travel blues anyone???
 

Maybe I am in the wrong place for this question, I just figure you are all travellers and must know what I am talking about. My daughter just came back from a long trip and she is so sad that it hurts me to see her like this. Before she left I was the apple of her eye and her mine and now those same eyes look at me as if I am a stranger. Please tell me these "travel blues" are normal and that in time it goes away...I cannot bear to see her like this. Her tissue box is empty and mine is almost there too!<BR>

I assume that she is either late adolescent/young adult, and if so, it is probably a working through of separation issues between the two of you, perhaps brought into sharper focus as a result of travel. Time will help.

Hi<BR><BR>I travelled a lot for work.<BR><BR>As I got older, I found I was very happy to be home !<BR><BR>Peter<BR>

As adults we know "there's no place like home", but when you are younge and life has been 'perfect' the entire time you have travelled - home, (and all those who live there) are nothing but an inconvenience. I just need to know if this is a feeling that lasts for a few weeks...or could this go on for longer than that?

It will last exactly 3 weeks, 2 days, and 7 hours.

If she uses the internet, send her over to www.lonelyplanet.com and onto their bulletin board, Thorn Tree. There are ALL kinds of discussions both about specific destinations, but also travel related emotions, exactly as you have described her post-trip condition.<BR><BR>YES it is a common phenomena for those of us who have a TRUE love of travel (and, disagreeing with the first poster, not only among the young, it has to do with heart felt desire and deep seeded feelings for traveling).

i'm not one for rudeness on line - i am also not an idiot...i just happen to have a little bit of a heart and care about my kids, and if there is anyone who is willing to give me an idea of how do deal with it then i think that is great...but you're a jerk!

For Mom/Anne, I disagree that as adults we realize that there's no place like home (I'm 48 and travel every chance I get). I am also willing to bet everything wasn't perfect during your daughter's travels (sometimes its the ups & downs, the adrenaline rush from dealing with the unknown, that bring the biggest thrill). And sorry to break the news, but these feelings can last a lifetime (not the blues, but the need & urge to travel and the intense joy it brings to some of us).

I'm not sure who's being called a jerk. I thought my suggestions were sincere and possibly helpful to your daughter, as you requested.

Anne,<BR><BR>I took a year off living in the UK and travelling all around the world. Today it is almost 6 months since I came back and re-started my career. At first I thought that the blues I was feeling would go away and that I would be the same guy I was 18 months ago. Then I realized that the feeling not only remained but kept its same intensity (even higher from time to time). That is when I understood that my experience had changed me forever, and for good. I think I am now a better person who will not easily be happy with an "average" kind of life (at least average in Mexico, for the middle class, is travelling to Europe 1 or 2 times in your life, Asia? Out of the question). Now I don't want this feelings to go away, I want to have the urge to travel more and know different kinds of people, countries, food, etc.<BR><BR>In the end, I think your daughter is going through some definition of who she is, what she wants, etc. I cannot tell you if her feelings are going to fade away or remain, what I can tell you is that she is going to be a more open mind, free-spirited, educated and happy person.<BR><BR>Best wishes,<BR><BR>H

Anne, I think that H. is onto something. Travel changes us, and your daughter is no longer the person she was when she left. She is going thru a period of adjustment, even mourning for the dependent mama's girl she used to be. Your child and your relationship with her will blossom again, once you figure out how to relate on new, more grownup terms.<BR><BR>There is a tiny chance that something unpleasant happened to her while she was away. Let her know that you are there to talk about anything that might be bothering her.

How wonderful to be young and have these feelings. Maybe she can make life choices at this young age to "live" these feelings throughout her life and career. I am "middle age" and am now able to travel but can not change my life in order accomodate these "travel blues". The best I can do now is travel every chance I can! We each have our "travel burdens" the bear. If travel is what she wants then encourage her to plan her life and career so that she can travel.

AJ:<BR><BR>I have to disagree with you. I think YOU have made changes in your life from the moment you decided that traveling gave you great pleasure. It seems to me that it is one of your priorities. <BR><BR>I agree that the younger you are the more paths you have to chose from, but I think the feeling of freedom that traveling gives to you is valid at any age.<BR><BR>What do you think AJ?<BR>What about you Anne? Are any of this ideas (the last postings) of any help?<BR><BR>H

"H" you are correct that traveling has caused me to make "travel" a very important part of my life. Thank you for pointing that out. It does make me happy just to think about this very important change. I just wish that I had done it sooner before I had so many other responsibilities. Never look back with regrets just forward with many memories of countries visited and dreams countries not yet seen!<BR>

When I returned from my first month- long trip at 20, I started looking for an overseas job I had loved Europe so much. I am sure my parents were horrified. It did not happen though. But, I did return with a real sense of myself and what I was able to handle. I left a girl, and returned feeling much more mature. Now when I travel many, many years later, I expect my "re-entry" depression after a really wonderful trip. My companion even asked me this past trip if I was going to be as "depressed" as I had been 6 months ago. I didn't know, but it wasn't so bad this time because I believe I will be returning to my destination. There is something about the stimulation of new places and new people and even being waited on in restaurants and hotels that makes it quite difficult to return to "real" life. Give your daughter a couple of weeks; she will return. Get her talking about her trip to you; maybe in sharing her experience, you won't feel so distanced.

I also feel depressed, for a short while, every time I return from Europe to the US. Once someone has experienced so many new things and broadened ones horizon and you realize that there is so much more to see, you will also notice how isolated we Americans are from the rest of the world. We really do not know much at all about the rest of the world and that is sad and dangerous.

Thanks to all who replied...you all make a lot of sense. To sympathetic traveller: No, I was not calling you a jerk, that was specially reserved for Auntie Em. Reading what Suzy wrote got me crying all over again...(mourning the dependant mamas girls she used to be.) I guess that is what our intention is when we raise them...to be independant adults. Thanks again all you well seasoned travellers. I will survive.

Anne, You started what turned into a lovely thread. Thank you for posting. <BR><BR>If you want to get her a little gift I HIGHLY recommend these 2 books for the occasion: "A Women Alone: Travel Tales from Around the Globe" (Condon, Editor) and "The Unsavvy Traveler: Women's Comic Tales of Catastrophe" (Caperton, Editor). Excellent short story collections. You can buy them on amazon.com.

Anne,when my son graduated from College he got a trip to England from his Dad and I.Then he got a job that involved his traveling almost full time.He has been to every US state and most of Europe.<BR>I was happy for him to get out and see the way the rest of the world lived,and behaved,etc..but it was always nice to have him come home.<BR>Then he got a job teaching English in Japan.He has been there 2 1/2 years and plans on at least 1-2 more.<BR>So, my advice is get used to the idea that your daughter will either travel and enjoy it but be happy to be back home,or it will start something within her that may involve her traveling more and being home less.<BR>Also, remember, jet lag and travel can be depressing,and a couple of weeks should give you back your smiling girl~

Anne, I can really understand your concern; I would feel the same way about my child. I am not young either,52, & when my husband & I went to Italy for the first time two yrs. ago, I was pretty depressed for around two wks. after we came back home. We had such a special experience over there; we even made friends w/ a family that we still correspond with. Life at home seemed so mundane & boring & my heart & mind were still in Italy. One actually feels disoriented for awhile when they arrive home. I kept thinking about our new friends & how little time we had w/ them. I thought I couldn't bear it if we did not go back to Italy the following yr., so we did. I still think of our experiences often, but I am o.k. now. I agree w/ the fact that long travel especially, can change a person in the beginning maybe with sadness, but in the long term it makes you feel changed in an enriched & valuable way, hopefully this will eventually be the outcome for your daughter. She will be able to look back at the special memories she is so fortunate to have & what she really gained from the trip. Sincerely hope this helps. Stephanie

Anne:<BR><BR>There came a time in my young but fortunate life, after I'd had a chance to travel in Europe a few times, that I became profoundly upset every time I had to return to the States - whether I'd been in Europe for one week or six weeks. I can vividly recall bawling out loud at an outdoor restaurant in Brussels on the rue des bouchers the evening before a departure on maybe my 12th trip to Europe. I knew I would return, but I simply did not want to sacrifice the wonderful surroundings, fabulous food, and feelings to the usual humdrum back in the USA. Some of us are just born to the traveling life, and some can re-integrate without a problem. I seriously felt I was abandoning something precious to me every time I left Europe, and it made me profoundly sad.<BR><BR>I finally solved that problem 20 years later by buying a second home in Europe. Now when I leave Europe I still feel the pang, but I am already knowing I'll be back in a few months to check on this or that or to re-integrate into my newfound community. I can always close my eyes during a bad day at work and know that I have a haven in my favorite place on earth, and that is a calming and reassuring feeling. I know my experience may seem totally far-fetched in relation to your daughter's sadness, but perhaps she is one of us who is destined to forge irrevocable ties with Europe. <BR>Or maybe she fell in love...did that ever occur to you? I've seen many a young woman return from Europe with a hangdog look that expresses not only a desire to be back in one of the prettiest continents but also a longing for someone met by a fountain in a romantic piazza under a moonlit sky.

Having done this occasionally in my younger days, that was also my first thought: that your daughter had fallen in love while travelling. I don't think she would have such profound sadness merely trying to define herself and her relationship to her mother. It's not unusual to fall in love on a trip - the circumstances are ripe - and the knowledge that this relationship might not survive the humdrum reality of everyday life makes it all the more poignant. In this case, coming home is plain, routine and drab to the extreme. Passionless. <BR><BR>One has the sense that nobody could possibly fully understand the extent and nature of one's emotional experience, which is tied in to the voyage. <BR><BR>

I was so surprised to see so many responses to my question. Again, thanks to all who responded! My first thought was also that she fell in love with someone (after all, she is just like her mom - passionate about/with the people she meets), I think there were a few that she 'really' liked, but I'm pretty sure there were no 'lasting' ties made. (and if she did then he better immigrate! LOL. Thanks again, Anne

Anne, maybe I missed it, but I'd really like to know how old your daughter is. It certainly sounds like late adolescence. Also, how long since her trip has it been? Everything people have written so far is true, although no one has really addressed what, if anything, to do about it. <BR><BR>Here are a few thoughts: 1. Being away was a real high for her because she discovered her own independence, everything was new every day, the world of possibility opened wider than she'd ever imagined, she had no responsibilities while she was there, and all relationships remained in the fun, early stages without the more complex latter stages. So coming back is a shock and a downer. <BR><BR>2. Is she about to begin college or a job? Is so, the seriousness of that responsibility probably is so sharp a contrast with the travel that it makes her immediate future really heavy.<BR><BR>3. She fell in love -- see "early stages of relationships" above.<BR><BR>4. Something else is going on that the trip triggered -- if this has gone on more than a week and she's still blue and weepy, it sounds like more than "anticlimax." Could just be an exaggerated adolescent moodswing, but have you ASKED her why she's so sad, "really"?<BR><BR>5. It's not about you.<BR><BR>6. It would help a lot to find activities to break the "spell," like work, friends, etc. etc. _including_ planning another trip for the future -- doesn't have to be soon and doesn't have to be in great detail, but get her thinking about that -- where, how, when, etc. <BR><BR>7. Get used to the idea, Anne (and I say this with my own great sadness), that that next trip probably won't include you either.

We cannot be the "apple of their eyes" forever. This is not just about travel. "Psychologist" and "Their mom" make good points.