I can hardly wait for my trip to London in a couple weeks LOL

"Metro envy"...gotta love it!

Ah, the hot dog venders! As fans of the Changing of the Guards, we have often been subjected to their vile odor upon entering the area in front of Buckingham Palace and St. James's Park. We try to joke about it but often really come close to losing it [our breakfasts]. Last summer they had pretty much "gone missing". I used to hope that the Queen had air-conditioning so that she wouldn't be "subjected" to that dreadful aroma. Wonder how many tourists get ill from them?

Additional dangers:

Stag nights.
Hen nights.
Scotch eggs.
The lamp on the table between the beds in the tiny hotel room I was in on my last visit. My travelling companion in the next bed rolled over, hit it with her arm, and beaned me in my sleep.

I loved this post! Even Albuquerque has their interesting people to avoid...there is a man who walks up and down central Avenue by the University who wears as little as possible with a protest sign for his protest du jour. I love London and all the things that makes London, London. We can't wait until we visit again, probably will try to staty at the Metropole again, loved the neighborhood and people around there!
Julie

When I moved to London, the things that confused or irritated me were:

- A 25 letter alphabet (why no t? and what's an 'aitch?)

- Trying to use any red phone box in central London and having to first extract a Japanese tourist who is having their photo taken wearing an inane grin whilst hanging out of said telephone box.

- Everyone saying "See you later" and me thinking "where?? when??? why aren't I invited??".

- Being prevented from crossing the road because Prince Bleeing Edward was driving past and then being told off by a policeman for calling him (Edward, not the copper) a poofter.

- Not being able to buy rissoles in chip shops.

- The same stupid people running for the same stupid train every morning.

- Trains that are only ever on time if you are 30 seconds late.

- Pearly Kings and Queens.

- Having to take different friends or relatives around the London sights every bloody weekend when they came to visit for free board and lodgings.

- £2 a pint at a time I was paying £1.30 at home.

- Volvo drivers (anywhere, anytime, anyplace).

- People who actually buy the Guardian.

- People reading my newspaper over my shoulder on the tube (ha ha, I started buying papers in Welsh).

- Living in London at a time when Yuppies were at their peak (and working near the City and having to listen to how many Porches they had).

- Foreigners asking where Westminister or Picallilly Circuis is and me pretending not to understand them.

- Old ladies putting a curse on me for not buying their Lucky Heather.

- Foreigners wearing white socks and trainers (uniquely American).

I can't stop laughing . . . serial vomiting in the West End.

Priceless!

Great post! Makes me want to go back to London.

My pick would definitely be crossing the street! I pulled my best friend off the road in the nick of time.

Scared me half to death.

I laughed at most things on this hilarious thread, but calling Scotch Eggs a hazard is too much. I love those things! Pork pies, too.

The only thing I found really dangerous about Britain was my "Practice Wife", a Brit.

:-)

Retiredatlast, you asked about the weather, and yes, it is indeed a danger.

If you wake up to a glorious sunny day, take your umbrella

If you wake up to a grey, wet day, then don't DON"T leave your hotel without your sunglasses

Last Thursday morning was a grey slightly chilly (60sF) day, and I wore a light jacket on my way to work. As I tramped home in the evening in glorious sunshine (low 70sF), I wore a tee shirt and a pair of shades. As I walked into my flat, the heavens opened wih a huge downpour. Go figure.

This week it's mid-high 80s all week, and destined to be humid.

(PS I had severe Metro envoy just this morning)

No metro envy for me this morning... but someone did lunge for it when I discarded it! Probably you, Kate!

Metro envy? Is this some Freudian subset of metrosexual?

Not me Kavey, I failed in my bid. The person I had an eye on actually put their Metro in their bag while they read their novel, would you believe it! The cheek of it LOL

A few more:

The sight of old naked people bathing at the ponds on Hampstead heath. Now I'm no Adonis myself - but by golly these people! They look like Hans Moleman from the Simpsons.

Australians: Nuff said. Still, I suppose beer doesn't pour itself.

South bloody Effrikans: Even worse. Where I live is like a suburb of Johanesburg, they have barbecues in the winter - and that accent!

Young people handing me flyers for an English Language school. Do I look foreign? (I don't. I'm not that glamourous)

The One Pound a slice Pizza available throughout the west end - like eating a slice of a duvet (and about as nutritious - you'd be better off eating the paper plate).

Mr Wu's All you can eat chinese buffet. Should be called "all that you can bring yourself to eat"

Starbucks (and their clones). Coffee is the devil's work. English people drink tea. American people throw tea in the harbour. That is why we are different. I actually get quite Taliban about this you know.

Anyone, just anyone, who thinks that wearing a FCUK t-shirt is is some way a bold thing to do. The joke wore thin a long time ago lads and lasses.

And - and this one is controversial - The Metro. What need does this fill? Who can't afford a newspaper? Who's life is measurably better by being 50p a day better off? Also it's a useless paper - it's just a cut and paste from the news wires. If you read the metro you might as well have a badge that says "I buy the dented tins in supermarkets".

David, The Metro has staples. And it's tabloid. I have no need to elbow anyone in the face or drop half the contents on the floor. And at 8 in the morning I am not fit for political commentary.

These things matter in the rush hour.

And I bet you still read the headlines of the person sitiing next to you...

Kate; not if they're reading the Guardian - tube rage is horrible to behold.

However it is literally impossible not to do so in a truly pervy way if they are "reading" the Star. I am geneticaly programmed to look at boobs. I can't help it. You tend not to get too many boobs in the Telegraph.

And don't get me started on Su Doku.....

I have truly enjoyed this thread! It has been 25 years since I was in London...much too long. My dad once said that he thought the most hazardous thing in London is the roundabouts. He got stuck driving around in a circle forever!!

You'd be shocked at how it's changed over the past couple of decades, and largely for the worst might I add...but as they say "people talk of the good old days" and really they weren't so good at all.

As for Sudoku, there's an amusing reference to it in "Dame Sylvie Krin" in "Private Eye" which goes something like this "...Charles and Camilla were serenaded by the music of the Sudoku player.." (it's not an instrument, but you get the picture).

Forget about caffee, tea is real lethal in London. I have never been able to finish one in all my visits. Isn't there any place you could get a decent cuppa without taking out a second mortgage?

But, the most dangerous about London is it is addicting/horribly expensive. Can't help wondering how lovely a 40ft boat I could have bought from the travel expenses!

These are all so true and SO FUNNY!

Oh David you grumpy old man you!