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Irritable Travel Syndrome-Do you have it, too?

Irritable Travel Syndrome-Do you have it, too?

Old Aug 4th, 2008, 08:11 AM
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Like clockwork, DH and I become irritated with each other when we pack for a trip. We always just bring carry ons and he always says "why do you need 5 shirts? You can only wear one at a time !" Then 20 minutes out of the house, I am going through the list and asking "did we remember to bring...?" Again, like clockwork, I settle down and we're good to go. We actually get along great on vacation. In Italy I can ask the question in Italian, but panic when I hear the answer. DH swears he understands the response (body language, whatever). It seems to work, but means we need to be side by side for the entire vacation ! We have to get along to "get along".!
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 08:12 AM
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Ha I'm sure there's never a single cross word in your relationship Tegdale?
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 10:48 AM
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Thanks so much for the replies, everybody! I've really enjoyed reading them. Husband is off tomorrow on another business trip. He is already planning to leave too late to make the plane ( I think). However, he says if he left when I think he should, he'd have time to read at least two novels plus eat a leisurely lunch. Now nothing wrong with MY PLAN ( just kidding... sort of...) is there?!
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 11:00 AM
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Weadles, it's call compromise!
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 11:16 AM
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I'm getting it now, and I'm off on my travels at the weekend - a singleton, as ever. It's something to do with expectations. I can't wait to get away, am resenting the preparations I need to make (it's a home exchange), and I've a horrid feeling it might turn out to be a bit of an anti-climax (in Paris, how can that be?).

So I sympathise.

But it might also be the sudden change in the dynamics of a relationship when you're in your other half's company all day long when you weren't before. As the song has it "It's the Nearness of You"
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 11:21 AM
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I'll disagree with one set of comments above. I don't believe travel is inherently stressful. And I definitely don't think about the money I am spending while I'm on the trip.

My best companions are two male friends with similar tastes and travel styles. I've traveled with each successfully. We never argue about anything. We do build in some "alone time" or know when to go our separate ways for awhile.
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 11:30 AM
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PatrickLondon,

I think you've nailed it. "The Nearness of You" 24/7 when we've had months of both being in and out of the house due to work and family obligations is always an adjustment. And yet the planning for the next trip begins almost as soon as the suitcases hit the floor of our house!

Have a great time in Paris. I'm sure it will be wonderful, as always!
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 12:45 PM
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Part of it is the nearness, but we do schedule time apart, and that helps a lot.

Another part is that I am always the planner, as DH has no interest in helping at all. Therefore, if something goes wrong, I take all the blame, and I feel bad if any little detail goes wrong. I feel less bad if it's a detail I had no control over (like late airflights), but I still feel bad.

DH compounds this by constantly complaining about every little thing. The bed's hard. The eggs aren't runny enough. The car seat is too soft. The sun isn't shining. The planets aren't aligned. The salt is too salty. Silly stuff- but I take each one to heart, and he knows it. I told him this trip he could only have one complaint a day... didn't work for one hour.

I think in the future I am traveling with my friend K and possibly C from now on. Not DH. He can go visit his family on his own.
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 01:37 PM
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I think we have another: irritable poster syndrome.
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 01:39 PM
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Solo travel has it's perks.
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 02:02 PM
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Thankfully my late husband I and were great travel buddies. Trips to Italy for two months and no arguements. In fact the only arguements we had were at home not on vacation, lol. But we owned businesses and so worked together although there were some days when we hardly saw each other at the office.

I think the reason we travelled together so well is that we did not cram too many activities into each day. And we both enjoyed stopping and have a cold drink at an outdoor cafe whenever one of us suggested it. And yes there were times when we each went our own way, not because we were having problems with each other but just because we chose to do that.

We always had a rental car. My husband always drove and I was the navigator and I am good at reading maps so that was a big help. But when we did get lost..well it just meant we discovered somewhere we would not have seen otherwise.

I know many married couples that do not enjoy travelling together however so it is not uncommon.

So dear Weadles, so to answer your question, yes travel brought out the best in us. Now if we could have only stayed that relaxed and serene when not on a trip, lol, life would have been perfect!
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 02:21 PM
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My first trip was a 6 week trip to western europe 6 years ago I was 25 my wife was 29, she had been before.

We had the time of our lives but I was quite crabby upon arrival in a new local. We had no plans backpacked it so when we arrived we had no clue where we were staying etc etc. It was stressful for me in an exciting way, but I was still very crabby. Those were the only times we ever got in an arguement, except the day in Tarranga, Spain that I insisted we go see for a few hours but when a canceled train turned into a night, she wasn't happy.
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 02:31 PM
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My husband and I actually travel extremely well together. I'm a "get there 2 hours early" person, and he.... well, now we get there 2 hours early . I travel constantly in my job (all international travel), so while he used to travel for his job, travelling has changed quite a bit in the last 5 years, so he just goes along with my need to be on time (if not early) - PLUS, since I've been stuck in security lines and almost missed flights, he agrees with me that it's better safe than sorry. I think we're probably more patient with each other when we travel than when we're at home - both buried in jobs where we work way too many hours... He puts things in spreadsheets so we don't miss anything - and I've come to appreciate that, because we can make better decisions.... Based on reading the above posts (which I TOTALLY enjoyed), I think I'm very lucky, and I think I'll go home and suggest we go on vacation some where....
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Old Aug 4th, 2008, 11:55 PM
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How I relate!

llamalady, do you REALLY pay by VISA at the peage? They must really LOVE you

rbnwdln, we're the same but the opposite way round. I was once interviewing for someone to fill a public appointment in a smart hotel about 12 miles (and 25 minutes) away from home, just before a flight. Everything was timed to the minute. I got out to the car... and couldn't get it open. The battery had gone flat in my key. How happy was my husband? We'd lent the house to the father and stepmother of a friend of ours, who were visiting from Oz, and they had arrived that afternoon. My acquaintance with them runs to me running into the house, furious, because KMR was furious with ME, and how was it MY fault, and me yelling, "we're late, have a nice time, goodbye".

Or the time I arrived home from work to go to the airport (we live 15 minutes away) at the last minute, properly allowed for checking in. How happy was my husband?

I usually go to work before we leave, and I'm working frantically right up till the last minute, so I keep the taxi waiting..... I now have a bet with the taxi driver, that, just as we reach a particular roundabout between the office and the airport, my mobile will ring, and it'll be KMR asking where I am.

Mind you, last year, I took him and 5 other friends (on my dollar) to paris for a long weekend for his 50th; and he did not know where we were going. I pitched up (on time) at his office to collect him, went to the airport, got to the check in desk... and discovered I didn't have my passport. Frantic 15 minutes later, I found it in his car back at his office. I was in pieces, and he was soooooo calm (I HATE that!).

We go back and forth to France quite a lot, and there's a connection on the way. The airlines are always losing our luggage and we've had to overnight unexpecedly in Amsterdam a couple of times. He's the one who ALWAYS packs the bags with half our stuff in each, and makes sure that we have a change in our hand baggage (I'd go with a bag of guidebooks, and crossed fingers).

But we have got into a routine- I look out what to pack,and he packs it. This comes after years of me being seriously tee'd off when, having packed, he would undo everything I'd done.

jnjfraz, he does the parking thing too. It's note ven the first space he sees- it's the one that's furthest from the door, but the easiest to get into. But we joke about that, instead of argiung.

I've travelled with other people and the only time I remember getting crabby was when walking through a town in Spain with my friend Helen. My style is to work out where we're going and follow a logical route minimising footfall. Hers is to do thing one; then thing two; then thing three and to hell with it if it means she's going up the same street three times.(We didn't speak for a day!)
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Old Aug 5th, 2008, 05:10 AM
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Thanks, Weadles for starting this post. It's been calming to me to read that others have many of the same problems DH and I seem to have while traveling.
It starts with the airport. He's so anxious to get going that we are always there for at least two hours waiting before our flight. Then there's the sniping about airline and TSA inefficiency--as if that will do any good!

We have the same problems as others about map reading though I have gotten better over the years and I'm starting to recognize that it's not all my fault if we get lost even if he thinks it is. We also have that parking problem--he wants to grab the first available spot. I want to get closer. Sometimes he's right. Sometimes I am. Hard not to say "I told you so." we used to have the same problem with lodging before I insisted on advance reservations. He'd want to pick the first hotel that we saw and I'd want to keep going to make some comparisons and find the "best" one.

I plan for months in advance and have the perfect route laid out and even give him the opportunity to revise. He always says "looks good to me" then the minute we get some place he starts changing or says "this is way too long a drive--how could you ever have expected us to do this in x amount of time." Same way I try to book restaurants in advance and he wants to be free to just serendipitously find the perfect place just as hunger strikes.

The frequency of problems seems to mount as the days continue. sooner or later everything seems to come down to-- my way or your way. Like another poster said, I've never thought to allow for separate days (or even separate parts of days) in order to decrease tensions somewhere along the line. I think it may well be an idea whose time has come. May be harder to implement in places we've not been to before, but for places we've been several times, like Paris or Barcelona, this may be a great answer. It's worth a try.
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Old Aug 5th, 2008, 06:57 AM
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While name calling may not be appropriate, I think there is a point to tedgale's post.

The 'humorous' antidotes Weadles mentions, sound exactly like the people I overheard fighting in public that makes me cringe. Hopefully they wait and have these spats in their hotel room.
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Old Aug 5th, 2008, 07:21 AM
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Yeah, I love the 'why did you plan it this way' when all offers of letting him help plan were met with 'whatever you want to do, dear'.

In 2006 I solved it all by going to Ireland with my two girlfriends, and left DH at home. MUCH less complaining. I was much happier.
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Old Aug 5th, 2008, 08:26 AM
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For Suze:

I wouldn't be a proper Bostonian if I argued in public, now would I? I hope that most of you understand that my husband and I are totally appreciative that we can travel, and do enjoy each other's company mostly, despite our petty annoyances and behavior.
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Old Aug 5th, 2008, 08:39 AM
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Like Weadles, I was 'attempting' a
light-hearted reply to her cleverly
titled thread. Obviously, it was not received as such!

My DH and I have a great life together and we appreciate and enjoy
all the travels we are able to take
as a couple. And hope to continue
to for many more years.

Spoiled? Perhaps. S.O.B.? No!
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Old Aug 5th, 2008, 08:42 AM
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greendragon, you will miss some of the best things in life staying with that man. Men change as they get older....for the worse! LOL!

This is not our first marriage, but we've been together 10 years now and every day is a blessing. Last year, I booked a hotel in FLL forgetting that the cruise was out of Miami (which had no rooms due to marathon)so it was funny when we got to the port and the ship wasn't there! We had to take a cab to Miami! Now, both of us knew that MY BAD...but he did NOT have to say anything. He could have...

I do make all the plans. My husband forgot which town we were booked in on our Austria trip. He usually looks through the planner on the plane. That's okay with both of us. Travel is the passion we both share. Sure, I get cranky when tired and jet lagged, but neither of us ever takes it out on the other. I'm so lucky to have him there and we find such joy in sharing and having those wonderful memories which provide nonstop conversation. tegdale might have been snotty, but it is a valid point that you need to let things ride and cherish the precious moments!!
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