Tennessee Trio of Terror - Part 2: Paris
 

Alright, here we go: a brief recap of our cast: Saundra, Amy (aka Trip Nazi) and Sharon on one side and Heather and her mom, Raynell on the dark, I mean, other side ("come to the dark side Luke").

We've ended our trip to Rome and are now ready for Paris. Oh wait, Heather and her mom have already "done Paris" so they don't want to go with us right away. They want to get on a train in Italy with no reservations and no real destination and maybe hit Venice, Pompeii, Zurich, and oh yes, DACHAU!!!!! They describe themselves as free spirits who just want to wander around Europe. I describe them as insane and we part company.

By now, Saundra and I are fully into the Stockholm Syndrome with Amy and will do whatever she says and gladly. I'm starting to think of myself as Patty Hearst or is that Tania? We get up at 2:45 AM to get to the airport to fly on the 6:30AM RyanAir Flight to Paris. The hotel arranged for a taxi. They (the airline) told us we needed to be there by 4:30 am. Unfortunately, no one told that to the airport staff who wandered in between 5:15 and 5:30 am.

Just a note about RyanAir. I had read on their website and on the Fodor boards to be very careful about luggage allowance. So I merrily discarded underwear and old clothes in Rome in an effort to lighten my load. The girl at the desk barely glanced at how much each suitcase weighed because she was too busy complaining about the high cost of living in Rome, the traffic, the pollution etc. Oh please, throw me in that briar patch! We also breezed through security. That is, Saundra and I did, Amy kept getting frisked throughout the trip. Must be that metal plate in her head. I keep telling her to carry a note from her doctor.

RyanAir is quite the cattle car. The seats don't go back and the back of the seat in front of you is so close to your nose that you don’t move. You also have to pay for anything extra even a cup of water. Amy said we couldn't buy anything (6 days into the trip and we had turned over all decisions to her – I'll probably need to go to a cult expert to get out from under her spell) so we fasted till we got to Paris. The good news is that we left and arrived on time, our luggage arrived with us, the bus from Beauvais to Port Maillot was right there (13 euro), the whole flight only cost us about 80 dollars and we were in Paris in time for lunch!

Yay! Part II is arriving sooner than I expected.

Have time to complete our first day in Paris.

We arrive at our hotel Residence Monge around 12:30ish and are able to check in right away. Amy and Saundra share a double with twin beds for around 98 euros and I have a single (there is a God) for about 78 euros. The rooms are small but spotless. I can't open my bathroom door all the way cause it hits the bed but I'm alone and away from the evil influence of Amy for at least a few hours a day. I guess those prayers at St. Peter's and promises of life-long celibacy (as if I had a choice - the pickings are slim in Middle Tennessee and I'm really too old to start washing some guy's dirty underwear)have worked.

Julie at the hotel desk suggests we go to La Belle Epoque for a late lunch. It was a very simple place but had great food and a funny waitress. We had 3 bowls of French onion soup (not a very original choice but wonderful), 2 omelettes with fines herbes, one chicken tangine, one pear tart, one tarte tartin, and one order of profiteroles with chocolate sauce. We drank tap water and the bill was 60 euros.

The rest of the day is kind of a blur. We wandered around the area and ended up at Berthillon. Quelle suprise!!!! Amy was trying to force us on another march but we just couldn't take it so Saundra and I found a cafe and sat ourselves down and refused to go any further. We drank wine, water and Kir Royales (about 20 euros worth). Amy went to about a hundred attractions in an hour and then met us at the cafe.

On the way home we stopped and bought bread, cheese, and apples. We already had macaroons from Cacao and Chocolat. We ate this sitting in the park (old Roman forum?) behind our hotel and then dragged ourselves back to the rooms. I spent the rest of the night watching the World Figure Skating Championships which were on EuroSport but in German.

Forgot to put on the pedometer today so no mileage.

Just a note about the hotel: very nice and clean with an ATM located right across the street. My room had a double bed, armoire, small dressing table with TV on it and a little balcony that you couldn't stand on. The bathroom was small but had a full shower and full shower curtain. And yes IndyTravel, a small waste can. Amy and Saundra had two twin beds and a little alcove with a kind of single futon that someone could have slept on but I refused to share at this point. Saundra had to, she's related by blood to Amy but my attorney told me that even when held hostage, the Geneva Convention allows me some rights. Their bathroom had a tub (the size of a coffin) and a hand held shower thing. No balcony for them which was a good thing because I think Saundra might have tried to fling herself off it. She kept trying to come to my room to escape but I but the armoire in front of the door and pretended I couldn't hear her cries.

Amy here....I prefer to think of myself as a trip facilitator and not trip nazi! I was doing my best to fulfill the european dreams of a varied group of people. I also mention that both my mother and Sharon are happily planning other trips with me. (We are not inviting Heather and her mother)

I also did not hear any complaining about the loss of weight and dress sizes when we returned to tennessee even with the massive amounts of wonderful food we ate every chance we got!

Sharon, I'm really loving your report.

The remark about washing some guy's dirty underwear resonated with me. My husband and I met in our church's singles group, and a few weeks after our wedding, we invited them over for dessert and coffee. During the evening someone asked if we would give them a list of positives and negatives re single vs. married. My new husband gave a sweet list of positives, ending with, "And I always have clean underwear!"

Don't listen to her, she's the Devil! And never look at her directly, you've heard of Medusa haven't you?

Hoorah! Part 2!

Your style of writing is so good, I get pictures!

And I almost snorted my tea out my nose that Amy posted too... very cool.

Medusa had snakes in her hair....I had the appropriate dark red highlights that seem to be the requisite for the fashionable european lady!

Amy

LOL I'm loving Part Deux!
Two questions though...
Is that REALLY Amy the Trip Nazi responding?
And, in France, do they call it French Onion Soup? Or simply Onion Soup? :)

Great report, SG.

Did Heather and her mom ever return?

((I))

Nutella,

Yes, it is truly the now infamous Amy. Little did I know when I traveled with Sharon, I would become a Fodor's boogeyman!

"Be a good Fodorite or we will send you on a trip with Amy"

I was in San Diego on a business trip when Rome got posted...unable to defend my good name so I am keeping close tabs on Paris!

Yes that really is Amy answering back on the boards. We really love her (she made me say that). And yes, Heather and her mom do return but you'll have to stay tuned!

She lies! She wasn't in San Diego but meeting her minions in the Netherworld. Just call me Charron.

As I live in Middle Tenneessee I am willing to vouch for Sharon that the pickings are slim here!

And now can someone link me to Part I? I have to find it! LOL!

For inquiring minds

Part I
http://www.fodors.com/forums/threads...amp;dirtyBit=1

(I travel from Tennessee with my own Trip Nazi, my mother!!! LOL!)

Love this report!

Too funny, we were in the hotel last week from Saturday to Saturday. Was that your week too??? Somehow I think we would probably have noticed you in the breakfast area, if I am right and your personality matches your lively writing style!

Sharon and Amy--you two are brilliant!! I think both of you would be a ball to travel with! Like everyone else reading about your exploits, I am LOL every other sentence. You really should consider being a "writer"--if you are not already. :) Do you know where Ripley or Humboldt, Tx. is? Lived there are a wee tyke. Mid Tn means you may be close to Cooksville and to I75? Used to live up in Ky--Berea.
Keep up the good and fun work--I'm all ears! :-d

SharonG, you need to start writing a weekly column, because I'm just having too much fun reading your report. I'm going to have my mom and sis read them too, as I think they could relate. Our last trips to Rome and Paris, they unanimously elected me "team leader". However, by the end of both trips, I could hear them muttering "yes, drill sergeant" whenever my back was turned :-)

SharonG, This is the funniest post to hit here in a long time.:)