Proper conduct in Europe
 

I have a teasing little question.

When you have to push past people to get to your seat at the theatre, the movies, the baseball etc do you turn your back to them or do you face them?

Is this done the same in other countries you have visited, or haven't you noticed?

Harzer

usually the crowded places/transport i visited/used are full of tourists and foreigners and not locals. i ususally mutter a excuse me /pardon/ permesso and just bulldoze my way to my destination.

Sam

OK Harzer, If this is a cultural survey, I am Canadian (I hope Molsen does not sue me over that), I face the person I am brushing past. If the brushee is an atractive female, the space may become narrower.

Gee, if I'm sitting in a theatre seat and someone brushes past me in that tight space, I'd think it more polite for them to have their back to me. Think about the alternative for a minute.

And even if I stand up so they can squeeze by, I think it makes more sense that we don't practically kiss, but that I'm presented the back of their head, not their face in mine.

Agree Patrick - you face away from the people you are passing - much less rude in close quarters.

I don't think this is a common problem in Europe or anywhere else. Polite people stand up to let you by them when seats are very close and have little room in front of them. I've never had to "push" past people in the theatre or movies. I think when going to a middle seat, most people do face the stage or screen (or back to you) because that is normally how people enter rows and the position for sitting. I don't think most people face the seats.

I would rather have people face me if they are steppng over me to get to their seats. I had a bad experience last week when a man surprised me and I turned my head and his rear end was 3 inches from my face, not that the other way would have been any better.....hmmmm....interesting question.

I would think that in Germany it is considered to be impolite, if you turn your back to the people you are passing when pushing to that seat in the middle.

BTW, I have noticed a phenomenon in theatres and the opera that the people seated the furthest to the middle always arrive last...:-)

In the English-speaking country i come from it is polite to turn your back towards the people you are shuffling past.

but hsv is right about germany - ther it is the norm to face people as you squirm past.

Harzer

I like to face people as I pass people, say "hello" - and shake their hands as well

This question has me in an early morning fit of the giggles. That's because at 7:30 Monday morning, I'll be riding the NYC rush hour subway, which will be filled to bursting with people of all nations and continents. And we're one happy family!

First, to enter the car, I'll be using my own body as a kind of battering ram to get past the guys who like to stand blocking the door, and like to threaten anyone trying to get past them. To hesitate is dangerous. 2 weeks ago, I was actually pushed rather violently to the ground by a "suit" behind me. He shoved his briefcase into the middle of my back, I lost my balance and fell, and he stepped right over me muttering something about "get out of my way...b___" Could he be a model for GQ magazine?

Once inside, I'll be working my way through a series of "backpack turnstiles", where all of us are bashed and whacked this way and that by folks carrying 2 weeks of gym supplies and books on their backs. Each time they turn around, the backpack slams someone behind them. Hundreds of us are squished together for the ride, and the rule of survival is not to let the wrong person be facing you.

Sometimes, I see a seat about six inches wide, (this is the space created when 2 men use 2 seats apiece and sit with their knees spread wide and feet out so they can relax on the way to work. After offering the seat to anyone with a cane or a baby on the way, (the men usually won't), I perch on the edge of the mini-seat between them, and they'll grumble at the intrusion on their "space".

A "person of size" will grab the overhead bar directly in front of me, so I can fully enjoy the measure of their girth inches from my face. If I'm lucky, they'll also have a newspaper and a cup of coffee, which might spill on me or not, if they get backpack whacked!

To face people, or not, in a crowded subway, is not always a choice, but the subways of NY are great training for other situations. I learned to talk and keep talking to generate a friendly exchange if at all possible.

At the theater , opera, movies, or a concert, I'll ask them permission, excuse myself, and step gingerly by with my back facing them. Of course, you never know, one day I might see a handsome knight in shining armor sitting there and have to "accidentally" fall into his lap! Knowing the big Apple, this could happen at any moment!

Just another page from daily life in one of the greatest cities in the world......

>Just another page from daily life in one of the greatest cities in the world......<

Chacun a son gout, but I'm really glad that I live in a small town in Georgia.

Sognatrice - I loved your tale of the New York subway. Isn't commuting grand?
Believe it or not this doesn't happen in just the subway and the theater. I find it on Sunday as persons go toward the center of the pews in church. I was always told by my mother to say excuse me and then go past with my back to the person, who usually remains sitting as I go by. Her reasoning? Of all of the body parts that could be fondled by the person you are passing it would be better to get my bottom pinched than the alterntives if I were facing the other way. Hopefully not in church, where you know most everyone, but in a crowded theater or subway it could be a real problem. Makes sense to me and I find it rude when people go barreling by without saying excuse me and suddenly I am faced with a birds eye view of a their crotch. Tske Care Jackie

jdraper, thanks for clearly saying what many of us were suggesting, but merely beating about the bush, so to speak.

Patrick - Thank you for the morning chuckle. You should check out the "condom" site if you have already done so. Jackie

Sognatrice2

I love your subway description. My absolutely favorite rider (bus or subway) is the very well-dressed businessman with the oversize briefcase.

Now, a woman gets on the subway or bus carrying her purse, her other-items sac and possibly a shopping bag or two and small child. She manages to hold them all while hanging on to a pole or strap and staying within her own space.

The large, muscular and very important businessman (why doesn't he take a cab or have a limo if he's SO important?) is to weak or tired to hold his briefcase and puts it on the floor between his feet - where its completely invisible to everyone else and does a great job of tripping each and every person walking down the aisle. At which he givers everyone dirty looks.

Have discussed this with friends a couple of times - men don;t seem to understand the issue. I think they're all cousins of your knee spreaders.

One of the local radio station's early morning on -air personalities once did a survey on this topic.
He asked people to call in and tell him how they usually passed by other people who were already seated in the theater row, did they face the stage or did they face the person who was already seated ?
The way he phrased it though was " Do you present the other person your" beans "or do you present your "franks"?
The majority said they presented their" beans."

x_x_x_, that seems like a rather politically incorrect male only question!

One point a number of us have seemed to be misleading on when it comes to the original question of proper conduct, and that is that people seated in a theatre row should stand to allow others to pass in front of them.
jdraper, I was one of the first to jump onto that Condom thread -- not surprisingly.

I had heard that the appropriate European method was to walk by to your seat facing face to face.

I admit I wondered if that might be a holdover custom from age-old bathing (or lack thereof) practices.

There are, of course, lengthy negotiations in progress on the development of new EU standard patterns of movement in such circumstances, but these have been complicated by the accession of the ten new countries. While heavy bargaining had led to first the 'facers' and then the 'backers' gaining the upper hand, there have been several compromises proposed. Simply crawling along under the knees of those already seated turned out to be a non-starter. not surprisingly, as was the Austrian proposal that new arrivals should invite those already seated to waltz them into position. Current favourite seems to be the idea that you should 'face' and 'back' alternately. British attempts to face both ways seem, once again, doomed to failure.