hb9542

As many of the folks on this board are aware, there are many advantages to solo travel, but as many of us also know, there are some difficulties as well. This is especially true for those of us who are traveling alone, not because it is our preferred mode of travel, but because it is the only way that we can continue to indulge our love of travel when our preferred travel companions are not available due to widowhood, divorce, or just conflicting schedules. I thought it might be helpful to people who are in this situation if some of us who have developed some solutions (or at least ways to approach) some of the tough parts of traveling on your own can share some ideas.

One of the things I find most difficult (and it may not be an issue for everyone) is the potential for being lonely or feeling isolated. I began traveling on my own after being widowed, so I found that being alone in my hotel room, sitting alone at dinner, or riding alone on trains or busses gave me too much time to be sad about being there on my own. Here are a few things I found that help me:

Electronic voices...
I am one of those people who tend to have the TV on at home just for the voices as some background "company". I found that taking my compact DVD player and DVDs of some of my favorite TV shows and movies allows me to have some familar voices in the room when I return to my room in the evening and while I'm getting ready to go in the morning. This has been a little bulky but has been an emotional life-saver for me. It may be better since I've just purchased an Archos MP3 Video player that is only slightly larger than my i-pod and has 30GB memory so I'm hoping that I can load on my favorite videos for much less weight and bulk.

I'm a reader and like to be able to lose myself in a book, but I don't want to necessarily do so at the expense of seeing what's going on around me and appreciating where I am (I can read a book in my own living room!) so I load several audio books on my i-pod and can "read" while I ride on the train or even while walking around town that doesn't keep me from enjoying the scenery.

Eating Alone...
I know that many of us tend to get out our books and read at the table as a way to cope with our discomfort about eating in restaurants alone. The problem is, reading a book requires most of your attention and keeps you from soaking up the ambience of the restaurant and potentially from striking up a conversation with others around you. I've found that for me, I can get the best of both worlds by working on a puzzle (ie Sudoku, crossword, etc) that I can attend to or not as I choose. I always take a Sudoku puzzle book with me but tear out the pages and keep a few in my purse or backpack. I can work on them or look around the restaurant, or chat without the bulk of a book.

Any other good ideas out there?

SamH

Hi. I travel plenty for work. Often on my own, so I have lots of practice doing the solo thing out there. Also, I'm male so I do not have all of the same safety issues to deal with as a female traveler might.

I tend to go to a restaruant during off-peak hours. Not only do I not take up valuable table space during the rush period,, but the staff has more time as well and can answer questions about the area and offer tips. These folks are locals and have a different view of things compared to a tour guide or someone who may have visited there before.

I always take music with me via mp3 player. This is just a ting that passes time.

I'm pretty confident about exploring on my own, again, I maybe should be more concerned about security, but then I want to have fun and get off the beaten path sometimes. Take measures like you would at home. There are lotsa places in my town I wouldn't go to at night. Your waiter will have told you about these!!

I normally travel with a laptop and can usually get some contact with friends and family that way.

suze

In restauraunts, I look thru a local entertainment guide or bring along a stack of postcards to write out. I save reading a paperback novel for the hotel room at night before bed.

Some people think this is worse, some better... but if I'm not in the mood to face another restaurant alone, I gather picnic food in the afternoon and have that with a bottle of wine in the hotel room for dinner some evenings. Eating earlier in the evening to avoid crowds is another great tip.

I don't listen to music when I'm out and about. I feel the need to hear what's going on around me. That's just a personal thing, I don't use an ipod at home in the city either.

If you tend to become lonely, you can find & schedule a walking tour or take a class, something so you know you'll have interaction with other people during each day.

thursdaysd

I just bought an MP3 player for my next trip, as books are so heavy! I read a great deal at home, but very little while I'm traveling, as there is usually something interesting going on.

For dinner I take a book or guidebook or my journal, but I don't bury myself in it - I'm always open to conversation with people at the next table, and find this is more likely if I stay away from the really upmarket restaurants (which are generally out of my price range anyway). Staying in B&Bs or pensions usually means breakfast-time conversation, too. Trains with old-style compartments rather than airplane seats also tend to result in conversation.

What I don't have a solution for is the problem of having no-one to look after the luggage when I'm in transit. On trains I either take a cable lock (for India) or try not to worry about it, but there are still times I'd love to be able to say "keep an eye on this stuff while I go do ..."

toedtoes

I often will take something "to go" and find a nice spot in a park to eat. If there's a nice restaurant I'd like to try, I'll do a late lunch - it's not so crowded, the food is often less expensive and I can enjoy the meal without rushing and still have time to visit another place afterwards (I don't like to eat, then sit around a hotel room).

For air transit, I check my luggage. That way I only have a small (19 inches or less) bag to worry about. I can easily fit it into a restroom stall with me. I also think ahead - before picking up my luggage at the carousel, I use the restroom; before getting on the plane, I use the restroom, etc.

I love having a rental car if I'm in one area for a while. It allows me to move around more like I do when I'm home and to go out a bit further than otherwise. However, taking the metro, etc. is a great way to meet people.

I always try to stay aware of the people around me. If I'm writing a postcard, etc., I often look up and smile at passerby. A smile is the EASIEST way to meet people.

mebe

I don't have any tips to add. I'm just sending out a general "thanks" for all the great tips. I love the crossword idea.

I am (hopefully!!!) going to Rome on my own in May, first time solo traveling in 10 years.

suze

I go to an internet cafe every day or two and email my friends and family back home. That takes the edge off being alone.

Grassshopper

Sometimes it's easier to eat alone at a bar or in a pub. Even in nice hotels in London, you can get bar food in their lounge/bar and chat with the bartender.

When I am craving being part of a crowd I will sign up for a guided walk or a day excursion. It's also a great way to connect with people who you might have a meal with afterwards. Examples are London Walks, or the Atlas excursions in Croatia.

JBHapgood

The best solution I've found to the problem of eating alone is to have my daily restaurant meal at lunch. It's cheaper that way, which lets me enjoy a nice lunch a restaurant that would cost more than I want to pay if I went for dinner. And for some inexplicable reason I find it more comfortable to eat lunch alone than dinner. Then for dinner I have a picnic from the grocery store in my room, to save calories, money, and awkwardness.

If I do have to eat dinner in a restaurant, I go as soon as the place opens (5 pm, perhaps). That way they're more likely to view me as a welcome user of a table that would otherwise be empty rather than someone trying to cheat them out of the full revenue and tip a table ought to produce. The difference is often noticeable, and it's more comfortable to dine in a place that isn't (yet) filled with couples.

In either case, I bring a magazine or book, or play solitaire on my PDA during the awkward wait for the server to take my order and then deliver my food. Then I put it away, since reading and eating don't mix. As a solo male, I know the likelihood of striking up a conversation with couples or families at adjacent tables is effectively zero. I don't think I've ever seen another person eating alone who isn't dressed in business attire and working diligently on his or her laptop.

If I've had a full and satisfying day of exploration, I really don't mind a night spent alone in my hotel room. I can copy my camera's memory card to a hard disk storage device and then review the pictures on the TV. I bring an iPod and books for when I'm done with that. The loneliness and "solo travel loser" feelings only kick in if I haven't had a full and satisfying day of exploration due to weather or other factors. I have no solution for that other than to ride it out and try to accept it as an unavoidable part of solo travel. Tomorrow is another day, after all.

thursdaysd

JB - I checked your other posts, and I'm wondering whether you've done any solo traveling outside the US? Saying you feel you would be seen as "someone trying to cheat them out of the full revenue and tip a table ought to produce" is a very American view. Waiters in other countries don't rely on tip income, and restaurants don't expect to turn their tables, the way they do in the US, or not to the same extent.

I do eat dinner in restaurants by myself on occasion in the US, since I live alone, but I wouldn't consider trying to strike up a conversation the way I would in Europe or Asia. You'd probably have a hard time finding a restaurant to serve dinner at 5:00 elsewhere, too!

If you haven't tried traveling solo in Europe or Asia, maybe you'd enjoy it more?

SeaUrchin

Good ideas on this thread. I think that life is full of surprises and you may surprise yourself at your ability to handle things while solo in another country. It is an eye opening experience that is for sure.

I, too, take a magazine (usually a local fashion one) to a restaurant. I can flip through the pages and don't have to get involved with a plot. Or a guide book and plan the next day.

If I get lonely I call or write to a friend or family. I keep a cell phone and phone card with me. I remember on one solo trip using the cell phone when I was a little scared to walk along a deserted beach cliff trail to my apartment. I had stayed a long time at a restaurant so I talked to a friend back home while I walked.

tzarinna

As Suze stated earlier, going on line really helps me. I'm on line entirely too much but this is a familiarity that I some times need when I'm running about, get tired, sad and lonely.

I too do all the standards; guide book and such while dining, make notes about my day. Prague was the first time I took an actual group tour when I did a day trip to Kunta Hora, there were two Russian couples on my trip.

I'm sure I'll do that again for some chit chat, but that too can be a little lonely 'cause everyone is paired up.

JBHapgood

thursdaysd, the closest I've ever come to solo travel outside the US was a trip to Alberta (pretty much the same as the US, except that people were friendlier and actually talked to me). My comments indeed reflect my experience with restaurants in the US, which often do treat single people as intruders rather than customers. You're quite right that a restaurant in, say, France is certain to be shuttered if you visit at 1700!

I'm willing to believe that a solo traveler could have a warmer reception in Europe or Asia than in the US. The only solo travelers I have encountered during my travels in the US have been Europeans and Australians. The most interesting thing about them is that they're actually interested in talking to me, rather than instinctively fleeing at the sight of a solo male as Americans seem to do. They also seem to think there's nothing strange or "brave" about exploring America alone. I'm pretty sure it's because they're not thoroughly saturated with the fear that seems to have become the defining characteristic of American society long before 9/11.

Perhaps someday I'll try a foreign solo trip, which I've never done except for a few days in London. But for or various reasons too boring to mention here, all my travel will have to be very close to home for the foreseeable future. Fortunately, I live in Los Angeles, which means (at least in theory) I can get in my car and take solo trips to little transplanted pieces of several Central American and Asian countries.

thursdaysd

JB - sorry to hear you're "grounded" for now. Does that include Mexico? I've only been there once, not solo, but Suze seems to really like it there.

I do think you get a different reaction when you're traveling abroad, because you run into other travelers in a way you don't seem to when traveling on business in the US. Or maybe it's just the difference between a B&B or pension and Courtyard by Marriott!

suze

thursdaysd~ while I do like Puerto Vallarta Mexico solo for myself, it's not what I'd recommend for a 1st trip out of the U.S. for everyone.

Even in the tourist towns it can be a bit overwhelming.

Somehow I find European cities MUCH easier and less of a culture shock, believe it or not.

Andrew

Suze goes to an internet cafe to email friends. I take a laptop with me and not only email friends but Skype them, even video calls (which are free if you are on the internet). It's nice to see the faces of your family and friends back home when you are so far away, alone. I also take 100+ pictures a day on most trips and like to use the laptop to sort through them at night. And of course, I send pictures home while I'm traveling to make my friends back home jealous.

I almost never eat at sit-down restaurants alone anymore especially in Europe, partly because it's harder to tolerate crappy restaurant service when you are alone and not enjoying the mood with someone else. I eat at casual, no-table-service places whenever possible or just grab a slice of pizza (ideal for Italy). Since I actually love to read, I read during a meal not to mask discomfort but because I've been looking forward to reading!

When in a non-English speaking country I'll often strike up a conversation with other travelers who seem to be native English speakers - on trains and buses, at tourist sites, etc. I find out where people are from, ask them where they've been, what they've enjoyed the most. Mostly it's just nice to talk again in countries where English isn't the native language and I'm not inclined to talk much to the locals.

JBHapgood

thursdaysd, I've never had any interest in visiting Mexico. Whatever charms it offers (and I'm sure there are many), all the stories I've read about corruption and E. coli make it unappealing (even if those stories are exaggerations).

You may be right about the "infrastructure" of travel in Europe encouraging interaction more than it does here. Americans prefer planes, cars, and hotels that are surely less conducive to conversation with strangers than mass transit, trains, and pensions.

thursdaysd

I've been thinking about this some more, as food is an important part of travel for me, and I never picnic in my room for dinner. (Although picnics at lunch are another matter.) I belong to the sleep cheap to eat well school. I think there are maybe two reasons I don't have a big problem with it:

1. Practice. I spent 10 months in 2004-5 traveling round the world on my own (mostly Europe and Asia), and I ate all my meals "out" except when I was eating on a train. True, I still feel a bit conspicuous eating out on a Saturday night in Europe, so I usually eat earlier those nights (18:30 rather than 17:00, though!), or go for tapas in Spain, for instance. Eating on your own is such a foreign concept in much of Asia it doesn't matter which night of the week you're doing it!

2. Being willing to make a fool of myself. I think getting past embarrassment is important to good travel in any off the beaten track place - once you've used mime a few times in places you don't speak the language, eating on your own ceases to be a big deal. I just remind myself that I'm never going to see these people again. I'm a 5' 5" white female with (currently) red hair: there's no way I'm going to blend in anywhere in Asia, so I just got used to being conspicuous. I still remember the time in Beijing when a two-year old bawled his head off at the idea of getting close enough to the foreign monster to have his photo taken!

SeaUrchin

I think another good thing is to allow time for serendipity.

If you don't want to do something, then don't!! Turn around and forget about it. I was planning on walking to a spot in Rome that I have planned to see for years. I started out and then really didn't want to bother, then I wavered and thought, now is a good time to do it and then another thought, but if you don't want to, then don't. So I didn't. No explanations, just turned around.

Another idea is to be playful. Sing, strike up a conversation, skip a little (maybe not a good idea for a man, lol), sit by the fountain, throw the ball that a kid kicks to you. I had such fun one afternoon in Praiano, Italy, tossing a soccer ball to some small children. They thought it was funny that I joined in and I have the memory!

Pet the dog and ask the owner it's name, sit with the old ladies in the square. I sat with some oldtimers in Montepulciano and pretty soon they were sharing slices of fruit with me.

Another time I was so happy just to be where I was that I let out a whoop and jumped in the air.

In other words, reinvent yourself. If you shy at home, no one knows you on your solo trip, drop the shyness. If you are super serious in real life, go out of your way not to be on your solo trip. No raised eyebrows because no one knows, that is the beauty of it!

toedtoes

SeaUrchin - on my first trip to Niagara Falls, I had sent all my co-workers and family a link to the falls webcam and told them to watch it on X day at X time. I told them what I'd be wearing, etc. and that I'd wave.

When I got there, I called my work and said "Do you see me?" We went through about ten minutes of "no, I'm the one in the middle of the walkway facing the camera", "I'm waving a book over my head", etc. As I'm doing this, feeling fairly awkward as people are staring at me, three people started walking towards me, as they approached, the young man turned around and started waving. I said into the phone "now there's TWO of us waving, don't you see us?"

They finally figured out which one I was.

It was completely embarrassing as people kept looking at me like I was from outer space, but I still laugh at the memory.