Life Jackets on Gondolas in Venice?
Feb 20th, 2004, 10:22 AM
#81
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She's 40 and she's allowing her parents to dictate her every move??? Is this for real?
Where does SHE want to go?
And Faith, Bless you for helping her break out of this cocoon she's been living in...hopefully she'll learn from you and finally start living her own life.
Where does SHE want to go?
And Faith, Bless you for helping her break out of this cocoon she's been living in...hopefully she'll learn from you and finally start living her own life.
Feb 20th, 2004, 10:29 AM
#82
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I'm confused. Does Cousin even want to go to Venice? Or is that where FaithonHoliday wants to go and has generously offered to bring Cousin along? If Cousin isn't interested in Venice (hard to believe, but not everyone is), don't go there. There are so many wonderful places to go in Italy and elsewhere that would not stir up her phobia.
Feb 20th, 2004, 10:39 AM
#83
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It does get confusing doesn't it? We have an oddball family, what can I say?
She wants to go to Venice on one hand but is afraid on the other so I am going to skip Venice - I don't want her to have a panic attack while I am there alone with her, I will take this a step at a time for her, then go back on my own later in the year (if I have any strength left!).
Cousin is called Bambi now days, short for Bambina (her father is Italian heritage). She would hate to know I am writing to strangers about her, but she is completely inexperienced in (all aspects) of life, and all you know is that my name is Faith, so it is ok.
She wants to go to Venice on one hand but is afraid on the other so I am going to skip Venice - I don't want her to have a panic attack while I am there alone with her, I will take this a step at a time for her, then go back on my own later in the year (if I have any strength left!).
Cousin is called Bambi now days, short for Bambina (her father is Italian heritage). She would hate to know I am writing to strangers about her, but she is completely inexperienced in (all aspects) of life, and all you know is that my name is Faith, so it is ok.
Feb 20th, 2004, 10:56 AM
#84
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There is an infinitesimally small risk that the wrong person will read this - - but I knew someone who lived with her parents - - in a child like way until she was about 60 or 65. I knew her from the time I was about 8, I think (she was 23?); she was like a maiden aunt to my family.
I never thought that her parents were really controlling of her life. She functioned fabulously in her chosen career, and she traveled much of the United States - - maybe not abroad with some cousins of hers, and maybe solo some.
A brother of hers was killed by lightning when they were early adolescents, and the dad coulde never reconcile himself to celebrate Christmas - - at least not visibly - - in their home, and yet this person certainly celebrated it in her heart and in giving and receiving gits to/from others.
Her dad died about ten years ago, and I undersatand that they did start to introduce a wreath or something after that - - I don't know if they ever made it all the way to a tree or not.
Her mother died about two years ago, and she finally sold the house the three of them had occupied, bought a new condo for herself, and continues to live a solitary, but hardly useless life. Is it pathologic? Maybe, I don't know.
I mostly hear about her because she babysits my youngest sister's two small kids now.
My point is that I think that there are all kinds of families. Maybe one % of ALL families could benefit from a therapist. Maybe 40%. Maybe 99%.
Speaking about faith's cousin or other family members with such freakish language would make me uncomfortable if I witnessed in my own family.
I never thought that her parents were really controlling of her life. She functioned fabulously in her chosen career, and she traveled much of the United States - - maybe not abroad with some cousins of hers, and maybe solo some.
A brother of hers was killed by lightning when they were early adolescents, and the dad coulde never reconcile himself to celebrate Christmas - - at least not visibly - - in their home, and yet this person certainly celebrated it in her heart and in giving and receiving gits to/from others.
Her dad died about ten years ago, and I undersatand that they did start to introduce a wreath or something after that - - I don't know if they ever made it all the way to a tree or not.
Her mother died about two years ago, and she finally sold the house the three of them had occupied, bought a new condo for herself, and continues to live a solitary, but hardly useless life. Is it pathologic? Maybe, I don't know.
I mostly hear about her because she babysits my youngest sister's two small kids now.
My point is that I think that there are all kinds of families. Maybe one % of ALL families could benefit from a therapist. Maybe 40%. Maybe 99%.
Speaking about faith's cousin or other family members with such freakish language would make me uncomfortable if I witnessed in my own family.
Feb 20th, 2004, 11:23 AM
#86
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Rex, thanks for the kind words, she is like your friend and very lovable. She looks at you with her big innocent eyes and you just want to help her.
Please read my Fearful Cousin question to give me any advice.
Please read my Fearful Cousin question to give me any advice.
Feb 20th, 2004, 11:59 AM
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<Jocelyn steps up on her soap box>
Rex, I see your point, but I have also witnessed similar situations, in my extended family as well as in my professional career as a speech-language pathologist (more than once), and have a different take on it. In all the cases I know, the adult child has a disability, which is blown way out of proportion in the parents' mind. The parent feels they have to do every little thing for their "disabled child" and the poor thing can't learn to do anything on his/her own. This overprotectiveness causes unnecessary anxiety for all people involved and the words "obsessive" and "controlling" are very appropriate. This behavior is particularly harmful because the child has no reason to learn to communicate, as Mommy anticipates all their wants and needs. When Mommy's gone, either a surrogate needs to step in and take on the Mommy role, or the child is completely lost with no basic communication skills to get through life. When I see a young child who's just been diagnosed with a communication disorder, no matter how mild, one of the first things I do is assess the parents. If I see this pattern developing I try to nip it in the bud and explain to them why their "help" isn't always helpful in the long run. Faith's cousin may not have a true disability, but because of the traumatic experience that she had early in life, it sounds like the parents have taken a similar course. Certainly understandable, but definitely not helpful to anyone.
Rex, I'm glad that your family friend has managed to live a normal life under her circumstances, and I hope that Faith's cousin is/can as well, but this story sounds all too familiar to me. Faith, you say you want to "help her." Trust me, the best way to help her is to encourage her to make her OWN decisions instead of enabling the dependency she's so accustomed to.
And yes, of course, all of us could use at least a few hours of professional counseling!
<Jocelyn steps down from soap box>
Who needs soap operas when you have Fodors?
Rex, I see your point, but I have also witnessed similar situations, in my extended family as well as in my professional career as a speech-language pathologist (more than once), and have a different take on it. In all the cases I know, the adult child has a disability, which is blown way out of proportion in the parents' mind. The parent feels they have to do every little thing for their "disabled child" and the poor thing can't learn to do anything on his/her own. This overprotectiveness causes unnecessary anxiety for all people involved and the words "obsessive" and "controlling" are very appropriate. This behavior is particularly harmful because the child has no reason to learn to communicate, as Mommy anticipates all their wants and needs. When Mommy's gone, either a surrogate needs to step in and take on the Mommy role, or the child is completely lost with no basic communication skills to get through life. When I see a young child who's just been diagnosed with a communication disorder, no matter how mild, one of the first things I do is assess the parents. If I see this pattern developing I try to nip it in the bud and explain to them why their "help" isn't always helpful in the long run. Faith's cousin may not have a true disability, but because of the traumatic experience that she had early in life, it sounds like the parents have taken a similar course. Certainly understandable, but definitely not helpful to anyone.
Rex, I'm glad that your family friend has managed to live a normal life under her circumstances, and I hope that Faith's cousin is/can as well, but this story sounds all too familiar to me. Faith, you say you want to "help her." Trust me, the best way to help her is to encourage her to make her OWN decisions instead of enabling the dependency she's so accustomed to.
And yes, of course, all of us could use at least a few hours of professional counseling!
<Jocelyn steps down from soap box>
Who needs soap operas when you have Fodors?
Feb 20th, 2004, 01:06 PM
#91
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However did I miss this endlessly entertaining thread?
Ah, the marvelous varieties of the dysfunctional family! Faith, you deserve an award for taking your cousin on this trip, and hopefully it will be the beginning of a less insular life for her. I would also choose the first class option and leave Venice for another trip. The main thing is to get this poor woman out there into the world and show her that there is life to be lived outside her parents' house. Her parents certainly do not have her best interest at heart by continuing to "take care" of their 40-year-old as if she were 17. Some of you may think it's "eccentric," but it sounds emotionally crippling to me.
Ah, the marvelous varieties of the dysfunctional family! Faith, you deserve an award for taking your cousin on this trip, and hopefully it will be the beginning of a less insular life for her. I would also choose the first class option and leave Venice for another trip. The main thing is to get this poor woman out there into the world and show her that there is life to be lived outside her parents' house. Her parents certainly do not have her best interest at heart by continuing to "take care" of their 40-year-old as if she were 17. Some of you may think it's "eccentric," but it sounds emotionally crippling to me.
Feb 20th, 2004, 01:36 PM
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Faith: Don't know why I didn't think of it before when reading this thread earlier, and actually don't know how much of an idea it will give you of what Venice is like, but here's a website for a webcam of the grand canal near the Rialto Bridge:
http://turismo.regione.veneto.it/webcam/index.htm
It's pitch black at the moment, but sometime tomorrow you should get a decent view.
I'm truly sorry about your cousin's situation and admire you for interceding. As an only child, I was treated like I was made of glass, but never to the extent you describe. Broke loose early on and had good relationships with my family thankfully. Have been a bit of a rebel ever since.
http://turismo.regione.veneto.it/webcam/index.htm
It's pitch black at the moment, but sometime tomorrow you should get a decent view.
I'm truly sorry about your cousin's situation and admire you for interceding. As an only child, I was treated like I was made of glass, but never to the extent you describe. Broke loose early on and had good relationships with my family thankfully. Have been a bit of a rebel ever since.
Feb 20th, 2004, 03:51 PM
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Interesting how this story has evolved on the two threads.
When it started, cousin was maybe going to join Faith on Faith's trip to Italy, but they needed to know about life jackets on gondolas because cousin couldn't swim.
Soon, cousin turned out to be naive, Victorian, and sheltered in her parents' guest house (!) watching old movies every day. Not only couldn't she swim, she'd nearly drowned. The gondola issue was rendered moot by the fact that she was now too phobic to even go near canals because water might wash over her. (Presumably her parents carried her over puddles at home.) Calling Tennessee Williams.
The trip was no longer Faith's, but was being financed and directed by the parents of Bambi with her "big, innocent eyes."
I think we can all draw our own conclusions.
If it walks like a troll....
When it started, cousin was maybe going to join Faith on Faith's trip to Italy, but they needed to know about life jackets on gondolas because cousin couldn't swim.
Soon, cousin turned out to be naive, Victorian, and sheltered in her parents' guest house (!) watching old movies every day. Not only couldn't she swim, she'd nearly drowned. The gondola issue was rendered moot by the fact that she was now too phobic to even go near canals because water might wash over her. (Presumably her parents carried her over puddles at home.) Calling Tennessee Williams.
The trip was no longer Faith's, but was being financed and directed by the parents of Bambi with her "big, innocent eyes."
I think we can all draw our own conclusions.
If it walks like a troll....
Feb 20th, 2004, 04:14 PM
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Before I go for the day: we are real people, who could make this up?
I was musing with my cousin about her joining me on a trip I was planning to take to Venice, her mother overheard us and put in her two cents of warnings.
I came here to ask about life jackets so I could tell her.
Then it all puffed up from there, Cousin told her father, they decided to pay for the trip and have it their way and I agreed, then he bought the tickets so we could go on her birthday, etc.
Anyway, thanks again, and bye for now.
I was musing with my cousin about her joining me on a trip I was planning to take to Venice, her mother overheard us and put in her two cents of warnings.
I came here to ask about life jackets so I could tell her.
Then it all puffed up from there, Cousin told her father, they decided to pay for the trip and have it their way and I agreed, then he bought the tickets so we could go on her birthday, etc.
Anyway, thanks again, and bye for now.
Feb 20th, 2004, 06:53 PM
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All you people really got off on the wrong track here concerned about the naive and overprotected cousin.
I'm much more concerned about the clashing of the orange life jacket with her pink jogging suit! What if she's not wearing comfortable shoes when she falls off the gondola? And what if she leaves her healthy back bag back in the hotel? I'm finding this way too stressful. Please tell Cousin that she should skip this trip. I'll be too worried!
I'm much more concerned about the clashing of the orange life jacket with her pink jogging suit! What if she's not wearing comfortable shoes when she falls off the gondola? And what if she leaves her healthy back bag back in the hotel? I'm finding this way too stressful. Please tell Cousin that she should skip this trip. I'll be too worried!
