How to Say "No."
 

I love solo travel! I usually take one European and one or two North America trips each year. The only people I would even consider traveling with are my children and even then I'd rather go alone.

My question: what do you say to people who suggest they go with you on your next trip? Or their wives, or mothers. People I barely know. A guy called me at work and asked if his wife could go on my trip next week and I've only met her once! This happens all the time! I usually hmmm and hah and say my trip is already booked and would be difficult to add anyone.

If this happens to me, it must happen to you. What do you say?

i tell them that i average 4 hours a sleep a nite and that i will not stay around and smell the roses. i expect the other person to do same unless the other person is footing the bill :)

To people you don't know well I would just say that you only travel alone of with close family. THEN to your family in private tell them the truth that you want to go alone
;-)suze

Quietplague, You have to watch saying stuff like that. What if their reply is... OK cuz I only need 3 hours of sleep & an rich. (But you still don't want them on your trip!)

oops haven't had my AM coffee yet, that would be:
alone OR with
& AM rich

suze,

i haven't found anyone who can survive on 3 hours of sleep & am rich. they tend to be workaholics, not likely to take vacation :) q.p.

Hello cchottel, I have had that happen and it is always someone that wants to share a hotel room with me. I don't share my hotel room as I want my privacy. I have found that the few people that have "invited" themselves to join me on a trip lose interest once they find out they would have to get their own hotel room.

But even if that is not the case with people inviting themselves to join you on a trip I would just say "I am sorry but I need to take this trip by myself" and I wouldn't worry about it.

It is one thing when friends make arrangements to take a trip together (that can be lovely) but it is another thing when someone invites themself to join you without receiving an invitation to do so.

For me, I tell them exactly how it's going to be...

I explain (in a very friendly way) that:

If you want to join me, that's fine, but please know that I'm difficult to travel with.

When I get up to go, I'm ready to go. I won't wait around. It's get up, get ready, go. No stopping to read the paper, it can be read during the day. No watching the news - I'm on vacation. No taking 3 hours to get ready - if you need that long, you had best start 2 hours before I get up.

I require my own room. I'm single and you never know what will happen, so I don't share rooms. (Although I have and will with the right travel companion.)

I stay at budget hotels (usually Days Inn or Travelodge, if available). If you don't like those hotels, please feel free to stay elsewhere, but I will be staying there.

I don't sit around the hotel or pool. I'm on the go all day. This is my itinerary of places to go and things to do. If you don't want to do them, that's fine, we can meet up later, but don't ask me to not do them.

I drive. Unless I specifically ask if you would mind driving, I will be in the driver's seat. Please don't flap your arms around trying to protect yourself from the truck I'm passing. Don't slam your arm in my chest if I have to stop suddenly. Don't clutch at the car's interior. And don't tell me how to drive, or what's a better way to get there, or what my speed is.

If I get a call from a friend in the area, please know that all my plans will change according to his schedule, no exceptions.

I don't gamble and I don't drink. I don't splurge on expensive meals (except once or twice during the trip). If you want to do any of the following, we can meet up later.

I stop frequently and without notice to take photographs. I don't like being rushed while trying to get the perfect shot. If you don't want to wait for me, just go on ahead and I'll catch up.

I do a lot of walking. Usually several miles each day. If you can't handle that, feel free to hop a bus or taxi and I'll catch up.

My plans for the day's activities can change at any time. If I wake up and decide I don't want to go to the museum, I may decide to go to the beach instead. HOWEVER, I won't change my plans for someone else, so please don't ask.

I don't travel to spend the evening at Hard Rock Cafe (my pet peeve) so don't even mention it. I don't care if there is one right by the hotel, I'm not going.

Don't talk about things back home (i.e., work, mutual friends, etc.). I'm on vacation and I want to focus on where I am. Don't complain about the rude waitress - we've left the restaurant. Don't complain about the burned out lightbulb in the hotel room - just call and get it replaced and don't mention it again. Don't complain about the lines - I'm going to this attraction - if you don't want to wait, then we'll meet up later.

When we return home, don't tell everybody about my travel moments. I'll let you tell them the story about how you ended up in the fountain, but you had better let me tell the story about how I jumped out of the hotel window. Some things I don't want to tell people - that means I don't want you to tell them either. The night I spent with that cute musician is not for you to repeat and I will be p*ssed if you do.

As of yet, I haven't had anyone travel with me... I don't know why. :-d

I can't say I've ever been in the situation cchottel describes. What usually happens to me is that I try to get everyone I know interested in one of several alternative trips I'm thinking about. Those who don't say "No" right away keep me hanging until it's time to book something, at which point they say "No." So I end up with much frustration-- and a solo trip by default rather than by choice.

One of these days I'll finally learn to skip the frustration and go straight to planning the best trip I can with my inevitable companions: me, myself, and I.

Nice, toedtoes. Precisely parallel to, yet extremely distant from, my point of view. We'd depart and arrive quite well together.
The travel part of it would be challenging because we agree on it all.
Once there (wherever) I'm gone, detached and centrally focused. It's all about me and what I'm there to see and do. "Getting ready" is not a consideration. Photo ops are a priority. "On time" doesn't exist and "down time" is fluid.
You and I might very well pass on the street and be quite content to never meet. After all, I'm there to be alone.

JB - people who wait until the last minute to commit or say no drive me nuts (my entire family is like that).

Now, I just assume they will all back out at the last possible moment.

I plan the entire trip with the concept that I will be going alone. I buy my airline tickets at a time convenient for me and just tell them to "get yourself on an available flight when you've decided - this is the one I'm on - and we'll meet up when you get there". Why should I miss a great airfare deal because they can't commit?

As for hotels, cars, etc., I don't do "non-cancellable" or non-refundable reservations anyway, so it's not a problem. I make reservations for what I can afford on my own and where I'm comfortable staying. If they come and we agree to share a room, then we can find something more expensive to share. If we don't share a room, then they can stay wherever they want.

If they do end up coming along, it's great, but when they don't, I'm not stuck paying for their lack of forethought.

JRP - :-d

I did say that I'm difficult to travel with...

Seriously, if I set out to travel with someone else, I'm actually quite willing to give and take, etc. These requirements are only when someone decides they want to "tag along" on a trip I've already planned and organized.

I will add that the "no work, gossip about friends, etc." is always a requirement on any trip I take - even a day trip. I don't want to spend my visit to a museum or a day at the beach griping about what the boss did or how the kid won't pick up his dirty socks.

Agreed t. You may think that you're difficult to travel "with" but you're intent is not to travel with, but to travel. And yes, discussing real life during fantasy times is unacceptable.

Sorry..."your", not "you're"

How funny. I have a colleague who asks me all the time if his mother can travel with me. I say, "I prefer to travel alone". Keep it simple.

<i>You and I might very well pass on the street and be quite content to never meet.</i> Sheer poetry, JRP!

Toedtoes and the poet (passing on the street....) very funny!

I had a f.a. call me and ask to share my room b/c her mom was coming to Portland. (mom was in FL, where I was laying over) Basically, she wanted a free room, to pick up her mama in the am and then truck on (I mean fly) to Portand. I didn't know the collegue, but I thought, what the heck, hopefully someone would help me out in a tight spot. She bought me dinner and was quietly out the door by the time I woke up the next day. Harmless and it worked out. This year, I go to the Chinese Conuslate in NYC to get my visa, and ask crew staying in NYC to keep my bag at hotel just for the day. The f.a.'s all declined, but luckily I had just flown with the pilot and he took it. I paid the crew's tip to the hotel. (in spite of F.A.'s.) Kindness travels and it comes around!
I am open to people coming along on trips as long as
a) they pre read fodors to get a clue (this didn't happen on my China trip)
b) they have a watch (not on China trip either)
c) they want to go, they want to do the activity, or they want to spend time with me :)

If they don't fall under a.b.or c. then I would tell them that the traveling I do is personal time. Be honest.

How about this one: Boyfriend of a relatively new relationship) says he can't go along on my France trip for financial reasons and expired passport (even though I had not extended an invite, as this was my long-planned SOLO trip), and isn't happy about me going by myself. But tells me one morning that he called his 75 year old mother (whom I have never met) and invites her to go along with me, never mind that I already have all my own travel plans made, confirmed and paid for. Luckily she said no. He thought it would be &quot;a nice gesture&quot; on my part.

And a sister whom I haven't seen in 20+ years politely told me that her husband told her to go with me, but she's going to pass this time.

Neither of these people are people that I would choose as a travel companion for this particular trip.

I found it ironic that when I wanted to go, I couldn't find a suitable travel companion, I felt I could travel with and still enjoy the trip. Once I finally set it up for myself and started looking forward to the solo experience, people were coming out of the woodwork trying to invite themselves along.

Now I just have to deal with the &quot;oh and bring me back . . .&quot; requests. :)

Khermann - Years ago when talking to a then current boyfriend about traveling, I mentioned that someday I was going to Europe and seeing England, France and Italy. He proceeded to tell me how he was going to go with me and &quot;show me Europe&quot;. It didn't seem to matter that his idea of Europe (Israel, Iran, Iraq) and mine didn't mesh. I realized at that moment that the relationship was doomed and replied &quot;Oh no! I'm going alone. If I get hit on by some guy with an accent I don't want you in my way.&quot;

As for the bring me back requests, just tell them to provide you with the money to buy it and ship it to them... that usually curbs the requests quickly.