khunwilko

Next – one or two places you might have missed.

As mentioned above – Kenilworth Castle is only a few miles away and rather a different thing altogether. This magnificent ruin is open to the public, - (as my Thai friend observed - "it'll be great when they finish it!") - there is a small shop and some guides. The surrounding area – Abbey Fields is really a pleasant park – quite a nice place for a stroll or a picnic. There are some rather quaint old pubs nearby too.

Kenilworth is a small town, really a dormitory for Warwick and Leamington, but it has a good park and quite a lot of history. In the centre is a holiday Inn – really a good place to stay for anyone wanting a look around Warwickshire.

Towns nearby are Warwick and Royal Leamington Spa, Coventry (of Lady Godiva, Jaguar and Triumph fame) Rugby (of Rugby fame), Banbury (of Banbury Cross fame) Birmingham (of Quakers and Chocolate fame)– if you are looking for fame in Leamington it centres around the people who live or lived there.......e.g. Alduous Huxley and Napoleon the Third, and several pop musicians....and Danger man/Prisoner - Patrick McGoohan

Outside Warwick on the road to Kenilworth is Guys Cliffe – this eerie “Munster Style” house built on the river there is really worth a look – there’s a lot of ghost stories associated with this place which had work done by Arts and Crafts Designer Voysey. It was damaged by fire in the 70s. There's no public access, but the fields around it and along the rive make a great walk. Go to the Saxon Mill restaurant nearby and you can cross the river and walk down the bank opposite to the old house.

For nightlife in Warwick Leamington or Kenilworth the locals would choose Leamington Spa as the place to go …..it is really the dominant town of the three.

To the visitor it offers some well maintained parks and gardens, the river Leam for boating, be sure to check out the pump rooms and find out why it is a Spa town – you might be allowed to taste some of the Spa water – a truly revolting experience!

Famous people - As I said Alduous Huxley and Napoleon spring to mind – there is a “blue plaque” for Napoleon in Clarendon Square.....Mr Huxley would sooner be forgotten by6 the good people of Leamington. Frank Whittle inventor of th e jet engine went to Leamington College, and the place was once claimed to have more pop musicians per capita than any other town in UK.. Outside the town hall is a statue of Queen Victoria – it was knocked askew on its plinth by a bomb in WW2 – they say if a virgin ever walks by it will right itself! It was not the Queen who gave the town the title of “Royal” that was a visiting Prince. It seems nothing in Leamington is quite as it first appears.
We did find a good Thai restaurant - “Sabai Sabai” on Regent St has all the usual stuff, plus a few extras if you ask. The proprietor is from Chonburi Province. It is a midrange place with great decor and the most marvelous hi-tech loos. A meal for 4 cost just under 90 quid.
“Leafy Warwickshire” as it was known has some beautiful countryside; it was devastated by Dutch elm disease in the 70s but has recovered, although not as “leafy” as it used to be, it is still fine rural county with great views.
To places to visit.
Chesterton Windmill – this unique (well almost) Georgian windmill designed by Inigo Jones sits on top of a hill surrounded by a classic patchwork English farm scape; wheat-fields, sheep cattle and horses...... you can seethe Malvern hills in the distance and on a really clear day the shadowy forms of the Welsh Mountains. Take a thermos and some “sarnies” for a lovely picnic. Chesterton is also the site of an old Roman fort which guarded the “FOSSE WAY” the old Roman road that runs East/West across UK – (and is still in use!). Part of the old site is now underneath a service area on the M40....... (“chester” in any town name derives from the Latin word for a military camp - “castra”) - I love English town names as they usually refer to the location or some ancient history, rather than duplicating an existing name or referring to some self-inflated man who “founded” the place. (e.g New
York or Pittsburgh).

South on the Warwickshire/Oxfordshire border are the Burton Dasset Hills. These have been featured in a few movies – I was surprised to see them in the all time Hollywood classic - “3 men and a baby” - this cluster of hills provides great views, is recognized as a prime site for UFO sightings Try the local Cider or Beer and you'll understand why) and has old stone quarries where you can see fossils in the old rocks.
History freaks – there is a treat here for you – the Church has ANGLO_SAXON murals – re-discovered in the 60s they are now (hopefully) preserved and on view free of charge. On top of the hills is a stone tower – this you will be told was one of the beacons lit to announce the imminent and unsuccessful invasion by thew Spanish Armada – this is in fact twaddle – it is the remains of a windmill = you might also see the remains of a wooden one that use to stand next to it.

From here you are only a short drive to the M40 motorway and London......

irishface

Enjoying your unique writing style and way of looking at things. I am laughing as I read. Thanks for sharing! Please keep us up to date.

khunwilko

THanks -

(BTW - is was Napoleon III who lived in Leamington)

I'll do the bit on London this week - but I'm waiting for my new computer first!

annhig

hi khun,

ahhh - leamingtom spa. a name to conjur with. well, it is for me. it is where my grandparents would take me when I was with them for the day, to go to the park, visit Bobbies[ the department store in the main street] and finish up at the Leamington Fancy Bakery to buy their wonderful cakes for tea. my favourite was a chocolate box - a cube with 6 pieces of chocolate making the sides, and filled with chocolate sponge and icing. delish.

needless to say there were no Thai restaurants then, just the odd chinese or indian takeaway. but it was still classy place to go and your comments on the attractions of the warwickshire contryside are spot on. one very lovely spot you dodn't mention is the village of Brinklow where the canal goes through - it is a quintissential english village, with pubs and a church, and behind the church a little hill where we used to picnic and then run down to the bottom. It seemed massive to me when i was a child but now it looks like a pimple!

regards, ann

I'm looking

regards, ann

khunwilko

Brinklow - yes - lovely place, but I think it's actually in Leicestershire?

THe canals around the midlands are really a great place for a different kind of holiday and Brinklow has a centre for renting narrow boats.

Bobbies is gone now - as are all the other wonderful "Grace Brothers" style department stores.
THere is a mall - of course!

THere used to be some tea rooms on Regent street with an interior designed by Voysey - pretty sure they got "refurbished".....

I now have my new computer - but the problem is ...how to work it?!?!?! - then I'll do the bit on London......

khunwilko

Motorway service areas – If you choose to drive in The UK, you will inevitably end up stopping at one of these; if only just to fuel up or maybe to use the loos or buy food!!!
Well I have to tell you, you've missed out; the truly bad days of the service areas are a thing of the past, so if you think what you saw just now was pretty awful think what it must have been like before.
I guess they've changed the system whereby companies leased the whole area and any money they made was duly taken off them in rents which increased with profits.
I now see that “chill serve” and designer coffee are the order of the day, with companies like “Marks & Sparks getting in on the act. They're still not cheap but at least someone cleans the toilets.
It still seems that in order to fit in in one of these places, you have to wear a shell-suit ; this pinnacle of sartorial elegance seems to be the prevalent mode of dress for British when not at work – whole families parade about in matching blue and white...or for the more adventurous – metallic pink and white. There's just something incongruous about a 75 year old overweight granny in track-suit and trainers........




By now the weather was getting quite warm......the trip down the motorway took about an hour and we headed for Olympia where I was going to get rid of the car.
I really can't think of a reason for having a car in London – except perhaps for getting out of the place – it will end up a millstone round your neck.....London is the one place in the UK where public transport rules and the systems are actually quite good. Besides that, there is a charge (8 quid per day?) for bringing a car into central London and parking is difficult and the cost astronomical.

We dropped off the car –

(BTW – navigating a car in London isn't that bad so long as you know whether you're heading North South East or est or which town your going to as the signing for this is pretty good – remember to get in the correct lane too!)

I'd got the car on one-way rental from Deathrow, which actually only cost a little extra drop-off fee. Booking on the net I also got a free model upgrade.

It is a continual source of irritation that all rental companies charge extra to take the car to mainland Europe – this really is inexcusable price gouging.......a similar practice regarding mobile phones and roaming has just received a lot of bad publicity resulting in reduction of fees – perhaps the car-hire firms should take note.

Back to London – our hotel was in Earls Court/South Kensington just a short ride by taxi (10 quid) which gave my friend the opportunity to clock up the experience of riding in a London cab....I adopted my best London “cock-a-nee” accent so he would understand me(!?!?) and Yes!!... The cabby was chatty...and pleasant and helpful; when he/we experienced a little difficulty finding the hotel, he volunteered to stop the meter and round the price down to 8 quid, so I “bunged 'im a cockle (CRS = tenner) leaving 'im a deuce for a drink”.. ...and he still carried some bags up the “apples” to reception.

Bit about the hotel – Base2Stay – The Hotel is one of the new breed of “Compact yet Bijou” Hotels; A twin room was 130 quid per night.

I chose the place for various reasons;

Location...it's really close to both Earls Court and Gloucester Road tubes. Earls court is also on the Piccadilly line and a direct service to Deathrow.

The rooms although small are fitted to a high standard. They have flat screen TV (the Hoteliers dream – a TV that doesn't take up space) internet on the TV and connection for your laptop.

The en suite shower is a REAL power shower in a large room, with nice white fluffy towels and quality shampoo, gel etc.

It has cooking facilities in the room – a kitchenette with microwave,kettle, sink fridge, crockery and cutlery etc... this was particularly useful for us as there was a Thai supermarket just round the corner (I kid you not!) so we could stock up on “mama” and other Thai snacks.



The hotel realises that to get a room cheaply in London doesn't mean it has to be shabby, and the compactness only reflects the sky-high value of real estate in London.

If you are not a tidy person, you might find a prolonged stay in this kind of hotel gets a bit cramped and messy, but for us it worked well, especially as we were to spend very little time in the room. A lot of care has been taken in designing the room every bit of space is utilised there's even storage under the beds for your cases...i would have liked more hanging space.

For 189 quid we could have stayed at the Holland Park Hilton, another ggreat location, but that extra 50 quid a day can pay for a lot of admissions and meals, especially over a 5 day period.

Over the past few days, I had noticed that my friend was getting more relaxed and confident in this “crazy farang” country. Shopping, language and day to day needs were proving to be a less daunting prospect as time went by.......but there's always a surprise in store......

As we had arrived at the hotel in the early afternoon, I suggested that we “get stuck in” to the tourist thing and go to the nearby museums for the remainder of the day and then check out some local nosh. We left the hotel and walked up the road towards Earls Court tube – on approaching the pedestrian crossing opposite the station, my hand was grabbed - “I cross road with you!” - this was the first time this had happened....buses thundered past, sirens wailed, horns honked and motorbikes roared, the pavements thronged with a busy cosmopolitan crowd...this was unlike anything we had encountered in the previous 2 weeks...and my friend was clearly in a state of “sensory overload”!

Not to worry – I had lived I London and knew the ropes.....but next it was going to be my turn for a bit of a shock.....
I confidently lead my friend across the road and into the station......now, tickets......where to get and HOW?
Let me explain...I used the Tube every day for years and was one of those people you see, head down, charging through the crowds ….. knows exactly where they're going, walks or even runs up escalators instead of standing still and treats other less confident passengers with the distain so typical of a local towards confused visitors....now the tables were about to be turned...

I'd done some research and was planning to get some form of travelcard but not until the next day, for now a quick single would suffice......
First, I took a “butchers” at the machines – a whole wall of slots and LEDs...that would take some time to figure. I then saw a row of windows marked “Tickets & Information”. I followed the empty queuing system and zig-zagged towards a window from which a ticket officer watched my progress.

I mustered my best London accent;

“Two to Sowf Ken please, mate” (this is ONE stop on the District line)
“single or return?”
“Oh, ummm, return please – bin on me plates all day - too much current abaat to be trudging araand the old frog today eh? don't fink me scotches will take much more!”
“That'll be £11.40”
“HOW MUCH?” - my air of confidence dissolved revealing confusion and disbelief.
“You haven't been in London for a while have you?” (well at least the local accent appeared to have worked)

“about 10 years” I confessed.

He explained something about zones and being valid for 24 hours in zones 1 & 2.....actually he explained it very clearly in a clear and friendly manner with no sign of impatience at my apparent total ignorance. I was just too tired and confused to take it all in at that time. Anyhow – what the hell – I paid with my card and just as my bravado was returning, I realised I had no idea where to go next.......
He must have read the look on my “boat”
“Over there and follow the signs for District east - Upminster.............” - still calm and reassuring. l ”scarpered” feeling not a complete twit. Next time I'd use me “loaf”.

“I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS, YOU KNOW. I'M A FULLY QUALIFIED BRAIN SURGEON...........”

Let me take time out here to say something about the Staff, customer service and information service in London – or even the rest of UK too.

I live in Thailand where customer service is non existent, or at least only skin deep – in Thailand they are all mouth and no trousers. In UK I found evidence of enormous bulging trousers, full of competence, training and knowledge. It was a constant source of delight to me throughout the whole trip to ask questions and get an intelligent, coherent answer from someone who actually knew what they were talking about.

Now I know some people will put their hands up here and say things like language problems etc etc but basically I speak reasonable thai and and you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.....if they don't know the answer or haven't been trained, no amount of smiling is going to tell you what train you need or when the
castle opens etc etc.

It is fairly obvious that anyone who works in London and is likely to come into contact with tourists has received some pretty comprehensive training. You can ask ANY member of staff on the underground for train info or directions and the chances are they can help. Most of them seem to have an encyclopedic knowledge of timetables, and those who don't can direct you CLEARLY to someone who does.

It was SO REFRESHING! I felt like making up extra questions just to see how far I could stretch their knowledge. I also spent as much time as I could eavesdropping on others asking for information – the language problem didn't seem to phase them at all.

It's hard to be polite at the end of a shift when someone asks you the 500th stupid question of the day. But most of the people we encountered were still able to give a well informed civil answer – this takes discipline and training.

“They're right behind you ,sir, you're standing in the doorway”
“Oh, sorry, thanks”
No problem,sir...need anything else, just ask”

It's not just the transport workers either, I think in general Londoners are proud of their city (and the money they make out of it) and are keen to show how much they know and share that knowledge with visitors

It makes me all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.......

I think it's not just that they have improved, it's also in contrast to the last decade or more spent in Thailand and even Australia where these skills either don't exist or are in their infancy....and also I'd forgotten how back in the 70s and 80s various campaigners (e.g. Plain English etc) rid the UK of the legions of “Jobsworths” that accumulate in such places as large Transport Companies and Government Offices.

So how does this affect the average visitor to London? Well just ASK.....anyone who's wearing a peaked hat or a uniform, taxi driver, traffic warden, Bobby, or a store assistant, gardener anyone who looks as if they work locally and you'll be surprised how helpful they can be......

OK it wasn't ALL a bed of roses there were exceptions – some were quite brilliant in their ineptitude, but an exception only proves the rule and I feel that any visitor to London should go head and ASK “don't be shy – just try”.


Other observations about the London underground – there was a lot of “maintenance “ going on at the time. On one Sunday a whole line and sections of others were completely shut down. Well it has to be done, and I guess disrupting tourism actually costs less than disrupting the other businesses of London.

The toilets – all UK toilets were until recently a source of utter shame to the nation – whether it was the influx of cheap labour from the new EU countries and elsewhere or just the realisation that you can't be respected if you have dirty toilets, I can only guess, but the result is a huge improvement in the standard of cleanliness in public toilets – especially in their Underground. It was the Victorians who introduced the public toilet; constructing porcelain palaces, with brass fittings and white ceramic bowls designed by companies with names like “Crapping & Son”....sadly they are mostly gone – I believe there is a guide to what remains, but now the main problem with toilets in London is there aren't enough of them.


Foreign Language signage – throughout UK this is really pretty poor – but then there is always the question of what languages do you sign in? I think a little research might reveal a need for more signs in Chinese, Japanese and even Russian,,,these are the areas that the new tourist money is coming from. Lots of the major tours and attractions did however supply commentaries in a wide range of languages – I hope they are translated better than the efforts of Thailand to write/broadcast in English.


An example of poor service – The shop assistant near Parliament square who didn't know where Big Ben was.......... but prize for complete apathy must go to the waiter in Dartmouth restaurant on the quayside, who, when asked a few questions about the menu, replied
“Look I just take orders....I don't know what goes into it or what its like” and walked off......

NEXT – THE MUSEUMS AND CHOOSING YOUR TRAVEL TICKET and navigating around London

annhig

Brinklow - yes - lovely place, but I think it's actually in Leicestershire?>>

nope, Khun - definitely Warwickshire - my granny was born there. but I agree with the rest. it was threatened recently by the proposed new midland airport but fortunately they drew back. there would have been blood split!

i love your description of you trying to be a local again - it's just what I do when I go back, with equal success. I even tried to pay my fare with money on a bus! fancy that.

looking forward to more,

regards, ann

khunwilko

So it is...I even had a girlfriend who lived there! Maybe it's because at that time I lived in Leicester.

khunwilko

So the mysteries of the Tube put to one side, we went off to catch a museum before they closed.
The Natural History was chosen. (http://www.nhm.ac.uk/ )

Every English (even British?) school-kid has at some time been on a school trip to these Museums. The brainchild of Henry Cole and Prince Albert who decided to set up a “science Park” in a run down part of London – Brompton – what a great idea – bring together all the Arts and Sciences so that EVERYONE could catch a glimpse, show off Britain's wealth to the world and do a bit of urban regeneration at the same time......by changing the name to South Kensington..... (and giving some work to my great uncle to boot – he was involved in the design of V&A). everyone's a winner!

You have to marvel at these museums......not just the contents, but the buildings and interior fittings – everything is palatial...they are a true monument to everything good and bad about the Victorians. Free and open to all, they are a monument to or in the case of the Natural history Museum, a Cathedral of, democracy.....stuffed with treasures from all over the world they are also monuments to Empire and the way the Brits wandered around the planet and grabbed whatever they could lay their hands on and took it home.

The negatives aside these places are truly wondrous – forget about stomping through the Amazon, people STILL discover new species of animal hidden away in the drawers of the limitless collections stored within the walls of the Natural History museum! - these establishments are not just monuments they are functioning institutions still on the cutting edge of their fields.

Ok – there has been a little “dumbing down” or thinning out of the displays...or at least it has not totally escaped “Disney-fication” but the iconic stuff is all there – T-rex, whales and creepy-crawlies (including a sad wasp whose bum had fallen off and rested ignominiously in the corner of his case). I still remember opening drawers in cabinets and gazing on hundreds of butterflies impaled in glorious patterns in their cases. The Victorian collecto-mania that peaked at the turn of the century was responsible not only for these collections but also for the extinction or near extinction of several exotic species of insects and other animals.

If you took all the exhibits out of the Natural history Museum, I'd still go there just to marvel at the Gothic architecture.

Round the corner, the science Museum - http://www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/ - encased in a solid Neo-classical style building was unfortunately closed by the time we left the NHM. It would have to wait for another day, as would my personal favourite the V&A. - http://www.vam.ac.uk/ -

In the end we never got to see the science museum but did go to the V&A. I'd recommend this place to anyone who simply wants a break from the madding crowd. Much less crowded than the Natural History, the place is a dimly lit temple to Art and Design. Groups of waif-like girl students drift about with sketchpads and murmur to each other; presumably about such things as light, texture and proportion. Old academic-looking gents gaze wistfully at stone genitals protruding from a Greek statue, we look for the Thai exhibits – only to be rather disappointed to find only a couple of cases in a corner of the S.E. Asia corridor where Thai artefacts rub shoulders with their “Khmer” neighbours. Something they find hard to do at home. A lot of the furniture seemed to be “on loan” and my enthusiasm for the Arts & Crafts movement wasn't shared by my friend who started to look a bit bored....so I curtailed my enthusiasm and suggested lunch.....I left disappointed I hadn't seen more, but I wasn't sure whether that was because of work going on, it wasn't on display anymore or that I just hadn't looked hard enough.....i found it rather unclear when it came to navigation there.

BTW – the souvenir shop is wonderful – really “Hi-So” stuff!!

Look just because these places are free, don't underestimate them; they are some of the greatest treasure houses in the world....and if you include the Art Galeries...Tate, National gallery etc you could easily O/D on culture! Firenze is the only other place in the world I can think of where this might happen.
It's not only the contents but the displays and the architecture that are interesting too.

However if you want to see a museum beautifully preserved in it's original Victorian form, you'll need to go to Oxford to the Pitt Rivers museum. - http://www.prm.ox.ac.uk/ - ....a rare treat!

One little place that deserves a mention if you are into everyday “objects of desire” is the Design Museum on the South Ban http://www.designmuseum.org/ it's not free but a lovely collection and great exhibits.

Our first day in london and by 8 pm we were “cream-crackered”. - Some mama for my friend and a hot pie from M&S for me and that was it for the day – I fell asleep in front of the flat-screen TV.

khunwilko

The Tube......
The subway in london is called the “underground” - but everybody calls it the TUBE – if you go to the older or deeper stations you'll see why.

The next day we were to get down to serious sightseeing. But, before doping this it would be necessary to sort out the tickets. I'd had a chat with the guys in the newsagent at earls Court the night before and was getting some pointers. I'd also spent some time on the net. Essentially it looked like we were going to need a 4 day travel card which would likely as not cover all our travel needs. In the end we did something a little different.

We bought Oyster cards with 20 quid each on them – this came to 23 quid including the deposit. Oyster will round of your days travel to the max discount so they work out the same as a travel card – which you can put on an Oyster anyway.......we also bought 2 tickets for a topless bus....this allows you 24 hours to get on and off any of the bases owned by them and you get a riverboat rip thrown in too. Cost 24 quid each.
There is a veritable maze of different discounts and tickets on offer – you could spend hours ion the net trying to work out which is best for you – in the end you could end up restricting where you can travel or how or at what time........

So I'm sure someone can recommend another way of saving a couple of quid here and there but for the sake of simplicity and user friendliness - ….. I'd recommend that if you are going to spend more than a day in London and it looks like you'll be travelling about a bit –
get and Oyster card.
They work for Tube and bus and a few other things too. They can be pre-paid just about anywhere, in shops at stations in cash, by card – slots for cash and cards in the stations or over the counter in a shop.....and the beautiful thing is, once set up all you need to do is touch a yellow disk with your card when you pass through a tube barrier or get on a bus.......and you can get on and off wherever you like – i.e. if like us you find yourself travelling in the wrong direction – no problem!

When you leave you can return it and get your deposit back and a limited refund on your top-ups (large amounts take time). But quite frankly if you ever intend to return to London, why not keep it? Or simply keep it as a souvenir – mine came in a plastic wallet with an advert for IKEA – a firm that hasn't penetrated Thailand yet.....(I wish they would though!

It's worth noting that you can sort out your Oyster Card etc on the Net BEFORE you arrive in London.

OK – here are some web addresses for transport in London -

Guide in Various languages.
http://www.tfl.gov.uk/assets/downloa...s-zones1-6.pdf

Oyster Card....
http://www.tfl.gov.uk/tickets/oysteronline/2732.aspx

https://oyster.tfl.gov.uk/oyster/entry.do

https://oyster.tfl.gov.uk/oyster/gue...method=display

http://www.tfl.gov.uk/termsandconditions/12321.aspx


visitor Oyster cards....
http://www.tfl.gov.uk/tickets/faresa...kets/5185.aspx


Travel Card....
1 and 3 day
http://www.tfl.gov.uk/tickets/faresandtickets/1055.aspx

Longer
http://www.tfl.gov.uk/tickets/faresa...ets/10628.aspx

...a useful selection of Maps – download and print if you want.....and journey planner.

http://www.tfl.gov.uk/gettingaround/1106.aspx


I love the London Tube – some of it is really deep! I love the way a wind rushes up the platforms and passageways pushed by the trains as they zoom along the tubes...And the whole place is full of ….. stuff! There seems to be a hushed almost studious atmosphere there and a sense of constant earnest motion....the crowd is about the most mixed and cosmopolitan you'll ever see - people watching is well rewarded here – the self-absorbed make their way to and from work, gaggles of kids laugh and joke, buskers play, pickpockets “hang out”, groups of foreign tourists peer at maps, security watch out for suspicious packages, down-and-outs shuffle and mumble.....reading a book or newspaper is definitely “de rigeur” - smoking is now banned – I once watched a rather distinctive (American?)man sitting opposite me reading a newspaper and holding a giant Romeo and Juliet cigar, of which he didn't take one single drag for several stops...I felt like leaning over and and reminding him it was still there!!!! ..... and then as if to make it more absurd he reached into his pocket, pulled out a packet of “Gaulloise” took one out, lit it and smoked it.

Along the corridors buskers play – to who? I'm not sure...no-one would stop and listen so you hear them only for a moment – I had a theory that if you could play any instrument for about 3 minutes and no more, that would be sufficient to earn a living on the Underground. Not so I fear – I suspect that to get one of these jealously guarded pitches you have to be a musician of some ability or at least well connected.I saw a huge range of instruments too – a harp – not a lyre or a folk instrument but a fully-fledged harp, guitars, violins, violas, cellos, double bass, accordions, clarinet and bagpipes....I didn't see trumpet or trombone – perhaps they are simply too loud for the echoey subways. However I did note that many use electronic amplification and effects....i also din't notice anyone playing the spoons – I guess you have to go to Covent Garden for that.

Advertising on the Tube has followed the same conventions for decades – it's rather nice – they have small pleasantly framed ads on the walls all the way up and down the escalators advertising anything from shows to bras – (or was I looking at the same thing?); then opposite the platforms, large posters advertise usually shows, exhibitions and movies – I noticed that the new Tarantino film doesn't have the title on the posters!....heaven forbid that after gazing at bra after bra I should get the terrible come-down of seeing the word “bast**d” misspelt in giant letters before me.

.. In the carriages themselves small ads are placed along the frieze – usually for employment agencies, language schools etc....in the middle is a map of the single line the train is travelling so you can see exactly when to get off – so long as you remember your station name. All of these ads wherever they are are interspersed with the map of the Underground which is a work of art in itself and the “Mother of All Subway Maps”.
It's so clear and easy to understand - a work of design genius....a 4 year old child could could understand it...”run out and find me a 4 year old child” etc etc...

As the train stops and the automatic doors open a voice tells you to “mind the Gap” at some stations where a slightly larger step is required to dismount. It reminded me of a wonderful Horror Movie (Blood Line?) I saw in 1974 starring Donald Pleasance where a monster dwelt in the underground and the only thing he could say was “Mind the Doors!” - you wouldn't want ever to be alone in a Tube station after seeing that movie!

Back in the sunlight, we soon found that by keeping an eye on which bus numbers were going past, it was quite easy to jump on and off the buses for those short journeys...in fact I think my friend quite enjoyed being able to hop on a bus and simply touch the Oyster card on the yellow disc and then hop off as and when the mood dictated.

That leaves the Topless bus – well, we decided to spend at least half of the day on that – as it happened we realised that for the centre of London it's quite a good alternative to the regular buses and trains. You do get a good view – if you get an outside seat and plenty of photo opportunities. In the afternoon after some frenzied sightseeing in Central London we took the boat on the Thames; the trip was fine – a great “Cockney Commentary” from the crew with one or two innuendoes that sailed over the head of my companion and the other non-native English speakers......we took the boat to Greenwich........I was trying to explain the “Zero” longitude line and the division between East and West...but it didn't seem to be working – anyhow we managed to straddle he Hemispheres at the Observatory before it shut. On returning back through the park I noticed there was a “THAI FESTIVAL” going on at Greenwich that day – I'm afraid I couldn't find any part of it.......this is a shame as the Thai guitarist Sek Loso who I'd met once before was performing and I'd like to have said “hello” again - but sadly this was not to happen.

One thing about the topless bus though – if the weather is bad – and it often is – you might just as well use your Oyster card to do the trip and see it through the upstairs window of an ordinary double-decker.

Well that's about it for getting about....but what did we actually look at??

Cholmondley_Warner

I suspect that to get one of these jealously guarded pitches you have to be a musician of some ability or at least well connected>>>>

Nah. You just have to apply and pass an audition, which is really just to keep the loonies out. You then get one of the pitches for a certain amount of time. If you try and play anywhere else you'll get nicked.

BTW - I'd pay good money to go on a topless bus! We call them open-topped buses to avoid any confusion.

khunwilko

Chumley - ....it's called poetic licence

Cholmondley_Warner

I know old boy, I know.

khunwilko

Oyster cards and Tourist London

After a good night's kip, we ventured out quite early to Earls Court tube station to purchase our Oyster cards and “Big Bus” tickets.....we got these from the newsagent at the station; I pre-payed 20 quid on the Oyster cards (plus a 3 pound deposit) and paid another 24 for the Bus ticket.......we were advised to get the bus from Victoria...although this isn't really necessary as you can get on and off anywhere for 24 hours........it was great too being able to just hop on and off buses wherever we like and dart into any tube station without having to worry about queuing or buying tickets.......the next few days would be the touristic crescendo of our trip.....

August in London is not really what London looks like for the rest of the year – the usual denizens of the City and govt offices have shut up shop and gone -they know what is going to happen – a city usually full of suit clad, brief-case carrying business people suddenly changes, the streets clog with khaki short clad tourists like bondage victims they struggle under the straps a collection of miniature luggage; of camera bags, hand bags, fanny-bags bum-bags, back packs, bottle holders, waterproof coat bags, umbrella bags and even bags to put other bags in – lost property offices swell with dis-owned and mislaid bags – there must also be a whole department for the brains that people seem to leave behind when they step onto the streets.......groups of loud check golfing trousered Japanese, the women sporting ever larger peaked sun-hats, overweight Americans crushing their 200 dollar trainers and bursting their Lacoste sweat-shirts, packs of foreign school kids taking a course in English language and shoplifting, Eastern Europeans with a dress code that seems to be based on the brothels of Miami – so much for their TV service.......these crowds don't move with the same purpose as a normal London workforce crowd, they dither and swirl....stand in and block doorways discussing where to go next......step out into the traffic forgetting high direction it is coming from......peer quizzically and plates of food in restaurants, and photograph everything – I get the impression that some folk don't actually see anything of Britain when they are there, it's only when they get back to their home country and download the photos that they actually see what they were standing in front of....

this is the multi-ethnic, polyglot maelstrom into which we plunged......

LET ME TAKE YOU BY THE HAND.........

Day 1 – This was intended to be largely orientational; the bus trip would give us an overview of central London. My friend had a few ideas about places to visit but not really a lot so I though maybe on the bus we would see some places to return to later. –
a visitor to London may have heard of many of the sights, but putting them in context and trying to make out an itinerary is a different matter.

If you're staying in London for any length of time, you might consider buying an London A to Z street map – it contains the minutest details and is available in a range of sizes – you'll need your reading glasses for some of the smaller streets – a cheap fold-out map will give you a better overview and you could use this to crayon in the places you want to see. I regard all these maps as disposable after the trip or at best souvenirs – my A to Z cost about 6 quid.
The bus was great, I spent a lot of time watching my friend just to see the change of expressions as we looked down on the Streets of London we got off at Piccadilly - packed with tourists – and made our way to Chinatown, where we bought a large bowl of noodles each – advertised outside at ₤3.80, we were told after we'd eaten that was the price for take-away, eating in was an extra 20 pence. (UK takeaway food is not subject to VAT)

Back on the bus we entered Trafalgar square, I thought ihere was a good place to get off and do some photo shoots.....
…....it is difficult to get a photo of Landseer's lions due to the large numbers of people crawling all over them......the lions didn't seem to mind though.....

(If you wonder why they keep reminding you of dogs, it's because they are sitting in an anatomically incorrect pose for Lions)

From Trafalgar we headed off on foot for a while. We stopped and looked at the horse guards. In my day they were stationed, mounted on their steeds in large boxes, but at present they have moved inside, ….outside some major roadworks not only made it impossible for the guards but it made entry pretty difficult too.

I think it is wonderful how the public are allowed into really close proximity with these guys – who I realised for the first time are little more than boys – teenagers looking nervously back at the crowd, some of whom don't seem to realise that inside each uniform is a real person. You can actually stand either side of one poor guard who has to stand motionless whilst groups of tourists stand, giggle and pose all around him – I'm sure his boots were a size too big – he didn't look an inch over 5 foot 3!

However, I witnessed another over-curious tourist get his comeuppance – in a corner of the yard, a guard was standing unmounted near a “private” entrance – the tourist seeing a good photo opportunity was edging closer and closer. This guard was not remaining stationary – every time someone got near he would quickly turn his head in their direction and sometimes stamp his foot – clearly it was not advisable to get too near....however this particular tourist was oblivious to all this body language and posturing and crept closer and closer - nearly fell over backwards when the soldier's voice ripped through the air

“GET BACK!” - he screamed!

The whole crowd turned to see this very abashed tourist making a hasty retreat.

It reminded some of us that they weren't manikins or ornaments at all, but real soldiers! Gay, maybe – but soldiers nonetheless.

After our brush with the military, we had a brief stroll around the Horse guards' Parade and then carried on until we ended up at Parliament square.....

Big Ben – dominates this areas of London – or rather the clock-tower - which has come by default to be referred to as Big Ben - does – Big Ben is in fact the Bell inside the tower....it got to be one of the most photographed buildings in the world; as part of Barry's (and Pugin's) delightful exercise in Victorian Gothicism, the Houses of Parliament (or Palace of Westminster), it stands for a lot more than accurate time – England is the mother of parliaments and here is the symbol of democracy that the nation spawned. I hope, watching the crowds milling around it from all over the world, that some of this “spirit” might rub off on them and they might then go home with a little more of an idea what democracy really entails and apply it there. The Victorians with one eye on the future and one one the past, were good at grasping the fine details involved in setting up a democracy, and this is reflected too in their architecture.......is expressed all sorts of optimism and high values.....

In the past 150 years, Big ben has witnessed bombings, blasts, shootings,rocket attacks, riots and demonstrations, the passage of kings, governments and prime ministers and still it tolls throughout the world every hour on the world service.....it just goes to show you don't have to be the biggest, tallest or even the most expensive or prettiest to be one of the most familiar pieces of architecture in the world to be famous.

Across the river from Big ben a relatively new London icon can be seen – the London Eye hangs precariously over the Thames it's strange geometry gives it a gravity-defying air.....one of the few “must-dos” on my companion's list. Very much an underdog at the time on Britain's list of millennium projects, it has proved to be just about the most popular and successful in the long run. I wouldn't recommend a “flight” as they call it on the great wheel at the beginning of a visit – I think it might be better to see some of the sights close up first and then take a gander at them from the Eye. It was decided to do the Eye the next day.......

Anyhow this was what we chose to do, so as mentioned before we took the river trip included in our “Big Bus” ticket. There was still enough time left in the day to get to Greenwich..... We got some great photos of the Thames, the banks, bridges and the traffic. Unlike many big city rivers I could mention, the Thames is not so polluted, the water is in constant motion so it's full of sediment and looks muddy and “uninviting”, but appearances can be deceptive, even trout and salmon have been caught there. Of course the fact that London is no longer a major port and all the docks are now trendy apartments helps a lot.

We also got to see/photograph The Tower from the river, the “Gherkin”, Canary Wharf and of course Tower Bridge. (I wonder if those US businessmen are still kicking themselves for buying the wrong bridge in the early '70s? – the story goes they thought they were buying Tower Bridge rather than the much older London Bridge - “som-nam-naa” as they say in Thailand.).

In the mean time my Aussie psychoanalyst had come to London too and was SMSing me from a Dali exhibition on the South Bank – a fitting meeting of minds?.........we couldn't get back in time for the exhibition but we met up for dinner.

My “local” Thai supermarket had recommended an Issan restaurant in Shepherd's Bush – this HAD to be tried.

For those of you not familiar with Thailand, Issan is the largely rural North eastern Region of the Kingdom; amongst other things, it is famous for it's really hot/spicy foods and sticky rice.....Dishes such as Laab - spicy salad, Som-Tam poo para– spicy papaya salad with fermented fish sauce and pickled crabs, and Yam Pla-Duc Foo – spicy fried "fluffy" catfish salad are typical of this region......Issan food is to me what bells are to Pavlov's dogs.

My friend and I could hardly wait!
About a half a kilometre's walk from Shepherd's Bush tube is “Isarn Tieaw” (approximation)....my Thai friend and I met my Psychoanalyst at the Tube, he had brought along and old friend. So we set out for our meal.

It became apparent that we were going to have problems when my Psychoanalyst's friend chirped up “What's Issan food – I hope it's not spicy”. The ordering took ages – I suggested chicken and cashew nuts – nice and simple - “Mae Sai prik” don't put any chilli in it - the blandest thing on the menu – as this guy went through the menu and debated every dish with the staff.....

“You see in England nowadays we only eat breast of Chicken off the bone” - he explained. (I wondered what the hell we did with the rest of the chicken) …..
Sticky rice? - “NO”

…....Steamed rice? - ”Oh no! I couldn't eat rice without salt...do you have fried? Is the chicken off the bone and breast” -

this was turning into a breast fetish – my psychoanalyst friend was beginning to take note......well, the staff did their best – I think they probably ordered out for his dish – and the rest of us had a passable Thai meal. (Soggy Som-tam though). As Thai meals are generally eaten communally from the centre of the table, this guy sat in the corner carefully guarding his breasts of chicken did rather give the whole event a restrained atmosphere. Anyway my thai friend got another fix of friendly food.
Finally, at the end of the meal our new friend stood up and said.....

“Well that wasn't very memorable, I shan't be eating Thai again”

I felt like pointing out he hadn't really eaten Thai – he's just satiated a breast fetish in a Thai restaurant – quite a different thing.

For my friend and I it was Tube and back to our hotels beds.

annhig

there must also be a whole department for the brains that people seem to leave behind when they step onto the streets.>>

oh how true, and not just in london.

this is not a new phenomenon - when I worked in london during my university summer vacations, what seems like a life-time ago, working one's way along Oxford Street was a real education. in the end i got quite ruthless, elbowing them out of my way with abandon.

your story about your "friend" who didn't want "hot" food in the Thai restaurant is a hoot - we have the same problem with my mother! though she is NOT hung up about chicken breast. and since when have people in england not eaten chicken on the bone?

still loving your report.

rhkkmk

great report, but i have to add that service in thailand is fantastic, why do you down play it??

wellididntknowthat

"I felt like pointing out he hadn't really eaten Thai – he's just satiated a breast fetish in a Thai restaurant – quite a different thing."

My absolute pet hate, fussy non adventurous eaters. Stabbings to good for them. OK rant over, carry on.

khunwilko

rhkkmk - I'm happy to lay out my views on that - I and I have a HUGE amount of experience in that field - but preferably on either the Thai side of Fodors or another site altogether.

wellididntknowthat - total agreement there!

khunwilko

LONDON EYE - http://www.londoneye.com/

The next morning we got up quite early and made our way to the London Eye.....another one of Merlin entertainment's attractions - their raking it in from me and my friends - I had been meaning to go on this ever since my cousin had his birthday party on it a few years back and I had been unable to go.

I had booked tickets on the net – stating an early “flight” time. Furthermore, as it was high season, I spent the extra and got “FAST-TRACK” tickets...... over 24 quid each! I have to say that I'm glad I did – by the time we got there – I think our flight was 10.30 – there was already a huge queue!....but with fast-track we were directed past the lumpen masses huddled on the loading ramps like livestock – and up towards thee wheel. I felt very privileged – in fact I was thinking of giving the “Royal Wave” to the crowd as we passed, but I got too self-conscious forgot how to walk, tripped and fell into the fencing. Karma has a way of pulling you back in line from time to time. Despite the public humiliation, I would recommend the Fast-track ticket especially at high season – it might be an idea to check before you buy though. Don't ask a ticket seller though – they will always advise you tat it's REALLY crowded and you should get the most expensive ticket available.

So what goes round comes around – it seldom stops – unless it's to let on a slow mover – you get on, you go up round, you go down and you get off – all this for 24 quid?? - Well actually we'd all like things to be cheaper, but I don't regret spending my money on this, even the extra fast-track cash – it really is a wonderful experience – the weather was clear and you could see beyond the limits of London, - strangely though as people circulated around inside the pod, it was the Houses of Parliament that stood out....you could see more London landmarks than you could shake a stick at, but time and again I found myself trying to get that perfect snap of the H.o.P. My guess is that even in poor visibility there would be plenty to entertain whilst doing the round......you can also get a “night flight” which might be nice.....or a sunset one???
one thing – when taking photos, look out for internal reflection from the glazing – although once I realised what was happening I found you can get some interesting effects with it

Souvenirs – I cannot return home without about 100 to 150 items to hand out to my staff as souvenirs – even at a pound a time that starts to add up, but it is pretty much unavoidable at work. Consequently I keep an eye out for ultra-cheap mementoes of the places I visit – the London Eye produced pens etc and all sorts of things that were either oval or round. Now I have a bit of a complaint here......It's very hard to get playing cards in Thailand, and London eye sell souvenir packs of oval cards – now when I was a kid you could buy circular cards – I would have thought that of all places to sell them, the London Eye would have been the place, but no sign of them anywhere....so I had to settle for oval cards – they'll do but it just doesn't seem logical – just imagine the ride if the wheel itself was elliptical......

Just had a thought – sign outside the Wheel “Sorry London Eye closed – for puncture repair” - (only a joke!)

My Australian psychoanalyst ( No-one has as yet pointed out that it is an oxymoron?) did not make the flight...too early for him to come in from Kingston – he had yet another viewing of the Dali exhibition and we arranged to meet met after lunch.....and then went to meet my friend's sibling who was staying in London for a few days. An employee of an airline there was an entitlement to a little R & R between flights – so we met for lunch.

A Thai Restaurant again... at Shepherd's Bush again.....this time the Jasmine – it was lunchtime and the place was nearly empty, but the food......oh the food....it transported you back to Thailand – if anywhere we had eaten deserves the title “authentic” then this place does. I asked if they had any Issan food and the chef came out of the kitchen with a big grin on her face “I from Udon Thani!” - it was the best Laab, the best Som Tam etc etc. we had eaten in our whole stay in UK – I was quite happy to pick up the tab.....less than 30 quid for the three of us.

My friend's sibling was staying at the Holland Park Hilton, so we popped back there to freshen up and then then set of back towards Buckingham Palace. We thought we'd go unannounced. - We couldn't get in - this wasn't a problem; the weather was pretty warm and I wasn't wearing Corgi-proof boots. (I really couldn't bear the thought of those crustless cucumber sandwiches that had been left to curl up in the sun for a few hours) – I'm not even sure if she was in, I forgot to check the flag and couldn't see any of the family hanging out of the windows shouting at the gardeners....

Britain has a love hate relationship with the monarchy, they love to lampoon, criticise and generally take the mickey, but hate the idea of having a President of something similar. I think my Thai friends were rather taken aback with the apparent lack of respect shown for the monarch, it is of course all part of the democratic system and I think many still store great value in the actual institution itself – the Crown. Perhaps Thailand should chill out and take a leaf out of the UK book in this case. Can you imagine the Thai royal family being portrayed in the same way as the UK family were on Spitting Image in the 80s????

I noticed that the guards weren't wearing Busbies.......just berets.....is this because of the reaction against the amount of dead bears it takes to cover a regiment? One brown bear per hat apparently. Or was it simply that it was summer and quite warm?
It made me wonder how many blondes you have to shave to make the plumes for the horse guards......

The Army has always said it can't find an artificial substitute that works – but quite frankly at that distance behind the railings they could be made of fibreglass and no-one would know the better. “When I were a lad”, it was different – they stood in sentry boxes in front of the railings where you could get a good poke at them.....if you'd had the forethought to bring a stick that is.....

If you don't do the tour there's not a lot to keep you around the palace - a few photos - not a very inspired building, I guess the very “low-key-ness” of it also what's best about it – nothing worse than some over-ornate house for a head of state – sends all the wrong messages.

So we clicked away for a while.....Thai people seem to have adopted the Japanese methodology of taking photographs – this involves running round the world, standing in front of famous landmarks adopting a semi-comic pose – usually this involves framing one's face with thumb and forefinger – and clicking.......this is repeated in various group configurations until everyone is satisfied they have recorded their presence at that particular site – then move on to the next.....
I get the feeling that if you asked any of these people to describe the famous sites or monuments they had “visited”, they couldn't do it, as they spent their entire holiday with their backs to them all..

Next a stroll in St James' Park - Many visitors are bowled over by the amount of green spaces right in the middle of London. My companion had even as we planned the trip insisted that a visit to some the parks of London was a must......after a few calls on the mobile we were joined by my psychoanalyst whom I found disentangling himself from a bush he'd tried to photograph at too close quarters and we continued our promenade along the side of the lake. There is even a little nature reserve there.....not a new thing; some birds were presented to the park in the early C19th and there has been a bird-keeper and cottage there ever since.

Not just the big parks, there are many smaller, quirky parks and gardens to visit; for those who'd like to find out more about the green spaces of London... here's a couple of web addresses to start you off

http://www.helium.com/items/1460340-...england?page=2

http://www.royalparks.org.uk/parks/kensington_gardens/

http://www.royalparks.org.uk/p arks/st_james_park/


After ice creams the park, we moved back off to Parliament Square, hoping to get into Westminster Abbey – unfortunately it was closed, unless you wanted to join in a service. There's a nice piece of greenery by the Thames next to the houses of Parliament, there I found a statue of Emmeline Pankhurst the famous campaigner for women's suffrage....a movement that a lot of my own family were involved. If you look around these parks, you'll find all sorts of wonderful statues to all sorts of people …. some great names of history and others you'd need to research a little to find out about.

So that was about it for that day, My Thai friends wanted to go to Harrods....at this point my psychoanalyst made his excuses and returned to Kingston, rampant consumerism mixed with snobbery were not his cup of tea......

khunwilko

Harrods

Is it a shop? Is it a theme park? Is it a show?

Well its a bit of all that actually.........it's the only shop I know where you can buy souvenirs of the shop when you didn't actually buy anything there.....except the souvenir of course.......

It's a bit like
“We didn't see the lions at Longleat, so we bought this stuffed toy instead”
or
“I “heart” New York but I bought the T-shirt in Scunthorpe.”

Known as “AY-RODS” by the locals - It's a great building, with completely OTT interiors and full of amazing people - almost caricatures – it's as if Harrods have hired hundreds of extras to walk round looking like the kind of customers you'd expect to see in their store.......Arab oil millionaires dressed in full jellaba and kaffiyeh, their wives carrying the green bags bulging with bangles and beads bought from the jewellery department....staff dutifully follow with the other purchases.....Sloane rangers – (are they still called that?) armed with nothing but their father's bottomless credit card, hold up miniscule pieces of designer clothing that by weight are worth a million times more than 22 carat gold........”Daddy's going to be SO angry when he sees this” - peels of girlish laughter ensue.......men in pinstriped suits look at all things leather-bound – it doesn't seem to matter what the object is, do long as it's leather-bound.

“Excuse me, what's this?”
“it's a toilet-roll holder, Sir.”
“Is it real leather?”
“Indeed, Sir”
“OK, I'll take two please....can you gift wrap them for me?”..........

intermingled are the tourists – not a penny between them – they've just come to look at the rich and famous shop......

I did my bit...........I collect Parker Pens.....so I went to the pen department----I saw Cross, Mont Blanc, Sheaffer, Waterman, but no Parker. I approached a “shopwalker” and asked,

“Where are the Parkers?”
.........the man's tone of voice belied the withering look I received....

“I'm sorry Sir but I'm afraid we don't stock Parker....maybe you could try W.H. Smiths?” (I'm SURE that's what he said!).....

Roughly translated I took this to mean
“Sling your 'ook you 'orrible little oik, can't you see we only stock POSH pens 'ere?”

Retaining what dignity I could I strode over to the Moleskine counter and bought myself a new note book.....

“Are they real leather?”
“No,Sir”
“OK, I'll have one anyway”.

My Thai friends needed Harrods bags – but at 25 quid a throw they weren't impressed – they retreated to the souvenir department – where the Hoi Polloi and impecunious muster to buy a little souvenir of what they couldn't afford......
Harrods chocolate, ballpoint pens, little teddybears lodged in a small “replica” Harrods bag....something for everyone.........

“We've just been shopping at Harrods, you know!”...at least my Harrods bag was free, it came with my “Moleskine”.......I was a genuine customer after all.....wasn't I - ?!?!?