How to split the costs w/travel partner
 

I will be traveling with a friend to France/Italy in Sept. This is always a sticky subject and I would be interested in how others have handled it. You have a nice dinner, the bill comes - do you try to figure out what you had, what she had, etc. and pay separately - can you ask the waiter for separate checks? Does one pay and the other reimburses? I can see pitfalls with all of the above. I've heard some people put cash in a pool and draw from that every day for meals, transportation or groceries - anything that is shared. But what if one person always orders 3 courses and good wine and the other only has salad and house wine? What if one wants to pay in cash and one only a credit card. I'm sure this has to come up with other people traveling with friends. I would appreciate your ideas on this.

When my sister and I travel together, we keep track of each joint expenditure, who paid for it, and then at the end of the trip we total it all up, divide by two, and one of us owes the other a little bit. No need to figure out every single transaction! I suppose if one of you is consistently eating far more expensively than the other, this might not work.

Well everyone is different with regards to money and how penny pinching they want to be, so my method may not suit you or your friend.

I travel frequently with friends and tend to follow this method: at the start of our trip (when we arrive at the airport for example), we'll both go to an ATM and draw the same amount of money. We'll do this as many times as necessary during the trip, always drawing the same. From then on, we spend from whoever has their purse most handy (ie I'll get this cab, you get that train ticket) until the money runs out. If there's money left over then we split it, knowing we've both spent the same amount.

If we pay by credit card, we simply check our statements when we return and settle the difference. Also in restaurants, if there's only 2 of you, then it's perfectlty acceptable to ask the waiter to split the bill over 2 cards (equally, that is).

One major difference from what you're suggesting, however, if that we NEVER haggle over who had what at dinner. To be honest, where I'm from (London) it's not quite the done thing. If you haven't had a full meal, then it's really your look out. Whenever I eat out, whether home or away, and whether with 1 person or 10, we would ALWAYS split the bill down the evenly. Trust me, you may lose a few euros this way, but you won't lose any friendships.

Whatever you decide, just make sure you agree your methods before you go, so there's no ill feeling.

What has worked for us in the past while traveling with friends is to split it down the middle. We each throw some money in a "kitty" and work off that. The problem with "sticky subjects" is that they must be addressed before you leave. Sit down with your travel partners in the early stages of planning and discuss these concerns.

I assume you know this friend well enough so you dine out together at home. What do you do? Do you know she (or you) always eat or drink more than the other? When I've travelled with a friend, we usually split the bill evenly either by 1 person paying by credit card with the other paying the "payor" in cash, both put in cash or-least desirable IMO- putting 2 credit cards down & asking the waiter to divide it evenly

Asking for separate checks is not, IMO, a good idea. I do have a friend who's diabetic & doesn't drink or have desserts. When I go out with her, we do calculate who had what so she doesn't wind up paying a lot for wine & desserts she didn't have. She makes it her business to have cash to pay.

Barb, when I have a travel partner (who isn't my date) we put money into a kitty which is an envelope, then if there is a big difference in what we have eaten we mark it on the envelope right there and then, but never ask the waiter to write two checks, it is frowned upon, IMHO.

It usually rounds out equally at the end of the trip, sometimes one person eats or drinks more and sometimes the other one will. If she wants just to have one course, it is marked on the paper. I always order better wine by the bottle and sometimes I back down and we get a carafe of local wine which just about evens things out.

I wasn't very clear, was I?

My aunt once told me: "When you eat out with friends, you split the bill evenly, since you share the pleasure of their company." This presupposes that no one in the group has money trouble. When I eat out with a large group of friends, most go along with this even-split method, but it is clear before we order that this is the plan. Sometimes one person will throw in more money, saying "Oh, I had more than you."

In another case, I have lunch with the same friend once every week. Sometimes it's expensive, sometimes it's cheap. We agreed to alternate paying. Over that long period of time, it seems to average out in the end.

On a recent trip to Italy, we had five in our traveling group. At our first meal, we agreed to take turns paying and settle up at the end. One person kept all the receipts, which were marked with our names. At the end we made a total, divided by five and settled our accounts with one another. ("She must pay 30 euro more; she needs 20 euro back.")

The most important factor: decide on a plan early. If it doesn't seem to be working for you, make your feelings known before things go very wrong and friendships are broken.

I agree that you can't wander through Europe on the "I had the chicken salad" plan. Does one really eat twice as much as the other. Does the other never have expenses that the one doesn't. Naturally you each have to pay for your own air ticket, hotel and train or 1/2 car rental. After that it seems like madness to try to divide everything in half on the spot. When traveling with friends we just use the I got lunch you get dinner method. And it's very inappropriate to ask the restaurant to divide your bill - its not their problem to solve.

Thanks for the responses. I have eaten with her many times and she usually eats much less than me and will only have 1 glass of wine. I certainly think my meals will be more than hers. I'm not sure the "kitty" would work. I'm thinking maybe of putting everything on my cc and then she can pay me in cash for her share. I just don't want to get into too much "bookkeeping" while on a great vacation and the "I paid for gelato, so you can pay for the taxi", which turns out to be way more than the gelato. I want us to still be friends at the end of the trip. Any other ideas?

We have always used a common kitty when traveling with others. It covered all common expenses, such as gas, food shopping and restaurants. It has worked with three persons and with a group of 9 adults. Someone holds the kitty, and when it runs dry, the cash is replenished with each individual putting in the same amount. We did not keep track of who ordered what at a restaurant to argue that one meal cost more than another. We figured that it all evened out at the end.

Barb, I understand what you're saying. My mother & I were in London & Paris in Sept. My mother doesn't drink, but I enjoy wine with my dinner. There's no way I'm going to agree to just splitting it and have her always paying for half my wine. And sometimes one meal is a lot more than another. We always figured out what each of us owed. Note that in Europe, since the tax is already included in the price of each dish, it's pretty easy to figure out what each person spent. If I put it on my credit card, I just wrote in a small notebook how much my mother owed me and she paid it all at the end. Very simple, really. And nobody pays more than what they actually spent.

If you know in advance your meal costs are likely to be different, then putting it all on your cc might be the easiest. But you will have to agree with her in advance on what percent of the meal she will pay -- 1/3? Also, be sure there isn't some other area in which she will consistently spend more than you do.

I have traveled a lot with friends and find a kitty is great for splitting things evenly and not having to keep track of who owes whom how much, but it doesn't work very well in your situation.

First, this all should have been decided beforehand and agreed upon. But since it wasn't, I'm in agreement that it is best to divide everything evenly - meals, car, petrol, tolls(anything that is shared between the two of you). Each of you pays your own admissions to sites, personal purchases whether gifts or food at the local market.

The only problem comes if one person drinks and the other doesn't, or one person eats more than the other - in that instance you're going to have to keep a record and adjust at the end of the trip or adjust the difference right then with currency (Euro of USD).

Often we have paid restaurant bills, especially expensive ones, dividing evenly (and handling adjustments as above), but handing over separate credit cards. Restaurants are used to this and we've never had a problem or a "looks" when doing so.

Enjoy your trip.

does she eat just a salad because a crouton fills her up or does she eat a salad because she's - how to say this delicately - frugal?

Well I guess I and my friends are a little different than most of those who have already replied. If something is truely shared - like a taxi - then you just split it. But for meals, you just pay what you spent. Don't you look at the prices on the menu when you order? I know how much what I order cost and that's how much I pay -regardless of whether it's more or less what my friend spent. One of us might put the whole thing on a credit card and then the other will give her the cash. The next meal it might be reversed. But especially in europe where tax and tip are usually included its so easy to know what you spent. That way I don't feel cheated if she wants several drinks and I don't and she doesn't feel cheated if I want the prime rib and she just wants a salad. It isn't any "harder" than splitting down the middle. This is even what my friends and I do when we go in large groups. Everyone puts in what they think they owe and we've never not had enough to cover the bill. Usually a little extra left and then the server gets its. But definitly don't ask for seperate checks.

I do whatever it takes to not let money interfere with friendship, which usually means decide on a plan (keep it simple) and put the plan on the table and come to an agreement ahead of time. I love to treat so I often spend more but I also find, in life, you get what you give.

I once met a lovely man (gay) in the pool of Two Bunch Palms (I think I've mentioned him before). He offered to fly me to Italy first class if I agreed to play tour guide. When I accepted, I made it perfectly clear we would split everything evenly and I prepared a full itinerary with every dollar budgeted. (No different than a large photo shoot.)

Once we got to Italy, I discovered he brought too much cash so I offered to pay for the hotels (I wanted the miles) and he could use his cash for our dinners (which the restaurants love). We were there for two weeks and drank and dined like true foodie-queens every night. I kept track of our expenses in my travel diary.

When I got back to NY, I tallied the total and it turned out he spent several hundred more on our dinners than I had spent on hotels. When I called him to tell him, he said to forget about it. He had such a wonderful time (so did I), he felt better paying more. Since I adore receiving gifts, I offered a very sincere thank you.

There just isn't anything more fun than the gift of generous friends.

Barb:

Another great question!

I ONLY travel with FRIENDS or my hubby aka bestfriend.

With my friends we are ALOT alike in many ways. We eat, we drink, we spend lots of money. We know we are lucky/blessed to not have to worry about the details of who paid what or who ate/drank what.

Most times we argue over who stole the check/bill and paid it without our knowledge.

A couple of times men who were dining nearby have "lifted" our tab!
Some of my girlfriends flirt like crazy!!!

I have learned to travel with FRIENDS ONLY. Times where a friend of a friend has joined us has been AWFUL. They don't "get" the currency "thing" between us and feel the need to blend in which causes them stress.

Year round, we buy and one another books, large gifts, clothing, shoes, theatre tickets, plane tickets and so on...
So, on a trip it would be really strange for us to start keeping track and doing all that. Kinda like packing light...whatever for???

With hubby and travel we will actually do more "accounting". He's just kooky like that.
Hubby actually examines and re-calculates EVERY bill be it for coffee or an 11 course meal at home or while we travel...drives me CRAZY.

That is in part why my friends can not do that crap around me. If they pause too long I will grab the bill and pay it in two seconds flat...

Barb, too bad we are only cyber-pals huh? GRIN

My Best,
Oaktown Traveler

Do you expect there to be very many joint expenditures other than meals? I just wouldn't think of many unless you plan to rent cars or take taxis a lot. In those cases, of course you'd each pay half.

For meals, this is no different than going out to dinner anywhere. I and all my friends do pretty much what Isabel says. If our meals and drinks are approximately equal, sure we just divide the bill equally. It rarely is, however, and I don't think we've ever assumed it makes sense to split the bill evenly when someone has ordered expensive drinks and another hasn't, or much more expensive meals. We don't ask for separate checks because that is too much trouble, but we just mentally divide it about evenly for what we each bought and chip that money in. None of the friends I go to dinner with regularly are stingy or try to cheat anyone, so money is never short this way. IF someone doesn't have a lot of cash, one person may use their card and the other give them the approximate cash.

It really only takes a few seconds to scan the bill and figure out about what you owe by adding together in your head what you ordered plus tax (and tip if appropriate, which is easy to do mentally when 15 pct). In France, you don't even have those problems as service is included in the prices.

We don't get out calculators and add up the prices to the decimal, that's silly, but anyone should be able to quickly mentally add rounded figured of what they ordered (eg 25+5+5 is not really hard to add).

MOst of the people I know do this, I didn't think it was that unusual to actually pay for what you ate. Given that the OP's friend is the one who usually eats and drinks less, she might be skeptical of an offer to just split everything down the middle. I would be annoyed if I traveled with a friend who always ordered more than I who suggested such a thing. There isn't any real reason for it, either, unless you don't know math very well and can't add in your head easily.

Great responses and ideas. The reason this is an important subject to me is a few years ago I traveled with my sister and it got so confusing trying to keep track of who owed who and how much and I have to say it caused a little strain. I kept track of my IOU's, but she didn't. Now that's my sister, family, ha. It might be worse with just a friend. This friend tends to do the calculator scene here at home, that would not be cool for me in a nice Parisian restaurant. I think if we both had enough cash, it would be no problem, she could pay for hers, I could pay for mine, but sometimes you don't, or all I have is a 50 euro bill scenario. Because I have an airmiles credit card, I would be willing to use my card most of the time and then I would just keep track of what her expenses were and she could reimburse me at the end of the trip. And yes, she tends to eat light, for frugal reasons. I just think if we pooled our money every day, I would end up spending more than her and then feel guilty and she would not say anything, but feel it was not fair. We have vowed to talk about all our concerns before we go (Sept) so hopefully we can come to an agreement we can both feel comfortable with. P.S. after the trip with my sis, I've travelled solo ever since and LOVE it.

Barb, oh oh. Good luck.

It's not really hard to figure who owes what. For years I've kept track in a little notebook as to who paid for what. I often have the extra glass of wine and would be mortified to have my friend pay for half of it (you can easily offset by cost of dinne). I know, no big deal, but it adds up. Just deduct that from the bill/your list, i.e, dinner $40, extra wine $5, split at $20 each. We usually trade off paying with credit cards; if it's cash only, whoever has enough pays. Just keep adding back and forth on your list and try to keep it even so there's no big payoff at the end. The most we've I've ever differed is about $40. Write a check as no one wants to have foreign money at the end of the trip.

Barb, when my friend and I travel, we use a kitty. But, like you, my friend usually spends more on dinner. She will have a couple of glasses of wine. But she's very considerate, and even though we have a kitty, when she has wine, she will always put down more money. I will pay the bill out of the kitty (my job) and she will quietly put down some extra money. We never make a big deal out of it and it never has to be exactly they cost of the wine.
Since you are the one that thinks your bill will be more, and you sound like a very considerate lady, I think the kitty would work, if you just kicked in the extra bit sometimes, like my friend does. NEver have I felt shortchanged., and I don't think your friend would either.
I'm not sure what you would accomplish by putting it all on your credit card ( except the air miles). YOu'd have a lot of figuring out to do when you got home. For the sake of a few extra dollars here or there, is it worth all the trouble?
Being a considerate person, I don't think you'd let your friend get short changed.

Last summer a friend and I drove for over a month on a European trip that involved several currencies.

We did not do the "kitty" thing. She kept a journal and I kept a journal of our common expenses. We had different methods of tracking expenses, but when we totalled everything up at the end of our trip, we came out pretty much the same. Amazing!

I can't tell you how she kept her accounting because it was a mystery to me! :) My method was to note down how much was paid for hotel, gas, dinner, etc. and then to put an initial next to the noted expense. At the end of the day I totalled the amount each person had spent in that currency. I did the same for each week. Then a grand total for the entire trip. By my accounting I ended up owing her about $200 US; by her accounting, the amount was about $150. For a trip that cost several thousand dollars, that was not much of a difference. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that the method doesn't matter so much, as long as it is accurate.

Hotel, gas, admissions and other such expenses were easily split in half. It appears from the above postings that meals are the potential source for problems.

I can only tell you what we did: we split the meals 50-50. She drank wine with a bottle of water, I drank whatever the locals drank: beer, wine, water. Neither one of us ordered anything that was extremely disproportionate or outrageous in price; it just came out that way. We happened to like the same kind of food. Once in Bratislava I ordered a complete dinner and she ordered only a drink because she wasn't hungry. I paid for the meal including the drink and, in my accounting, I did not add the meal into the totals to be divided, it was noted down as a personal expense.

Hope this helps!

Oh, BTW, in the States when going out with friends and dining Dutch, we split the dinner bill, but the liquor becomes an individual item. Let's say each person's portion comes to $30, then those people who drank pays extra for his/her own drink(s). Sometimes the nondrinkers want to be fair and will chip in for their softdrinks - which is only fair, but we don't insist on that because the amounts are not overwhelming.

I think this is a really easy or very touchy question ~ depending on personalities, your relationship, habits, etc. If you are not close to your travel-mate, talk this one out ahead of time - before you board the plane!!

I traveled 3-weeks (Switzerland, Paris, Venice) with a male not-lover, close friend and we split it by instinct. We never kept records. We have similar tastes in food and wine fortunately. We both used ATM's and had cash (Euro or Swiss Franc) on hand.

He was in charge of Paris plans (and paid the hotel bill), I was in chage of Venice plans (and paid the hotel bill). Meals we just took turns paying. Train fares we paid our own.

Fortunately it was not "sticky" at all for us!

we always split things right down the middle...if you are one who things that you get the end of the stick---always order the most expensive thing on the menu....we sometimes keep a little book and write things down and then settle up at the end of the day or periodically....

I do the kitty thing if we rent a car so road fees are taken care of quickly. At the end of the meal I don't drag out the caculator but I scan the bill and figure out appx who had what.
Most of my friends have the same view of money as I do so it's never a problem.

Hi Barb,

Sounds to me as if your only real difficulty is what to do with meal tabs.

I would go with your idea of charging it all and letting your friend pay you cash.

Other expenses should be easy to just split in half.

Barb, Last year when I had a similar question about traveling with another couple I got some great advice from this site that made our trip a wonderful experience. We used the kitty for car expenses, like gas, tolls, parking etc and that made it easy. For food and car rental we used a dedicated credit card that had nothing on it but those expenses incurred during our trip. We just divided it in half when the bill came after the trip. We found when traveling in France we almost always chose the prix fixe menu so our expenses were comparable, maybe you will find the same occurs with you and your friend. We all enjoyed our two week trip and look forward to another traveling together. Hope you have a great time. Deborah

A lot of restaurants will give you separate tabs if you ask -- the waiter will just come to the table, figure out what everyone had, and give you separate totals. ((b))

DeborahAnn, in theory, you idea should work about splitting the credit card bills at the end of the trip.

We travelled with a couple -- they both drank wine with their meal, and if there were lobster on the menu, she would order it. I have a couple glasses of wine, and my wife a soda and usually some sort of salad. The other couple would just want to split the bill in half. Finally, I told my wife that I wasn't going to pay for the other wife's freakin lobster anymore, and the next dinner, when it came time to pay, I suggested that we should ask the waiter for separate tabs. No problem. ((b))

Budman, it did work but that was because these were very good friends and we knew each others eating habits, I would have the same reaction as you did if our friends were like yours and had more extravagant tastes. Hopefully your travel partners made up for their "eating disorders" in being great travel companions. Deborah

For several years four of us traveled together usually to Europe for two weeks. We did the "scorecard" idea, taking turns buying the entire meal and recording how much was paid by whom. We never paid attention to who had what, although after a meal in which one person had splurged excessively compared to the others, that person would usually buy us all a drink at a bar or the next afternoon to "make up for it" and keep that one off the list. We'd tally every few days (one gal was a banker -- we gave her the job) and then decide who'd pay next according to who was furthest behind. One year on the plane home, we did a final tally and decided that one person owed each of the other three 11 cents. We laughed, but a week later we each got a dime and a penny mailed to us (funny that the postage cost three times that!)

I just heard about a system that I am certainly going to try next trip we go on with friends.

The idea is that the two couples (or whatever) each put in the entire calculated amount 50/50 for the trip in advance in cash, plus a ten percent "buffer".

The kitty pays for everything equally throughout. Then the kitty buys dinner upon the return when the friends get together to see the pictures.

If there is still some leftover they either split it or make it a donwpayment on the next trip.

Thank you guys for all your great ideas. I think we will sit down before we leave and iron this all out. I think I may just be anticipating problems because I am so used to traveling solo. Maybe a combination of kitty for groceries (we're staying in apts.), rental car/gas/tolls, metro, taxis, entrance fees, gelato and splitting the dinner bill 50/50 with either cash, or separate credit cards, w/me making up the difference if mine is much more expensive than hers. So, merci & grazie!!!

I think I have a solution:

Let her pay for all meals today and you will pay for all the meals tomorrow,
so this way everyone pays the same, aren't they ?

I do not like sharing bills as if I know we are sharing I will withold myself from ordering what I want just to not to make my friends pay "my half of lobster" they haven't eaten.

I would ask for split bill at the beginning of dinner. Why someone said it is a bad idea ???

LJ, just one problem. I would not want to carry that much cash around with me. Yikes.

We just split everything down the middle (or however many ways necessary). It's just not worth the trouble for a few bucks here & there & I am certain it all evens out in the end.

One other idea....since you are concerned that you might be taking advantage of your friend...figure out the restaurant bill and tell your friend how much she should pay. Then tell the waiter how much to put on the two credit cards. No need to keep a journal of expenses or receipts. Last week in Paris my husband wanted to have a certain (very expensive) wine. It was not fair to have our friend pay for our extravagance..so when we got the bill, my husband told the waiter how much to put on each credit card...this was in a two star restaurant. No problem, no funny looks. Use a kitty for the apartment, food shopping, taxis, etc. with ne person the kitty person. We shared an apartment in Rome with 3 friends last year, when we went food shopping and each wanted something special that they thought the others would not want..so that person paid for it. I was not going to eat All Bran in Rome and my friend was not planning to share it. As long as nobody feels "taken advantage of"' sharing is great.

Most restaurants I have been in in France and Italy will split the bill. From my experience, women, more so than men, occasionally seem to get tangled up in trying to divvy up a bill.

If you are with true friends down the middle should be adequate. If you have any qualms, separate checks. Sitting at the end of a meal and quibbling over "Who had the escargot.." seems just a bit tacky and embarrassing.

Well if waiters will split the bill that would seem to solve the dilemma. I was not sure if that would be bad taste or not to ask.