She's 40 and she's allowing her parents to dictate her every move??? Is this for real?

Where does SHE want to go?

And Faith, Bless you for helping her break out of this cocoon she's been living in...hopefully she'll learn from you and finally start living her own life.

I'm confused. Does Cousin even want to go to Venice? Or is that where FaithonHoliday wants to go and has generously offered to bring Cousin along? If Cousin isn't interested in Venice (hard to believe, but not everyone is), don't go there. There are so many wonderful places to go in Italy and elsewhere that would not stir up her phobia.

It does get confusing doesn't it? We have an oddball family, what can I say?

She wants to go to Venice on one hand but is afraid on the other so I am going to skip Venice - I don't want her to have a panic attack while I am there alone with her, I will take this a step at a time for her, then go back on my own later in the year (if I have any strength left!).

Cousin is called Bambi now days, short for Bambina (her father is Italian heritage). She would hate to know I am writing to strangers about her, but she is completely inexperienced in (all aspects) of life, and all you know is that my name is Faith, so it is ok.

There is an infinitesimally small risk that the wrong person will read this - - but I knew someone who lived with her parents - - in a child like way until she was about 60 or 65. I knew her from the time I was about 8, I think (she was 23?); she was like a maiden aunt to my family.

I never thought that her parents were really controlling of her life. She functioned fabulously in her chosen career, and she traveled much of the United States - - maybe not abroad with some cousins of hers, and maybe solo some.

A brother of hers was killed by lightning when they were early adolescents, and the dad coulde never reconcile himself to celebrate Christmas - - at least not visibly - - in their home, and yet this person certainly celebrated it in her heart and in giving and receiving gits to/from others.

Her dad died about ten years ago, and I undersatand that they did start to introduce a wreath or something after that - - I don't know if they ever made it all the way to a tree or not.

Her mother died about two years ago, and she finally sold the house the three of them had occupied, bought a new condo for herself, and continues to live a solitary, but hardly useless life. Is it pathologic? Maybe, I don't know.

I mostly hear about her because she babysits my youngest sister's two small kids now.

My point is that I think that there are all kinds of families. Maybe one % of ALL families could benefit from a therapist. Maybe 40%. Maybe 99%.

Speaking about faith's cousin or other family members with such freakish language would make me uncomfortable if I witnessed in my own family.

This whole post is, to coin an American phrase, "so quaint".

Rex, thanks for the kind words, she is like your friend and very lovable. She looks at you with her big innocent eyes and you just want to help her.

Please read my Fearful Cousin question to give me any advice.

how old is she? Save her from her overprotective mother if she's over 18. Please.

eroz she is 40. read the Fearful Cousin thread she needs all the help she can get!

This is why I love Fodors Talk, you never know what you are going to read.

<Jocelyn steps up on her soap box>

Rex, I see your point, but I have also witnessed similar situations, in my extended family as well as in my professional career as a speech-language pathologist (more than once), and have a different take on it. In all the cases I know, the adult child has a disability, which is blown way out of proportion in the parents' mind. The parent feels they have to do every little thing for their "disabled child" and the poor thing can't learn to do anything on his/her own. This overprotectiveness causes unnecessary anxiety for all people involved and the words "obsessive" and "controlling" are very appropriate. This behavior is particularly harmful because the child has no reason to learn to communicate, as Mommy anticipates all their wants and needs. When Mommy's gone, either a surrogate needs to step in and take on the Mommy role, or the child is completely lost with no basic communication skills to get through life. When I see a young child who's just been diagnosed with a communication disorder, no matter how mild, one of the first things I do is assess the parents. If I see this pattern developing I try to nip it in the bud and explain to them why their "help" isn't always helpful in the long run. Faith's cousin may not have a true disability, but because of the traumatic experience that she had early in life, it sounds like the parents have taken a similar course. Certainly understandable, but definitely not helpful to anyone.

Rex, I'm glad that your family friend has managed to live a normal life under her circumstances, and I hope that Faith's cousin is/can as well, but this story sounds all too familiar to me. Faith, you say you want to "help her." Trust me, the best way to help her is to encourage her to make her OWN decisions instead of enabling the dependency she's so accustomed to.

And yes, of course, all of us could use at least a few hours of professional counseling!

<Jocelyn steps down from soap box>

Who needs soap operas when you have Fodors?

I have a photo of a vaporetto on my Web site with flotation devices, so that is definite. I would guess they have life jackets but am not sure.

However did I miss this endlessly entertaining thread?

Ah, the marvelous varieties of the dysfunctional family! Faith, you deserve an award for taking your cousin on this trip, and hopefully it will be the beginning of a less insular life for her. I would also choose the first class option and leave Venice for another trip. The main thing is to get this poor woman out there into the world and show her that there is life to be lived outside her parents' house. Her parents certainly do not have her best interest at heart by continuing to "take care" of their 40-year-old as if she were 17. Some of you may think it's "eccentric," but it sounds emotionally crippling to me.

Faith: Don't know why I didn't think of it before when reading this thread earlier, and actually don't know how much of an idea it will give you of what Venice is like, but here's a website for a webcam of the grand canal near the Rialto Bridge:

http://turismo.regione.veneto.it/webcam/index.htm

It's pitch black at the moment, but sometime tomorrow you should get a decent view.

I'm truly sorry about your cousin's situation and admire you for interceding. As an only child, I was treated like I was made of glass, but never to the extent you describe. Broke loose early on and had good relationships with my family thankfully. Have been a bit of a rebel ever since.

ok, Now I KNOW this is all a joke.
It has to be..at 40 she is going to listen to where her mother and father want her to go or not go?? No, I dont think so.

I think there is a made for TV movie called"Run, Bambi, run"! Her parents will not object..afterall, it's not a stag film.

Interesting how this story has evolved on the two threads.

When it started, cousin was maybe going to join Faith on Faith's trip to Italy, but they needed to know about life jackets on gondolas because cousin couldn't swim.

Soon, cousin turned out to be naive, Victorian, and sheltered in her parents' guest house (!) watching old movies every day. Not only couldn't she swim, she'd nearly drowned. The gondola issue was rendered moot by the fact that she was now too phobic to even go near canals because water might wash over her. (Presumably her parents carried her over puddles at home.) Calling Tennessee Williams.

The trip was no longer Faith's, but was being financed and directed by the parents of Bambi with her "big, innocent eyes."

I think we can all draw our own conclusions.

If it walks like a troll....

It's a spectacular one, if it is. A two-parter. And the best ones, you never really know.

Do I get co-screenwriting credits?

Rex: "Do I get co-screenwriting credits?"

And when do we get our royalty checks?

Before I go for the day: we are real people, who could make this up?

I was musing with my cousin about her joining me on a trip I was planning to take to Venice, her mother overheard us and put in her two cents of warnings.
I came here to ask about life jackets so I could tell her.

Then it all puffed up from there, Cousin told her father, they decided to pay for the trip and have it their way and I agreed, then he bought the tickets so we could go on her birthday, etc.

Anyway, thanks again, and bye for now.

All you people really got off on the wrong track here concerned about the naive and overprotected cousin.

I'm much more concerned about the clashing of the orange life jacket with her pink jogging suit! What if she's not wearing comfortable shoes when she falls off the gondola? And what if she leaves her healthy back bag back in the hotel? I'm finding this way too stressful. Please tell Cousin that she should skip this trip. I'll be too worried!

If one is to die of drowning, it would be difficult to find a more senic location.

My Italian is a little rusty, but I think that it was on my last gondola ride where a sign read "use seat cushion for flotation."

wesley, it's really no big deal. Everyone is entitled to a bad hair day. Holly doesn't really know me so I can see why she may have thought I doubted her word when, in fact, all I wanted was corroboration to Veniceword's report (which I had assumed to be true). This is simply the "reporter" in me and nothing more. I rarely trust only one source for any kind of information.

Thank you, Rex, for sending the Italian article. I read it and it translates as follows:

On November 21, 2003, a traghetto gondola capsized near the dock at San Toma. All 14 passengers, plus two gondolieri fell into the water when the gondola capsized. Two of the passengers were infants and one infant was trapped under the gondola and saved by one of the gondolieri.

The article also mentions the most serious gondola accident occurred on August 2, 1992 near the San Marco basin when a gondola capsized due to a wake wave caused by a motor boat. The gondola overturned and one American tourist died.

My friend in Venice went on to tell me that one of the gondolieri in this recent incident had been drunk and lost his job as a result of this accident and he has been blamed as the cause of the capsizing. The gondola did not exceed its passenger limit and the limit number has not changed. Every passenger received compensation from the insurance company that covers the traghetto business.

Terrific reporting, NYCFS. As far as I'm concerned, you are one of the few class acts on this board. Fodorites should be grateful for the quality information you provide. I know some are, including me.

PS...can't wait to read your Venice diary. I'm chomping at the bit.

I'm only surprised that San Toma ferry doesn't capsize more often!

Most people seem to stand - so it only takes one to lose their balance ...

Steve

Faith and her water fearfull cousin striking again? Why not to make butler to fetch Bambi if she will fall?
Oops, my bad, he may have something falling of his head and he;ll look stupid (or somthing)

Where are you Faith? I'm sure others will agree with me, I feel like you have become part of my life, or me part of yours.... mmmmm.... whatever! Anyway I miss reading your plans for your upcoming trip, specially Venice as I will be there soon. Please share more with us :-)

Mischka, on the 24th, in the "Fearful Cousin" message string, Faith said she was "off pursuing happiness with an old flame for the rest of the week" and would be back before she left for her trip. I'm sure we all look forward to further details of her poor cousin, rich Uncle, and dear Orlando the personal retainer/bodyguard. Gives a bit of interest to the postings. Although, personally, I would like to hear more about her cousin's shirtless gardeners.

I know I am reading Fodors too much when my friend mentioned a person who is Norweigan and I thought of Faith's gardners - shirtless and holding spears! What an image, I couldn't very well explain it to my friend, I just chuckled to myself.
Ah the joys of being a Fodorite.

:)

Just when I thought I've heard it all, here comes up this wonderful thread!!

Faina, dear, you were away and missed all the fun, but fortunately you have seen the thread and caught up. Now you must also read the "other" Faith threads. It will be interesting to see if Faith returns or was merely a figment of someone's imagination. If she's real, I hope she's having fun!

Hi, I've just got back from a 3 day break in Venice, life jackets appear to be non existent. Unfortunately while I was there, an accident occurred. A vaparetto and gondola collided, the family thrown into the Grand Canal with a lot of onlookers,
people jumped in to save the people but a child did die, couldn't have been much more than 18 months old. Been trying to find out where they came from but seems to be no information anywhere. What a tragic way for a holiday in such a perfect place to end.

How awful, bevcork. My heart goes out to the family for the loss of their child.

That reminds me of when we were in Cinque Terre in late April, 2002. The day after we hiked the trail south of Vernazza, a woman (apparently) slipped and then fell to her death on the same stretch. Everyone was talking about it that evening and they closed the trail for a few days after it happened.

<i>On November 21, 2003, a traghetto gondola capsized near the dock at San Toma. All 14 passengers, plus two gondolieri fell into the water when the gondola capsized. Two of the passengers were infants and one infant was trapped under the gondola and saved by one of the gondolieri. . . .
My friend in Venice went on to tell me that one of the gondolieri in this recent incident had been drunk and lost his job as a result of this accident and he has been blamed as the cause of the capsizing. The gondola did not exceed its passenger limit and the limit number has not changed. Every passenger received compensation from the insurance company that covers the traghetto business.</i>

Having taken a traghetto three times when we were there (thoroughly enjoying it each time), I'm surprised capsizing doesn't happen more often with so many people standing up.

I found it hard to believe that Venice has no sewage system, as it has always seemed clean when we were there. I looked it up and it is correct that there is no municipal sewage plant, but most residences have a sedimentation tank to eliminate the solids; the liquids are dumped into the water. Commercial establishments, however, are required to have individual treatment facilities, so the situation is far from perfect, but is also better than having no treatment at all. Apparently there is a lot of movement of water through the area, which prevents accumulation of pollution.

Also, many canals are about a meter deep, but some are much deeper, so you may or may not be able to wade ashore. The gondolas we saw had cushions which doubled as flotation devices.

I'm a sailor, and I evaluated the traghettos as unsafe because everyone was standing, so I sat down; no one complained. I don't swim, but I never felt endangered on the vaporettos or gondolas, other than that traghetto.

From what I recall she was run off the board by someone or a few. She posted a final goodbye to Fodors on one of the other theads.

I hope she is having fun too.

I found it Beatchick, topping

One of my guidebooks says there were about 200 war-related fatalities in Venice during WWII, not because of battle or bombing, but because with all the lights turned off, these unfortunate people fell into the canals.

Believe me, a lifejacket isn't going to help you avoid the contents of a Venice canal..it will just help you float in the soup for a longer innoculation period.

If I didn't know better I'd say the original post was a troll. Perhaps your cousin should have asked &quot;her Mother&quot; WHY she didn't teach her to swim a long time ago.

Topman, you're late to the party. faith has long since departed, accused one too many times of being a troll. Personally I didn't care, as her tales were so amusing and stimulated such varied response.

up with the classics