I add my voice to those of the others who express concern about this marriage.

I am sorry to hear of someone being married to someone who seeks to tell her how couples "should" do anything. It sounds to me like a situation in which someone, the man, seeks to dominate someone else.

I am also sorry to hear of a situation where someone - Drummer - has to knock herself out, argue, withstand undermining, in order to get something she wants for herself.

I hope Drummer does not seek to reconcile herself to this, and that she pursues counselling, with or without mate, before any decision to have children is made.

I didn't want to get involved in this discussion but I am finding NYCS's story very interesting. Perhaps it is because I have aunts and uncles who were, and are, in the exact same situation as your parents and did all those things in the name of love and commitment, and without regret.

I don't want to be intrusive NYCFS and you don't have to respond if you don't want to but will you permit me a question ?
You say that your last husband never stood in the way of your goals and ambitions and gave you the freedom to pursue them, but did you ever find yourself letting some of those dreams go - of your own volition - for his...'sake'. (I know I'm not saying this very well but I think you know what I mean.)

<i>&quot;there is a world of difference between compromise and resentment&quot;</i>

And, sometimes, it takes a lifetime to identify which is which.

Sorry, Mathieu, just saw your post and have to run. See you Monday.

What happened?
 

I was reading this post and wondered what happened with the OP Drummer? Go on, humour me, if you ever randomly find yourself back on this thread! How was the holiday you planned? Did you go on to have children? Are you still together?
If you could go back to 2004 what advice would you give to your younger self?