Fodor's Travel Talk Forums

Fodor's Travel Talk Forums (https://www.fodors.com/community/)
-   Europe (https://www.fodors.com/community/europe/)
-   -   My husband spends too long at each tourist attraction (https://www.fodors.com/community/europe/my-husband-spends-too-long-at-each-tourist-attraction-859106/)

WorldTraveler1024 Sep 13th, 2010 04:31 AM

My husband spends too long at each tourist attraction
 
I guess my husband and I are not travel compatible. I like travel but get so frustrated with him when we visit museums, historic and scenic sites. For example, he will go into a museum or an Art Gallery and insist that we spend basically the entire day there. After 3-4 hours I am getting bored and ready to move on to the next attraction but he is just getting started. By the 6th hour he is just getting started and I am frustrated. Finally we leave and I am so happy to get out of the place and he feels like he was being rushed!

So, when you travel does your spouse want to stay the same amount of time as you at various scenic, historical or cultural attractions? How can you compromise?

hetismij Sep 13th, 2010 04:43 AM

My husband is like yours, he has to read every label, see very exhibit, microscopically inspect every display.

Luckily he is not overly keen on most museums, or on cities, but he is a pain when we do visit one.

Usually I say when I have had enough, go and do my own thing and arrange to meet him somewhere later on.

Judy Sep 13th, 2010 04:56 AM

My husband is also a museum slow-poke. If it's art I'm right there with him, but history, not so much. We just agree to meet somewhere when he's done.

ira Sep 13th, 2010 04:59 AM

>After 3-4 hours I am getting bored and ready to move on to the next attraction....<

Have you ever considered Zoloft?

tod Sep 13th, 2010 04:59 AM

My husband is the photographer so I wander merrily ahead, find somewhere to sit and wait until he is satisfied he has enough shots. Sometimes I have to constantly look over my shoulder to check where he is - when he sees me do this he gives me a wave and I'm happy we haven't got seprated in the crowds. At least he keeps following me - he knows I know where we're going and where we are - he hasn't a clue!

sassy_cat Sep 13th, 2010 05:04 AM

Usually we're on the same wavelength regarding the length of time to spend at one attraction. But, we're not joined at the hip so if one of us wants more time the other is happy to sit or wander in the museum/gallery cafe, shop or garden for an hour or so.

As we often travel as a family of 3 or 4 this goes for our teenage children too. We arrange meeting points/ times.

How about agreeing to meet for lunch in, or near an attraction at a set time then start the day together; separate when you're ready to move on, meet for lunch and even your husband is free to return to the 'attraction' while you see something else.

sassy_cat Sep 13th, 2010 05:06 AM

oops should read.. even after lunch..

djkbooks Sep 13th, 2010 05:15 AM

My husband and I move pretty much at the same pace. But, in your situation, I'd plan to find a place nearby (another museum, shopping, lunch, even a cafe to sit and watch the world go by...) and agree on a time to meet later.

Aduchamp1 Sep 13th, 2010 05:28 AM

My wife reads every description including how to use the fire extinguisher, she is also a watercolorist.

One time, in a larger museum, we walked into a spoon collection each with an individual notation and if a gun was available, I am not sure whether I would have been suicidal or homicidal.

We simply agree to meet elsewhere at an agreed upon time or I bring a book for my own amusement but with the agreement of a specificied and limited time.

Judyrem Sep 13th, 2010 05:34 AM

Adu, LOL.
My DH spends more time on arms and armaments, and odd type gory minutiae: bog man, etc.
Me? I like furniture and costumes, best.

When we were in the Louvre in April, it was said, that it would take you 2 months to see everything there, spending around 10 seconds on each item.

WorldTraveler1024 Sep 13th, 2010 06:14 AM

From the OP again:

I mentioned to my husband that maybe we could meet at some public place at a certain time so we could each spend just as much time we need at a particular attraction. He said that was not practical because when he was satisfied that he had completed the tour of the museum or art gallery, I would likely be back at the hotel so it is like we are not even traveling together. He says an easier approach is for us to just not travel together, but then we can not go at all because I do not want to travel all the way to Italy alone.

hetismij Sep 13th, 2010 06:20 AM

Hmmm, it sounds like you need a sister or a good friend to go on holiday with, and let your husband do his own thing since he doesn't seem keen on compromise.

Alternatively you travel together but he does his thing and you do yours then you have something to talk about in the evenings.
Maybe you could take up photography or something to pursue while he visits his museums? Or find a cookery course or a language course?

I'm a photographer and often I'm out taking photos while he is in the museum, even though the light isn't always the best.

tod Sep 13th, 2010 06:52 AM

hetismij - O the light, the light! I hear it all the time....either it's too sunny & bright or too dull/dark for a quick photo. Quick photo? What's that?
Your suggestion to WorldTraveler1024 is worth a try on her and hubby's part. Next trip why not try it for the odd day and spend other days getting irritated.LOL

Mimar Sep 13th, 2010 07:21 AM

My husband and I split up sometimes. I go shopping or take a tour, he hits the casino or the pub. After a big fight on our first trip to Europe, we figured out we don't need to be joined at the hip. We make sure to have a hotel in a central location, easy to drop back to.

So what if you're not side by side part or all of some days. You are traveling together. You are together for breakfast, dinner and the night. At dinner you can tell each other about what you did or saw during the day.

sap Sep 13th, 2010 07:25 AM

It's funny to read about people's quirks.

I tend to need more time in the museums, but we're often on pace w/each other as we have similar interests. Like tod's husband, though, mine is a photography dawdler and a slower walker. We seem to trade turns being patient at sightseeing venues. With architecture, villages, shopping, etc. that hold more interest for me, his darn camera is actually quite an asset as it keeps him occupied taking his beloved clock, bench and door shots when he would otherwise be bored out of his mind.


For us, it's driving in unfamiliar territory and trying to follow a map that triggers marital tension; or trouble brews when my DH suddenly decides he doesn't want to go somewhere that has been on my itinerary and planned for months. Some rather serious "negotiations" often ensue.

colduphere Sep 13th, 2010 07:26 AM

"He said that was not practical because when he was satisfied that he had completed the tour of the museum or art gallery, I would likely be back at the hotel so it is like we are not even traveling together. He says an easier approach is for us to just not travel together."

Sorry but that sounds ludicrous. I think he is bluffing.

This was the first year we broke up three ways - I went one way, wife another, two teenagers another. It's the only way we can travel. Time to call his bluff.

StCirq Sep 13th, 2010 07:41 AM

I agree that's ludicrous. So what if you're back at the hotel? You still have the whole evening together. And why would any sane person want an unhappy traveling companion standing around in a museum for 6 hours when she didn't want to? At the end of the day, though, he's right. You shouldn't travel together. Sounds like a whole lot of unpleasantness for both of you.

I happen to have a marvelously travel-compatible SO, but I've certainly traveled in the past with people who weren't compatible with my style - slow walkers, food whiners, people who wanted to see things that didn't interest me at all - you just split up and meet later. Problem solved. But apparently your husband isn't willing to compromise.

Find a compatible person to travel with if you can't get past this. Or go alone - then you can do exactly as you please every minute of the day.

azzure Sep 13th, 2010 07:55 AM

This is a great thread as it's good to learn I'm not the only one with these complaints. Husband is a photographer who is seemingly ONLY interested in photography; if a place doesn't allow photography he doesn't want to spend time there. I thought he was going to take pictures of every single piece of art at the Musee D'Orsay!

I also have a friend who needs to read every word of every description; it's difficult to keep track of her in a crowded exhibit. She is also directionally challenged and several times I have had to go retrieve her as she has turned around and is heading back the way we've come.

I love to travel with my sister as our interests, and our interest levels, are nearly the same. It's so much more relaxing.

colduphere Sep 13th, 2010 08:04 AM

Any couple can split up. My wife gets lost in our house. But we split up in the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul last month when I couldn't stand her negotiating for useless trinkets any longer. I told her that our hotel was "in that direction", which is pretty funny if you have ever been in the Grand Bazaar. She found the hotel. Eventually.

cigalechanta Sep 13th, 2010 08:15 AM

The six minute Louvre
Saturday Evening Post, Oct, 1984 by Art Buchwald
Any sportsman will tell you that the only three things to see in the Louvre are the "Winged Victory of Samothrace," the "Venus de Milo" and the "Mona Lisa." The rest of the sculpture and paintings are just so much window dressing for the Big Three, and one hates to waste time in the Louvre when there is so much else to see in Paris.

Ever since the Louvre acquired these works of art, amateurs from all over the world have been trying to cut down the time it takes to see them. Before the war the world record was held by three Scandinavians, who had managed to make the course in seven minutes thirty-three seconds. This record stood until 1935, when a britisher, Mergenthaller Waisleywillow, paced by his Welsh wife, did it in seven minutes flat. Waisleywillow in his first attempt made it in six minutes and forty-nine seconds, but was disqualified when he forgot to make a complete circle of the "Venus de Milo."

The record stood until 1938, when a Stockholm man, known as the Swedish Cannonball, introduced sneakers and made it in six minutes and twenty-five seconds.

Sue878 Sep 13th, 2010 08:16 AM

Aduchamp1, thanks for the laugh on a Monday morning..

I think OP's husband is bluffing too just to get his way. My DH likes to spend more time in museums then I do also, but I just go find a cafe or go outside and people watch. If he's taking too long (IMO) I just keeping moving thru the museum at my pace. He's real good about compromising with everything.

Worldtraveler1024 - I'll go to Italy with you

catcrazyaf Sep 13th, 2010 09:00 AM

I'll go too. Let's make it a girls trip!

annhig Sep 13th, 2010 09:02 AM

in these days of mobile phones I don't see the OP's [or her DHs'] problem. He inspects the museum at his [snail's] pace, she goes round at hers, and when she's had her fill, she goes off to the cafe/shop/shops nearby. when he's finished, he texts her, and they meet up to discuss/argue.

somehow, though, i suspect [on his part] a different agenda. After all, 3-4 hours is an average [some might say long] time to spend in most museums, and his reaction to her suggestion is a pretty extreme one.

if all else fails, take a book.

Michel_Paris Sep 13th, 2010 09:06 AM

It sounds like the holiday is his, not both of yours. Let him do his thing, plan on meeting for lunch, late afternoon drink,etc..

I've travelled with others, and at some point the frustration level of giving up what I want to do versus their interests was ruining even the 'good times'.

Compromise...and letting each enjoy a trip as they see fit.

d_claude_bear Sep 13th, 2010 09:12 AM

Our dog spends a lot of time sniffing around each canine "tourist attraction." We find that a few strong tugs on his leash solves the problem, at least temporarily.

Have you tried that?

sassy_cat Sep 13th, 2010 09:19 AM

If your husband thinks it's not practical to travel together when a simple and very PRACTICAL solution is to split up during part of the day then maybe you could be equally 'awkward' and suggest rather than traveling separately it would be easier to divorce?

Be careful what you ask for! ;)

nytraveler Sep 13th, 2010 09:45 AM

We're fairly compatible middle of the roaders. But there are definitely some things that each of us likes better - so we just arange to meet later. There's no rule that you have to be joned at the hip the entire time.

ekscrunchy Sep 13th, 2010 10:24 AM

So don't travel with your husband.

Or split up during the day and meet for dinner before you move on tho those horrible Italian B&Bs with the terrible mattresses.

End of story.

Ackislander Sep 13th, 2010 10:32 AM

Trollin', trollin' trollin' down the highway . . . .

Has the OP ever had anything good to say about anything?

ekscrunchy Sep 13th, 2010 10:36 AM

Entire populations have been tarred with but a stroke of the keyboard. Very sad.


http://www.fodors.com/community/asia...ne-to-asia.cfm

In any case, it sounds like the marriage has been in shaky straits before:


http://www.fodors.com/community/asia...s-in-china.cfm


The OP was a male in the post above, but now seems to have had a change of orientation...

suze Sep 13th, 2010 10:38 AM

This is easy. Such an obvious answer!! You and your husband should split up during the day. So you can each do what interests you and at a pace you enjoy.

Set a time to meet back at the hotel so you can go out to dinner together.

Nothing worse than being rushed around by an impatient and bored person (from your husband's perspective) or being bored yourself (waiting around for him).

suze Sep 13th, 2010 10:40 AM

<He says an easier approach is for us to just not travel together>
Another good solution.

<because I do not want to travel all the way to Italy alone>
Why not? That's YOUR problem.

Dayenu Sep 13th, 2010 10:43 AM

- go have a nice lunch than pick him up at a museum

- "get lost" and "run into him" later in the day

- bring a book to read

- split after breakfast, agree to meet for dinner

- do you have to travel with your husband? apply for "wife swap" program or invent your own "husband swap"

- pull the fire alarm in a gallery when you are done with your sightseeing

ekscrunchy Sep 13th, 2010 12:29 PM

Please note that this poster was a man in an earlier incarnation but is now posting as a woman. Something smells fishy.

LoveItaly Sep 13th, 2010 12:38 PM

Ekscrunchy, in the back of my mind I was thinking an earlier post indicated the OP was a male or at least the husband. Thanks for posting those other threads as it was the "seperate hotel rooms in Asia" that I was sort of recalling. Perhaps a same sex couple and they decided to switch who was the wife and who was the husband? I sure don't know but my money would be this OP is a troll.

suze Sep 13th, 2010 12:51 PM

wow you guys are correct. this poster is THE MOST complaining-est one i've seen in a long time. they have negative experiences no matter where they go... china, asia, europe. nothing but PROBLEMS!

kathcoll Sep 13th, 2010 01:36 PM

So far she/he has been to Cancun, China and Italy since March and hasn't particularly enjoyed any of them.

If I had their travel budget and vacation time off from work, I think I'd find a way to be happier!

Dayenu Sep 13th, 2010 02:25 PM

"The record stood until 1938, when a Stockholm man, known as the Swedish Cannonball, introduced sneakers and made it in six minutes and twenty-five seconds." - I bet it's faster on a segway!

jubilada Sep 13th, 2010 03:30 PM

LoveItaly: same sex couples don't switch wife/husband. I know you're just being funny, but still....

ParisAmsterdam Sep 13th, 2010 03:30 PM

The OP should get the police from the Rome train station to 'move him along'! ;^)


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:42 AM.