Footing the bill for a family trip

Old Feb 8th, 2016, 07:56 PM
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Footing the bill for a family trip

I have been thinking about taking a trip with my adult children (18, 25, 28) and their husbands and GFs this July or next July 2017. We have talked about always wanting to go to Ireland and also Alaska. We have never taken any lavish trips together or out of the US (we're in NY), more of just camping, and a few day trips etc. kind of boring, nothing really exciting. When my kids were younger we never had the money for big trips. There always seemed to be some bills in the way. I started pricing some basic trips/cruises out and they are roughly $13,000-$15,000 depending on add-ons etc. I was going to pay for the trip for everyone as they are mostly in college now or new jobs and don't have the money to lay out themselves. Should I do it? Will we be killing each other on the trip, lol? If you took other people did they complain about your trip choices? I've never traveled before so I find a lot of the planning and not knowing what companies to trust a bit stressful. Just looking up Alaska cruises, I've heard such inconsistent reviews of ship lines. I would hate to spend all that money and have it be a mess. Should I just go by myself and my husband and leave them all home?
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Old Feb 8th, 2016, 11:01 PM
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It's a wonderful idea and very generous.

But, before you book anything, you need to make certain all of them can get time off from work/school at the same time. And that they haven't already planned and booked their own vacation somewhere else for that time.

Too much togetherness will drive some people crazy. Especially if your children have lived as separate people/couples for years. Don't be upset if one couple goes off to do their own thing a few hours every day.

Don't start saying "I paid for this, so you have to do things my way". I sometimes get that from my parents and it makes me unwilling to accept certain things/gifts from them.

As for "inconsistent reviews of ship lines" a lot of the differences probably depends on the reviewer's personality and expectations. It's a bit like reading conflicting hotel reviews, but there is a lot more money involved with a cruise. Look at what they are complaining about, not the number of complaints. Is it the service, the cleaning, the cabin size, the food, the evening entertainment or the excursions? Then decide if those complaints are about things you and your family would care about.
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Old Feb 9th, 2016, 12:37 AM
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You are beginning from an incredibly generous and thoughtful position -- kudos!

I think you have several options, some of which have already been mentioned. IMO, the best options are those that get everyone on board (and on record) as early as possible.

I like options that give all involved absolute transparency in advance and as much flexibility as possible. For example, you an chose can amount per person (e.g., "you'll each get $x for this trip"), or you can gear our payments to specific activities (e.g., "I'll pay for all of us to do X" or "I'll give you each $y that you can use as you like"), or whatever. I would urge you to give everyone advance notice of timeframes, and to make it clear what, exactly, you are paying for and what is up to them. Beyond that, it's all icing, right? Especially if you ask your children what THEY think works! ;-)

Bottom line: Anything you can do to involve your children (and spouse!) in the decision making will, IMO, likely pay off down the line!

Good luck!
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Old Feb 9th, 2016, 03:30 AM
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Thanks for the replies guys.
@anyegr: The time off is a bit easier to plan right now. Almost all of us are either going to school or work in schools so the summer is the real option. I'm okay with them going off and doing there own thing, I guess I'm more worried about the stress of travel getting to us and tensions running high and us getting snappy or short with each other, thus ruining our overall trip. If it was a short local trip and not as much money I wouldn't be as concerned, but for me this is so much more money "riding on" it so to speak.
As I'm writing this, I wonder if I'm also nervous that I'll be disappointed by the trip and traveling in general and if they don't appreciate it and all the work/time that would go into planning it.
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Old Feb 9th, 2016, 10:38 AM
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My parents took our family to Hawaii to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary and paid for everyone. We had a great time.

<getting snappy or short with each other>

Just build in time for people to go off and do things on their own, in couples, individuals, smaller groups interested in the same thing. Don't everyone be joined at the hip the entire time.

Since you say you have never traveled, perhaps you want to take a trip on your own first? You're kind of "diving into the deep end of the pool" with this plan, for someone who's never traveled at all before.
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Old Feb 9th, 2016, 01:02 PM
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I agree with suze that if you have not traveled before it would be a good idea to take a test trip with just you and your husband. Perhaps to Canada.

I mostly travel solo, but have read a number of TRs here written by people who traveled with groups and ran into problems. If you do decide to travel with a lot of people it is critically important to set expectations ahead of time. I am not a fan of cruises or tours, but with a group it might be the best way to travel, as you will not have the responsibility of organizing things.
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Old Feb 9th, 2016, 01:49 PM
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My family had that fabulous trip but we are all experienced "travelers" separately. So coming together for a Hawaiian vacation was easy.

Our group included people who had backpacked South America, worked professional in business settings for extended periods in Asian and Europe, vacationed in the Caribbean and Mexico, etc.

Nothing about traveling was new to anyone.
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Old Feb 9th, 2016, 07:15 PM
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You guys are giving me some good food for thought. Maybe I should just steer my travels to a cruise first. Not really my thing but like some pointed out if something goes wrong it's not my fault a lot less planning. I have to say these forums and your feedback is a great asset to "newbies" like me.
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Old Feb 10th, 2016, 08:06 AM
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You could limit the expense a bit by limiting the guest list to spouses ~ GFs can be far less permanent.

("Yeah Mom, she said she didn't break up with me in June because the July cruise sounded like so much fun..")
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Old Feb 10th, 2016, 05:52 PM
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My good friend's father-in-law took his 18 member family on an Alaskan cruise several years ago (I wished I was a relative!). There were three generations. They operated on a "we'll do our own thing during the day and meet up for dinner on board." It worked well for them. You're a thoughtful host.
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Old Feb 10th, 2016, 07:38 PM
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We did this for our whole family. We picked out a few places in Europe and presented them to the whole group, adults and kids, to vote on. We spent a week plus in Italy together and it all went perfectly. Lots of fun and great memories. We had several rental cars so couples or families could go off on their own at times. We spent most of the time together though as that is what everyone seemed to want. However, we all have traveled a lot internationally. If this is all stressing you out, then a cruise may be the best option. It never occurred to me that there might be sniping or complaining. This is a generous gift and I would expect them all to appreciate what you have given them. Have fun and make memories.
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Old Feb 11th, 2016, 02:31 AM
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There are some tour companies that offer intergenerational trips. Sorry, I can’t remember what one I’ve looked at in the past. If you choose a couple of destinations that appeal to you a google search should turn up something. That way the planning would be easier for you and as you say, if ’the gang’ doesn’t like it, it’s not your fault.

My other suggestion is to give some thought to how your family members interact when they get together at home. Do the siblings enjoy each others’ company? Bicker but get over it? Does one person try to boss the others around? Are there common interests? Do the spouses/partners get involved or are they left out of the action? Are family members generally optimistic, ‘roll with the punches’ kind of people or are they complainers? Chances are the same dynamics will play themselves out on a trip, only more so. Even the best travel can be stressful and can bring out the best and the worst in everyone.
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Old Feb 11th, 2016, 07:04 AM
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We have rented houses for up to about 25 people, from seniors, to babies. People went ice skating, hiking, to movies, played cards, painted, etc. in groups or by themselves. Evening meals were always together. Everybody brought food and wine to share, but DH and I payed the rent and purchased most food - always fun.

A cruise might be a great way to go. I didn't think I would like it the first time, but ended up loving it. Recently, we started doing family cruises every winter to the Caribbean. We leave next week for our third one with DD, GD and sister-in-law.

When DH and I chose our first Caribbean cruise, we wanted to see interesting islands, so itinerary was more important than the ship, although it turned out to be a beautiful new ship.

With DD and GD the first time, we wanted a good kid's program, good food and the best entertainment because DD lived in NYC and loves theater, so quality of ship's program was important.

This trip, we are going for the nicest ship with lots to do on the ship, mostly swim, play, hang out, but some are going snorkeling and hiking. We will definitely see the shows and one person will be dancing a lot. Purely relaxing family time.

Choose an itinerary and ship you think would appeal to all of you, considering cost, activities, etc. with the interests of each person in mind, but don't stress over it. Figure out what you think is best and can afford, and run with it. Getting opinions ahead of time will drive you crazy. Present your plan (perhaps two - no more than 3, if you feel compelled to get their imput) to the family. In the end, you choose. That will eliminate some stress right off. Once that choice is made, your job is pretty much done. You can relax. Everybody can do things together or not, have dinner together, etc.
The kids can choose to go or not. Don't be upset if any opt out. One DD loves the cruises and always goes. The other DD does not do the cruises, but comes when we rent houses.

Save money by getting inside cabins unless you get a real special on outside or balcony. Get "guaranteed" cabins, which means you pay the lowest price for the standard you pick and are guaranteed that standard or better. About half the time, we have been upgraded.

For the Caribbean 7 day cruises, we spend between $950.00 to $1200.00 pp. including airfare to Florida, a night or two pre-cruise stay and shuttle or car service from airport to ship, but not including excursions. They can be costly. With a group your size, you could do some on your own and save money. You always want to arrive the day before the cruise to allow for possible flight delays.

Caribbean has lots of beach and water activities, diving, kyacking, surfing, snorkeling, etc. plus things like zip lining, but it can be quite hot in summer.
I haven't been to Alaska, but many people love it, the excursions seem adventurous and summer seems a good time.

Don't know what websites you are looking at, but I go to vacationstogo for first run of ideas. Then cruisecritic for reviews of ships and itineraries. Ask questions here on the cruise forum or on cruisecritic.

Agree about not paying for GFs unless they are engaged. This is an expensive trip. Just say you can't afford the extra cost. Maybe the GF's parents will contribute, but enjoy it as a family. Don't add more stress to your life with other people who may or may not become family. It is not much fun looking back at family pictures with past loves in them.

Hope this gives you an idea of what a cruise would entail.

I haven't been, but Suze, on this board, goes to Mexico all the time and that seems like it would be perfect for a family trip. It seems, from her posts, it has something for everyone at budget prices.

As you plan, please post. It is fun to follow along on travelers' trip planning.
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Old Feb 11th, 2016, 07:23 AM
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My BIL and DS took their kids, kids spouses,grandkids and great grandkids on a cruise to Bermuda for their 50th. They all live in Massachusetts so departed from Boston and so didn't have to pay for flights etc. I think it was 2 days out, 3 days in Bermuda and 2 days back.

There were enough of them so they got a great rate from the cruise line. They did some things together and other things in small groups. Every one had a ball.

There are lots of options, so look for a cruise that leaves from a city that is not expensive to fly to and talk to someone, either at the cruise line or a travel agent, maybe AAA to see if they will discount the purchase of multiple rooms.
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Old Feb 11th, 2016, 08:20 AM
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I think a cruise is an ideal solution for this situation.
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Old Feb 11th, 2016, 12:40 PM
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Actually, me too - if you get the right one for you.

Don't know where you live, but do look at airfare and hotels too. Sometimes a cruise that departs closer to you seems cheaper because of no airfare, but often they are priced higher so it comes out equal and may not be the cruise you really want. In some places hotels pre-cruise are higher too. Don't obsess over it, just be aware. Find the ship and itinerary you want!

When adding up total costs, usually, but not always, port fees and taxes are included. Be sure to ask.
Tips and gratuities are never included, but are added in on your final bill, paid at the end of the cruise. Usually about $12.00 to $15.00 per day, per person.

One thing about the GFs. If you have two sons that can share a cabin, great. If you have one single needing a cabin, they usually have to pay a surcharge which is almost or the same as another person, so the GF along might not increase cost for ship, but would airfare and hotels.

Drinks (except coffee and tea) are not included. You can buy packages if you wish.

On most ships there are special restaurants that charge a little more. Once in a great while, there is a charge for a special entertainment.

Ireland might also be doable and there are lots of options. Look at some travel packages. With a group, a package would be easier. You might also get a minivan and driver. That could be fun although I doubt I would do it for a first group trip, especially with spouses along - might be too much togetherness.

There are so many websites to look at, but I like Travelzoo for ideas.
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Old Feb 15th, 2016, 06:17 PM
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Keep in mind alcohol is not included in the price of a cruise. You can end up paying A LOT just for alcoholic cocktails which is available round the clock. If you have hardy drinkers in the family, perhaps they can pick up their own drinking tab and you can flip the bill for everything else. Or, like mentioned above, buy a package and anything above that, they will pay. Having them pay their own alcohol tab may help control the indulging and taking advantage if that sort of thing happens in your family. I don't know what your adult children/SO's are like, but mine would rack up a hearty tab without thinking twice, and I'd have serious regrets when the bill came. Just an eye opening for someone like yourself who appears to be inexperienced with these things. Just sayin'.
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Old Feb 15th, 2016, 09:52 PM
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Relationship with an in law must be protected.
Be sure to leave enough room for him to retreat in his shell if needed
The last thing you want is the in law telling your wife after the holidays : 'honey I did it once but never again' for whatever reasons.
This being said I find your idea absolutely great.
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Old Mar 22nd, 2016, 11:02 AM
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"If it was a short local trip and not as much money I wouldn't be as concerned, but for me this is so much more money "riding on" it so to speak.
As I'm writing this, I wonder if I'm also nervous that I'll be disappointed by the trip and traveling in general and if they don't appreciate it and all the work/time that would go into planning it."


You have laid out a recipe for disaster. I can guaranty that all your fears will come true, simply because you are worried enough to mention it. A gift has to be freely given with ABSOLUTELY NO EXPECTATIONS. You can not control how anyone will express their gratitude or if they will express gratitude.

Might I suggest that you offer them each a portion of the trip cost -- an amount you feel comfortable with. See if any are willing to foot half the bill for themselves. That should give you a good idea if they are really into the whole thing or just humoring you.

I also believe that people appreciate things more when they have a vested interest. So paying part of the cost for themselves will make them love it more. I highly urge you to talk it all over and settle on a trip that everyone wants. A cruise might be great for some and others might hate it. You need to know.

We traveled with friends for years. The number one rule...."we are not joined at the hip". You go your way and I'll go mine. If we meet, great. If not, we'll have a drink together at the end of the day and talk over what we each have done. You really can't expect your children to be solely "your" travel partner.

Your offer is generous and kind. Make sure it feels as good coming out as it does going in.
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Old Apr 3rd, 2016, 07:30 AM
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DH and I promised our two oldest grandsons (cousins) that we would take them to Europe when they graduated from HS. Then he passed away. Two years later I did take the boys as planned. We flew into Spain and met one grandson who had spent the school year there. We were in Spain for a few days, then trained to Avignon, where a GF was working a summer job, then on to Paris, and finally Amsterdam. None of the places we stayed were extravagant and we only ate a few "fine dining" meals, and the price for the whole 11 days was right at $13,000. We had a wonderful time, though one grandson kept finding "great places to eat" that took us on what I called death marches.
I was already close to these young men but that trip added another dimension to our relationship. Yes, there were a few times of utter exhaustion and conflicts, but I would not take a million dollars for that trip.
Go for it!
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