justineparis

annhig, so should people ask their guests if they may say grace and get their permission ? I mean, at this point I am not sure how one can tell if saying grace would make a guest that uncomfortable ( since most non believers say they can sit through it fine, only a few find it so unnerving they wouldn't be able to sit through it without alot of mental/emotional upset ) so one would have to ask right? It doesn't sit right with me that a host has to ask permission in their own home to do something they do all the time and that has alot of meaning to them. I suppose they could say "does anyone object to me saying grace" but wouldn't most poeple feel rude to say "why yes, I do ".. I know I would never say that to anyone..

annhig

justine - that's a good point, but we often do things differently when we've got guests. perhaps another way to approach it might be to say to the guest that it's something you like to do, and it would be nice if they joined in, but if they don't, that's fine too.

not so much asking permission as forewarning the guest/s so that they feel as comfortable as possible.

it really just comes back to good manners doesn't it? for both guest and host.

LSky

" can't you allow for YOUR guests' foibles and just say grace silently to yourself?"

I think I'd mentioned more than once I say grace silently to myself.

I have no objection if others need to lend voice to it and they can do that with no reprimand at my table.

By the time one mentions it, it's over.

travelgourmet

This thread is awesome and I'm sad I missed it earlier. The notion that someone is "discomforted" in any meaningful way by the saying of grace is so silly that it boggles the mind.

No, I don't say grace before eating, but choosing to be offended by a host who did (and, yes, it is a deliberate choice) is simply something I can't even begin to comprehend. Honestly, I want to believe that this is all a big joke, because I simply can't imagine what it is like to go through life seeking out ways to be offended.

nona1

I agree. I'm one who feels a bit anxious about it for the reasons explained, but only because I'm worried about ending up in a conversation I really don't want to have. I also don't like people assuming they know my religion.

But I'm not offended in the least by the Grace, and I don't get why anyone would be.

thursdaysd

"discomforted" does not equal "offended"

travelgourmet

<i>"discomforted" does not equal "offended"</i>

Fine. I still can't imagine choosing to be "discomforted" by 30 seconds of a prayer and can't imagine what it is like to go out of one's way to be discomforted.

Seriously, what is the discomfort? That someone might mention God? Really? That is all it takes to discomfort you? Wow. Just wow.

And, just so we are clear, I would say the exact same thing about a religious fellow being "discomforted" by attending a dinner where grace was not said.

LSky

Oh Travelgourmet, this is simply one of those threads that is the last frontier of people with blind prejudices. They get to whine about having to eat at someone's house who might, as you've acknowledged, utter the word, God, Lord or Father in their sensitive and oh so sophisticated presence. It's only to remind people how absolutely cool they see themselves.

It's a game.