msruckus

We live in Chicago and our families are in New Jersey and Vermont. They are all planning on coming as soon as I tell them I am in labor. What is the least expensive way for them to get tickets, hop on flights, and be here for the birth of their first grandchild at the very last minute? Any advice?

Saraho

I used frequent flyer miles to come to my grandchild's birth in July.

Intrepid1

Go to an airport where a budget airline like Southwest has service to Chicago???? FF miles might work provided there are seats available.

Another strategy...use a consolidator site such as onetravel.com or an aggregator site such as www.itasoftware.com to find any low last-minute fares.

gail

Start researching fares now so that you have an idea of what average and bargain fares are - that will give them something with which to compare. New Jersey should be easier since one has several airports - both to shop fares and also because this competition tends to lead to lower fares.

I get weekly emails from both USAir and Delta with special fares and last-minute deals. You can likely sign up for same on their websites.

Vermont is likely to be more difficult both in terms of time and money - they may even find it is cheaper and faster to drive to Boston for a flight.

Advice - don't do it! Husband and I have only grandchild on either side of family - his birth was a notable event - so I think I can empathize with the situation. It is very likely that the last thing you will want is a pack of relatives being intrusive at the birth.

And then what do you do after the birth - entertain everyone at your home for a week? My advice is staggered visits after birth - not trying for during.

And make sure they stay in a hotel.

(Now, all the grandmothers in the world, start flaming me - but let me warn you that I am now much closer to grandmother age than new mother age)

jimmyk64

Do they all really have to be there at the birth of this precious child?

And besides, it's not on you to set the agenda. Just let the "relatives" make their own arrangements. Those that can, will. Those that can't, don't
deserve you smoothing their way.

You and your beloved just concentrate on smothering the kiddo with welcomes and joy. The "relatives" need to take care of themselves.

aileen679

You and the new dad need to be able to enjoy the new baby alone for a while. There's nothing like it!! Having the Grandparents there is a bother. You need those first few hours to rest and so does the baby.

My mother plopped herself down in the chair next to my bed, my husband had to stand if he wanted to be by me. We didn't get to be alone with each other and our new one for over 24 hours. There were many things we wanted to say to each other, but she didn't give us the privacy we needed. For the next two, we didn't even bother to tell her until after they were born. It was much better.

At any rate, if they are old enough to be grandparents, they should be old and capable enough to figure out how to get there without you worrying about it.

Anonymous

I'm glad other people have said it first. I'll admit that when I read your OP, my initial reaction was, "Why on earth would she want to do that?"

My second reaction (also alluded to above) was a combination of "Why did she wait until now to ask" and "Why is SHE the one asking?" Well, good luck anyway.

Gretchen

As a grandmother, tell them to come in a week or so. You don't need them that quickly. You and your husband need time to bond, recover, get strong, get a routine with a new little one, not be under stress with visitors. If you need help at home, let one mother come and stay in the background.
Pick a date in the future (at least two weeks for the best fare) and set it as the debut date for this sweet little one.

capecodshanty

All the Grandmothers have it right. The last thing you will want after the birth of your child is to have all your relatives there, no matter how close you may be! I would hope they would have enough common sense to realize that.Staggered visits after the birth are a wonderful help, allowing you to get some extra sleep, and both you and your husband bond with baby!

gail

As long as this has turned into a post-delivery advice column, let me add that when they visit, I hope that they will cook a meal, wash the kitchen floor and clean the bathroom and not just goo over the baby - nothing helps them bond with a new mother faster than that kind of practical support.

If by chance it is them and not you that want to turn your delivery into a spectator sport, enlist the help of your MD/midwife and/or hospital. They will generally more more than happy to issue an "order" that you be left alone during delivery and immediate time thereafter.

janisj

I'll happily jump on the DO NOT do it band wagon.

" They are all planning on coming as soon as I tell them I am in labor" The "all" makes it even worse - you are obviously not talking about just the Grandmothers, but at least 2 sets of grandparents and maybe other relatives too.

You most definitely, 100% do not need or want an army of relatives around. Not even if they lived in the same city where you could tell them to go home and leave you alone when it got to be too much. But when they are (hopefully) staying in hotels and at loose ends they will just be under foot. This will be a sterssful but wonderful time for you and your husband and you want to go through it just the two of you.

Then as was said several times before - have each set of grandparents come out for a week after you are back home. One couple can help out and then turn things over to the second couple and go back home.

W/ the added benefit they can book a week or two in advance and maybe get better fares.

Austin

Agree with others. They can be much more helpful after a week or two. Have one set come for one week, (more or less) then the others come later. You will appreciate their help much more!

However, if they must come for the birth, I'd suggest Southwest. They have some last minute deals all the time. Right now they are giving good fares for 3 day advance purchase. This time of year is great for bargains.

Anonymous

I think we might be coming down a bit hard on the poor OP, who innocently came to a travel board asking for travel advice.

It's very easy for a first-time parent to romanticize the Moment of Birth. And of course they have no idea of what the next few days (and years) will bring.

msruckus, if we could magically teleport the family members in for a specfic special hour or two, and then magically transport them home again, some of us *might* do it. But as we've indicated, your lives will be undergoing a transformation that no childbirth class or even girlfriend chitchat can possibly convey. Treasure those first few days with your new nuclear family, and only allow one or two others in if they're truly there to support it and not for their own satisfaction.

sfamylou

I wanted my mom there, so we bought her a ticket we could change, scheduled for my due date. Then, the day before when I wasn't in labor, we changed it...Then, I actually delivered on my due date, so we changed it back. The airline was nice and laughed, but again, we had a ticket that permitted all this. I can't imagine going through that for a gaggle of other relatives. I'm with the other posters who advise to tell them to come later, staggered, and to take care of their own darn tickets. You will be exhausted, and your baby deserves your best energy. I just see you with a housefull of family, making them coffees and stressing out, your baby all edgy from too much stimulation and chaos, and when everyone leaves, you and the little one just collapse. Not worth it, not at all.

GBelle

I agree with other posters on waiting. Call them from the delivery room and tell them they have a new boy/girl in the family. Give yourself time to bond and heal.
Let one set come one week; another set another week. Besides, you don't want to expose a new infant to all those germs at once.
One of my kids was born 3 weeks before Christmas, and we usually took a road trip to visit relatives at Christmas each year. Needless to say, we did not visit anyone that year for the holidays and have him risk exposure to winter colds/flu plus the 5-6 hour travel time. Plus, I was exhausted.

aileen679

Don't forget that this is the cold and flu season. If pediatricians had their way about it, no one but the new parents and the nurses at the hospital would get near a newborn or the new mother for a few weeks. Strange, out of town germs, you don't need!!!

And if you have a short labor, they aren't going to make it anyway no matter how much they rush or plan ahead.

Gretchen

I will just add one more thing. If you are going to be breast feeding, you need to be very relaxed and dedicated to getting both of you started out right. Stress is a no no.
Having a mother come to help immediately can be a huge help--no doubt about that.
We are not trying to "come down hard", but I am reading a lot of experience in these posts. When our first grandchild was born we went 2 weeks later. She was just as new and beautiful and everyone had their schedules in order.

Kay2

There is also the option of Hotwire and Priceline, but you will be in labor, so who will be online bidding? Plus, they could be routed all over the country for a day getting there.

There generally just isn't any sure last-minute and inexpensive way to get airline tickets. Full-fare nonrefundable gets you the last-minute, but costly. You might get lucky with the last minute weekend specials--again the relatives will have to be the ones watching the emails and be ready to pounce. FF points is also relatively low cost, but only if seats available and it will require the FF to make the reservations.

I was scheduled to visit my firsttime pregnant niece (same age as I) for a few days at the end of a business trip. Her husband calls me the morning I was to drive 2 hrs to join them to tell me the baby came early and they insist I must come, see the baby and stay with them. She wanted family around. I did the best I could (laundry, cleaning, shopping, finishing up a few chores left undone by the early arrival, plus cooing over the baby), but I really felt I was intruding on a very private time. I bit my tongue when husband insisted he drive her home in their climb up into SUV rather than her preference for him using my rental car. I hid in my room while husband cooked steak dinner for first night home and all she wanted to do was sleep anytime the baby slept. They were OK with the way things went, but I would never again arrive with the baby.

I think a lot depends on your usual relationship with the parents and inlaws. If they normally move in and takeover and you both are comfortable with that, they might work as housekeepr, maid, errand runners, etc.--the really helpful stuff. If they are used to being entertained or if they try to run things and you don't usually like it, then I think it will be very stressful and not as joyful as expected. You may get alot of advice at a time when you are not mentally or physically ready to handle it.

girlonthego

Couldn't read all of the posts, but I will tell you my experience. I had a breech birth so I had a planned c section. The doctor wanted a Monday delivery and I asked to have the baby earlier on a Friday so that everyone could come to visit me in the hospital. Well, I was hooked up to a morphine drip and was exhausted. I had so many visitors and I had wished that everyone had to go to work so that I could rest already!!
I would only have your mom come in (if she is helpful). I would tell the rest of the family to come over the next few weeks after and yes, have them stay in a hotel nearby!!!
You will need your rest no matter how the delivery goes and you will not get much rest in the hospital or at home!
The first three months after the baby is born is a tiring time. Having guests from out of town will be difficult.

Barbara

I agree with most of the above. But, what is your husband doing? Is he going to be looking after you and the new baby, or is he, like mine, going to look on some time off work as an opportunity to build a patio cover..or something?

If your families have to be there and they're incapable of making their own arrangements, let him do it. As someone else said, make sure they stay in a hotel, no matter how big your house is. You have other priorities.

If YOU need to have your mom there to help you after the birth, then help her arrange it because that will also help you. Please don't try to "be nice" and give yourself extra work. You just won't be able to be a great hostess when you're caring for a new baby, and your relationship with your families may suffer long term.