Traveling with my Husband - different interests
Dec 31st, 2015, 11:32 AM
#41
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My feeling about this is perhaps that the person who could do some research is the OP's husband, to find his interests, since he doesn't want, for whatever reason for his wife to go off on her own. It seems like something needs to happen from his own interest.
Dec 31st, 2015, 12:00 PM
#42
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>>> if adults need it pointing out to them a) that compromise is necessary and b) how to implement it, there is already a bit of a problem imho.<<<<
The OP never said she wasn't aware of the need to compromise! If there is a problem, it's the so-called adults in this thread, not the OP.
The OP asked for suggestions to get her husband more interested in going elsewhere. She didn't say he wouldn't compromise. She said he was uninterested. Do you see the difference?
It was ME who brought up the issue of compromise first -- and I didn't say to the OP: "Both of you need to realize that you must compromise." I assumed she already knew that. It's implicit in her request: She believes her huband would "compromise" if he were told there are things in Europe he'd find interesting.
Some people here just want to be very judgmental about somebody else's marriage. The guy is perfectly normal. There are zillions of people who have concluded they wouldn't enjoy a European vacation this year. We actually know very little about why this guy is one of them.
Is it possible he wants to vacation in a cheap country with cheap beer because he would be unhappy spending the kind of money it takes to go to Europe? Maybe he works hard, is feeling financial insecurity. Maybe he can't relax about spending a lot of money on a vacation.
A lot of people are giving advice as if all young couples were retired and could afford to take separate vacations. Most young couples get only one vacation per year, they need to coordinate the dates with boss and co-workers. It is usually 9 - 12 days at most. It is usually the only time that young couples have to get away TOGETHER that year.
It is perfectly understandable that a young woman -- or even an older woman -- would say: "I don't want to take our only vacation days and go separate places." (They might not be able to afford it anyway. Two can travel cheaper than one in many cases.)
It's possibel they have marital problems. But who are all of you to speculate on that? She says she is happily married. She has a travel-related problem and thought people who knew about destinations in Europe could help her present a list of interesting ideas for Eureopan travel to her husband that aren't about art, history and educational subjects.
If you haven't got ideas, fine. But there is something unseemly about so many of you prying and judging. And some of you talk as if you no longer knew anyone under 40, or even anybody outside your house. All kinds of people don't want their spouses taking expensive vacations without them abroad during the only vacation time they have together.
The OP never said she wasn't aware of the need to compromise! If there is a problem, it's the so-called adults in this thread, not the OP.
The OP asked for suggestions to get her husband more interested in going elsewhere. She didn't say he wouldn't compromise. She said he was uninterested. Do you see the difference?
It was ME who brought up the issue of compromise first -- and I didn't say to the OP: "Both of you need to realize that you must compromise." I assumed she already knew that. It's implicit in her request: She believes her huband would "compromise" if he were told there are things in Europe he'd find interesting.
Some people here just want to be very judgmental about somebody else's marriage. The guy is perfectly normal. There are zillions of people who have concluded they wouldn't enjoy a European vacation this year. We actually know very little about why this guy is one of them.
Is it possible he wants to vacation in a cheap country with cheap beer because he would be unhappy spending the kind of money it takes to go to Europe? Maybe he works hard, is feeling financial insecurity. Maybe he can't relax about spending a lot of money on a vacation.
A lot of people are giving advice as if all young couples were retired and could afford to take separate vacations. Most young couples get only one vacation per year, they need to coordinate the dates with boss and co-workers. It is usually 9 - 12 days at most. It is usually the only time that young couples have to get away TOGETHER that year.
It is perfectly understandable that a young woman -- or even an older woman -- would say: "I don't want to take our only vacation days and go separate places." (They might not be able to afford it anyway. Two can travel cheaper than one in many cases.)
It's possibel they have marital problems. But who are all of you to speculate on that? She says she is happily married. She has a travel-related problem and thought people who knew about destinations in Europe could help her present a list of interesting ideas for Eureopan travel to her husband that aren't about art, history and educational subjects.
If you haven't got ideas, fine. But there is something unseemly about so many of you prying and judging. And some of you talk as if you no longer knew anyone under 40, or even anybody outside your house. All kinds of people don't want their spouses taking expensive vacations without them abroad during the only vacation time they have together.
Dec 31st, 2015, 12:01 PM
#43
There are any number of reasons why some may not seek out new travel experiences, or not have the sort of interests that lure them far from home. My first husband was a world-class musician who traveled to perform and wanted more than anything to stay home when possible. My second husband is an artist who's just too cheap to enjoy travel and who now lives cheaply in Brasil and rarely leaves home.
It's my impression that the OP's husband does pretty much the same when he travels as he does at home and is simply not otherwise motivated. And I doubt "ideas on what could be of interest to him" will, in fact, interest him. I don't find that an innate flaw as much as I find the OP's quest hopeless. The solution is in herself, not in him. If her priority is to travel, she'll find a way, with him or without him. If her priority, instead, is to spend as much time as possible with him, she'll forego the type of travel she says she wants and do that. The solutions to these dilemmas are always, in my experience, a matter of priorities.
It's my impression that the OP's husband does pretty much the same when he travels as he does at home and is simply not otherwise motivated. And I doubt "ideas on what could be of interest to him" will, in fact, interest him. I don't find that an innate flaw as much as I find the OP's quest hopeless. The solution is in herself, not in him. If her priority is to travel, she'll find a way, with him or without him. If her priority, instead, is to spend as much time as possible with him, she'll forego the type of travel she says she wants and do that. The solutions to these dilemmas are always, in my experience, a matter of priorities.
Dec 31st, 2015, 12:03 PM
#44
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I do not want to pass judgement on the OP's marriage, so I will refrain from some of the thoughts going on in my head.
I do wonder, though, if there is some sort of underlying issue that she has not explored. Is it a language barrier (don't want to assume since been to foreign counties already)? Is it that he doesn't know what is there? Or does he think he will be bored?
The underlying issues are truly endless and only the OP can figure them out WITH her husband.
OP, have you asked him?
And, basing on what you have said, there seems to be some margin of control by him going on (only basing on your description) and, really, I think you may have to get different opinions outside of people on a travel forum. Again, I am not passing judgment and I don't know you or your husband; but some of your descriptions concern me.
Good luck. I hope you are able to one day go where you want to go and do what you want to do.
I do wonder, though, if there is some sort of underlying issue that she has not explored. Is it a language barrier (don't want to assume since been to foreign counties already)? Is it that he doesn't know what is there? Or does he think he will be bored?
The underlying issues are truly endless and only the OP can figure them out WITH her husband.
OP, have you asked him?
And, basing on what you have said, there seems to be some margin of control by him going on (only basing on your description) and, really, I think you may have to get different opinions outside of people on a travel forum. Again, I am not passing judgment and I don't know you or your husband; but some of your descriptions concern me.
Good luck. I hope you are able to one day go where you want to go and do what you want to do.
Dec 31st, 2015, 12:22 PM
#45
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Is anyone allowed to have any take on a topic that doesn't have to be approved or (over)interpreted by you Sandra? I stand by my original point. If the husband needs ideas to tempt or coerce him into agreeing to wider travel when it's obvious his wife is becoming a bit bored with the current pattern and (based on what we know from this thread) doesn't appear to have had much say in recent holiday schedules then that suggests a lack of thought or consideration on his part. It's perfectly reasonable to think that might be an issue that needs addressing.
Maybe you could get some sort of role with Fodors triaging everyones posts before they are allowed up. You spend a lot of time doing it unofficially and it seems a shame you aren't getting paid for it.
Maybe you could get some sort of role with Fodors triaging everyones posts before they are allowed up. You spend a lot of time doing it unofficially and it seems a shame you aren't getting paid for it.
Dec 31st, 2015, 01:03 PM
#46
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I understand ideas or doubts about the op's husband or relationship forming in people's heads as they read her post. You can't help your brain from processing information. What I don't understand is not reminding oneself that you do not know the OP nor her husband or relationship. And more so yet I do not understand bothering with a reply that hardly tries to address or doesn't at all address her actual question, which was "how do I interest him in seeing more"?
She just sounds frustrated to me. And like she could possibly use some help with trip ideas and approach.
I took the mother comment as nothing more than some figure of speech. I find it odd to get so hung up on that.
She just sounds frustrated to me. And like she could possibly use some help with trip ideas and approach.
I took the mother comment as nothing more than some figure of speech. I find it odd to get so hung up on that.
Dec 31st, 2015, 01:09 PM
#48
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I am still happy to having married the right one. For me.
If my wife was interested in booze and Tattos i would travel alone.
Then back and live the rest of my life happily with her booze.
But I would have not married my wife if she had been interested only in booze and tattoos.
Sandra, you'd go with your man for booze ? I'd divorce. But it is me.
So going alone is a good advice. For me.
If my wife was interested in booze and Tattos i would travel alone.
Then back and live the rest of my life happily with her booze.
But I would have not married my wife if she had been interested only in booze and tattoos.
Sandra, you'd go with your man for booze ? I'd divorce. But it is me.
So going alone is a good advice. For me.
Dec 31st, 2015, 02:07 PM
#49
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I hope you can reach a compromise. One I can think of is your Paris time - but with some bar hopping/pub crawls. An area of Paris I love which has some beautiful bars is near the Sorbonne and around the Pantheon. Rue Laplace and Place du Pantheon in particular. The Marais also has some cafes for drinks and beer with picturesque streets. You could then spend some time at a beach - Portugal is great as is Sicily (Taormina in particular) - in both places you get culture plus beer.
Dec 31st, 2015, 08:55 PM
#52
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@ RM67 -- you nailed it, on SOoooo many fronts, IMO. 
@ Sassafrass -- IMO, you did give some great ideas. But actually, not everyone wants solutions. It'll be interesting, IMO, to see if the OP is one who does, and if so, what she does with them.
@ Sassafrass -- IMO, you did give some great ideas. But actually, not everyone wants solutions. It'll be interesting, IMO, to see if the OP is one who does, and if so, what she does with them.
Jan 1st, 2016, 08:50 AM
#54
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Sassafrass you gave great advice. I agree with kja too that not everyone wants advice. The post could have been as much or more of a vent than a call for action. She may also have been turned off by some of the replies & left never to return.
Jan 1st, 2016, 11:38 AM
#56
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<<Is anyone allowed to have any take on a topic that doesn't have to be approved or (over)interpreted by you Sandra?>>
Does anyone even bother reading SL's endless posts anymore? It's like begging to be taken to the principal's office.
It's the holidays - I imagine the OP's been busy and will return to find some very good advice.
Does anyone even bother reading SL's endless posts anymore? It's like begging to be taken to the principal's office.
It's the holidays - I imagine the OP's been busy and will return to find some very good advice.
Jan 1st, 2016, 12:22 PM
#57
"Does anyone even bother reading SL's endless posts anymore? It's like begging to be taken to the principal's office."
I have a friend who's acquainted with SL and says she improves with proximity. But this made me laugh because he's a school administrator. Maybe birds of a feather, although he's infinitely kinder. One can take just about any advice if the delivery is benevolent and concise. Or at very least amusing.
I have a friend who's acquainted with SL and says she improves with proximity. But this made me laugh because he's a school administrator. Maybe birds of a feather, although he's infinitely kinder. One can take just about any advice if the delivery is benevolent and concise. Or at very least amusing.
Jan 2nd, 2016, 02:24 AM
#58
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So as the original Poster, I would just like to say WOW!
And to save myself from more criticism I would Also like to point out this post will be all over the place because 1. I'm on my mobile and 2. I can't remember what everyone wrote/asked/critised.
Firstly, I joined this forum to ask for travel advice as none of my friends/family are all that interested in traveling the world, and the few who are, don't have an issue because their husbands are interested in different cultures.
My husband and I both work hard,full time jobs on different rotating rosters and yes when we get time off we like to be together. Also when we do go away my husband likes to relax, drink, sleep in & get tattoos if he wants. I like to relax read books, have a few drinks and etc as well. Whereas when I go back to Europe I want to see lots of cultural things that he is showing no interest in. He would prefer places like Hawaii and etc but that was not why I posted on here.
Also Europe would be a lot of money for us, so for us to go together, I need to show examples that my husband will enjoy the trip. From what he knows of Europe, he is not overall interested. He doesn't see why we would spend so much $$$ to go there. We would both need to save hard to do this trip because we also have other goals/responsibilities/bills. Travel is not our only goal in life.
I am not interested in traveling alone. I have no issue with those who do, but it's not my want. I have previously travelled with my mother, but that is no longer an option.
My last few holidays I haven't had much choice of location because as I said we mainly travelled for weddings. We can really only afford 1 big holiday a year. I don't regret going back to those places because I wanted to be at the weddings. But I want to travel more!!!!! It's not that I was forced to go where I was told, but we chose AS A COUPLE to return to those locations for family and personal reasons.
My comment about his mother had no meaning, it is just the way we talk here in Australia. I never thought there could be triple meanings to it. But yes she would be upset as She hasn't travelled much and she doesn't like the idea of me being in a different country by myself. I don't know any mother who wouldn't worry about that. But maybe that's just us.
I would like to thank Sandralist because as she has pointed out numerous times; and unless I was mistaken; this is not a relationship forum. I just wanted advice from people who have travelled to Europe and did/enjoyed out of the norm activities. Or who has previous experience with compromising with their spouse.
& fplab for your ideas. That was what I was after. I needed some ideas other then the Traditional.
& Iimmy for your advice, experience and non judgment. I really appreciated your post amongst all the others.
As for everyone else, if u felt the need to comment on my relationship I wish you would have kept it to yourself as that is judgmental and trolling. I understand the original question, but once I said my relationship is not an issue and we are happy, there was no longer a need for your opinion on it.
I have tried to be polite as possible in this response to not offend.
Thank you for those who replied with actual helpful responses.
- Stef
P.s. Can somebody please tell me how to delete this post, and/or my membership because I do not believe I want to continue this.
And to save myself from more criticism I would Also like to point out this post will be all over the place because 1. I'm on my mobile and 2. I can't remember what everyone wrote/asked/critised.
Firstly, I joined this forum to ask for travel advice as none of my friends/family are all that interested in traveling the world, and the few who are, don't have an issue because their husbands are interested in different cultures.
My husband and I both work hard,full time jobs on different rotating rosters and yes when we get time off we like to be together. Also when we do go away my husband likes to relax, drink, sleep in & get tattoos if he wants. I like to relax read books, have a few drinks and etc as well. Whereas when I go back to Europe I want to see lots of cultural things that he is showing no interest in. He would prefer places like Hawaii and etc but that was not why I posted on here.
Also Europe would be a lot of money for us, so for us to go together, I need to show examples that my husband will enjoy the trip. From what he knows of Europe, he is not overall interested. He doesn't see why we would spend so much $$$ to go there. We would both need to save hard to do this trip because we also have other goals/responsibilities/bills. Travel is not our only goal in life.
I am not interested in traveling alone. I have no issue with those who do, but it's not my want. I have previously travelled with my mother, but that is no longer an option.
My last few holidays I haven't had much choice of location because as I said we mainly travelled for weddings. We can really only afford 1 big holiday a year. I don't regret going back to those places because I wanted to be at the weddings. But I want to travel more!!!!! It's not that I was forced to go where I was told, but we chose AS A COUPLE to return to those locations for family and personal reasons.
My comment about his mother had no meaning, it is just the way we talk here in Australia. I never thought there could be triple meanings to it. But yes she would be upset as She hasn't travelled much and she doesn't like the idea of me being in a different country by myself. I don't know any mother who wouldn't worry about that. But maybe that's just us.
I would like to thank Sandralist because as she has pointed out numerous times; and unless I was mistaken; this is not a relationship forum. I just wanted advice from people who have travelled to Europe and did/enjoyed out of the norm activities. Or who has previous experience with compromising with their spouse.
& fplab for your ideas. That was what I was after. I needed some ideas other then the Traditional.
& Iimmy for your advice, experience and non judgment. I really appreciated your post amongst all the others.
As for everyone else, if u felt the need to comment on my relationship I wish you would have kept it to yourself as that is judgmental and trolling. I understand the original question, but once I said my relationship is not an issue and we are happy, there was no longer a need for your opinion on it.
I have tried to be polite as possible in this response to not offend.
Thank you for those who replied with actual helpful responses.
- Stef
P.s. Can somebody please tell me how to delete this post, and/or my membership because I do not believe I want to continue this.
Jan 2nd, 2016, 05:13 AM
#60
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If you read the responses there are actually very few 'amateur psychiatrists trying to give advise'. Aside from a very few snarky comments most responses were offering useful suggestions to the original question.
Stef - if you don't want to continue on this forum just stop coming. But even though you started this thread it does not belong solely to you and it should not be deleted. Many other people have your problem and will read this now, and in the future by using the search function, and will benefit from many of the thoughtful suggestions that have been made.
Stef - if you don't want to continue on this forum just stop coming. But even though you started this thread it does not belong solely to you and it should not be deleted. Many other people have your problem and will read this now, and in the future by using the search function, and will benefit from many of the thoughtful suggestions that have been made.
