Continental_Drifter

This may seem a bit strange by some standards, but do any of you have friends with whom you don't think you'd travel?

I love traveling with my husband and kids, and have had fun traveling with extended family. We've talked about going with friends or another family, but I've heard some stories about people who did not get along while on their trip.

Recently, we've had friends who invited us to all travel together, but we aren't sure we want to go with anyone.

-What if we drink too much wine? What if we don't drink enough?

-What if they are secretly wild partiers abroad?

-What if they sleep in and miss our departure time for the next city?

-What if one of their kids is not a good traveler - in lots of ways....

-What if they're early risers and I don't get up until 8:00 one day?

-What if they're scared to go dancing in the gitano cuevas outside Sevilla?

-WHAT IF THEY DON'T TRAVEL LIGHT!?!?

-What if we get somewhere and while they're fine at home, they're "Ugly Americans" abroad?

-What if they skirt their share of expenses? (I once had a friend who always wanted to divide the bill in half... I ordered a salad and she always had a couple of courses, typically the most expensive item on the menu... eventually, we figured it out and don't have dinner any more.)

WHAT IF THEY CHECK THEIR BAGS???

We'd love to go somewhere and share a house rental, or charter a cruiser in Greece, but we don't want our trip ruined and don't want to impose on someone else's good time either.

Is there anyone else out there who wants to travel with another family who are NOT their best friends at home? Has anyone experienced how to handle the issues above?

Good or bad, what's your story? I'd like to hear that someone else has had some success at this!

thursdaysd

Suggest you try a short test trip near home before planning extended foreign travel! I have one friend with whom I have fun traveling, and another who is too high maintenance for anything but short trips.

beachdreams3

I don't think it is a strange question. I often travel solo, and the more I travel alone, the more I think about the perils of traveling with friends with whom I am not on the same wavelength in terms of travel style and preferences. I have a small number of friends I have traveled with and/or would consider traveling with in the future, and it is situational (i.e., some people would be fine for a shorter trip, a beach trip, etc.) I'm not married and don't have kids, so my experiences are not quite the same, but IMO, the same basic principles apply:

1) Think hard about your overall compatibility/shared interests with the people you are considering traveling with. I would think that you would have some idea about this from your experiences socializing with them at home (e.g., eating/drinking preferences, how they deal with their kids, etc.)

2) Have an honest discussion with them before committing to a trip to figure out the things you may not know and determine if/how you can make the trip work in areas where there are differences (e.g., if some prefer fine dining, and others prefer casual dining or dining in, agree to split up, same with sightseeing, excursions, etc.). Also agree in advance about how you will handle splitting expenses.

3) Try a shorter or less logistically complicated trip for a first experience with someone new.

thursdaysd

Also, you may want to have them make and pay for their own reservations for flights and hotels. There have been a couple of posts recently from people whose travel companions have stood them up at the last minute.

You really need to discuss travel styles - after I gave my "pack light and travel by train" speech to one would-be companion (her idea, not mine) she decided to just join me for my time in London. (Then I discovered our eating styles differed - she skipped out on me for dinner several times, and if I'm going to have a companion, I definitely want them around at dinner time.)

suze

Sure I have plenty of friends who I would most definitely NOT travel with! The better question is do I have any I would go with? -lol!

Answer's yes, but not many. My sister & I travel well together but don't often get the chance. And I have two different male friends who are near perfect travel companions.

It's a tricky question - one friend I used to travel with (two fantastic trips) I won't any longer (one horrible one & to the same destination where we'd have the two good ones, go figure).

IF you want to travel with people successfully you need to lighten up and be ready to compromise... like who cares if they check their bag on the plane and you don't or someone drinks too much one night.

Also the scenario in this OP is *much* more complicated than my own life because we're talking couples or even families traveling together! Much more room for things to go wrong & many more variables than my own situation - which is two single adult friends going on vacation together.

Jaya

If in doubt, don't.

Spouses and kids are a known entity. You live with them, there's no surprises.
Family and friends - not the same.

I agree with Thursdaysd, do a trial run and see how it goes, then decide.

5alive

One of the funniest trip reports I've ever read on this forum was from a poster named Barb and concerned some very mismatched travel companions (the Divas) on a trip to Italy:

http://tinyurl.com/yx83b9

http://www.fodors.com/forums/threads...p;tid=34698212

lanejohann

some people can do it and are matched up well
others like myself prefer to travel just with partners ad family

i had a holiday with my brother and his family earlier this year
sounded good
the kids would have company and my sister-in-law is a good cook
but still
id not do it again
too many compromises
and holidays are pretty precious
dont want to holiday with anyone but my OH and the kids

siena1

I think it's fine as long as you have an understanding with your friends that no one should feel obligated to be attached-at-the-hip for the duration of the trip.
For instance, if they oversleep, that's their problem. Knock on their door, call their room, and if they don't wake up...fine. That's their tough luck. You go on without them.
Same goes for wild partying. If you don't like their behavior at the pub, you get up and go for a stroll or head back to the hotel room.
If they're earlier risers, they can go do some sightseeing until you and your husband are ready to meet up with them somewhere.
As for travelling light, that's their issue (once again), not yours.

Make a "test run" on a short trip, if that would make you feel more comfortable. If and when you do go abroad with friends, just remember that in the end everyone is responsible for themselves (and their children, of course).

Good luck!!

WannabeinaMontserrat

First of all, I'd likely travel w/a few friends before either of our families. You need to know who you are traveling with, & what everyones'/wants (out of the trip) & expectations are. There are only a few people that we will actually travel with. All of the questions you are asking, you should already know the answers to, or forget the trip.

voyager61

I have a recent experience of having organized a trip for 5 families with teenagers to Mexico. Yes, it is complicated. Yes, it can be less relaxing. But it can also be a great experience...I think it works really well with teenagers because they just plain like to have friends around on vacation. Tips: 1) definitely make separate plane and accommodation reservations; just try to get on the same beach, in the same resort...a huge Tuscan villa with a pool would be ideal! 2) definitely let everyone do their own thing...don't try to plan a day to day itinerary, instead just say, "we're going here tomorrow, who wants to join us?" 3) even people you socialize with all the time and know very well can have different vacationing styles; flexibility is a must. 4) Plan at least a couple of whole-group experiences, because those will be memorable for everyone. We had a catered Mayan dinner for all the adults one night, while the kids had a separate dinner at another condo.

In some ways it can be easier to vacation with a large group than with just one or two friends, because you can always find someone who wants to do what you do, plus it's easy to just pull out and have private time whenever you feel like it.

TC

We have a couple of good friends with whom we travel a lot. We have spent weeks together in varied countries and varied accomodations -- such as living on a sailboat. There are several keys to making our travels work.

-the four of us are quite like minded. We enjoy many of the same things and like to travel the same way. As in none of us feel a need to see <u>every</u> church or museum in a city, we all like to sit and enjoy dining and drinking experiences, we want experience that allow us to mix with locals, we are avid readers, love crosswords and playing cards, the guys are divers, we are very low key in our needs - no high maintenance travelers.

-we are economically compatable. We want good value, but are willing to spend a bit for something special. I think this is one area that takes many traveling partners astray.

-we are not joined at the hip. If one couple wants to go one way and the other not, then no one has hurt feelings.

-we keep a community wallet for travel expenses. At the beginning of the trip or week, we each put a specific amount in the wallet. All communal expenses come out of that wallet, such as meals, taxi, drinks, admissions -- anything that isn't personal. When the wallet is empty, we replenish. This really keeps down the need to keep score along the way.

-we all are of a mind when we travel that &quot;whatever happens, happens&quot;, its part of the adventure. No one person is responsible.

With these simple undrestandings in advance, we four have had many wonderful adventures together.

DebInTN

This spring we took an Alaskan cruise with 2 other couples. There was a difference in our wake up, therefore breakfast, times. There was a difference in our call-it-a-night times (one couple wanted to dance every night). We all just agreed at the beginning of the planning that we would not be able to do everything together. I sort of headed up the planning and after I did research and began making reservations I told everyone so they could do what they wanted to. If they didn't get their pre-cruise hotel reservations - their problem. I admit that I was a little concerned about them waiting too long to make some of the plans, but my husband made sure to keep me straight on whose responsibility it was to take care of those things. We had dinner together most nights and occassionally had lunch or breakfast, but never spent the entire day together during the whole week. Except for just a couple of awkward moments it was a pretty good mix and a very nice trip. On the other hand, we travelled with another couple one week that, because of us having only one car, it was a little too much togetherness. Learned that about 3 days of close togetherness is about all we care to do. Also, we almost always asked for separate checks. A couple of times, for convenience only, one person would pick up a bar tab - but that all evened out through the week. My best advice is to make sure that everything is discussed before the planning goes very far. If someone gets upset in the planning stage, chances are they will end up being very upset at some point on a trip.

pilgrim

We all have friends who are great
for enjoying movies or card games.
Spending large chunks of time together in another country is a
lot more taxing, and I don't choose to do it ever again.

bdjtbenson

Try a cruise first and meet them on the boat. If they can't make it to the boat, your trip isn't ruined. You can eat together, do daytrips together and see if your nightlife preferences are compatible.

After that you can decide if you want to travel together on other vacations.

My wife and I traveled with a friend from college and his wife on a trip through Korea, Japan and the Phillipines; it worked out great. We often stayed in one double room so were a little tired of each other after the trip. After a short break we were doing stuff together regularly again.

We've also run into people we were aquainted with on trips and became better friends after spending some time together.

We have other friends we know we wouldn't travel with so we wouldn't even try.

FainaAgain

If in doubt, take a short trip close to home.

opie

beachdreams3 &amp; siena1 are right on track.

before ANY commitment:
1. prioritize objectives
2. evaluate people's 'maintenance' &amp; compromise level
3. discuss travel style &amp; money
4. allow some solo time

When I decided to go to Italy, everybody I asked to go with me (which I limited to family &amp; friends I felt would not be high maintenance, which excluded one of my closest friends) cried poverty or work/time restrictions, so I started planning a solo trip. Soon after, my sister found a way to afford it, &amp; after that, a friend did also. My friend then had one of her friends (who I'd never met) want to come along, but I nixed that. Even though an even number is easier, I didn't want to risk my dream vacation on that unknown, &amp; some reservations had already been made.
Since my sister &amp; friend had never met (we all live cross country), I was a bit apprehensive about the mix &amp; the odd number. Although rocky the first day, we soon all got along well &amp; the diverse personalities made our trip all the more interesting. The odd number actually worked out fine (since the last on board didn't mind the rollaway accommodations), giving each person a little private time occasionally, and more options when a (rare) problem came up.
Since I had initially started all the (solo) planning, I let both ladies know (before traveling), I had particular sights I wanted to see. When they got tired of my endless churches/galleries, they happily shopped or wandered about or we all chose a consensus alternate. In turn, they each chose a site the other 2 hadn't considered, and that always turned out fun. We all had our 'moments', but in the end, it was a wonderful &amp; memorable trip.
But then, who doesn't have a wonderful time in Italy?

jonastracy

We have traveled with friends twice and plan to do it again.
I would suggest you TALK a lot and be honest before you plan a trip together. Bring up your concerns. They may have some as well. We had an excel spread sheet with all expenses listed and had as much paid for in advance as possible with the costs split down the middle and paid our share as we traveled on the rest of it. It was easy for everyone to enjoy what they wanted since anyone could either join in on activities or opt out and no one was offended.

dremr

Traveling with friends is an interesting idea but there are surprises.
I travelled with several friends over the course of 10 years all around the US for a length no longer than a week. We had a blast together and got along great.
Five of us decided to go together to Europe to attend an event which expanded to some site seeing beforehand. We agreed on how we would pay for things, where we would go, what we would do, and shared/agreed in the plans from start to finish.
Once we got there everything changed. One person took over and told the rest of us how we would do things. It seemed he panicked because Europe was different and needed to control things to feel safe. Two others got caught up in his fears and did whatever he wanted which was to play it safe and keep to the familiar. Myself and the fifth friend were interested in experiencing Europe with open arms. We were limited in funds and had prepaid for a lot of the trip so we had no choice but to follow the leader. This could have been a trip of a lifetime but instead I only heard complaints and insults about Europeans and how they do things. It was embarrassing and frustrating. We met up with other friends at the event which eased the tension but the damage was done.
I never would have believed this trip would turn out the way it did. I'd known these people a long time and travelled with them so many times before this trip. I am very sad to say that when we returned from Europe, we parted as friends. This happened in 1990 and I still miss them.
I have since vowed to travel solo so I do not loose friends again.
I finally returned to Europe in 2004 -- solo. Retracing my steps from the other trip but this time on my terms. I admit, it was scary at first but the experience was rich with memories both fun and funny (some at my expense). I return each year and have made friends with other travelers and locals doing things we both enjoy.

directions

If you don't know your friends that well don't even try and travel with them until you know them better. Figure them out compare to yourself see if you mesh.

I have several good friends that I love but I wouldn't travel with because we have different temperaments, desires and needs.

Make sure that your friends think like you do in regards to the important stuff.

Nothing will destroy a relationship faster then traveling with someone.