LUGGAGE DISAPPEARS
 

As soon as the luggage disappeared into the maw of the airport I knew that I had practice packed once too often. In my rush to get my sneakers and "I'm With Stupid" t-shirts into my single 26" I knew that this would happen. Now I was faced with a real problem. I could....

just wear my pink jogging suit another day, then shop for jeans tomorrow. Or roll around in a mud puddle to turn my clothes into an acceptable "black" shade. If that doesn't work...

... I can still mug somebody's pareo when at the hammam in Paris. And then, I'll look terribly fancy. Ready for an expensive meal at ....

the McDonalds on Blvd. St. Germain. But at least I still have on my black Mephistos so tomorrow I'll go to...

EuroDisney to experience the "real" Europe all in one place! Sadly, the metro and RER workers were on strike so I had to...

rent a car to get there. Unfortunately, I could not find the right exit off the Peripherique, so I drove in circles around Paris until

....I made a wrong turn and wound up driving up the stairs of the Eiffel Tower. I was so busy dodging people, I forgot to count the number of steps. Once I made my way back down I...

ditched the silly car-gave me such bad luck! Instead I was able to buy my carte orange so I boarded the metro to Notre Dame. I just wanted some peace and quiet and maybe eat some Berthillon ice cream. But no! After I got off at Notre Dame I ran into some gypsies who...

I just missed hitting PUP who was on the way up. Phew! If had hit PUP, Worried, my cousin, would have been on my case in a flash.<BR>As I drove misty eyed but satisfied through the fountains in Paris, I....

wore open toed sandals, which raised everyone's eyebrows. Then we decided to go to the Louvre to....

just have lunch. We were setting our trays down when . . .

a tall handsome stranger poured his red wine all over my t-shirt. What to do now as I noticed that my winsome heart began to skip beats. I really should....

invite him over to sit with me. Then I will ask him to go with me to the Sistine Chapelle. They say the Chapelle has a very good ....

graffiti wall, and oh yes, a nice ceiling as well. The tall stranger sets down his Coke Lite and ......

...leaned over and whispered in my ear...

mon amour, voulez vous couchez avec moi, c'est soir. Which of course, I didn't understand, and answered to him...

Gesundheit por favor. Donde esta su bano!? To which he gazes into my eyes and.....

...dam shame I spilled ze wine cheri, but this coca tastes manifique. Only then did I understand that..

paris is magnifique. Ze wine, ze peeple, ze sites are wundervar. I still had to track my luggage, so I asked Pierre (yes his name is Pierre) ....

<BR>Pierre.....<BR>Donde esta su bano?

Pierre says, "el bano is a singer baby", and that is when I realize he is talking about Al Bano, a whole different country at that, so I know he isn't very bright, but...

So I said too handsome and sexy Pierre....Voulez vous pain an chocolat?...<BR><BR>Non, amour, vin and moi and vous......

<BR>Pierre said.....Cheri, Your luggage has apperared...Voila!!!!<BR>Your t shirts are here. Your huge white sneakers are here!<BR>But alas, your real problems start because.......

.. I don't have a pair of sneakers that are your size!

... I don't have a bidet at home.

...the labels are all in Greek. "What," I exclaimed, "how could that be? I bought then at a boutique on the Rue Tatin." <BR>"Tante pis," muttered Pierre with his boozy breath. Now you muct do as I say or else...."

I will show you how to turn those bit white sneakers into fashion shoes with aid of the bidet. I was horrified, my Nike White Sneakers in a Bidet???!!! So I ask Pierre, "what is a bidet?", and he says...

"a bidet, Madame, is to foil zhee pickpockeets! Put all your valuables in zhare, strap eet ayround your west, and no one weel steal your maw nay!"

"Oh'" she exclaimed. I thought it was for drowning kittens and soaking sneakers."<BR>"Mais non," he muttered, "it's only ze Nor Ameicans who belive that. Les bee-days are really for...

.. cooling beer bottles in it.

But what about zupper tonight, mon cheri? Ze wezer is just wonderful, and the pate and oysters exquisite. Let us stroll down the Champs Elysee and talk about....

About many things.<BR>Of ships and planes<BR>and cabbages and kings.<BR><BR>"Non, non a zousand times non. I want to see your limpid....."

not fun antmore

boobeez. "Boobies!" I exclaim. Pierre, you dissapoint me, you...

Dearr Me:<BR>I agree it's time to change threads. Let's all move to the Barges on the Seine one and begin anew.