How to remove a travel couple
 

We have traveled with another couple several times. This last trip a third couple joined us. Long-time friends, too, but never travel buddies (except one weekend once).

Well, we didn’t like it. The guy has gotten really unhealthy in weight and belly-ached when anything was over a block or two away. He huffed and puffed, makes all kinds of noises (like heavy sighs), repeats EVERYTHING you say because he doesn’t have a whole lot of interesting thoughts on his own, and is focused on his next meal. Not to mention that he doesn’t really treat his wife very well and he is rather crude.

Ugh! Help! How do we go back to just the two couples? He was just a downer.

Money wasn’t an issue as we simply split everything among the three couples. Just didn’t like his company.

Just say no?

I should have added that we don’t want to hurt feelings or ruin friendship…for wife’s sake

I would just say while we’re friends our travel styles don’t mesh and leave it at that. I mean I have friends I really like but would never travel with.

Agree - be honest or you will end up losing the friendship and probably your mind if you let them join you again anyway.

Voice of experience - I caved and let a friend join me on a trip I wanted to do solo to Europe and it was 90% awful. Our friendship only just survived - and that was because I took a side trip mid-way through for a week.

“Ugh! Help! How do we go back to just the two couples? He was just a downer.”

I would just make your next trip a solo adventure for you and your wife, cutting out both couples.
Thus you’ve broken the chain and lessened their expectations and after that you can resume travel with whomever you prefer

Plan B:
Quietly plan next trip, without mentioning to bad couple. When they eventually find out, just explain innocently
“Oh, we didn’t think you’d be interested - you didn’t seem to enjoy the last time.”

Tough one as Ive been there but it wasn't a couple. Mine was a person. It was getting so bad, mine invited their daughter and SIL and rated everything single thing I planned. They planned nothing and this person I call speedy as runs ahead while not knowing where to go.

I too didn't want to hurt feelings. I backed away for a bit and did not include or invite them and then the pandemic hit. Along with the pandemic, her husband and son died unexpectedly. I felt bad so I booked a trip. Most of the old stuff was still there and you'd think, some lessons would have been learned, her wallet was stolen, and so much dama. I decided, going forward, traveling with her would have to be in a group tour so that's what we've done.

It's worked. I've met some really nice people. My travel friend has other people to bug and annoy. She's learning, we don't always have to do things together. It's not a fix for everyone and still in progress but helps my patience. She now also knows I'm not inviting her on all my trips. That just came out in causal conversation.

I do wish I could give some good advice as I don't think we generally want to hurt people's feelings. Are you sure, you don't want to try another style before cutting them off? I do think causally mentioning expectations may help because why would he go hiking, if he can't keep up? Why does he always have to tag along? Doing his own thing and then meeting for dinner would be ok.

I honestly think you have a few options. Nyse gave some good ones too.

I would consider taking them along if you can plan not spending every minute of the day together. You can still meet for lunch or dinner so it can be in small doses. Do things like hiking or exploring without them. Plan a few sedentary or "easy" activities to include them.

Hard no for me. I don't see the point of traveling with someone you do not like. He sounds horrible. I would not want to be around a man who treats his wife badly. On vacation, or any other time really. Maybe make dates for only the 'ladies' to get together when you are at home, so you can still keep up your friendship with the woman.

Is it not possible to speak to the wife honestly, to say how much you care for her, but her husband isn't someone you can spend time with? She knows who he is & I don't believe it's an impossible task to just say what's true. Especially if you continue to socialize with her, ladies only. Go out to lunch, the 3 of you, with your other girlfriend for support & just say it, kindly. If she's friend material surely she'll appreciate your honesty & your desire to spend time with her. It's what real friends do. She will understand or, if not, then it wasn't to be. Either way, the air will be clear for whatever that relationship has to offer, if anything.

I'm not sure she would be open to hearing that her husband is a jerk, she already knows that.

I have to agree with suze. For most people, family comes first and they will defend another family member’s reputation , especially if it is a spouse, vigorously.

In this case being truthful is the best course of action. Simply tell your friend that while you enjoy her company and friendship and would like to continue a friendly relationship with her you simply do not enjoy the company of her husband do not wish to travel with them as a couple. If she is the true friend you think she is you’ll remain friends. If she chooses to “defend her spouse” and distance herself from you or even terminate her relationship with you then so be it, she is not really the close friend you thought her to be.

I like that approach above. It will be hard but if you 'lay it on the line' and have the bravery to say the truth you feel, it's then up to her how to react.

What I would not do is compromise my own travel time and vacation enjoyment by having someone like him included. I could perhaps (probably not -haha) get over him being a constant complainer and generally unpleasant person. What I will not tolerate or be around is an abusive spouse.

Book a trip to Venezuela. Invite them to join you. When they decline, they've broken the chain, not you. It's a beautiful country. Albeit somewhat unstable right now, lol.

Thank you, RoamsAround.

Agree with Suze.

How about if you make plans with the good couple and let the "bad" person/wife, know that this will be a difficult trip physically as you are planning some walking tours, hiking, etc--something that this guy could not do.....

Difficult situation but agree that the last thing you want to do is travel with them again. Being "nice' and "inclusive" just might ruin the trip for you.

I am late to this thread but instead of saying you don't like her husband, which I don't think will go over well, you could say that your travel style and interests are different and you have decided that you prefer to travel alone, just with your spouse. And break the trend by not traveling with the other couple, so the "bad" couple won't be hurt. Then you could resume travel with the "good" couple, if you wish, and just not include the "bad" couple. It's easier to do when the trend/chain has been broken.

My husband and I have traveled with one couple a few times, but the last time it really didn't work because they didn't want to do a lot of the things that we did. And I asked the wife if she wanted to help plan the trip but she said no. We were traveling around in a rental car so it was difficult to split up during the day. Luckily, I could tell our friends also realized this last trip didn't really work and they politely indicated they aren't interested in our travel style. Good! They will be traveling for 6 weeks with another couple starting in January, and they have never traveled with this couple. Not my cup of tea.

I agree with Suze. You should not compromise your vacation time with this couple. Time is too short, and vacations are costly. Don't ruin it for yourselves.

I’ve been in a similar situation, and it’s tough to balance friendships with travel dynamics. On one trip, we invited an extra friend to join our usual group, and it completely changed the vibe. They weren’t a bad person, but their habits and energy just didn’t mesh with our style of exploring and relaxing. It made me realize how important it is to be intentional about who you travel with.

For your situation, I’d suggest gently steering future plans back to the original group. Maybe frame it around wanting a smaller, more intimate trip—less about excluding and more about keeping things simple. Alternatively, plan something that naturally limits the group size, like booking a smaller rental or specific activities.