My European Trip Report

Old Nov 4th, 2006, 06:40 AM
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My European Trip Report

DAY ONE: Flew over the Ocean and landed on next day.

DAY TWO: We drove to some place with a funny name. I slept most of the time so I didn't get to see much. Our hotel was really little and sucked because we didn't have Play Station or even Nintendo games on the TV. I mean, we didn't even have a TV! Where are the castles we were supposed to see?

DAY THREE: Got up early because of some stupid cows mooing outside my window. Our breakfast was boring - a bunch of rolls, hardboiled eggs that weren't cooked long enough and meat on a big tray. Who eats meat for breakfast? Got in the car and slept some more. I think I saw us go by (or over) some big mountains. Mom and Dad went into some kind of wooden looking building and bought stuff. I stayed in the car and listened to my Ipod. Then we drove someplace else. We stayed in another gross hotel that they called a "Ghast House". It wasn't even haunted. No TV. Boring.

DAY FOUR: Maybe today we'll hit the mall. We're supposed to be going to a big city with a name that sounds like those little guys in the Wizard of Oz - Munchkin I think. Breakfast was a little better today. At least they had Frosted Flakes even though they didn't have nearly enough sugar on them. We drove a couple more boring hours to Munchkin. There is a lot of nothing here - no shopping centers, no Taco Bells, no billboards to read. The only thing they seem to have a lot of are cows and churches. In this city Dad parked the car at a train station. That was kind of cool inside. It was kind of busy and dark and noisy. What I liked were all the stores and food stands. Unfortunately all the food stands had were ugly hot dogs that must've been sitting in the water for way too long: they turned white. Dad ordered us some and I just drank the soup they were in. SOme German people nearby started laughing at me - probably because we were dumb enough to order such disgusting things to eat. I looked at them and with a big smile, pointed to the hot dogs that I had the sense not to touch. Then they laughed even more. They were probably drunk because they were each drinking beer from a pitcher. Then we got on a bus that drove us around town for awhile. I got to watch a couple episodes of "Big Brother" on my Ipod during that time. The guy kept talking on the bus loudspeaker so it made it kind of hard to follow what I was watching. Rude. We stayed at a nicer hotel. At least it had a TV and mini-bar. Mom had a cow just because I drank two little cokes that were in it. 15 Euro? Big deal. That's like a buck fifty in our money. They made me walk around downtown at dinnertime. We got on a street with no cars and it was sweeeeet! Lots of shoe stores and even some record stores (from what I could see in the shop windows these kids are in a 6 month old time warp - My Chemical Romance is so early 2006). But instead of going in the stores, my parents kept going in churches and a sort of wicked museum that had a lot of guns and dead animals. I got real excited after we left the museum because I saw a major Micky D's. But they pushed on down the road. We walked through some kind of outdoor food store. I saw some dead naked bunnies hanging up outside one place. My parents got all wierd and excited about the food. Dad must've taken a hundred pictures of fruit. Then we walked to a big building with lots of wood stuff on the walls and ceiling and lots of smoke in the air. They were playing some truly bad music. It felt like a wedding. The place had another wierd name that reminded me of Victoria's Secret -Hoffs Bra House. Mom and Dad each got a pitcher of beer which they didn't finish and my brother and I got lemon Cokes even though our waitress asked if we wanted beer too. Everybody around us seemed to be eating those grotty white hot dogs. I got a monster pretzel and some kind of apple pie thing. Mom and Dad embarassed us by getting up and dancing with some guy who looked like Santa Claus wearing green football pants.

DAY FIVE: Mom and Dad let us sleep longer today. I think Dad had enough of these dopey breakfasts too becaue this morning we slept through it. Before we left the hotel, Dad had Mom scramble around looking for his dark sunglasses - it wasn't even sunny out. Then we walked to some wierd doctor/drug store place called "Apple Take A". The doctor guy working in there sounded like Arnold S. but his English was ghood. Dad whispered something to him and Dad bought some pills from him. Then we actually got to have some fun. We went to the shopping area. Mom and Dad kept going in souvenir shops buying postcards and mugs. My brother and I wanted to find some electronic stuff because I heard the Germans make some pretty good electric stuff. We eventually went in a big department store. I saw a really cool speaker set-up for my Ipod but I couldn't get it because Dad said the Germans use a different kind of electicity. Yeah, right. They did let us get Swiss Army knives, but they wouldn't let us have them yet. The parents said we were going to a palace in the afternoon. That sounded interesting. I imagined a nice dark scary stone building. When we got to this "palace" it was just a big, long white building that looked old. I was bored to death walking through a bunch of gardens then going inside to look at plates. Stupid. The only cool thing was that when I went to the bathroom, the toilet sprays some sort of germ killer on the seat after you flush. The toilet was wierd in another really gross way. When you do your duty, what you did just sits in a tray until you flush. What's up with that? We did a lot more walking and then ate at another place with big beer glasses. Dad ordered us some kind of tasty meat with brown gravy on it. There was a really gross looking salad that Mom took from me. The best part was the spaghetti noodles with gravy on them. For dessert I ordered ice cream. When they brought it out, everybody in the place stared at me because it was humongous. Nobody could believe I ate the whole thing.

DAY SIX: Maybe we should have gotten up for breakfast yesterday because this hotel has one cool spread. We had a big choice with lots of juices, 4 different cereals, a guy cooking whatever eggs you wanted (why are their eggshells brown?), bacon, baked beans (?), and hash browns plus big trays of meat and really hard rolls. I really liked the hard rolls. I had three of them with scrambled eggs and cheese stuffed inside. They even had ketchup. Later we got back in the car and drove pretty far. I know it was afr because my stomach was hurting a long time. When we got there Dad kept cursing and telling Mom he wasn't lost. We drove past the same places three or four times. Once we passed an actual mall! But Dad wouldn't stop. He had to see the "Mozart stuff". We finally parked inside a big cave that looked like a bomb shelter. Then we walked to a real long skinny street with lots of stores selling leather coats and stinky fish. I got a Coke and giant pretzel. Then we went in an old house that was really a museum. I don't remember much except seeing a big clunky piano and a lot of yellow paper with music on it. Then we left and looked at a lot of statues. We took a ride in a carriage but I kept feeling bad for the horses who had to pull all of us. They got even though because they both pooped at about the same time and we all gagged. My mom kept wanting to see "Sound of Music" places. Everything she saw she had to say "this is where Leezel and Ralph..." or "I think this was the place that Maria spilled the apples". I didn't get it. I've seen "Sound of Music" on TV a couple times, mainly cause Mom makes us sit down as a family and watch. But she does the same thing with the "Wizard of Oz". Is the Emerald city next? Our hotel was out of town in some place with a really wicked name I can't remember. All I know is that Dad kept bringing up the fact that Hitler liked it there. And I though Hitler was supposed to be a bad guy. That town was kind of fun though. There was snow on top of the mountains and we saw a couple waterfalls. We stayed in some people's house which made me really nervous at bedtime. Like, what if they were ax-murderers that lured Americans there just to chop them up and feed to their stupid cows and goats? There were locks on the door which was good, but I was worried about somebody coming up on our balcony, smashing the window and then chopping us up. Then I fell asleep.

DAY SEVEN: The lady who owns this house was really, really nice. When my brother and I didn't seem interested in eating the meats from the platter, she made us scrambled eggs and some really chewy bacon. It was really good. Then she told my parents about some hiking trails we kids might like. That morning we walked through a couple pastures where we got to pet some sheep and cows. Everybody else out hiking smiled at us and said "Gruss Gott" which is how they say "Are you Americans"? Mom kept looking for Edelvice, whatever that is. Dad kept telling us to keep our eyes peeled for forts and bomb shelters left over from World War II. We didn't see any of that, just lots of fields and cows. After that we went to the best thing we did all trip - we took a tour of the salt mine. We put on real cool costumes, road a train, went down a couple loooooong wooden sliding boards, road on a boat on an underground lake and listened to a boring movie about salt. We got free salt at the end, but I lost mine on the train ride back out of the mountain. After that we had to go in some more churches. We had dinner at a restaurant with lots of girls wearing hot costumes. I hardly remember what I had because this older girl, she was about 18, kept smiling at me. I ate some kind of pizza/omellete.

DAY EIGHT: I slept pretty well last night. The German lady that owns our place let us watch some TV in her living room. It was all in German so we couldn't understand most of it. I did guess a couple of the answers on the game show we watched. At breakfast, she made us eggs again and hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream. We said goodbye. I think Dad had a crush on the lady because he asked for her email address. Then we drove all morning to a big hotel at the airport. We ate a big dinner and went swimming in the indoor pool. We should have stayed here all trip! I got a hamburger for dinner but it wasn't as good as a Whopper. After dinner we drove into Frankfurt and did some shopping. I got a couple miniature cars and a book about castles. Dad said next time we come to Germany he'll take us to see some castles if we want. Duhhhhhhhh.
Zeus is offline  
Old Nov 4th, 2006, 07:02 AM
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Glad you made it to Sweden! Now you can tell all of your friends about it!
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Old Nov 4th, 2006, 07:17 AM
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unaS is offline  
Old Nov 4th, 2006, 07:22 AM
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Old Nov 4th, 2006, 07:30 AM
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Zeus - Too EFFIN funny. Thank you for a great start to my day.

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Old Nov 4th, 2006, 07:32 AM
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Absolutely wonderful and so, so true!
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Old Nov 4th, 2006, 07:33 AM
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And there's definietly one Fodorite here who can play the part of the IPod when they make this into a movie!
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Old Nov 4th, 2006, 07:53 AM
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I hope that your parents remembered to tip the pilot.
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