MOLVANIA?
 

Who has been there? Any comments?

Molvanîa is Europe's best kept secret and is clearly the next hot tourist destination to be discovered. Get there before it is spoiled.

Sadly, there is already a Macdonald's and Burger King in Lutenblag. Can Starbucks be next?

Only fat moles with buck teeth go there. The food stinks and all you see
are rodents begging in the streets. But the exchange rate is very good against the dollar.

Hi G,

I haven't been there yet, but am currently planning to include about 4 nights in Lutenblag.

Can anyone recommend a reasonably priced, airconditioned hotel that has great views, a balcony, full American breakfast, ensuite bath and a heavy-duty hairdryer, in a neighborhood central to all the important sites, yet away from the noise and not frequented by tourists?

Will I need a plug adapter and a convertor? We will have a Cam corder, digital camera, cell phone, laptop, Ipod, electric toothbrush and portable TV.

Don't forget to take washcloths with you. You may import one per person free of customs duties, but will be detained for attempting to purchase or sell them locally.

ira, I think the Rat Hole Hotel on Cheddar St fits your requirements.
Will you be needing a room for your luggage porters?

"Fat moles with buck teeth"!

Degas shows typical American self-centredness.

Molvanians don't share the bizarre obsession you have in the US with making the world safe for orthodontists. They practice natural oral hygiene, insisting everything that goes into their mouth come from organic, non-GM, meat or vegetables, or in direst cases, recycled antiques. "A land unkown to modern dentistry" is how the words on their coins translater into English. No Molvanian would ever allow himself to be polluted by tootbrushes or dentifrice (though they do sometimes grab a handful of twings and some baking soda). When, in the natural way, teeth fall out, Roman denarii, from the ample store in the ground, are melted down to replace them.

Molvanians are short. They take pride in this too: it demonstrates their pure descent from the Roman legionaries that occupied them briefly, uncontaminated by later marauding Vikings or Vandals (except of course when England is playing football in Molavania).

Molvanians' closeness to nature means they eat when there's food and starve when there's not. Feckless American tourists stay away in winter, so they see Molvanians only in summer, when they're large. Of course if Americans ever watched football, they'd have seen how thin the team were when they famously beat Northern Ireland 5-4 last November. But, insulated in their own cocoon, you Americans continue to stereotype these proud defenders of Central European values.

As always on this board, "fat moles with buck teeth " displays an Americocentric view of the world that I find offensive,

Fodors should remove this post. immediately.

Ira: I recommend the Rojal Palatz Hotjl in Lutenblag, which is the best in town, altough you will probably have to compromise on most of your requirements.

You can take all your electrical appliances, but you will need a transformer to convert to 37 volts. As these are difficult to find, you will have to buy one once you get to Lutenblag. The colourful weekly market held in the Platka di Busjbusjl would be the best place to find one.

You would be wise to keep your guard up at all times and store your wheat and oat supplies in a metal suitcase with triple locks.

And don't ever attempt to feed any moles in the street no matter how cute and harmless they look. They can turn vicious in an instant. One bite will send you to the hospital for a long series of anti-molaria shots!

Ankle protectos are a must!

How inexpensive is inexpensive in Molvanîa? I`m a little terrified by some posters who claim that Molvanîa is sooo inexpensive. Or do they mean it is cheap?

How are chances to meet m_kingdom in Molvanîa?

Brobra laverendrye

Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo

Can anyone recommend a driver for day tours? There will be six of us. Will we need a van or will individual donkeys be better?

Zikavska Ira!

You won't need donkeys if you stay in Lutenblag, but vans are hard to find, as most of them are usually smuggled over the border. The best way for a group of your size to sightsee in Lutenblag is by tractor. As you possibly know, the Molvanîan government has recently introduced incentives for more than 15 people on a tractor.

If you are travelling outside Lutenblag, particularly in the Molvanîan Alps, you will want to consider donkeys, but make sure that you don't get donkeys that have been specially bred for the national sport of Plutto.

Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo! (May God send you a sturdy donkey)

We've never been to Molvania before and need advice on weather and what to wear. (I know there are web sites for this - but just don;t have the time).

Will it be cold in the Molvanian Alps in winter? Will it be warm in Lutenblag in the summer? Do we have to have AC? Or just take large palm fronds for waving?

I know we'll need boots to protect our ankles - but what type of boots should we wear for the new years eve cotillion? And is it OK for the beau to just wear his lederhosen and hiking boots to the cotlliiion - or will he have to bring long pants (we're flying elcheapoair and so only taking brown bags - no real luggage - so don't have room for other clothes)?

It will be bitterly cold in the Molvanîan Alps in winter, and oppressiely hot in Lutenblag in summer. However, you will not need AC, which in Molvanîa works on air currents passed over large blocks of ice, and is usually only available in the winter months. Palm fronds are unavailable due to the prohibitive tariffs designed to protect the domestic air conditioning industry. Do what Molvanîans have done for centuries and wear a long thick sheepskin coat winter and summer, which insulates nicely from the heat and the cold.

I would advise against wearing lederhosen unless you want to be identified as an adherent of the neo-Nazi Jsalter Party.

>...is it OK for the beau to just wear his lederhosen and hiking boots to the cotlliiion...<

Only if the boots are black.

I see on an internet search that the currency there is the "ayo", pronounced like I-O, not to be confused with the euro, pronounced E-Roh.
At any rate, can anyone tell me if the ATMs are dependable there?
Or should I hop over to my local bank for a few thousand "ayo"(there is no plural). I hate getting off a plane at Lutenblag International jet-lagged and all.
Let's go to Lutenblag!

Hi platz,

No need to worry about getting ayo. Just bring a lot of $1 bills.

Chocolate, cigarettes and nylons are also useful.

Will I stick out as an American tourist if I wear capris? Should I bring my umbrella and if so, should I bring my 16" collapsible or my golf umbrella? Which size suitcase should I bring for a 7 day vacation??

Make sure you get vaccinated for whooping cough before you go!

I cut one day off the stay in Lutenblag and add it to Venice.