Germany/Austria trip dilema
 

Okay, this is the problem. It's been 17 years since my GF and I last visited Germany. I only visited Garmisch and Munich for Oktoberfest. I swore I would one day go back, which I am next June. My GF and I decided to make it a family trip with our 17 year old daughter. We'll be gone for over two weeks and going all around; Berlin, Salzburg, Munich, Fussen, Nordlingen, Rothenburg, Bacharach and Heidelberg. The problem? DD isn't thrilled or even that happy to be going. WTF? I know it isn't the beach in Mexico like she would want but this is an opportunity of a lifetime for any teen. I'm happy to be able to afford this kind of trip and for her to experience Europe at such a young age and on MY dime but she's not into it. My GF and I want to visit museums and castles. She takes German in H.S. so I told her to find some things that she might like also; shopping in Berlin or something of interest to her. I'm definetly trying to involve her input. I guess I just don't understand someone not being geeked about going to Europe.

My GF says she doesn't want us to spend all that money and then she's moody and makes us regret we took her which I agree with. We counter-offered that maybe she should stay with her dad and that we'd take her on a trip somewhere in the U.S. afterward but she's not happy with that option either. She doesn't want to turn down a trip to Germany but doesn't want to go there either with us either. She was suppose to go on a student exchange trip to Germany for a month next summer but we cancelled it because we don't trust her enough to be on her own with a family (we've had some trust issues).

My GF and I are definetly going but I'm at my wits end. Fellow Fodorites, any suggestions what to do here?

She's 17, obviously a little immature and a little bit of a brat, right? Since she does have a parent (dad) who I assume loves her as much as you and your GF, leave her home with papa, and don't let her ruin your trip! Hopefully, one day she will be on her own and struggling to make ends meet and any trip you ask her to go on, (that you'll pay for) will be looked upon as gift from Heaven! All in good time. And she will get better, I promise!

I agree with zwho - go and have a great trip; your daughter can stay home with her dad. No one owes their children a vacation. And I wouldn't negotiate with her. You are going to Germany, you offered to take her with you, she doesn't want to. She's a bit too old to have adolescent sulks.

I would give her one more chance - telling her some of the more fun things you'll be doing - and her chance to hang out with local teens in a couple of towns.

If that doesn't interest her - then agree - leave her at home.

Hasn't she learned anything about German culture in her German classes? Is there anything about the country she is interested in? castles? food? trains? a museum? a king? anything?

First find out if there is something that she may be interested in seeing or experiencing. Ask some probing questions. Give her some guide books. Show her some websites.

If that doesn't interest her, let her stay home.

I went on my first European trip when I was in middle school. My parents didn't have to convince me.

Consider that perhaps your DD feels like a third wheel with you and your GF. At her age, perhaps sharing a room with you two for that long makes her uncomfortable, and she doesn't know how to express her feelings about it.

One option might be for her to have a friend (or cousin or sibling) along on the trip with you. Of course, the friend would pay her own way, but your DD would have the company of someone her own age to enjoy things with and to share a room with.

Also, it is a long time until next summer and she will mature a lot during the next year. I would re-consider the month as an exchange student. She may be ready for it by then. She will be with other students and might get more out of it.

I took my two boys to Germany and Austria for the Christmas Markets last year - they were 15 and 17. My younger son did not think the trip sounded very exciting at all. I really struggled with spending the money to take him and having him walk around and make everyone miserable. When I started to think maybe we should just not go, he said we had to...he had already told all his friends he was going!

We had a great time. Both of the boys really enjoyed experiencing the different cultures and exploring the different countries.

See if her father can create some excitement about the trip for her. She may be looking for his blessing to have fun. If not, leave her at home and send her a postcard.

PS - tonight was meet the teacher night at school. I made the kids come with me against their will and by the end of the evening, they were dragging me around their school and introducing me to their teachers. They really had a good time...and they never would have expected it.

I strongly agree with Sassafras. Your daughter will enjoy it more if she has a peer to enjoy the travel with. It's not worth it dragging her on an expensive trip if she's going to be miserable.

I think my daughter (also age 17) would be fine with some of those places, starting with Berlin, but her perception would be that the smaller places would be way too boring. She does enjoy meeting new people (on her own), and likes several places in Germany. But she absolutely wants independence when travelling, and prefers "big" places.

I think the idea of leaving your GF's daughter with her dad is probably the best solution.

When a teen resists going on a family trip, that is normal. The family trips do end at some point. Teens prefer to hang with their friends rather than with their old foggie parents. We were the same way at that age. Give her a choice: Join in the trip enthusiastically or stay home.

With all due respect (and I only have the German teenagers in your daughter's age group for reference), I would not know one teenager here who would voluntarily spend her/his vacation at the majority of the destinations you mentioned.
Heidelberg, Bacharach, Rothenburg, Füssen castles, and so on are definetely not on top of the list of any teenager's or young adult's vacation plans. Have seen one castle, have seen 'em all.
Except for Heidelberg and due to its university, these places are more popular with older crowds and extremely touristy and disney-esque - not much to do for a teenager, and not even very educating with regard to German history, old or new.
It's either major cities or the beach - guess young people are very much the same everywhere.

Home

I would leave her with dad. It is very expensive to take a trip like this and if she is going to whine about it for the duration, no way would I take her!!!
I have two teen daughters and we went touring this past summer. I knew my 16 year old would be a great traveler. I was worried my 14 year old wouldn't be up to the constant touring and moving around. She loved it. Sometimes it is a maturity thing.
I do think your daughter sounds like she might not appreciate it so maybe she should just stay at home.

Cowboy, my american teenagers loved Salzburg and Munich. Funny enough, their favorite part of the entire trip was not Paris or Vienna, it was hanging out with the family in a very small non descript town in Austria. They couldn't converse with their cousins, but they all played soccer/football and watched the euro cup together cheering. That was my girls' favorite part. :)

You have a choice.

Allow her to pretend she is being forced to take a trip against her wishes and let her make the trip miserable for you.

Leave her at home. She'll then try to make you feel guilty about not taking her but at least you will have saved money and your trip won't be miserable.

Your choice.

We left a teen daughter at Grandma's and took our other three children to Europe because she was behaving exactly the same way. It was her loss and everyone in the family, including her, knows it.

We went to Europe the summer of 2007 - stepson did not want to go because he was in "love" blah blah..made up every reason not to go till finally dh said fine. We ended up with our two daughters going (my stepdaughter and dd) and stepson now of course regrets his choice - love interest is long gone...

We are going back to Europe and he is coming in December and bringing a friend. Is that an option for your gf dd to bring a friend? SS friend paid his own airfare and will bring spending money but we will cover lodging and meals.

My cousin brings her dd and her dd's friends often. I believe she has done it all different ways regarding the finances. She has added up what the cost will be for the extra person and just had the parent pay her. I believe last time it was around 2,000.00.

Just a thought - it completely changes a 17 year old world...