How do you get your spouse to pack light?
 

I'll be traveling with my wife to Italy in July--and I'm already beginning to attempt to set some limits on weight/volume of our belongings. We have somewhat different ideas about what is required for foreign travel. How might I come to some accomodation with her that spares my back ( from toting those bags) and still preserves our marriage?

You can try what my husband says - 'Pack what you want, but you're carrying your own bags.' I'm not sure he really means it, but just in case.... There was a posting on light packing recently which had some helpful recommendations. Also, you can try www.travelsmith.com Good luck!

John, Leslie is absolutely right. This is one of those relatively rare occasions in life where being a gentleman about things will get you absolutely nowhere. The beauty of this approach is that it works on both the outbound and return portions of your trip. As a practical matter, I will always tote the heaviest suitcase but if requires growing another arm to get the job done, then it has flunked the feasibility test. Not only will you spare your back, but there are practical security and ground transportation issues that you can deal with a lot better if you adopt the rule that each traveler must be responsible for hauling the gear that they bring. Happy trails! :o)

I take it another step: we each have to be able to carry both bags in case one of us in injured, sprained ankle, whatever. Believe it or not, I'm a wife in the reversed situation--limiting what my husband packs. I don't think I handled it very tactfully but we're still married and only took carry-on bags for our last trip. REmind her she will probably find things she wants to buy and will need extra space/carrying capacity for those purchases.

<BR>At the risk of sounding rude, why would you have to carry the luggage in the first place? Almost all come with wheels on them now. <BR>There is also always someone at the hotels to help you with luggage if you have stairs to navigate. <BR>

Well not all streets and sidealks are even -- and some are cobblestones. Also in train stations there may not be escalators so you may have to "haul" there. <BR>It's taken my husband a long time, but he, after breaking his back a few times, has caught the "pack-light" virus. Halleluiah!

To the poster who asked about lifting luggage when nearly all have wheels - Even wheeled luggage must be picked up sometimes and you better be able to lift it. For example - you have to lift it off the carousel at the airport. Also you have to lift it on and off trolleys (luggage carts) at airports, you may have to give it a lift to get it to fit into some small elevators as well. If you attempt public transportation with it (you have to be crazy to do this unless you have a tiny bag) you will have to lift up stairs, etc. God Forbid one of the wheels break too (and it can happen) you need to be able to lift the bag.

And there aren't always people in hotels to help - and in some hotels, the elevators are so small that it's a choice between you and your companion or you and your luggage. I've stayed in places where 2 people will fit in the elevator, and that's it - literally 2 by 3 feet - no suitcases going up in this thing if you want to stay with your friend. <BR>What finally convinced me for ever and good was watching people sitting in our hotel in Venice last January - just sitting in the lobby. They had to check out, because they were supposed to be leaving and their room was scheduled to be taken by incoming visitors. But they had so much luggage, and it was so heavy, and the canals (and sidewalks) were so flooded that they couldn't carry their things the 75 to 100 yards necessary to get into any boat. They plain and simply couldn't lift their stuff above their knees and carry it for five minutes, and so they were stranded... This was four young, healthy adults with 8 (yes eight) great big rolling duffle bags, and then they each had a backpack too. <BR>I guess the only consolation is that maybe the incoming tourists for their rooms wouldn't make it into Venice, and they could stay in their rooms another day or two until the water level dropped. When we caught our flight, they were trying frantically to find some men strong enough to carry their things the required distance. Don't know what ever happened to them... <BR>And then there's the woman I saw in the Dublin airport with her husband/boyfriend/travelling companion with a broken leg and on crutches - and she had to nagivate everything with ALL of their luggage - she was looking a little bit aggrivated. <BR>So, whatever she can carry - let her take. But that's the limit. There no guarantee you won't have to carry your own things and not be able to carry hers...

Pam, I'm with you...as a wife whose husband always wants to take far too much (esp shoes!!) I was always afraid that his balk would go and spoil our trip. Until last year. We decided to be more casual when travelling and at age almost fifty tried the back pack routine for the first time.. It was a huge success in all ways. Felt like kids, hands free for fending off the (very occasional street urchin/pick-pocket). Also we met young people in line-ups who apparently felt more friendly toward us as fellow travellers. We have switched to "Tilley" type vacation clothing as it is made for rolling up and hanging round in the bottom of a back-pack and, next month for out trip I'm going to try the zip-lock bag and baloon tricks mentioned on this forum...hotels treated us just fine, even the one snooty one. I believe that Italians think all North Americans are a little mad anyway.Our clothes were suitable for all events including a cocktail party at our Consul Generals' and a trip to the Rome Opera. We will never go back to real suitcases with dinky wheels (useless on cobblestoned streets anyway!)

When my husband and I were first married (now 10 years ago)he told me before the honeymoon to only pack as many bags as I can personally carry. This is a great rule for anyone - kids (at an acceptable age) too. Why should one member of the party be schlepping everyone's baggage around?

I've really mellowed on the subject. What the heck, our trips to Europe are such wonderful experiences that I'm willing to put up with the inconvenience of two bags on rollers (a great invention for people like my wife who want to take a lot!). We each carry--or should I say, pull--one. Hey, I'm delighted that I'm still healthy and vital enough to be able to lift them on and off trains. (That's the worst!) <BR>However, in the interest of full disclosure, I must also admit that I've given up trying to change her!

My husband packs almost his entire wardrobe everywhere we go and then wears the same crappy outfit every day of the holiday, leaving the rest neatly hung up in the wardrobe. It drives me nuts. Especially when we get back home and he takes the whole lot out of the suitcase and expects it to be cleaned. <BR> <BR>Buzzy

Agree totally with all the other respondents - each person CARRIES their own bag. Works every time in our house (we are down to one carry-on per 10 day European trip - no waiting for luggage).

I always promise myself that my wife is going to carry her own bags. But sooner or later during the trip she is going to need my help and I just can't ignore her. I too have given up trying to change her packing behavior.Also she goes to Europe to shop, and the load just gets bigger and bigger.

Give in and accept. Although it still pains me, it's just her way...

Thanks for your responses---I'll still have to choose between the tough love approach, or the tolerant I can't change you anyway viewpoint. <BR> <BR>I'll give some thought to the backpack idea. Sounds appealing--but even I don't know if I can be that unfettered by my own belongings.

John, Try the approach of going through what she has packed and tell her how much you like her in certain outfits etc and try narrowing down that way. Let her know you won't freak out by seeing her in the same pair of pants a couple of times. Worked for me with a husband that can't leave anything at home.

This might work: <BR>Try asking her where she will fit in all the stuff she wants to bring BACK. <BR>Also : ditch heavy clothes eg denim, heavy cotton. <BR>

John, it was my husband who was the heavy packer, and we used to jointly pack in the suitcases. I cracked on the trip to Hawaii when he packed five pairs of shoes! <BR> <BR>What cured him was his first trip to Europe, when he found out that not all train stations had escalators, or the pensions with stairs, stairs, stairs...we each pack only what each of us can carry his/herself. I guess a lot depends on how much moving around you'll be doing. We carry collapsing luggage racks with us that fit inside the bags, so that we can 'roll' if we wish to, but which enables us to pick the size and shape of bag we want. We don't try to do the 'one backpack' routine but instead prefer two small bags, one a backpack and the other a small duffle with shoulder straps and handles, to make carrying it easily.This works for us. Good luck!

As a converted-to-one-bag spouse who used to pack heavy (every pair of shoes I own, for example)...I now pack so lightly that wherever we go, people ask on either end of our trip say, "Is that all you brought??" and I take pride in that for some weird, inexplicable reason. <BR> <BR>I learned from my husband's example. I thought it was really great that he was so efficient that he would realize, "Hey -- I'm actually not going to wear all of this. It's a vacation." <BR> <BR>That being said, I think it depends largely on what kind of trip you do. On a typical sightseeing-in-Europe trip, I no longer have an aversion to wearing the same thing twice. Three times, even. I know: wacky. <BR> <BR>Also, and perhaps most importantly, if you are genuinely worried about your back, tell that to your wife -- gently, not naggingly. I'm sure that she would want to do what is best for you.