help with teenage traveling companion
 

Okay, I'd like to go to Europe in the summer of 2003. But the 14-year-old child who has been there twice sees it as a fate worse than death. Bribes like her own ATM card to get cybertime to keep in contact with her friends don't seem to work. I'd be interested in any ideas people have for traveling with disaffected teenagers. Thanks for saving me!

Is there a reason she has to go? Sounds like I'd let her stay home with a friend and I'd go enjoy myself!

Have her bring a friend. Last summer, when mine was 14, we invited a friend to come along, and not only did my daughter feel "cool" inviting a friend to Europe with her, the friend now says it was the greatest thing anyone ever did for her. They had a great time, were allowed some freedoms I could never have allowed them here where we live in the USA, and there wasn't a whiff of disaffection.<BR>

First off let's get more info. Where are you planning to go? How long are you staying?<BR>We went with my 16 yr old this summer for 10 days. She was an absolute pill at first- complaining about no a/c, no ice, tiny rooms, etc. Then after giving her a slight "attitude adjustment" (lecture in no uncertain terms) she came around & enjoyed things. She had an unrealistic expectation of what it would be like. After the trip she looked at US kids totally different. She was surprised at the things that were different.<BR><BR>My advice is this. Let her help in the planning. Find out things that will interest her & research it. Have her send off for travel literature to be sent to her.<BR><BR>My daughter found it very fun to be able to say that she was going to Europe this summer when all her friends were just hanging out at home. It was a real boost when she got back & had such stories to tell. <BR><BR>Good luck & take plenty of migraine medicine. Worked for me!!

Sorry for the anonymous posting, but I don't want to get flamed for saying this: Your daughter sounds like a real spoiled brat! Or you're an indulgent parent! Or both!<BR>The poor thing...she's been to Europe twice and sees it as a fate worse than death. Give me a break!<BR>

Sorry to pile on, but I have to agree. This sounds like two different kinds of parenting failures.<BR><BR>That she thinks of going to Europe as a fate worse than death, based on two previous trips.<BR><BR>That you still want to try to get her to like it, not having gained an understanding of what went wrong in the first fourteen years.<BR><BR>There must be online message boards about parenting somewhere.<BR>

Wanda, you have no idea the circumstances of the teens first two trips so calling parent a bad parent is not fair. Not all trips to Europe are necessarily pleasure trips for kids. I have a friend who's kids have grandparents in France and they "have" to go every summer and they don't enjoy it at all. As foreign as the idea might be to you or I, it's not for them. Please refrain from offering parenting advice here. It's not helpful.

Cmon, out of line, you've got to be kidding! You also have got to get real!

Either she goes or stays home WITH A BABY SITTER. She is obviously spoiled and not mature enough to stay by herself. Since when does a 14 year old dictate family vacations. Really skewed priorities.

If you are planning to visit the same places she visited the last 2 times her opinion is a lttle more understandable. She is only 14 and is still viewing the world with the eyes, mind and emotions of a child.<BR>Others have advised that she be involved with the planning and that is easier said than done BUT--sit her down and lay down the rules now! I'd suggest planning together--go to the library or bookshop together then sit down with a variety of books and talk about what each of you would like to do. As the adult you will need to value her ideas but remain realistic. This means instead of saying "we can't do that because....." your response needs to be "that sounds like a great idea! Now; lets think of a way we can do that".<BR>I also hope that she is earning at least 75% of the money for that ATM card.<BR>My duaghter is now 21--I have traveled with her in the United States, Europe and Asia. I figure I have "senior moments" she has "teen moments". I haven't decided which is worse.

Before you berate jester for having a totally spoiled child, let me say that my 14-year-old (last year) wanted NOTHING to do with Europe, as she had spent every summer there since she was 5. She would have preferred to go to La Vegas, I think, just to piss me off.<BR>When we invited a friend, the whole scenario changed - from "Europe is my mom's thing and it's no fun" to "You'll probably like it - there are cool markets where you can buy cheap jewelry and neat stores that aren't like the ones in the malls in the USA". <BR>Interestingly, my daughter was 15 this summer and, expecting the worst, I gave her a choice of coming with us to France or not (we would have sent her to camp or she could have chosen to spend the time we were in France with family or working), and she chose to come with us. Somewhere, somehow, the worthiness of the experience seems to have sunk in, no matter how spoiled she may seem in other matters. She came - without a friend - for two weeks, and was completely delighful, and did all her summer reading and essay writing, to boot. She forced us to go to Versailles, which we hadn't been to for years, so she could amplify her learning in her French class, and we all had a wonderful day. Don't give up on teenagers. American culture has them in its grip, but it IS possible to escape that, and possible for them to see beyond it. As the French say, "bon courage." <BR>

One thing my spouse and I noticed while on our honeymoon in Europe, it is geared towards adults. Therefore we percieved the kids to be more serious than us Americans. In America we have theme parks, sugar cereals, and mega youth fashion. In Europe, museums, history, and gardens.<BR><BR>Just relections

We are bringing our soon-to-be 13 year old son with us to France and Switzerland this year. This is against his wishes. He would have liked us to visit Iceland instead. He can go to Iceland on his own when he's older as far as I'm concerned. I think it mainly has to do with teenage rebellion.

St.Cirq I agree with you, but why do you have to include a jab at America?<BR>All kids are in the "grips" of their own culture, unless the are well traveled or well read. Not just American kids.<BR>Enough bashing of America on other threads not this one too, please.

Great post, St. Cirq, sounds like your girl is emerging from deepest darkest adolescence!<BR><BR>We have to also consider the possibility that "jester," the original poster, is no fun to travel with. There have been many threads on this board about unacceptable traveling companions, and jester might be one of them. Perhaps she has spent the previous two trips dragging the child through boring museums, or she's the sort who tries to do too many things in one day. <BR><BR>Or with a name like that, perhaps she's a troll.

Jester<BR><BR>Take her along, it may take a day or two for her to come around but she will thank you for this a few years down the line. Character-building

Jester, I just returned from a trip to Toronto with my 14 year old daughter. I came upon a wonderful solution on this trip. I like to get up and out early in the morning and my daughter wants to sleep until noon. Therefore, every morning I left around 8:00 and went for breakfast and then to do something that my daughter had no interest in doing. Around 12:00, I would pick up a bagle and juice for her and go back to the hotel. I would then rest or get organized to go back out while she ate and dressed. She was so grateful to me for letting her sleep in that she was delightful for the rest of the day. It really worked for us.

When I was 12-13 I remember being the exact same way as Jesters daughter. Going to Ireland was probably less fun <BR>for me as we just visited family for 5 weeks but I hated it and moped across Ireland and was miserable! To me it was boring as no one asked what I wanted to do. Saying that the better moments were being with cousins my age and going into Dublin alone (no adults) for the day and I perked up after this. Shopiing is also a picker upper for a teenage girl.<BR><BR>I think bringing a friend is a great idea and an adventure for the girls. Be careful of the bribing thing as it only leads to more and more.

Just my opinion, a strong one: judgments/criticisms about the poster as a parent and about her daughter's personality are way way way way way out of line, as all personal judgments and criticisms pretty much always are.<BR><BR> I'd be interested in knowing what she hated about previous trips, and what she feels she'd be missing by going.

Elizabeth, I'll back you up on that one. Jester's problem is different from one which many of us might have, but it isn't fair to demand that people only post about problems that each and every one of us not only shares, but approves of.<BR><BR>Jester wants her teenager to continue to try new experiences, and the teenager is balking. She is asking for advice. It is irrelevant as to the nature and cost of the experiences, except that they pertain to Europe, which is what the board is about.