One-man Pub Crawl
 

I will be on holiday in London the last half of the month and, being a "colonial" (US), could I ask that some of the experienced travelers (and Londoners) offer some tips for surviving a "pub experience."

I am really interested in observing the setting and listening to the discussions (good natured arguments?) more than just getting "pissed." (Is that the right word for getting tipsy?)

Just the simple things like ordering, tipping, etc.

Any help appreciated, as always.

Cheers,

Ron

Rule 1, 2 and 3. Do NOT, ever, tip in pubs. Tipping anywhere is a horrible American habit. Attempting to introduce it into pubs is cultural imperialism and disrespectful to your hosts. Some London bars are beginning to display indications that the staff would like a tip (such as change being given in miniature saucers). Ignore them.
In the (in central London highly unlikely) event of your getting into a useful chat with the bar staff, or their doing something exceptional, offering them a drink is fine. And outside central London, an evening's session at the bar may easily involve enough chatting to ther staff to require a drink to be offered. But inside the tourist area, it's unlikely.
3. Go to the bar, order the drinks (almost always in cash) and pay on receipt of the drinks. Then take them to your seat. Tabs are unusual, though increasingly common in non-pub bars. You must specify that you want a tab opening at the very start of the operation.
4. If drinking with someone else, drinks are always ordered in rounds, paid for by one individual at a time. It is bad manners to fail to buy your round, and almost as bad to fail to allow companions to buy theirs. At any rate, if, say, five go out after work, you're the fifth and after four drinks really need to catch your train, you must acknowledge this and offer to buy a round on a subsequent occasion.
5. Beer worth drinking is drunk from glasses. Only adoloescents, poseurs and Texans (if you can tell the difference)drink straight from the bottle. In fact, drinking any bottled beer is rather strange.
6. Nothing to do with etiquette. But don't drink British lagers (sort of like American beer, only with a bit of taste). Safest to stick to European lagers, or British/Irish beer.
7. Phrases like "a beer please" or "three beers" do not exist in our dialect. The only correct phrase is "A pint of...(naming the beer concerned)"
8. The phrase "a half pint of...." is grammatically correct but a sure sign of effeteness and quiche-eating. Real men order pints, and leave them half-drunk.
9. The rules about striking up conversations with strangers in pubs are far too complex to get into a chatroom like this. Best avoided
10. Not a rule, but advance warning. There seems to be an increasing number of pubs in central London with bouncers on the door at weekend evenings refusing admission to any men unaccompanied by a woman. They seem to apply this rule even to harmless-looking old farts like me. When you see the damage English males can do to a pub, and what groups of them look like on a Saturday night, you'll understand. But it's not personal
11. For the true English pub experience, get outside central London.

"Nothing to do with etiquette. But don't drink British lagers (sort of like American beer, only with a bit of taste)..."

flanneruk: As always, your information is right on point. Now, if I might impose one more time, I would, indeed, like to try some of the British lagers. I have read Fodors and know they have stout, bitter, etc. Could you name a few I could order with aplomb...i.e. "A pint of......., please." Would I simply order "A pint of stout, please."

To answer those who are prone to snipe: Yes, I am an adult. Yes, I have been to a bar. Yes, I am a "dumb American." No, I have never been to London. Yes, I realize this is "yet another" naive question.

Now, for any help flanneruk (and any others who might care to contribute) can offer.

Cheers,

Ron

Ron, take Flanner's advice; don't order a British lager. These are mostly just foreign brand names - Fosters, Carling, Stella, Bud, brewed in England. ( I suppose Tennant's is an exception, but I'm not sure if that is much available in London.)

When you order a non-bottled bitter or ale or stout, you will know what the available brands are because they will be on the pumps right in front of you. So you would ask for a pint of London Pride, or Old Speckled Hen or Old Peculier, or Young's Bitter, or Bombardier, or whatever. If the place is not busy, you could always ask the barkeeper for advice; you make get tasting samples.

There are two London brewers, Fullers and Young's. Their main brands of real ale are London Pride and Young's Bitter, respectively. Most pubs in London that have real beer (and if they don't have real beer, you should leave and find another)will offer one or the other. They are both decent beers and I suggest you start with them. I prefer Young's, but you may differ. Then you can get more adventurous.

Diet, You will want to check out this website: Passport to the Pub. It gives you everything you want to know about Pub crawling.

http://www.sirc.org/publik/pub.html

Cheers!

dietdoctor,
The advice given by FlannerUK is spot on.
Just for further information,most lager served in pubs on draught and cans in supermarkets, Stella Artois, Grolch Kronenburg 1664 and Carlsberg export along with most lower alchol lagers are brewed in UK and several ofthe above in Magor which is near Newport South Wales.
Believe me this stuff tastes nothing like the real thing brewed in Belgium or Holland or Germany.
Take Rons advice and go for the darker beer which is brewed in UK but it is not pretending to be something its not.

Cheers;-)

Muck