Etiquette in France
May 9th, 2010, 04:22 AM
#62
How does anyone ever get off the elevator? Is there some protocol about who has the last word? Leaving the shops, it seems to be the shopkeeper. It is for me anyway, because they exhaust my knowledge.
May 9th, 2010, 08:14 AM
#63
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Nikki, it is a wonder indeed that people don't spend all day in there. Perhaps they make the lift doors open more slowly in France/Belgium so people have time to say all this stuff! Especially as it has to be repeated every time somebody enters/exits the lift...
May 9th, 2010, 08:33 AM
#64
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Sonoma: This is the type of thread that is most useful for anxious first-time visitors like myself. Thank you for starting it.
hanl: (groan) 6 more pleasantries for me to learn. I also just learned from your post not to say "Bonne nuit" to our waiter, as we leave the restaurant after dinner.
hanl: (groan) 6 more pleasantries for me to learn. I also just learned from your post not to say "Bonne nuit" to our waiter, as we leave the restaurant after dinner.
May 9th, 2010, 08:51 AM
#65
You sound like a thoughtful person, I'm sure you'll do just fine.
I've only been to Paris once, but no one stared at me that I noticed. Yes you greet people when you walk into a shop, and thank them upon leaving. I would not greet an entire busload of people though. And not shouting or having a loud conversation in appropriate places also good advice I guess (yes Americans can be loud -haha).
Researching on the internet is a wonderful tool, but there are times it can be 'information overload' and confusing or conflicting advice. I think this topic is one of them.
Just be your normal polite self enjoying your trip (smiling is OK). My best tip is learn to say correctly in French "I'm sorry I don't speak French" and say it in a humble way, has always been well received in my experience.
I've only been to Paris once, but no one stared at me that I noticed. Yes you greet people when you walk into a shop, and thank them upon leaving. I would not greet an entire busload of people though. And not shouting or having a loud conversation in appropriate places also good advice I guess (yes Americans can be loud -haha).
Researching on the internet is a wonderful tool, but there are times it can be 'information overload' and confusing or conflicting advice. I think this topic is one of them.
Just be your normal polite self enjoying your trip (smiling is OK). My best tip is learn to say correctly in French "I'm sorry I don't speak French" and say it in a humble way, has always been well received in my experience.
May 9th, 2010, 10:22 AM
#66
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Parisians, imo, are very nice and quite friendly. I tried miserable to speak French and they were patient, sometimes people would suggest, "we can do this in English."
People respond to the energy you put out, so it sounds like you'll be fine.
BTW, I'm one of those people who walk around smiling for no apparent reason and I didn't notice anyone clearing the sidewalks because I was coming. In fact, there were a couple of times that people went out of their way to help us.
People respond to the energy you put out, so it sounds like you'll be fine.
BTW, I'm one of those people who walk around smiling for no apparent reason and I didn't notice anyone clearing the sidewalks because I was coming. In fact, there were a couple of times that people went out of their way to help us.
May 11th, 2010, 08:05 AM
#68
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Well since I am here and have been for a week, and am a very out-going southern woman I will share with you that the first time jitters are normal (even though I was here l0 years ago - but with a french speaking native)
Everyone has been friendly, helpful, funny, enjoyable....Do not get intimidated. We've had most everyone speak a bit or more of English and all I've done is learn the french for: " I am sorry I do not speak french, do you speak english.."
I greet everyone with a Bonjour and leave everyone with a Merci, au revoir, etc.
Its wonderful - you will love it
No one speaks loudly but they sure do talk on cell phones like in the states!
They all responded to us very well to and I even had smiles! I think if you act like a reasonably nice, sane person and not an obnoxious "privileged" person of power/elitism, you will do just fine.
Don't worry about it. Just be nice and respect their city/country.
Now, if I end up in jail as I just passed a protest, someone here please bail me out. Merci!
MB
Everyone has been friendly, helpful, funny, enjoyable....Do not get intimidated. We've had most everyone speak a bit or more of English and all I've done is learn the french for: " I am sorry I do not speak french, do you speak english.."
I greet everyone with a Bonjour and leave everyone with a Merci, au revoir, etc.
Its wonderful - you will love it
No one speaks loudly but they sure do talk on cell phones like in the states!
They all responded to us very well to and I even had smiles! I think if you act like a reasonably nice, sane person and not an obnoxious "privileged" person of power/elitism, you will do just fine.
Don't worry about it. Just be nice and respect their city/country.
Now, if I end up in jail as I just passed a protest, someone here please bail me out. Merci!
MB
May 11th, 2010, 03:19 PM
#69
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You have probably gotten more responses than you ever thought, but it's because we've all been in your shoes. When I first went to Paris and Beaune in 2001, I read everything I could and was totally overwhelmed with how to behave so I wouldn't be seen as an ugly American. Here are my three cents:
1) There are many offensive people travelling in this world, including Americans but also from other countries. I would say hands down the Americans were not the worst, although we did witness an elderly woman from NY screaming at a fancy Left Bank restaurant for dinner that "the only thing she wanted was white asparagus". No, they did not have it on the menu that night, yes, she was skinny and yes we were mortified.
2) The only time we did something "wrong" as far as ordering food was at a restaurant in Beaune and like the woman with the croissant experience, I'm not quite certain what we did wrong, although I think it's because we weren't quite ready to order the wine yet and the waitress became mad and stormed off. Desole bien sur.
3) My husband is a very smiley happy guy, too, and was was "called out" for that on the Chunnel coming from England, when a Brit wanted to know why he was so happy. Of course this was pre-9/11 and everyone saw Americans as being spoiled and wealthy, which we are not. We were just happy to be on the Chunnel going to Paris for the first time!!
So...do not curb your enthusiasm!! Have a wonderful time!!
Oh, and we're finally getting back this July and I'm much more relaxed, except for what shoes to wear...
But that's another forum.
1) There are many offensive people travelling in this world, including Americans but also from other countries. I would say hands down the Americans were not the worst, although we did witness an elderly woman from NY screaming at a fancy Left Bank restaurant for dinner that "the only thing she wanted was white asparagus". No, they did not have it on the menu that night, yes, she was skinny and yes we were mortified.
2) The only time we did something "wrong" as far as ordering food was at a restaurant in Beaune and like the woman with the croissant experience, I'm not quite certain what we did wrong, although I think it's because we weren't quite ready to order the wine yet and the waitress became mad and stormed off. Desole bien sur.
3) My husband is a very smiley happy guy, too, and was was "called out" for that on the Chunnel coming from England, when a Brit wanted to know why he was so happy. Of course this was pre-9/11 and everyone saw Americans as being spoiled and wealthy, which we are not. We were just happy to be on the Chunnel going to Paris for the first time!!
So...do not curb your enthusiasm!! Have a wonderful time!!
Oh, and we're finally getting back this July and I'm much more relaxed, except for what shoes to wear...
But that's another forum.
May 13th, 2010, 07:23 AM
#70
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Have to say that it's not very encouraging to hear that some French people teach "manners" by forcing a visitor who needs help to say a phrase she doesn't know in a language she can't speak before she can be assisted.
May 13th, 2010, 08:20 AM
#71
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What great responses you are getting! I agree with all I was able to read - be sure to say bonjour, merci, and as you are leaving the place, a final au revoir. The looking in the eye thing is more complex - absolutely look in the eye but just a quick comfortable look to establish rapport with someone you are going to interact with. No need to stare! I also agree that you may be overthinking it. Enjoy yourself in France, that is what everyone wants - but not too loudly! 
Here's a piece from a blog post I did about shopping in the vintage markets
As with all your interactions with the French, establishing rapport is first and foremost. Even if you don’t speak French, use a few words you’ve picked up, look them in the eyes, and don’t be shy. In France, personal appeal works wonders. And money does not talk as loudly in France as it does in the U.S. Of course, some of the sellers can be hard nuts to crack; these folks can be impervious to your charms and staunchly prix fixe types, so be ready for anything. However, remember this golden rule of rapport first and your stay in France will be surely filled with French charm.
I love to write about French etiquette and you've inspired me to do a future post! Thanks!
Jill
www.leTrip.org/blog
www.leTrip.org
Here's a piece from a blog post I did about shopping in the vintage markets As with all your interactions with the French, establishing rapport is first and foremost. Even if you don’t speak French, use a few words you’ve picked up, look them in the eyes, and don’t be shy. In France, personal appeal works wonders. And money does not talk as loudly in France as it does in the U.S. Of course, some of the sellers can be hard nuts to crack; these folks can be impervious to your charms and staunchly prix fixe types, so be ready for anything. However, remember this golden rule of rapport first and your stay in France will be surely filled with French charm.
I love to write about French etiquette and you've inspired me to do a future post! Thanks!
Jill
www.leTrip.org/blog
www.leTrip.org
May 13th, 2010, 08:46 AM
#72
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You worry way too much. Paris is a big city like any other, and they are used to tourists, and they have the usual characteristics of big-city people: distance, wariness, a tendency to always be in a bit of a hurry, a tolerance for weirdness but an unwillingness to suffer foolishness.
May 13th, 2010, 08:48 AM
#73
Regarding money not talking loudly, I have seen many French shopkeepers not mind at all to lose a sale if they took a disliking to the potential customer for some reason (generally for reasons of disrespect).
May 14th, 2010, 06:15 AM
#74
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<<You have probably gotten more responses than you ever thought, but it's because we've all been in your shoes.>>
Yes, I have, but I'm glad to get so much advice; it has all been so very helpful, and I want to thank everyone again for your thoughts on the subject and your kind words. Merci!
Yes, I have, but I'm glad to get so much advice; it has all been so very helpful, and I want to thank everyone again for your thoughts on the subject and your kind words. Merci!
May 17th, 2010, 09:32 AM
#75
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I can't resist adding my 2 cents to this...first, the French in general and even the Parisians tend to be very warm people. The difference with being in America, as I think has been mentioned, is that people start a conversation politely....American's go into the supermarket and walk up to a clerk and blurt out "Where's the butter???!!". In France, people are more deferential, especially to strangers. It is more normal to start with an "Excusez-moi" "I am sorry to bother you, BUT could you possibly tell me where the butter is?" The clerk in France will actually walk you right to the spot. I Have been lost in Paris and been consulting a map and had people come up to me, "Can I help you?" turning into a conversation about how bad maps are in general, and almost turning into friendship. The same in restaurants...just be modest, polite, and thankful, and doors will open. You will find the French have a wonderful sense of humor, so don't be too serious. A laugh and a smile will get you everywhere. But don't expect the clerk behind a window at the metro to be chatty...they usually hate their jobs...but they can't be fired and they can't quit...just be understanding and smile.
