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Benefits of going solo
pros:
1. You get to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. 2. No body argues with you... ever! 3. You don't stand out as a tourist since you aren't talking much. 4. Stay up late, go to bed early, get up early, sleep in late as you like. cons: 1. No one to watch your bags when you go to the restroom in airports or train stations. ;-) |
Pros:
5. No figuring out how to split the bill 6. No having to compromise 7. Being able to change your plans in mid-trip without worrying about everyone else 8. No pressure to spend more money that you really want to on food, etc. 9. No guilt because you are spending more money on one item than your companion has for the entire trip 10. Being able to spend 2 hours trying to get that perfect photo of a flower without someone hemming and hawing behind you. Cons: 2. Not being able to split car rental costs with someone else. |
Pros 11: You aren't distracted from the scenery (or whatever else you came to see) by the need to pay attention to your companion
12: You get to meet interesting people because you aren't busy with your companion Cons 3: Higher lodging costs - I've yet to find a single that's half the price of a double 4: You can't "cross-pack" in case a checked bag doesn't make it |
Pros:
If the flight is late or the airport is a crowded mess you only have to take care of yourself rather then keeping an eye on your travel companion to see how they are "holding up". You don't have to worry about getting airline seats next to each other..as there is no other, lol. Yes, you can sleep when you want, eat when you want, do want you want without having to have a discussion about the routine, schedule etc. You can take a long bubble bath without worrying about whether or not your travel companion needs use of the bathroom. You can read late into the night if you want without worry if the bedside light is bothering your travel companion or if while watching TV the noise is bothering them. Or if they are annoyed because you are on your laptop. You have more opportunities to talk to other people then if you are travelling with someone else. If you have jetlag, feel a bit ill, tired or whatever you do not have to pretend that all is "great" and of course you feel "wonderful". Cons: You do not have a travel companion to talk to while having meals, enjoying sites and sights and sitting around the airport. And as suze said; "no one to watch your bags when you go to the restroom in airports or train stations". And no one to take care of you if you are ill or have an accident such as a fall. You are on your own except for the kindness of strangers. You have no one to remember your trip that you took, as most other people are really not interested. The exception is the wonderful people on Fodor's! But life if full of pros and cons isn't it? Nothing is perfect. To have a wonderful travel companion is a blessing. To have a horrible travel companion is a living h*ll. |
Solo is better than traveling with someone who is not such a great companion, worse than being with a great companion.
You can turn around mid stroll or mid trip and change your plans without having to explain or complain or listen to complaints. No one cares if you change your plans or not, you can't point out these great plans to someone. You may find out a lot about yourself, what wonderful things you can do on your own. You may find out you can't do much on your own and make all kinds of mistakes. People are more likely to help you with directions if you approach them while you are alone. If you freak out, people will bypass you and glance back as they hurry past. You will get a lot attention in some scenerios and get completely ignored in others. You may get unwanted attention or you may be treated rudely and it gets to you more than if you laugh it off with a friend. You have no one to help you get information. You can't say wait here with the luggage while I find out or ask oh no, which train number was that again?!! You can't blame your companion for a wrong decision, it is all yours. I don't mind dining alone but some restaurants may treat you to either an undesirable table or give you free drinks or dessert. The waiter may slip you his phone number and want to meet you "tomorrow". He may actually be the owner/manager and cute and available. |
"You can't blame your companion for a wrong decision, it is all yours."
The flip side is you don't have to suffer from other's wrong decisions! |
Yes, but I'd sure miss a warm embrace from a companion during those cold lonely nights.
________________ www.mydriveholiday.com |
SeaUrchin - I think one of the things you learn from traveling alone is how not to freak out when something goes wrong.
For me, I found that when I'm with someone else, I'm the one having to "laugh it off" and get the other person calmed down; whereas when I'm alone, I can just let it go immediately and not spend another 30 minutes calming my companion down. Jenny - that's another benefit about traveling alone, if you don't have a significant other and meet someone, you don't have to feel guilty because you'd rather cuddle with that warm body that interests you than sit and watch tv with your non-romantically involved travel companion. :-d |
jenny~ "cold lonely nights"???
believe me, if I had a husband I'd hope to be traveling with him! that said, not having a partner I've developed travel skills and interests so as not to be left sitting home on the sofa just because I'm single ;-) |
Toed., some of my comments were observations from other's trips.
I have one friend who had come to the end of her rope and totally freaked out on a solo trip. She stood crying on a corner and could not help herself, probably emotional overload. She had been solo traveling in Europe for three months at that point. An ex-coworker of mine left Paris after three days on a solo trip. She just could not cope (and found that out about herself). For me, the best trip if I go solo is to have a friend there at least some of the same time, but we are both still taking our own trips. Like when I met Barb in Italy and Paris a few times. We would meet up whenever we wanted, like two people who lived there. But, if no one is available I would still go, of course. Also I have to have my own room now days and my own alone time, so even together travel is still somewhat solo. Cheers! |
I think it's OK to freak out at some point when you're traveling alone. 3 months is a long time to be on the road, in reply to one example above.
It IS a big deal to be all by yourself in a strange city where you do not know anyone. Accepting this might happen and learning how to best deal with it is the goal... i.e., go sit down in a cafe and order a glass of wine instead of crying over your map on a street corner when you get lost in Paris, for example! |
Suze, when I get to that point I start talking to myself, "get a grip, go sit by that fountain and figure this out", so far I try to keep my talking non verbal though. I guess I could hold up my cell phone and then talk to myself, anoher good reason to carry a cell phone.
I remember doing that in Rome when I was completely lost and the street map wasn't making any sense. The neighborhood was getting seedier with every step and I had to talk myself down and sit on a bench to figure it all out. I really felt empowered afterwards though, one of the plusses of solo traveling. |
Beautifully said SeaUrchin!
Sure it's no fun when you are IN one of those stressful moments ("i'll laugh about this someday") but that intensity of experience is something I crave and find only in various travel adventures or unexpected situations you find yourself in, alone and somewhere foreign to you. |
SeaUrchin, I understand the freaking out bit. My comment was more that when you travel solo, you are able to focus on your own emotional state instead of having to be the one keeping your companion(s) emotional state in control.
That's something that I've had happen a lot. We go someplace, something happens and my companion gets upset. I spend the next 30-90 minutes trying to calm down my companion rather than enjoying the trip. Sometimes it's as simple as getting lost or a lousy waiter, sometimes it's a mixed up reservation or delayed plane that causes the breakdown. That's one of the reasons I enjoy travelling alone. I don't tend to freak out and my trip isn't interrupted by someone else's freak out. I guess if I did freak out about something, I'd be glad I didn't interrupt someone else's trip because of it. |
intensity of experience is something I crave and find only in various travel adventures or unexpected situations you find yourself in, alone and somewhere foreign to you"
You hit the nail on the head! It is addictive, I agree. Toedtoes, I know, sometimes I am so surprised at what will set someone off. At least we know what sets us off and can cope with it. |
Also I should add that after you have had these experiences, (coped and figured problems out, relying only on yourself and your inner resources in a foreign country where you are completely alone) you can handle problems and trials that come up at home much more easily too.
I can't count the number of times I have thought, "if I can do ***** alone in *****" I can certainly handle this situation here, don't mess with me buddy or buddette. Also it can be so invigorating to know that at any point in time on a solo trip, absolutely no one you know knows where you are! For some reason I love that. It really changes your life. |
Exactly SeaUrchin.
I've had friends freak out because they were carded at a bar, because the waitress forgot to give them ketchup, because we missed a turn, etc. Another benefit of going solo is that you never have to wait for someone else. While I'm easy going about how much to do during the day, etc., I HATE making plans to leave for somewhere at 10 a.m. only to find that my companion hasn't even taken a shower yet. If they couldn't be ready by 10 a.m., then why in the H*** did they agree to that time. I'm ready, I'm excited and I want to go already. I don't want to sit in a hotel room staring at the walls while they sort their suitcase for the 3rd time because it's "just not right". Arggggggghhhh! |
Great replies!
Love that feeling of exhileration when you realize no one knows who you are or where you are right at that very moment. I'm not sure why that's so exciting either, but it is. Not having to deal with a high-maintenance travel companion. Or the "but what if it rains tomorrow?" type. I can deal with my own neurosis well enough from plenty of practice, don't need those of others spoiling my trip -lol. |
LOL SeaUrchin, the travel trip of the year. When one wants to talk to themselves outloud bring out the cell phone! I love it.
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All my pros and cons are pretty well stated by previous posters, but I would add a couple of pros:
1.When I get lost by making a dumb mistake mapreading, there is no one to say that I really screwed up and wasted her time. 2. People watching for as long as one wants 3 No one to complain about my snoring (as if I do it on purpose just to bug the heck out of them) 4. No one to remind me how unhelathy it is to make lunch out of a gooey, creamy, absolutely delicious pastry. 5. Being able to hang my laundry in the bathroom without worrying about it being in someone else's way. 6. Not having to swish through someone else's laundry in the bathroom. 7. No one pigs up all the towels (I had a roommate do that to me on one trip--last trip together) 8. No one who feels we have to be joined at the hip 24/7. con: While people watching, no one with whom to share thoughts and speculations That being said, while most of my trips over the last 40 years or so have been solo, I have also had some wonderful travel companions with whom I can still laugh about our adventures. I have also had a couple of dillies--enough said. |
Maybe last night's wild partying has left me feeling curmudgeonly. But I feel the need to bring in some balance here. I'm one of those people who travels solo by default rather than preference. So I can write a very lengthy list of disadvantages to solo travel.
But I won't do that, because of one advantage-- the one and only advantage, as far as I'm concerned-- that outweighs them all: <i>I can go where I want, when I want, how I want, rather than sitting home or wasting my time in a futile search for a suitable travel companion.</i> I may never understand how solo travel is "empowering," "spiritual," or otherwise worth raving about. Maybe men are inherently incapable of such understanding, since I've only heard that from women. And I don't find that I enjoy it more as I gain experience with it. But given a choice between going somewhere interesting alone or staying home alone, I'll take the solo trip. Other than that, I have nothing good to say. But that may be enough. That said, I think SeaUrchin's "best of both worlds" approach is the best way to go. That's been my (all too rare) experience. But in the absence of that, solo is the way to go. It's better than staying home for the lack of a travel companion. (Happy New Year to everyone.) |
JB - I think you here about "empowering", etc. from women because historically women have been told traveling alone is something that "is just not done". Women have been raised that they need a man around to be able to do things like travel. Therefore women tend to feel "empowered", "enlightened", etc. when they finally break through those constraints and prove that "they really can do it".
Historically, men have not had that taboo placed on them, therefore they haven't had to "prove" anything to themselves. I think there also seems to be a change in the way we work. Women seem to be getting a grip on "being alone" and are feeling more comfortable with themselves. They aren't feeling as pressured to be married or "with someone". Whereas, I think men are starting to feel more pressure to be "with someone". Whether it's the stigma of being a lonely bachelor or a possible psycho, I think men are feeling less comfortable when they're alone than women are now. |
I'd actually say that Americans of both sexes are continually told that traveling alone is something that is "just not done." Tour and cruise operators sell their packages only to couples, families, and groups (and actively discourage singles with punitive "supplements"). Brochures from tourist bureaus and travel articles in magazines and newspapers lavishly describe all sorts of activities for couples and families but make no mention of singles or solos. When guidebooks bother to address single travelers, it's usually a cautionary note for "women traveling alone."
Things might be different in other countries, but in the United States the message is loud and clear: "Leisure travel is for couples, families, and groups." So anyone of either sex who does travel alone is, I guess, "empowered" because they're going against a very strong cultural bias. But as you note, there may be more to it than that for women. I don't know about the "lonely bachelor" stigma (although it seems the corresponding "old maid" stigma is older and stronger), but my experience definitely is that couples and families see a solo male as inherently dangerous and someone to run away from as fast as possible before he attacks. A woman may not have that presumption, and may thus benefit from being able to meet other people wherever she travels. So for that reason a man may be less comfortable when traveling alone than a woman, and may find less reason to truly enjoy it (as opposed to doing it because it's better than staying home). I also think that, in general, women enjoy travel more than men. |
JBH, I don't think it is just an American thing. From my knowledge, European women don't travel solo more than American women, less if anything.
Good luck with your single travels! |
JBH~ I'd be perfectly willing to change my original post if I could, and make the #1 pro say instead... "It beats staying home"
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Yes, the "old maid" stigma is older and has been stronger, but I think in the past 30 years, it has been weakening. I think women like Katherine Hepburn have shown that just because your old, childless and unmarried doesn't mean you're useless, etc.
On the other hand, men like Hugh Hefner have strengthened the image that an "old bachelor" is just a perverted old man. Add to that the "dangerous" man stigma, and I think men are having a harder time being older and single than women are now. I also think that women tend to look for "inspiration" and "deeper meaning" in their daily lives than men do. Men always had a strong purpose for what they do - "to provide for the family", where women started faltering with their purpose. As it became more common for women to be in the workforce, I think women started expanding their purpose. I think men have been more stagnated in that area and are still pushed heavily into the "provide for the family" purpose to the exclusion of anything else. Women's purposes now include "self-fulfillment", "self-illumination", "self-guidance", "self esteem", etc... see a trend here. :) |
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