Four short language anecdotes:

1. Feigning ignorance of the language may work in France, but it didn't for me in Germany. Many years ago I was pulled over by a policeman for a minor traffic infraction, and I tried to get out of it by pretending not to understand even though I was fairly fluent in German.. The policeman simply indicated that I should follow him to the station, where an English speaking officer explained the offence and the penalty, which I paid on the spot.

2. My first time in Italy, I needed assistance at a campground near Florence and spoke next to no Italian. I asked the manager if he spoke English, then French, then German. He answered no to all, and with some exasperation said (in Italian), "You're in Italy, we speak Italian here!"

3. A colleague of mine attended a government sponsored conference in Paris, and had prepared his presentation in French. When the conference began, he was asked to do the presentation in English and had to quickly translate! And this at a French government event.

4. Although I've never had experience with rudeness in Paris, a friend whose first language is French once, looking for directions in Paris, said to a lady (in French), "Madame, I'd like to go to rue such and such" With a sneer she replied, "Well then go there, I'm not stopping you am I?"

Just talk like Jacques Cleuseau and you'll be fine..."you want the key to your rooooooom"? "That's what I said you fool!!" I took French in high school and college and before my last trip to Paris I got language tapes and listened to them for like a year, religously. So there I am, standing in front of the Louvre and there is a person standing outside the entrance that obviously worked there and I wanted to ask him if they were going to split the line again. Well, I know what "line" is but how the heck to i say divide the line, separate the line etc? Also, I had NEVER tried to speak french to a real french person. My mouth got dry, my lips stuck to my teeth in some sort of grimace..I'm sure he thought I had gas and he wouldn't have been far wrong...I was soooooooo nervous. Well, stop the presses and film at 11:00, the first words I ever uttered in french to a real french person was "parlez-vous anglais"? Actually it was more of a croak. His response" "NO"!! My brother, in his best Cleuseau-ese comes up to me and says "you had speaks with him? I see it went well." We were laughing so hard we were in tears. Some of you guys just need to lighten up a little bit.

crefloors, it could have been worse, as the French word for "line" (the kind you stand in) is dangerous. The word is "la queue", and unlike Americans, the British actually use that word for a line (except they pronounce it like KYEW, while the French pronounce it KEUH). The word actually means "tail" in French.

The problem arises if you put a possessive pronoun in front of it, as Polly Platt once did. Used in that way, it is a slang term for penis. Trying to figure out where people were lining up, she said to a shopkeeper in French, "Monsieur, where is your queue?" Everyone in the store cracked up, and when the laughter subsided, the shopkeeper said, "Madame, do you really want me to tell you?" This story is in Polly Platt's book "French or Foe?".

- Larry

justretired: haysoos, yoseph, and mary!!!!!! penis? boy that WAS a close call wasn't it. too too funny. I wonder what "Inspector Cleuseau" would have to say about THAT!!!!! I will say, things did actually go UP from there...LOL. Thanks for the french lesson.

got1tiel-

>> I still think it would have been wrong not to show the passport officer I wasnt understanding him & to ask for english to be used<<

But that wasn't the point of your post, was it? You were 'ranting' (your word) about the fact that after you showed that you didn't understand him, the officer had the gall not to understand you! And you concluded that his failure to understand was evidence of snobbery on his part. Carrying that assumption to its logical conclusion, are all the tourists who can't understand the language of the country they're visiting snobs?

It's quite a bizarre leap of logic, isn't it?

crefloors, that is a very funny story! And I understand your nervousness completely. I only had a few phrases learned, but when the time came to deliver them I invariably faltered. However, most of the French people I encountered were very polite. If I had been got1tie! I would have attempted to say "Monsieur, ne parle pas Francais. Parlez vous Anglais?" At least it would show that you were trying and I bet you would have gotten a different response.

Suki: actually there was more to the story. so i go up to him again to ask if this was the only door to go in. i was sure it was...first sunday of the month, free day and all. i have heard of another door but i think it's for if you have a museum pass. but anyway, that's neither here nor there. so i get two words out and suddenly can't think of the word for only...the guy was too funny...he just stood there watching me struggle and i could see the corners of his mouth twitching upward...he was trying so hard not to laugh. i just loved him...see, things like that don't bother me...i thought it was as funny as he did...it's that darn Tower of Babble..anyway, i finally remembered the word for "only", and sadly, i was correct, it was the only line because he shook his head sadly, still tring not to grin and said oui....it was a long line, but they did split it again and we got inside fairly quickly. i certainly would NOT automatically assume he spike anglais. i took him at his word, i never took him to be rude and i really don't think the je ne parle pas francaise ou je parle un peu would have made the slightest bit of difference in this case. it was just one of many funny experiences i had...i found it all delightful.

i just had a "flash". so i'm ready for my next trip..still listening to those tapes in the car...i'm actually moving on the the next lesson...pat, pat, pat. that's me patting myself on the back...so just need one more phrase: i need to know how to say in french: "ok buster, if you can really speak english and are just shinnin' me on, i'm going to come over there and kick your butt!!!" ya think? no? hmmmmm.

Crefloors, if you learn that phrase, I will pat your back too. You are too funny.

Why do you expect everyone to speak english? You are visiting France. When French people come to the USA does everyone speak French to them?

Well, things have become more fun since the appearance of Crefloors!
The very first time we were in Paris, turned loose from our tour group for 'time at leisure', we were walking along trying to decide on a place to eat. I had French in high school and could still pick out the odd word, "oh look, hon, that sign says "the black cat"... "oh look, hon, what a "petite voiture!!"... Hubby finally says, "that's great, but can you get us some FOOD..??"

crefloors I don't think your exact phase is in it but you should get a copy of "Wicked French for the Traveler" by Howard Tomb.

It's a hoot of a read. It has translations for such phrases as:

"Of course you're welcome to tear my suitcase apart. Lucky they're only these tacky Louis Vitton bags!" for the people at customs.

"Have you ever considered a career in auto racing" for a taxi driver.

At a hotel, "This is a room for a dwarf. Are there so many dwarfs in France?"

For the washroom attendant, "I didn't use any of your high-grade toilet paper."

:-D

Okay here is an anecdote of French snobbery that NO-ONE on this thread can beat, I bet:

Years ago, the father of a friend of mine was paying a call on the Comtese de Paris, mother of the pretender to the French throne. He congratulated her on the birth of her first grandson:

"Je vous felicite madame, sur la naissance de votre petit-fils."

Madame la comtesse drew herself up and responded (not too unkindly, we hope):

"Ce n'est pas mon petit-fils, monsieur, c'est un enfant de France."

This is only tangentially related, but this thread reminded me about a conversation I had with a very nice young Parisian on my flight to Lima two weeks ago.

We had gotten to discussing language, and his viewpoint was that anyone speaking English was usually accepted and understood, whether the grammar was perfect or not, but that if one were speaking French, and, for example, used the wrong article for "window" (le fenestre??) the French speaker would just feel duty bound (my words; I'm paraphrasing) to correct it.

He also told me of his experience of having his group booed at a hockey game (their name was put up on the board) and he seemed quite bemused by it. (I apologized for my countrypersons in this matter.)

lighten up ody...you missed the point. i never expected ANYONE to speak english..it is after all France!!!! It's just terribly funny when you have that darn barrier...you can't communicate the way you would like to and of course as far as MY speaking french goes...i found that a little knowledge was often dangerous..gad, can you imagine if i had actually really asked the guy at the louvre if he was going to split his penis?!!!! oh the horror of it all!!!!!!! i sure as hell would NEVER do lunch in THAT town again..ya think? a very good word i found to use was desole...i actually was very sincere when i said it and it got me out of a lot of scrapes.

Based on got1tiel's other posts on this board, and his/her grammatical errors (including an irregular past tense), my guess is that he/she is not a native-born Anglophone. Probably Spanish, based on his/her other posts.

That EU link I posted earlier shows that our Spanish friends are bottom of the language league table, when it comes to English-friendliness to tourists . . .

Tourism is still way down in Spain, but why are you slamming your northern neighbor's success, got1tiel?

what mistakes? raspberry never heard of the term shake your head? thats a dictionary term!

btw if i was spanish i would avoid the airport & RATP altogether and drive there with my car

shake, shook, shaken.

'fess up: what is your native language?

Hmmm... the OP says, "i dont know what the passport officer was telling me.for all i know he could have been asking me if i was a member of the taliban. i asked him politely to repeat the question in english and he just gave me my passport back and shaked his head.that was my welcome to France."

Let me get this straight. You asked an overworked, underpaid government bureaucrat--a FRENCH government bureaucrat no less--who is probably bored out of his mind from stamping passports and greeting people all day, and maybe even a bit resentful for all these people who get to travel while he's stuck in his little box office with plexiglass... and instead of saying I don't understand or gesturing that you were confused, you instructed him to "repeat what he just said in English" for you? Now I understand why he was being rude to you.

Frankly, if you're so concerned about a passport agent letting you into their country as you say you are, then I'd surely make a better effort to learn a few choice words in their language such as please, thank you, and sorry, I don't understand.

~kat