited (but hard earned!)knowledge of places I've been before....

While there have been some very nice posts, I've noticed that there are a LOT of replies to innocent questions that have been negative, rude or flip, at best.

I'm wondering what you think of this. Is this normal for this site, or has there been a full moon for the past few weeks?

I've noticed that sometimes it depends on the readers (my) mood. Since the written word has no inflection or other vocal cues it can be hard to read exactly how the writer intended the post to comeout. When I feel irritated I read the post negatively but later if my mood is more bouyant the same post strikes me differently. Don't know if this has ever been your experience.

On the other hand some posters are cranky and negative ;)

A few posters on here are known for their sarcasm and negativity. Some of them may be double-posters even. This board also has a little clique which will ignore anyone not part of it. I am new also. I am not bothered by these things but some people are. That is a shame when all new posters want is to participate but then get feelings hurt and leave when we could all have learned from them.

I've asked about this too. I've come to the conclusion that some are just downright mean. I've felt a variety of things, but now just take a deep breath and say a "thank you" that I don't have to live with something with that kind of attitude...or even worse...have to TRAVEL with them!

Everyone has been so helpful to me, and I haven't had any criticism myself, but I sure have read some nasty remarks on other posts! Some seemed pretty mean spirited. The Europe board is far worse! I stopped reading and posting for a while because I got tired of seeing others being treated so rudely. All in all though, people are very helpful and this is a great forum, so just ignore the meanies and let this board be a valuable tool in planning your trips.

For the record, I have yet to receive any negative responses personally, but I find some of the responses to others to be outrageous (i.e., "...you must be stupid" or...."check your spelling, idiot!"

Eeeek, who ARE these people?

:-)

"This board also has a little clique which will ignore anyone not part of it."

Surely this statement was meant as a joke. I can't imagine what clique here ignores other posters.

Be aware too, that sometimes posters come here with a chip on their shoulder. If someone kindly suggests they rephrase their question to get a better answer or give more details so we can answer properly, they go off on a tangent about being treated rudely, when in fact the comments were meant to help them! And while not everyone in the world has the same sense of humor, some people seem to have none at all and get upset with someone kids them for something silly (yes we all sometimes say something silly) as if their head has been bitten off. There's a difference between kidding and being rude.

Just the other day I questioned someone's post because I truly didn't understand it (thanks to a rather major grammatical error which gave the statement a whole different meaning). When I questioned "what am I missing here?" I got attacked by the poster for being rude. Hey, can't we lighten up here?

But you are right that some posters truly love to be mean to everyone. One from London in particular loves to put down everybody who doesn't fit his idea of royalty. As a result many of us love being rude to him in return. That's a game. I've sometimes been accused of being rude here too, yet every time that's come up I've asked for an example of when I was rude to anyone who wasn't already being rude themselves, and so far no one has come back with a good example of that.

This happened to me once when I made the mistake of disagreeing with one of the regulars.

I was (falsely) accused of being a liar, in a way that was pretty mean, and called an idiot. This happened on a day when we had been up most of the night worrying about family members in another state.

Translated into real time, it felt exactly like running into a group of schoolyard bullies.

One of the people who did this later apologized, but the hurtful thread remains on the forum.

I also received an unsolicited threatening personal email from one of them, and I have noticed that since then, while I have posted a few details or suggestions related to travel, I no longer am willing to use this board much, because of the nasty feel in many of the threads here.

I have traveled all over the US many times, and have lots of wonderful things I would love to offer, but the way I was addressed really made me think twice about voicing my honest opinions or offering advice here. I also think there is a high volume of non-travel chat that adds to the feeling of there being an "inner circle".

I believe that in an ideal world, we should be able to disagree with someone without being attacked personally. I don't think it works like that on Fodors, though.

That's horrible about someone sending you a personal e-mail.

Patrick, I hardly think you can call my response on the proper titles a "tangent." Come on!!!! :-)

I think one of the problems here is that nobody is face to face, and it is hard to visualize what tone people are using when they post.

But, the problem I have is when people just jump all over a poster without keeping that in mind.

Really, what is this site supposed to be about, if not helping others with the sharing of information?

It's really interesting to realize that the ones that are the most sarcastic, insulting, mean or "humorous" (however you "interpret" their comments) NEVER offer any travel advice!

In my opinion, it's pretty darn sad that they spend time on this board looking for opportunities to share their opinions...but amazingly, have no opinions on anything that is really travel related.

Don't take my word for it - click on their screen name and just read the "wonderful input" they've shared on this board.

When you read their comments all at one time you get a good idea at 1) how useful their input really is and 2) if there is any balance in their comments as far as nice/mean goes.

I have my opinion. Everytime I've done this, virtually all (if not all) of the comments have been negative and probably designed to be unkind. I wish Fodor's would ban these habitual insulters from the board.

I posted a notice for information and instead I received attakcs for asking the question. If something is bothering a person about travel, I thought that this was the site to post it. After reading the site for a few weeks, you get used to the writings of others. I don't usually pay attention to the scrren name, but after reading something, when I check the name, I am not surprised by the writer. Thank goodines more people want to enjoy this site and the joy of travel

Travdog, I wasn't referring to your post at all. This is a frequent "complaint" here -- the idea that helpful hints are taken to be mean spirited or rude.

If you don't believe I didn't mean you, you can notice that my "tangent" post above was posted at 4:54 PM today. You didn't even make your initial comment on the other thread until 5:03 and the other comments about it were after that! So unless I am a mindreader, I couldn't have meant you were going off on a "tangent". OK?

100% agree with . . .

suzie : Since the written word has no inflection or other vocal cues it can be hard to read exactly how the writer intended the post to comeout.

travdog : I think one of the problems here is that nobody is face to face, and it is hard to visualize what tone people are using when they post.

1tiredmama : Everyone has been so helpful to me, and I haven't had any criticism myself, but I sure have read some nasty remarks on other posts!

sognatrice2 : I saw the thread to which sognatrice2 referred - and she's correct. There are a couple of cats out there with sharp nails, nothing to do & all day to do it.

Many posts have errors and we're not all native English speakers here. Even my native-English-speaking superiors in a Fortune500 company don't have full command of the language. Some type fast and do not edit.

All in all, I have received excellent advice from some people, great advice from even more. I simply try to return my share.

Patrick,

I believe you, I believe you!

I just assumed you meant it was me that had the chip on the shoulder and the tangent from our other thread.

Funny you posted that before, since I was hoping you didn't think I started this thread in response to our other conversation! (The irony being the title of this thread is incredibly obtuse!)

Spring, I read your thread in which you asked a question. I also read all the responses you got. None of them, not one, attacked you, but did offer suggestions. Asking your doctor is a good suggestion, although it is clearly not what you wanted to hear.

spring 33: please check your own posts. I'm guessing you are referring to your post about your hip replacement. If you go back now and read them you will find that I personally made SEVERAL posts all meant to be perfectly helpful including mentioning having the doctor's certificate, using a wheelchair in the airport for my mother after her surgery, and when asked about specific exercises suggesting you contact your physical therapist or doctor. I said that I was unclear as to how long it had been since your surgery, but you should contact your doctor or physical therapist for specific exercises to help you as surely they would still offer that service.

As a result of my posts YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS RUDE. You posted the following:
Author: spring33
Date: 09/14/2004, 12:38 pm
Message: Dear Patrick.. I don't know what is unclear about my comments. I wanted to know if there is anything that I can do in a limited space that would help me during a four hour flight. If you don't know anything, that's ok with me."

If this isn't a rude post to a person who had been continually offering the most professional and helpful advice possible, then I don't know what is!

As I later explained, what I do know is that the person to ask for specific exercises is your doctor or therapist, not a group of strangers on a travel board. I'm sorry that isn't the answer you wanted to hear, but it is the RIGHT one!

Barbara, I'm glad you noticed that also. You posted while I was searching and copying my post.

And travdog. Too funny about the title of this post! I hadn't even noticed.

travdog, after a while you get to know the personalities on here. There are a few posters who delight in being sarcastic and snotty. (Some of these offenders happen to have a lot of invaluable travel advice to offer.)

Some of the posters on here don't seem to really go anywhere or offer any information that couldn't be found on the internet. And a few of them truly seem to be off their meds sometimes.

But hey, it's free! And it's the absolute best travel resource I've ever found in my 40 years of traveling to over 30 countries.

I don't agree with leelane and others' perception of there being a "clique," especially one that ignores other posters. After 2-1/2 years on here I have formed some friendships and met some other fodorites at get togethers. It is natural to say hello to them when you are both posting on the same thread. There will always be a certain amount of this sort of chat. But no one is excluded from it. If you want to get to know other posters in that way, the door is open.

There's a get together the day after Thanksgiving in Yountville, in the Napa Valley. Anyone in the area is welcome to attend -- we'd love to meet you! Email me directly (my email address is always revealed on my posts) and I'll put you in touch with Kal, who is organizing it.

This web site has a lot of attitude. That's what makes it interesting. But it's also its' achilles heel.

Take my advice: respond to whomever however you see fit. There will be some who will take something you say personally when you don't mean to be personal. There will be others who will hold a grudge no matter what you say or do to appease them. And there are some who make up stories about other posters so that they can reak havoc. It is a microcosm of real life.

Some people who post use fodors as their personal psycho-therapist and rarely offer any travel advice. They gestalt ad-infinitum and ad-naeseum. Consider them friendless and unemployed. Leave them alone, unless you decide you want to chat. They are nice but not particularly helpful.

You will soon find the travelers who have great travel advice, and who have a knack for writing.

Now I'm moving on. I've got some travel posts I want to respond to.

Gracieb, I agree!

There are most definitely posters who think theys KNOW IT ALL.
And they know everything about everything! Too funny!
Their arrogant, elitist attitudes are clearly a sign of deep seated insecurity. Its actually pathetic!

Chances are that in reality, they have no life. This is likely their only outlet. Especially sad when people have several screen names and talk to themselves!

How many people do you know who have time to be on internet forums ALL DAY everyday as some are here?
Who cares! Read what you want and ignore the losers!