Jane

My partner is a good guy, and he has the same interests in art and history as I do, but he has a hard time changing any of his American ways when we travel. He doesn't like to try the different food (only will order coke at places to eat), gets frustrated easily with different social habits. And he has a hard time glossing over bad moments. <BR><BR>Anybody else ever have to deal with this type of thing?

Wayne

Yes, I have. My solution was to leave the travel partner in the U.S. and go alone.

Uncle Sam

There is an old adage, that says you are not going to change him to suit your needs.<BR><BR>So either accept him as he is, or ditch him and find another!<BR><BR>PS What is a "partner"?

Jane

Lol. A partner is a boyfriend in this case.

Bob Brown

My travel partner has one minor flaw:<BR>She absolutely will not make even the first attempt to learn a foreign language. You might as well ask her to compose symphonies like Beethoven or Shostokovitch. <BR><BR>Other than that, she is very good to have along. So, the good outweighs the bad by such an overwhelming margin that I would not leave home without her.<BR><BR>In your case, there is no legal bond, so I think your choices are clear.<BR>Decide if you want him. If you don't, then the next step is obvious.<BR><BR>If, if he is a typical male, you cannot easily effect a change in him. (Men tend to be stubborn that way.)<BR>That leaves you with relatively limited choices. Change yourself and accept him, find a replacement, or go alone.<BR><BR>Me? I don't think I change. I just go along and have fun where I am.<BR><BR>

Sue

Life involves many compromises; only you can figure out if traveling with this man calls for more compromises on your part than you are willing to contend with. Is your shared interest in art and history worth it to put up with his inflexibility re food, etc.?

x

No, Jane, no one else has ever had problems with their "partner" in regards to his interests. <BR><BR>Kinda like that poster who thinks that no American has ever looked for a job in London (in her case maybe the "unique spin" that her high-powered editor friend could use is the fact that TWO YEARS LATER the clueless woman still doesn't have a job. I guess there are no American lawyers in London.

Liza

Since international travel is so important to me, I think it's best for me to travel overseas with any potential partner prior to commiting for a lifetime with this individual. I have traveled with a friend of the opposite sex twice and saw him turn into a completely imcompetent person on both occasions. While our friendship has lasted despite these trips, it confirmed why we'll never be a romantic item.

anon

Wow, that must be a record. Notice how x ([email protected]) took a perfectly rasonable question and used it to take an insulting stab at another inocent poster. Get a life and get out of this forum.

xxx

No person is perfect. My spouse still only eats chicken when we go to other countries. He is very regimented and it bugs me to no end but you have to realize that you are 2 diff't people. I would take issue with the "different social habits" though. When you are in another country you need to respect their culture. Otherwise there's no reason to go. Welcome to the world of dating I guess.

Amy

I agree with Liza and think I'd have to travel with a potential husband prior to committing. I have seen some very scary transformations in my female friends with whom I travel. Everything from one friend refusing to try local cuisine (in Ireland...nothing's THAT scary there!) to my very independent career-minded college pal acting like a 5 year old who can't cross a street by herself in London. I'd flip out if I found out after the wedding that my husband was like that. Usually once I find out that a travel partner has serious hangups (the food, not so much, but the constant need to be babied and hand held is a big problem) I just don't travel with them again. No sense ruining my vacation.

nanette

Here HERE!!! We took my older son's girlfriend on a cruise to Europe with us last summer. The girl I thought was sweet and thoughtful, turned into a spoiled brat!!! We're going again this year, but without "girlfriend" needless to say! My son didn't even push the issue when I informed him she wasn't welcome (eventhough they are somewhat together)he has definitely seen another side of her which hopefully he'll decide he can't LIVE with!!!

ru4real

Mother you need to BUTT OUT of your grown sons love life. It's none of your business and very immature.

Dina

I think the key here, Jane, is that your traveling partner should not diminish in any large way your enjoyment of the trip. If he doesn't want to try the local cuisine, that's one thing, but if he cannot get over "bad moments" and gets into a bad mood for an extended period of time, that's another thing. Spending long periods of time with another person, in close quarters and unfamiliar surroundings, certainly lets you know what living with that person will be like long term. I'm sure your boyfriend has many redeeming qualities, but maybe the two of you should stick to lunch and a museum outing.

Maira

Jane--- after years of traveling with the perfect travel partner, my husband, a cronic condition that's worsening has put an end to that. There are times when remembering our travels together is the only thing that gets us thru the day and pain. What I am trying to tell you is enjoy life the best you can when you can. Life is too short to shortchanged yourself.

Jane

Thanks for the great replies. I have to admit that for the most part he handled himself well. He's never studied the language of the country we were in, and I had, and he was able to help me on several occasions. He did get nervous from time to time, but nothing over the top. I never felt like I had to hold his hand. <BR><BR>I guess I posted because it is fuzzy to me how important certain things are.<BR><BR>Maira, I'm sorry to hear about your travel partner. You've all given me a lot to think about.

Gina

After a few bad experiences with travels with male friends, I joke with my friends that when I get around to getting married, I'm going on a two week international honeymoon first. And then if I still love all of his quirks, I'll come back home for the ceremony. If you truly love to travel, I'd travel extensively with someone first before marrying him/her.

Fool

Gina, I will wager that you never will walk down the aisle

Bob C

Look very carefully, the things you talk about are not just travel problems. This is the way he lives, nothing new or different, and he wants everything his way. He is not a fun person to travel with or to live with. My wife and I are in our 60s and we travel so we can try new and different things.

Fool

Look very carefully, in a mirror, the things you complain about in him might be your own shortcomings