spouse no longer able to travel
 

Hi all,
My spouse is no longer able to travel due to health issues. We have gone on many wonderful trips together and now that has ended. I still want to travel but can't seem to enjoy it because he is not with me. I did take one trip last year with OAT but I wasn't totally alone. A couple that are our close friends took the same trip so I had companions.
Has anyone experienced this situation and how did you resolve it?
Thanks for any advice.

Did he enjoy hearing about your trip afterwards, or was he resentful that he wasn't able to join you?

He enjoyed hearing about it and seeing my photos. Since it was the first time I had traveled without him (other than to visit family or friends) he was worried about me. But I was on an organized trip and with the other couple so I was fine. I saw so many beautiful places and had such a wonderful experience on the trip but at the same time I was sad that he had to miss it. He does realize that he can't do the type of travel that we both love.

Sadly, life is about change.
I would concentrate on enjoying your travels and looking forward to sharing them when you return. I'm sure he would want you to enjoy, as I'm sure my late husband would want me to continue the travel I enjoy so much.
Best wishes for your NEXT trip!

Thank you for the encouragement.

Is there any kind of travel at all that he could do?
While you are away, is there any family or friend who could stay with him to make that time special for him too? What things can he still do?
Do you have grandchildren that you could take on trips with you? My Granddaughter is such fun to travel with, different of course than with adults, but an absolute joy to see her when she sees things for the first time!

I wonder ... would you consider solo travel? IME, traveling with others often means sacrificing a bit of what one could be seeing / doing for the others' interests. Even walking down a street, a solo traveler can pay attention to whatever grabs his/her interests, rather than being mindful of one's travel partner. And it's one thing to do accommodate to a spouse, when appreciating / understanding how s/he is experiencing those moments might have particular importance; it is, I think, a very different thing to do with others in whom one has a lesser, or at least different, investment. Just a thought....

Sassafrass & kja,
Our son lives with us so my husband isn't alone if I travel. His main limitation is walking and he refuses to use anything like a walker or cane or whatever else is out there. We can do car trips because he can drive just fine but the problem is when we get to our destination...can't do hikes or walks like we used to do.
My grandchildren are grown and having babies now. When they were little I dreamed of traveling with them but that didn't work out.
I don't mind traveling with others...we have done that with another couple and we were all very compatible. But I know it's not always like that. Some people are very difficult to travel with. We have also experienced that.
I think if I were to take on a big trip I'd rather do it in a small group. Last year I did Spain & Portugal with OAT and it was wonderful.
I just have to decide what I want to do.
Thank you all for your comments and suggestions!

OK -- I'm a little confused. Are JIW and TAW the same person? It seems you are answering as the OP??

Anyway . . . Maybe consider cruising (River or Ocean) . Folks with more limitations than your DH manage well and you can take the more 'physical' shore excursions while you both can take some that are 'bus-based'.

That way you can still travel together, have relaxing down days, and at least you - can have some more active days. It would be a different sort, but still travel.

My mom fought a walker for the longest time. But eventually came around (and I am still not entirely sure what finally convinced her) to both a walker and a transport chair and her quality of life improved sooooooo much.

Looks as if it is two different posters. It seems JIW's spouse could travel, but has limitations so chooses not to travel rather than use aids. That is tough, but too bad. Maybe it just seems too hard and not worth the effort for him. Don’t know TAW's situation.

I know some people reject the idea immediately, but a cruise can be a good solution. My 85 year old friend took a cruise trip with our family last year. We had a great time. She used a wheel chair part of the time. In recent years, DH and I have both had major illnesses and/or surgeries requiring walking aids. During recovery, we did cruises so the healthy one could see things. There is nearly always a way, but facing declining physical health is hard to accept. Personally, I am a bit tired of cruises, but willing to go that route so friends, family and kids can all go, regardless of age and limitations.
Assuming you are not abandoning your spouse all the time, getting away on a trip is good for your own mental health. It helps you cope and be a better spouse when you are home. IMHO, you should take several trips a year and have them planned ahead of time so you have another to look forward to when one ends.

>>Looks as if it is two different posters.<<

If so a huge coincidence - both joined in 2003, have what looks like identical situations, and took an OAT tour sans DH last year.

Yes, same person here...didn't mean to do that. I am the female of the couple but have used spouse name sometimes. Can't remember why from so long ago. He is the one with the limitations.
I appreciate all of your suggestions and comments. I am just really frustrated right now and I know I need to get over it.
I wish I had someone to travel with but friends either can't because of physical difficulties or lack of funds.
I'm just having a pity party and I need to stop.

TAW, it is OK. Have a pity party. Your problem may not seem big by comparison with many, but it is still a frustration, and it seems even worse to me because if your DH wanted to make concessions due to his physical limitations, in order to go with you, he still could. So, the frustration may involve more than just travel.

It is hard to find good travel companions too. There must be some groups or organizations for women or single travelers. There used to be one where women hosted other women travelers. Perhaps someone else has info on that.

You might consider a trip or tour that is focused on one thing and you stay in one place, like a week of language school. There are many for writers, poets, photographers, etc. all over the world. I think they are on the expensive side, but my SIL has done several - to Greece, England and Portugal, that I know. I will ask her. Do you have any interest that might lend itself to that?

Interests would be cooking, language or photography...

That really helps . . . there are lots of cooking and/or photography centric small group tours. Or you could sign up for a language course someplace like Italy or Spain or Central America/Mexico.

I have a photgrapher friend who travels with a photography group. His partially handicapped spouse accompanies him. They do day trips from one very nice locations abroad. I will ask him.

I imagine it is difficult on two fronts,at least.

Firstly, frustration that if your husband were motivated to use a walking aid, he could still travel, albeit not perhaps as actively as you’re both used to.

Going Solo is fine for those of us who are used to & enjoy the freedom it gives - but I imagine it would be somewhat of a leap for someone who has always travelled with spouse or others.

Now that we know some of your interests - I do encourage you to do a trip with a particular focus (or two). What about a cooking school in France, Italy or somewhere else that interests you? Or a small group walking tour with a cooking class as part of it? Both of those would be a great opportunity for your photography, too.

And who knows... if you do a few of these & come home happy & refreshed, your husband may decide it’s worth the hassle of getting a walking aid after all.

Good luck. Good travelling :)

cooking, language, photography...

ALL open all kinds of doors in all kinds of places with specialty tours and classes. I know National Geographic regularly runs tours where photography is a focus. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/e...s/photography/

Language schools are easy to find, but probably would take a longer time commitment then I'm sensing you want. Cooking's an easy one with loads of opportunities in pretty much any place you could think to visit.

I know friends in the same situation and who still travel. Both go to a hotel, one stays around, the other one takes some excursions or tours. Not everyday. They hook up each evenin, he tells her what he saw, she tells him what she read and show him waht she knitted.

Not the same thing, but my mom was my favorite traveling buddy until she had a stroke several years back. So we went through the same period of adjustment.

1) my mother refused to use a walker until I found this bamf one (maybe Swedish) that is meant for rough terrain—golfing, hunting. Not that she does either—she uses it for her marathon shopping. Hilarious. So consider finding him a walking aid that works for him—one that doesn’t make him feel “old and useless”. (Mom’s objection to the traditional walker. She also became much more enthusiastic about her cane when she found out she could order ones on line in any color—appropriate for seasons, outfits, special occasions. I mean, I doubt that’ll work on your husband, but who knows). She’s much more willing to travel now, and she’s a lot more capable.

2) otherwise—I’ve found the best alternative is to do trips you know he’d enjoy with him in a way he could do them. For us that means staying at nicer hotels, adjusting our expectations, slowing down. And then when he doesn’t want to travel, plan trips you know he wouldn’t enjoy, but that you’d love. Mom doesn’t like ethnic food—Dad eats a lot of Indian when he’s travelling without her. I do more shopping when I’m with her, and almost all museums and bookstores without her. She used to camp, and hike, but she didn’t love it, so I actually think we’re all relieved she doesn’t go on those anymore. I’ve found I spend less time missing her if I’m doing stuff she wouldn’t do in a million years anyway.