Can't believe such supposedly-sophisticated people making such silly mistakes. <BR> <BR>You only tip 15-20% when it's a US airline. As experienced travelers are sure to know when flying on a European carrier one just rounds up, leaving no more than 5%.

Of course -- Service is included already in most of Europe. When it's only 5% you can get rid of those pesky foreign coins that just mess up vending machines at home.

I am apalled at this entire posting. What is this world coming to? You MUST all be economy class passengers. <BR> <BR>I can not believe that after being on the receiving end of pleasant service by the flight attendants and a safe flight from the pilot (AND HIS COPILOT, YOU INCONSIDERATE LOUTS), that you would deem it appropriate to show your thanks with dirty money. <BR> <BR>Personally, I am one who still believes in old-fashioned courtesy, and for that reason, I always travel with several boxes of my custom-made stationary, which I use to write a personal, touching thank you to each service person I encounter. If the service has been particularly noteworthy, I will even include a little token of appreciation in with the note. On flights from the US to Europe, for example, I usually tuck in a few packets of ketchup - they charge for it over there, you know, and those little costs can really add up for someone on a flight attendant's salary.

One of the all time funny-clever posts. I wouldn't even THINK of competing with you folks! Just enjoying....Julius

Gee, I was so sure that the pilot just appreciated my acts of personal affirmation - Every ten mintues, I yell from right behind the cockpit door "KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!" I suppose money or a note would make him a little less jittery. Thanks for the suggestions.

I usually "tip" the pilot and FAs with all the illegal fruits, flowers, and meats that I need to unload before going through customs. From the look of shock on their faces, I always know how much they appreciate my gesture. <BR>(It's also a good way to lighten up my many carry-ons.)

I was wondering how much longer I would have to wait for another funny thread, and here it is. Joisy--yours takes the cake.

TIP to Fodors: This is the perfect grab bag question IMO! Unless of course you want to be PC, then you will not run this fab thread! Judy :-D <BR>Deb: prize winner, in fact they almost all are prize winners! <BR> Regular Seinfelds,all!

for all those wackos on the us forum

My question is, do you have to tip the pilot if the plane crashes? Presumably if this is the case he has already been overtipped, if you catch my drift. Plus, is there a difference if you crash over land or over water? In one case it would be thoughtful to present the tip in an asbestos envelope; in the other, a Ziploc baggie would suffice. I would suggest bringing along both, since you don't know in advance which you're likely to need.

The United States readers have been referred to this post, so back to the top.

My dear Babs, <BR>You are probably unaware that pilots command a rather large salary, and monetary gratuities are not called for. Miss Manners travels with a few sheets of elegant wrapping paper in which she present the pilot with a lovely gift. Some tasteful gifts I have given include: <BR>A small framed photo of my granddaughter's first Communion. No larger than a 5 x 7, as there is limited space in the cockpit. <BR>A refrigerator magnet of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. <BR>Miss Manners suggests a paperback "Ten Ways to Successfully get your Plane out of China". <BR>A Gideon Bible. These can be gotten extremely inexpensively. <BR>A lovely key-chain featuring our Holy Father, Pope John Paul, if you think he might possibly be Catholic.(the pilot, not the Pope). <BR>A lovely audio tape for those boring moments, might I suggest "Conway Twitty's Greatest Hits" <BR>An enchanting gift set consisting of shampoo, lotion, shower cap, and perhaps a mending kit. You can tastefully scratch off Holiday Inn-Birmingham. To leave it on, Miss Manners considers very tacky. <BR>If your financial situation warrants it, you may be able to find a marvelous T-shirt "My parents went to Helsinki, and all they brought me was a lousy T-shirt." Miss Manners suggest extra-large, not knowing the pilot's size. <BR>These are just a few suggestions, Babs, I'm sure our delightful readers must have more ideas. Enjoy your trip.

If the pilot is cute, I would really enjoy it if he gave me HIS "tip!"

I have read many a newspaper article that talks of how exhausted and overworked international pilots are. <BR>So I think the considerate thing to do to help them out would be to present them with a travel kit consisting of: <BR> a nice eyeshade mask, high quality earplugs, warm toasty slippers (pilots like the ones shaped like ducks I have been told), a pair of loose fitting sweat pants, a neck pillow, a soft cashmere blanket with a rodeo design woven into it and a nice cup of Belgian hot chocolate. Oh, and don't forget the CD of lullabies so the pilot can get his rest from take-off to landing (or past that).

I find that if I tip the pilot, I get a much smoother ride that the others in the plane, and I usually arrive a little sooner as well. <BR> <BR>Try it, it's worth it!

I'm an adorable street urchin meself <BR>and I've found singing "I'll do anything for you, dear, anything" while batting me huge crytal blue eyes at the pilot and cluching his left leg with all me strength works quite well.

If money is a problem, one could of course invite everybody (crew and passengers) for a barbecue (or "braai" as we call it) in first class. Using a gas cylinder to get the T-bones done is not quite the real thing - an open fire is the way to do it. (I am not quite sure what would happen to the smoke -open the window?) <BR> <BR>Bring in some beers, music, singing and dancing in the aisles and you would have many new friends at the end of the flight. ("WOW moment" - has anybody tried a sing-along in a flight? Did it work?) <BR> <BR>If the size of the fire is an issue, you could consider making a "potjiekos" which is throwing anything that you can into an iron pot and put it on a very slow and small open fire. Liquid refreshments, beers, music and singing is a definite requisite here as the food takes quite a while to be cooked - you, however, are also done by that time - ideal for a long flight.

Good way to bond with lads in cockpit - send beverage (alcoholic) of their choice - start a "round" system (no, no, this is my twist!) - camraderie on long flights only way to pass the time. Swap recipes with stewardesses - perhaps they could whip up a fresh dish while you sip your drink (sent down from el capitan!)

Two words: SWEAT PANTS. <BR> <BR>Pilots love the 'easy access,' and they're available in many jazzy colors. <BR> <BR> <BR>

I think I joined the mile high club with the same flight attendant and husband that naughty did and now I have a rash...my "tip" is watch who you're sleeping with......

Guys: Be kind. It's not so easy to be a pilot. I just received this from a pal who is going through the first of three days of intensive training at Aeroflot - a crash-course in being a pilot (oopps..unfortunate turn of phase!). <BR> <BR>RULES OF THE AIR: <BR>&gt; <BR>1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. <BR>2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again. <BR>3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous. <BR>4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. <BR>5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. <BR>6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating. <BR>7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky. <BR>8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again. <BR>9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself. <BR>10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi &gt; to the ramp. <BR>11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa. <BR>12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier. <BR>13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. <BR>14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. <BR>15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are. <BR>16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. <BR>17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them. <BR>18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be. <BR>19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. <BR>20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. <BR>21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible. <BR>22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed. <BR>23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to appeal. <BR>24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago. <BR>

To Cute If all you need is a tip from the pilot, I'd like to meet you! <BR>To Ger, that was hilarious. <BR> <BR>Ever wonder why they call it the cockpit? <BR> <BR>Isn't that the room where they have all of their parties? <BR> <BR>

I think the English way is best - that is, have a 'whip-round' for the pilot To do this take a hat(if you can find one on the plane),and pass the hat back and forth along the seats, suggesting everyone put in some money.As you leave, give the money to the pilot and say "Have a pint on us mate" If he doesn't understand the phrase, take the money back and use it for a pint for yourself.

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time... you guys rule!!!

Art, <BR> <BR>Re: "Ever wonder why they call it the cockpit?" <BR> <BR>You made me think of a joke I haven't heard in a million years... <BR>Let me just say it had to do with the pilot(s) being female and choosing to call the cockpit more appropriately the "Box Office"... <BR> <BR>Ok. now, where were we?

Are you really serious about tipping the <BR>pilot???? Don't they get paid enough? <BR>Do you really think that they, the pilots, are going to fly the aircraft any <BR>better w/a monetary tip? Just one more thing, I've been <BR>to Europe/Asia a few times & have NEVER <BR>heard of this practice.

Jen <BR>You're not serious are you??! <BR>Please tell me you saw the humour and sarcasm in all these answers!

Too much fun not to top

Not only is the 'passing the hat' among the passengers a much-appreciated gesture, but singing "three cheers for the plane driver" upon landing is just top-notch. <BR> <BR>I find pressing a few coins into the flight attendants' hands as I exit the plane gets me a hearty thank you. <BR> <BR>And nothing says "I appreciate you" like something home-made, such as a macrame plant hanger or a drawing of my hand decorated to look like a turkey. I always carry a few things I made in my pottery class just in case... <BR> <BR>A couple of practical jokes keeps everyone loose, like banging on the cockpit door, yelling "I've got a bomb out here!", then collapsing into gales of laughter when the door opens (the other passengers appreciate the humor, too) is just one idea. <BR> <BR>And, Ger, that list is so past funny I can't speak...it's been passed to the Loons... <BR> <BR> <BR>

Don’t leave a tip. Just leave a note in a seat pocket (*not your own*) saying you’ve left a surprise concealed somewhere on the plane. The airline people LOVE a good scavenger hunt.

Don't leave just a tip, leave the whole thing. <BR>

To all the woderful people on this site: <BR> <BR>Oh thank you all for all your helpful answers. <BR>The reason I asked this question was that every time I take an airplane ride I notice the staff--that is the pilots and the flight attendants-- always line up at the exit when we land--and smile so nicely and say bye bye and have a nice day and I think maybe they are looking for a tip. <BR>Bewildered Babs

Everyone ... Thanks! I needed a good laugh today and just about everyone who has replied gave it to me. <BR> <BR>To Bored ... Get a life or at least a sense of humor. <BR> <BR>DFW 4/25/01

*ROTFLMAO*!! I finally got around to reading this thread, and thanks for the laughs!! A lot of clever & creative people here.

Excuse me??? The pilot (m/f) is doing his job and the airliner is paying his salary every month.

I am still laughing from this one. If you hear of a flight attendant on an AA flight to London in June being upended -- it was me:)

Man, I am so sick of all you deadbeats. Do you have any idea how much work it is to haul your complaining asses back and forth to Europe all the time? Geez, I have to file flight plans, gas this sucker up, check the oil, and then try to get this multi-ton puppy up in the sky. And then all I hear is your bitching about the food, the room, the fat person next to you, the bumpy ride, and on and on. Sometimes I wonder if the lousy 120 grand a year I am making for working one week a month is worth it. You people have no idea, no idea at all about what I go through just so you can take some piddly-ass vacation to Europe. Yes, a small tip would be greatly appreciated, as I could use that money to help make my Porsche payment. <BR>

Sorry Bobby, you'll need that extra for Olivia's braces..

Excuse me, but which ex are you? Number 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5....hard to keep em all straight.

Captain Bob, please refer to your ALPA code of conduct for rules relating to media contact, including postings to internet chat rooms and similar venues. It’s important that we keep our opinions of tourist class pax out of the public eye, since increasing numbers of those people may own shares in mutual funds, which might contain sizeable positions in our employers’ companies, with clear implications to our own portfolios. However strongly you might feel regarding in-flight gratuities (again, please refer to our recently negotiated contract with your carrier, which covered this topic extensively under “incentive pay,”) all public-consumption comments on this topic must be cleared in advance with your bargaining unit steward. I don’t need to remind you that it’s not only your Porsche payment, but also the Porsche, Mercedes, and sailboat payments of over 50,000 union members, that are on the line here. Discretion, Brother Bob.