Travel Relationships
 

I could use some advice/personal experience. On my trip to Italy I met someone.
I am planning on going back this fall for a month to see if this will work or not. Has anyone had a similar experience and has any words of wisdom?

Thanks,
Lori

Something similar worked out for my son. He "met" a girl on the internet, they talked for a year, she came to San Francisco for vacation, and moved in a month later.

Do you speak Italian? Listen to what the neighbours say, sometimes gossip helps you make a decision :) Also remember: later in life we turn into our parents, so make sure to meet his family. And friends, you'll see who his friends are, and what they are doing.

And of course good luck to you!

One of my friends in college met an Italian while studying abroad the summer before her senior year. That was 2001. They are still dating and will be engaged soon :-) They have made a concerted effort to be together - spending 6 months in each country and so on. They have both made career sacrifices but it has worked for them. They did have several cultural differences but appear to have overcome most of the major rifts. I've never seen my friend happier or more in love...
Good luck to you! I hope it works out!

I met someone on my trip to Italy as well, in 1997. Things progressed and a relationship developed. I moved there in 1998, and spent two years there before ultimately ending the relationship.
Honestly, before it goes any further, ask yourself if you are willing to move there FOREVER (no bagels, clothes dryers, etc.) or if he/she would really be willing to move where you are FOREVER.
Also, there are some definite cultural things to overcome, esp. if the person is from southern Italy.
-Nic

As an edit, I'll add that even though it didn't work out, I would trade the experience for the world.
You can email me if you want to discuss anything:
[email protected]

Lori,
I have two friends who made a major relocation move like this. Based on their experiences, my biggest recommendation would be to spend and extended "normal" visit together. One friend visited back and forth a lot, but it was always for long "vacations" for both. When they finally got together to share everyday life, she met many rude surprises.

Try a period of time in each other's home when you are living normal life: going to work, dealing with groveries, laundry, cooking, all the normal annoyances. During vacation visits, little of this comes up and dealing with such mundane things can tell a lot about long-term compatability.

Cut back on your visit: if you're there for a month and it doesn't work, life will suck. I had a friend who did this regarding someone she met on a trip, it did not work out and she had the loneliest 10 days of her life.

Although not an international relationship, my fiancé and I have spent our entire relationship traveling back and forth across the United States (him in California, me in Tennessee) to see each other. After doing this for 2 years, we now have less than a month to go before our wedding, our honeymoon in Italy, and our new life together in California. Long distance relationships take an inordinate amount of dedicated communication by both parties in order to work. It is hard, it is lonely, and it can be expensive. But it is also the most wonderful thing I have ever done, and I am so happy that we both followed our hearts to stay together, even though it was difficult to be so far apart for so long. My advice is to at least give it a try. If it doesn't work, you really haven't lost anything. But if it does, it will be the joy of your life! Best of luck to you.

The saddest words of tongue or pen, are those: It might have been.

Even if it doesn't work out, you will have seen more of beautiful Italy.
One more thing, you must also see him in your environment before any commitment.

Try to discuss and understand differences in culture. Look at how his sisters are treated and the position that they hold in therir families. remember that as long as one of you is on vacation it still won't be "real life". And then go with abandon and enjoy the adventure.

Lori,

One way to look at this, and certainly not saying it's the "right" way: Like any relationship, use both your heart and your mind. Don't feel pressured to make it work just because you're far from home. It is still a relationship that you'll either have to grow or let go of, based on the same real practicalities of one you might begin at home. You've known each other ____ amount of time - consider, and act accordingly, based on the same rules you've always had for your life. There's a tendancy to say things like "Well, I'm all the way over here, I have to make this work in spite of..." or "but it may be months before I see them again, so...".

Again, it's all just opinions. Tailor at will. Happy so far with our (formerly) distance relationship made good. (me-U.S., her-Oz) and wish you the best of luck with yours, wherever it may lead.

I'd like to make a comment about these kind of relationships, (not like yours jackson.) When I was younger and girlfriends travelled to Greek Islands(I couldn't afford it.) They would come back with tales of loving a Greek fisherman. To Italy, in this place, an Italian waiter. BUT Here in the USA they would not glance at a local fisherman or waiter. In a foreign country everything is much more romantic.

Not implying that it is the instance in any of the above cases, but you certainly have a point, Mimi!

Plug in "OhBlondie" in the search box and you'll come up with her posts. Read the fourth and fifth ones and you'll get a very entertaining story of someone who found love that overcame the long distance!

Sorry I'm not computer savvy enough to put the links in this post--maybe someone else can pull OhBlondie's story up? It was a great romance.

Read a book called "Almost French" by Sarah Turnbull, an Australian who met a Frenchman while they were both on vacation in Romania. Then she went to Paris to visit him...

My parents met on holiday in Dubrovnik.

Corresponded by letter.

He sailed to the US a year later.

They have been happily married for 46 years.

Lori:

I married an Italian (I am an American) after having lived in Italy for a year, going home for four months, and then coming back. If you want, you can email me about this. It's a tough one, I know.

[email protected]

Wow, thanks for all the information. I'm not going back until September/October so this gives me some things to think about.
Fortunately, at 36, I have some experience under my belt, but when Cupid strikes....

I think I forgot to mention that he is Moroccan and has been in Italy 4 years. That adds another layer to the story.

Lori:

I also have two American friends who just married Albanians, and they are currently finding ways to move back to America with their husbands. It's been an interesting process, but they are doing it, and for them it is definitely worth while.

Anyway, one month is not bad--it's a good length of time to understand your relationship better, see if you want to make the upcoming steps to keep it going. I would go for it. You have time to think about what the next decisions are--a month gives a chance to get to know him better, see what you want.

I think you are probably doing the right thing, if you feel that you are. See what comes of it.

Lori, this is one way to get a USA citizenship - to marry an american. Tell him you are willing to move to Italy and see his reaction to it.