Travelling with a friend who makes less than you
 

Planning on going to Italy with a friend. Anyone travelled with someone less financially off than you? Any advice on picking restaurants, seeing sites.

I'm assuming pride is a problem here, so you can't offer to pay for lots...<BR><BR>I would suggest that you offer them the choice of restaurants, etc., that way you'll know whats in their budget. If you disagree with the choice, at least then you'll know what price range they want.<BR><BR>If you have your heart set on a special place that's too pricey, a one-time offer of helping with the bill might not be too upsetting, depending on the level of their pride :D

W.S. - that is such a tough situation. My husband and I have friends who are less (a lot less) financially stable, but we have never traveled with them.<BR>When I was single and traveled with a friend, if that person didn't have as much $$ I paid if we went to nicer (more expensive) places. It was worth it to me. Then, they would pay when we were at less expensive places.<BR>That worked out well. The more/less arrangement was never spoken of, and that was fine by both of us and gave us both our chance to contribute.<BR>Is it a big difference in the money? If not, your friend should've budgeted for the trip. If so, it depends on you and the level of your friendship.<BR>I would go over the itinerary possibilities with the prices ahead of time. Guage their reaction and the things they are drawn to. Work together to create an itinerary that works for both of you.<BR>That would at least be a start.<BR>Good luck!

If you're close enough to travel together you really ought to ask your friend what he/she is expecting to pay for lodging and meals. Seeing sites is usually very inexpensive. I have a very good, long-time friend who wants to travel with me (and I'd love to) but told her I couldn't afford her sort of travel (she flies first class and stays in Ritz type hotels). She said you pay what you normally would and she'll pick up the difference. What the heck, she gets what she wants and I win!! However, I won't pay for first class flights.

You are making a big mistake if you don't sit down and talk this out in advance. Let him know what is important to you. If it is going to cause complications, then don't do it.<BR>Friendship is more important than a single trip. Of course, you might offer to pay for a couple of the big splurges, &quot;hey, I didn't do anything for your birthday, a big night in ___ is going to be my treat&quot; or whatever.<BR>And although I often have this same problem, I sometimes solve part of it by saying, &quot;hey you know I really like good wine, so the wine is on me tonight&quot; or something like that.

Patrick - good lines! What a great way to make nothing out of what could be a sticky situation.<BR>I wish I was that smooth!<BR><BR>

I once traveled with an older wealthy woman who was willing to pay for most meals, entertainment, etc. At first I refused, but then relented. She was very gracious, but then as the trip went on, she started asking for a few favors here and there. Next thing I knew I was rubbing her bunions and scrubbing her back. Never again.

I say just think of how you would handle this in a relationship.<BR><BR>If a woman earns twice what her husband does, does she have twice the 'allowance' or vica versa?<BR><BR>Do you 'pool' available resources and divide by two?<BR><BR>I believe in going with the flow. Try not to emphasise differences in income especially if differing backgrounds allowed differing levels of education.<BR><BR>I personally enjoy the backpacker 'scrounging' atmosphere I was raised on, even though that is not how I have to live today.<BR><BR>Probably not how I intended this to read but.............. <BR>

I am one of the &quot;lesser income&quot; people of whom you speak. Having been disabled from a high paying profession, pride is a problem. Absolutely...talk about it openly. In this situation, I need to be able to say...&quot;I can't afford this&quot;. Then, like was said above, if it is important to the other person, then they can pay. I often take my friends to inexpensive restaurants, and they take me to the more expensive ones.

You need to work out and say that the two of you don't have to do things together. That way if he sighs about paying $20 to go to the museum, $10 to the Colliseum, etc you can still enjoy it and afterwards grab a gourmet meal for lunch.

I notice that you have also asked for advice on picking restaurants, seeing sites. You might want to start a separate thread for these questions. Note that Italy is a big place, and you don't mention where, specifically, you are planning to go.<BR><BR>You also need to be a bit more specific about what you mean by 'makes less than you.&quot; Are you a three-star budget person and they, a two-star budget person? If so, then I don't see a big problem. But if you are a four/five star budget person, and they can only afford a hostel and a sandwich every day, I foresee problems ahead.

I wouldn't be seriously planning a trip like this unless I had ALREADY discussed this issue!!

I think the issue is less about salary and more about spending style. What one makes is not necessarily correlated with money habits, especially when on vacation. Do one of you take taxis while the other prefers walking or public transport? Does one consider spending money to visit the top of a tower or monument a waste? Does one live to eat while the other eats to live? As recommended above, these issues really need to be discussed up front. Good luck!

Well said, Nutella. <BR>Some &quot;finacially well off&quot; people are a lot tighter than those with less income;<BR>As my granddad used to say: &quot;Being rich is not having a lot of money, but spending it&quot;.<BR>He was never &quot;rich&quot;, but a very happy man.

nutella: Good point. Where I work, the secretaries often drive nicer cars than some of the principals, despite a huge difference in salary. Priorities differ.

Nutella - EXCELLENT points! I used to travel with a good friend who is a multi-millionaire. I am NOT. When it came time to pay a tab, a taxi driver, a hotel bill, she always seemed to be somewhere else. I, being the wimp I am, never really called her on it. <BR><BR>Now I travel alone, which I found I actually prefer but it's my own fault for getting stiffed. Travel partners need to come to clear agreements on this stuff.

Excellent points listed above. <BR>I think it will work if you don't &quot;rub it in&quot; and leave the door open for reciprocity in ways that are not financially expensive.<BR><BR>I have paid for a friend who has gone with us to a few places in Europe. What seemed to be a compromise for expensive outings, such as the opera, was that I ordered tickets in advance, and then asked our friend to join us.<BR><BR>Once I said, lets drive a rented car rather than taking the train, and then I paid for it. She paid a couple of parking fees and did most of the driving.<BR><BR>The full reciprocity came when our friend, who is a gourmet cook when she has time, went out of her way to prepare a delicious dinner for us in her apartment.<BR><BR>There are ways to make a bargain, particularly if you like the other person's company.<BR><BR>

I have seen so many cases on Judge Judy, etc. where the one with more money ended up paying for almost everthing and was not payed back later.<BR><BR>Don't dish out money ESPECIALLY for the air fare. If they can't come up with the money at the time of the plane ticket purchase, forget about the trip. And don't start lending money when you get to Italy. If the other person can't afford an expensive restaurant then go to a cheap place or a grocery store.<BR><BR>I have sooooo had personal experience with this subject.

By all means talk it over thoroughly before you go. But be sure that you are willing to go with more inexpensive options and that you are comfortable with them.

I've traveled with people who spend more, and with those who spend less. It has worked out fine, but we've had very frank discussions about expenses in the early planning stages of the trip.<BR><BR>My one friend usually goes on very high-end group tours, and stays in nothing less than 4 star hotels. When she asked to come along on a trip I was already planning to London, I said fine. I explained that I'd planned to stay at a small, B&amp;B type hotel, and that my budget would not allow for anything fancier. I gave her the option of paying the difference in cost if she wanted to stay in a 4 star hotel. She agreed to abide by my choice, and I explained that there would be no porter, no concierge, no lounge, and no elevator. We arrived and departed at different times, so she used a car service, and I took the tube. She did lots more shopping than I. She is rather indifferent about food and wine, which was a source of frustration - even on my more limited budget, I was much more interested in dining than she, which put a bit of a damper on my experience.<BR><BR>A different friend who has a tighter budget than my own has been great fun to travel with. We end up staying in accommodations a little less nice than what I'd probably choose, but I can't justify picking up the tab for the difference, and in the end the savings is nice. We spend more on wine and dining, since she enjoys both as much as I do. And she is fine with going our separate ways should one of us want to do something that the other isn't interested in or doesn't care to pay for.

hi W.S.,<BR><BR>Great subject! And one I feel that I can offer some advice on with experience. I have been in the situation you are speaking about and I was on the less financially able side and I agree with the others, as long as you both are clear about stuff, it will usually work out. A good friend and I travel quite a bit. She is a late 40’s, married woman whose husband is well off (but hates to travel) and she herself works. I am a single 40's woman on a medium income supporting a family member. We have many common interests and one of them is travel. I will warn you, if the person who is more financially able to afford it, always demands the best or more expensive route, you probably should not be traveling together. Part of the enjoyment of our trip is the time we spend together seeing and doing those things that interest us. If one is always worried about money, that kind of takes the fun out of it.<BR><BR>We try to plan a trip together every 2 or 3 years. She could afford much better, such as business class instead of coach and probably 5 star hotels. The reason we continue to travel together is because we established the groundwork before we started. I made it very clear that I could not afford the best nor feel comfortable with her paying for stuff. It's not a pride thing, it's more of a lets keep this on more even terms. I think friendships survive longer when you do this. She is a very kind and generous person by nature, but if I allowed her to constantly pick up the slack, so to speak, eventually it would eat into our friendship on some level. So I am very careful to balance out her generousity with my own during good times. <BR><BR>When we start planning a trip we both come to an agreement on how much we want to spend for hotels, air etc. Since we plan well in advance this gives me time to save for the trip. I try to find us a good deal, because I am a detail person. I can usually find a good deal on a 4 star hotel so it doesn't feel like we're staying &quot;cheap&quot;. Like me, she doesn't like to spend alot on “every” meal, so we plan for several really nice dinners out and then look for places that offer a variety on our other meals. If she wants, she could spend more and I am still able to order within my budget. And even the budget traveler can eat well in places like London, Paris, and Rome. It just takes planning.<BR><BR>cont.... <BR>

Both of us save the majority of our money for shopping or sites. This is where she enjoys and spends. I am a window shopper by nature and will only buy a few things here or there. she splurges. This works for both of us and gives her the opportunity to spend where she really wants to. It helps that we are both interested in some of the same things and we are also not afraid to solo on others. She is a shopper and I am a museum seeker. So we go our own way several times during the trip.<BR><BR>WS I can't stress enough about sitting down with your friend and planning together. Establish what you both want to get out of the trip. If your friend is smart, or you are, depending on who is better off financially, you will incorporate those things into your trip that you both really want so that you both are satisfied with the results. By doing so ahead of time, you can plan and save.<BR><BR>I will give you one example where I did give in to my friend. A couple of years ago we began planning a trip and very early came across a steal of a deal which involved a great special on a 5 star hotel and air package. I was not financially ready to pay for the trip yet (thinking I had a couple more months to save) and the special had to be paid for by a certain date. It would have been a crime to let that slip out of our hands and she and I both would have suffered for doing so. In this case, she offered to pay for both on her credit card and I would just pay her back. I gave in but we worked a deal that I made the monthly minimum payments on the card until we left for the trip (just a couple of months) and any interest. This way I felt like I was able to contribute and was able to &quot;give back&quot; so to speak on the deal. <BR><BR>Planning goes along way to insure that nothing is assumed and no feelings are hurt later.<BR>

I would never tavel with a friend unless I had been out with them at least several times.Too many things can happen without some pretty thorough planning.I have been on cruises with friends but thats a lot different.If I go out or plan to go out with a new friend,where we go is a good indication of how many I would or could go ou with them.Travel involves all kind of sacrfices anywayz.

Lots of creative tips &amp; suggesions above but I offer up (as others have mentioned) you absolutely *MUST* talk about this in detail to your travel partner before the trip!!!<BR><BR>Many things come up traveling together, not just price-range. For instance I don't like museums or having to rush around (from town to town or within a day, either one).<BR><BR>So my friend goes to a museum while I sit and drink wine in a cafe. I stay put in a town for a week and they join me for a few days and we move on together. Etc. etc. But this is our understanding ahead of time, not being made up as we go along.<BR><BR>As far as picking restaurants, I feel it is perfectly acceptable for you to pick up the tab at a fancy place that you'd like to go to, as long as this is made clear beforehand, AND the other person is comfortable with it.<BR><BR>Site seeing shouldn't be so much of an issue, moneywise, unless you're talking fairly extravagant tours or cruises.<BR><BR>You didn't mention hotels? How are you planning to handle that? It seems like it would be your biggest $$$ issue, much more than meals or sites.

Thank you all for your great advice. I am shy about bringing the subject up with him. I wanted to remain easy going but after reading the responses, there is a lot more concern. He is booking the hotel that a friend of his stayed at. What concerned me was his comment on saving money by seeing art in churces in Rome, but seems like I need to find a way to bring everything up in a casual way. I am not rich either but can afford to splurge for this trip on excellent wine and taste real Italian , and maybe pay for him at one or two fine dinings at that special pricey place. Lots of goods advice on handling that from here. Thanks

This may sound rude or cruel, but frankly I think your trip is doomed. Traveling together becomes a rather intimate and personal experience. If you are too shy or embarrassed to bring up such sensitive issues now, it will only get worse as you go along. If you do not know this person well enought to bring up such an issue, then I see no way you can successfully travel together. I suggest you cancel this trip -- it really seems doomed to failure and future animosity to me!!!

Just to add my 2 pennies..while I don't think the trip will be a disaster (you will be in Italy after all) you will come away feeling like you 'missed out'. You won't have the trip that you've built up in your head. <BR><BR>Are you always going to hang out together everywhere you go? Or will you have a few hours or day(s) to yourself? I agree with the others that you have to discuss with your travel partner the things you'd really like to do and give him the option of opting out on some excursions that you will want to take and vice versa with him.