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-   -   For those who have second homes, how do you handle guests? (https://www.fodors.com/community/europe/for-those-who-have-second-homes-how-do-you-handle-guests-159502/)

cd Feb 11th, 2002 04:03 PM

For those who have second homes, how do you handle guests?
 
I may get rude responses on this question, but I'm going to give it a try. We are not rich but have good incomes that we work very hard for. We haved owned a yacht for 5 yrs. We used to invite friends and relatives on board for weekend sails until I found out it is a lot of work! Laundry every week! Extra food and cooking all weekend! And the liquor bill!!! I want not to be stingy, but how do you who have yachts or second homes handle it? I have started just not inviting people but feel quilty.

xxx Feb 11th, 2002 04:24 PM

Only invite people you really like to have around.<BR><BR>Don't allow invite-yourselfers.<BR><BR>Don't spend all your time together.<BR><BR>Get household help for cleaning and laundry.<BR><BR>Accept the extra food and liquor costs as the price of having guests and do not think of it again.<BR><BR>

xxxxxx Feb 11th, 2002 04:40 PM

News flash cd; if you've got two homes AND a yacht, you're rich. Be grateful for your abundance.

xxx Feb 11th, 2002 05:23 PM

We don't have either a yacht or a second home. However, after moving to house at the beach, we also had more than our share of guests during the summer months. What I found was that our really good friends were usually the type of people who would offer to pitch in and help with things like food preparation or washing dishes, and would ask if we wanted them to bring anything with them. At first I used to refuse these offers, but over time I've gotten wiser and now gratefully accept. Over time I've stopped inviting the freeloading types. I also used to feel guilty, but I've gotten over that. Its a lot more pleasant to have people over now, and we get more weekends to ourselves since we've cut back on the number of visitors.

xxx Feb 11th, 2002 06:07 PM

We have a 2nd and a 3rd home, and I have guests often.But I also have an excellent staff who cleans up and helps me cook.If you have such mundane worries as laundry,maybe you should give up the boat.

Leslie Feb 11th, 2002 06:11 PM

Why are you doing your guests laundry, or do you mean the linens? Being a good host incurs additional costs. It's hard to believe that your friends and relatives are mooching off you and not reciprocating by either taking you to dinner, bringing gifts, food for the weekend, or inviting you to their respective homes at other times during the year. But, if this is the case, then don't invite them.

Sabrina Feb 11th, 2002 07:58 PM

You have "friends" that wait for you to entertain, cook, and then clean up after them???? Do you really call these freeloaders friends? Do you really enjoy the company of these people that much? Why don't they bring their own liquor, offer to help with laundry and buy extra food? They obviously know a sucker when they see one.<BR><BR>You only have yourself to blame - it is you that has given these people permission to take advantage of you. I don't care how wealthy a person is. It's considered rude in any circle. Don't justify their behaviour as normal either - it's NOT!!! <BR><BR>

uhoh Feb 11th, 2002 08:36 PM

I think having a boat is different from having a second home. People don't realize the costs involved. They think it's just fun and games. (BTW, no one I know who owns a boat big enough to sleep guests overnight on calls it a yacht, but maybe it's a regional thing. It's just a boat here in the MidAtlantic and on down through Florida. My in-laws had a friend who actually had a captain on-call for when she wanted to take friends for a "boat ride.") On the otherhand, do these folks reciprocate with invitations to dinner parties at their homes? Entertaining is entertaining. If you enjoy spending time with someone, invite them. If they are really good friend material, they should know to reciprocate in some way. You should feel free to ask them to bring a bottle of wine or booze for cocktail hour.

r Feb 11th, 2002 08:48 PM

I live in a place that people like to visit. It is a very popular tourist destination in the U.S. I have a lovely large guest room with it's own bathroom in a large beautiful home. I used to invite everyone or they invited themselves but those days are over. Now, I only invite the people that are appreciative, leave the room close to how they found it,are helpful, and compliment my good taste a lot--(that's a joke, but not that far from the truth). That leaves very few. You will get over the guilt and fear of not being liked. It is difficult to say "No" at first but you will get the hang of it and before long it will come naturally to you. You pointed out that you have worked hard for what you have so you have no reason to feel guilty about it. It's yours to enjoy as you wish.

Gigi Feb 11th, 2002 09:22 PM

cd,<BR>This can be a challenge. The assumptions these posters have made are quite ridiculous, but, are probably what your guests/friends believe as well.<BR>You do not have to be rich to have a second home.<BR>A gift of a bottle of wine usually does not take care of the amount of alcohol one consumes through an evening.<BR>If you can afford a second home or a <BR>yacht, does not mean you can afford "help" or, want to spend your money that way.<BR>The bottom line is, invite only people who's company you truly enjoy. Then, splurge on them and yourselves. Why give your precious time and money to those who don't appreciate it?<BR>I learned that one very important phrase, "Let me think about that and get back to you." It gives me the "out" that I may need so I can gracefully extract myself from a situation where I feel pressure to extend an invitation.<BR>Good luck, and I agree with the previous poster...lose the word, "yacht".

To GiGi Feb 11th, 2002 10:33 PM

GiGi; What assumptions are you speaking of? Ridiculous? That's a bit harsh isn't it? It seems to me that the majority of the posters on this thread are saying the same thing that you are.

Leigh Feb 11th, 2002 11:12 PM

Living on the beach, I know what you're going through.<BR>First of all, I don't allow anyone to invite themselves.<BR>Secondly, if i do invite someone, and they don't help out with the cooking, and don't bring a few bottles of wine and don't return an invite, then I don't invite them again.<BR>That way we only have the best kinds of company.<BR>And even this we like to keep to a minimum.<BR>

xyz Feb 12th, 2002 02:31 AM

Do other people share my experience that the poorer the people, the more hospitable they are? I have travelled to very poor countries, and the hospitality of the people is amazing. They made me/us sleep in the master bedroom and they slept on the couch/floor. <BR>CD: you should be ashamed of yourself for even asking this question. Go to Latin America, Asia, Africa or Eastern Europe to see what hospitality really means.

Joanne Feb 12th, 2002 03:48 AM

xyz, your hostile comment makes no sense. CD is apparently running herself ragged trying to keep up with hospitality chores like cooking and laundry.<BR><BR>CD, I would suggest, as others have, that you hire people to help with the cleaning and laundry. Cook simple stuff that doesn't require lots of attention. If the food and liquor budget is really too much, then adjust your activities accordingly -- stop inviting the boozers and anyone else that you don't genuinely look forward to seeing!

xyz Feb 12th, 2002 04:25 AM

Joanne: my comments do make sense. cd owns a yacht and she is complaining about the liquor bill. Really pathetic. I tell you a story. I went to Poland in 1985 to visit friends. Poland was really poor in those days of communism. Meat was not freely available; you needed coupons. I arrived on Sept 28 and left on October 1st. I had a great time and my host family gave me the best bedroom, great food, lots to drink, and I had a great time. On the morning of October 1st, the lady of the house gave me a huge bag with sandwiches for "on the bus". I thanked her and only opened the sandwich bag in the bus. It was full of meat products. She has "cashed" all her meat coupons for October early that morning and gave me the meat. She didn't want that a visitor from the West would have a bad image of her country. Now that's hospitality. I have learned from this experience. When I invite friends, they sleep in the nicest bedroom. I give them lots to eat and drink. That's what they are friends for.

Joanne Feb 12th, 2002 06:32 AM

Xyz, you were the honored American guest for just 3 nights; cd is talking about weekend after weekend, and most of her comments were about the work, not the expense. In fact, I see a lot of commonalities between your experience and hers - hosts going out of their way to keep guests happy. How do you know that after giving you all that expensive food and drink, your friends didn't complain about the drain on their resources, keeping up appearances and keeping their greedy, thirsty American guest happy? <BR><BR>And the advice cd has gotten makes sense -- extend hospitality only to the extent that it gives you pleasure. Forget the guilt!


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