Go Back  Fodor's Travel Talk Forums > Destinations > Europe
Reload this Page >

We want to marry on Italy trip but not legally. Possible?

We want to marry on Italy trip but not legally. Possible?

May 1st, 2007, 03:21 PM
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 191
I think its a great idea.

Have the "wedding" ceremony you want, and then have the official traditional one at home like your family wants.

Timing may not work out (or money) for a honeymoon after the official wedding, so who cares when someone takes their honeymoon? It's like ordering dessert before dinner.

Just my two cents. I say go for it!
Keiracaitlyn is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 03:46 PM
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,456
> if they want a romantic moment, have a nice dinner. Stroll around at night. Something like that.

As I said, the keyword is romantic CEREMONY, not just a romantic MOMENT (moment, that two lovers can have any time). A nice dinner or stroll seem a bit too ordinary. Jody perhaps wants something more than that. A symbolic ceremony, privately only for two lovers in a Italian church, sounds nice.

Anyway, it's nice to hear different points of view.
kappa is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 03:51 PM
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,940
I think the OP needs to clarify a few points before the conversation can continue...............
wren is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 04:08 PM
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 12,172
I don't think a mainstream church in Italy would allow a commitment ceremony for people who aren't legally married.
WillTravel is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 04:22 PM
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,814
Well, I suppose it could have a symbolic meaning to the couple; sort of like more formal engagement, i.e., a public declaration of love, and a pledge to marry. No legal meaning, but an emotional one.

My DW and I have scheduled a similar thing, i.e., a "Renewal of Vows Ceremony", to be held in a church in Paris on our 20th anniversary. No legal significance, but highly significant to us.

nukesafe is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 04:34 PM
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 63,251
nukesafe: renewal of marriage vows is a lovely idea -- but a renewal of vows before the vows have been vowed ? ? ?

I guess we need more clarification from Jody. You want to get married on the trip, but not really. Yet it does sound like you want a ceremony of some sort. Other than a personal promise to each other - what sort of arrangement do you visualize??
janisj is online now  
May 1st, 2007, 05:00 PM
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 28
Wow! I think that it is sometimes hard to get a point across on these boards and I believe that some people are being way too harsh.
Bunny1 is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 05:57 PM
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 57,890
You can certainly have a non-legal unwedding ceremony in Italy. But - you cannot have it in a Catholic church (you can have a blessing ceremony there AFTER you're married if you want) - since it would be a mockery of the sacrament.

I agree to get an Italian wedding planner and they can help you find an appropriate location and whatever facilities you need. Will you have guests? Or just the two of you?

As for having the honeymoon first - I'm a great believer in that. I think it would cut way down on the number of divorces in the US (people finding out BEFORE the wedding that they're not really suited). It certainly saved me from a bad marriage.
nytraveler is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 06:03 PM
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,255
DD is having a symbolic wedding in Italy next month. They hope to have their legal wedding in the US before leaving.
In their opinion the Italy wedding will be the "real" one. A legal wedding in Italy would require their spending a few days completing paperwork before the event. They would rather spend this time on a honeymoon--as young people who have just started their careers they don't have alot of vacation.
They will have a reception back in the US when they return.
Do a web-search for symbolic weddings in Italy and you'll discover that there are many options. It can be as simple or fancy as you'd like.
You might also find some ideas on the honeymoon and wedding board of Fodors.
kp is online now  
May 1st, 2007, 06:10 PM
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 7,495
So, when she said "all suggestions welcome", she meant ONLY those in support of the idea, others need not comment?
Some ideas ARE dumb, and sometimes (disruptive to one's self esteem that it is) one has to hear opposing comments to properly frame a concept amongst societal norms.
tomboy is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 06:16 PM
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 645
This is one of the strangest posts I have ever seen here.

My only question (while scratching my head)...is....if your having the honeymoon now (which sounds lovely btw)...whose paying for the wedding later in the year?

If you really wanted to get married...why not do it now before the wedding? Alternatively, why NOT get married on the ship and have a "ceremony" later in the year?

Don't consider this trip your honeymoon because it isn't...consider it a pre wedding present to eachother.

You can't get "married" without actually getting married....so don't pretend that that is what you are doing.

Grab a glass of wine..find a romantic restaurant or site and commit to eachother privately that way...

I hope I don't sound harsh (cuz there are some harsh responses here), but I can't figure out another way to frame the questions to this strange question.

Wish you luck though - in whatever you choose.
camelbak is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 08:06 PM
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 45,650
Well, I just want to say I'm totally flummoxed and best of luck with...whatever.
StCirq is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 08:17 PM
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,594
What is the point of having a faux wedding? Isn't the idea to have the wedding before the honeymoon?

A little bit of the cart before the horse...
mah1980 is offline  
May 1st, 2007, 09:30 PM
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 28
I think you need to ask yourself this: Does it really matter which ceremony is "legal"? Because it sounds like no matter what, the end result is that you will have two wedding ceremonies...one that is relatively private on the boat, and one that is for family and friends later. (If I am understanding correctly). I don't see a problem with that personally, because I know plenty of people that do it. I am a little confused, though, why you wouldn't want the first one to be legal. Is it because you don't plan on living together as husband and wife until after the later ceremony?

I guess you could make sure it isn't legal by simply not signing any marriage certificate afterwards!

Lots of people do destination weddings that are just for the two of them, and after they get back they do a big wedding reception (sans ceremony) for family and friends. Maybe such an arrangement would work for you? It might simplify things. Just a suggestion, anyway. Have fun, whatever you decide to do.
Jazzblues1 is offline  
May 2nd, 2007, 05:08 AM
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 246
Times have obviously changed, with second- and third-time and even obviously pregnant brides wearing veils and white gowns. But you still cannot have a honeymoon without first having a marriage, whether a religious or civil ceremony. Everything else is simply a trip, however romantic.

What is being described is NOT a honeymoon, though it certainly sounds like an expensive and awfully nice trip. Why not make it an actual honeymoon and have a "legal" wedding first?

Being married first would also make it easier, and more importantly, provide significance and value to the "get married on the trip, but not legally" blessing/recommitment ceremony desired at one of the exotic locations on the (now honeymoon) itinerary.

Anything less is a cheap facsimile regardless of the expense or planning and demeans the intended later matrimonial experience and commitment.

Not being judgemental, just offering the requested opinion. Verdict is "not possible".

cupid1 is offline  
May 2nd, 2007, 07:56 AM
Original Poster
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 13
I said "all suggestions welcomed" and I meant it and that's what I got. Thank you, I love you all. I truly embraced every response. It is true that without all the details one would wonder, "what's up with her?" It is a combination of finances, illnesses, health insurance and timing. We've been engaged for 3 years. So broke we couldn't pay attention (ha). And I have been sick and if legally married would lose my health insurance. But, The "honeymoon" we always wanted popped up for $999 (VTG). Boston to Rome roundtrip $700 (NWA/KLM). When my elderly parents said they wanted to go with us (my dad isn't well either) I realized life is short and booked us the trip. Since my parents are going with us it would be a shame not to "get married". For us, this is real. We will take vows before God and family. When my health insurance changes in the fall, we will get that piece of paper that makes it "legal".
JodyGoBoaty is offline  
May 2nd, 2007, 08:07 AM
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,224
good for you, Jody -- congratulations.
fishee is offline  
May 2nd, 2007, 08:09 AM
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,456
Whatever you do, I wish you a happy life.
kappa is offline  
May 2nd, 2007, 08:18 AM
Original Poster
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 13
And a special thanks to CarolA for directing me to that website. I have been looking, and couldn't find, exactly this info. Ciao!
JodyGoBoaty is offline  
May 2nd, 2007, 09:24 AM
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3,450
Best wishes Jody, for improved health and a happy and special trip.
TexasAggie is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy -


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:55 PM.