I went in a Breakfast in America for some take out coffees and the place looked awful.

Nukesafe - Was that your practice wife?

Here is how a typical exchange goes in the UK.

Waitress: 'What would you like for breakfast?'
Me: 'I'd like bacon and egss, ...'
Waitress: (before I can continue to place my order) 'Right, a full breakfast, thank you.' (walks away unless I almost physically detain her)

Here is a how a typical exchange goes in N. America.

Waitress: 'Hi, coffee?'
Me: 'Yes please.' (she pours it)
Waitress; 'Now, what would you like for breakfast?'
Me: 'I'd like bacon and egss. Bacon crisp and the eggs over easy please.' (Or poached, scrambled, sunny side up,etc.)
Waitress: 'OK, what kind of toast? We have white, whole wheat, sourdough, doorstopper, etc.'
Me: 'Ummm, brown toast/wheat toast (Canada says brown and USA says wheat) please with no butter.'
Waitress: 'OK, would you like hash browns or home fries?'
Me: 'Ummm, I think I'll like home fries thanks.'
Waitress: OK, any juice? We have orange, tomato, grapefruit or blood orange.'
Me: 'No, I'll pass on the juice thanks.'
Waitress: 'OK, anything else?'
Me: 'That should do it.'

Not all UK restaurants/hotel dining rooms are as the above, some have learned to cater to their guests but what I describe is not uncommon at all. The breakfast comes and it is as the cook made it. In other words you get what they want to serve you.

My reference to 'rubber eggs' was about the egg almost always being served with the yoke hard. Often, the white is burned crisp around the edges as per some of the pictures LancasterLad linked.

A friend of mine from the UK said to me that ordering breakfast in N. America required too many decisions in too short a time at that early hour of the day. LOL

My favourite breakfast story however took place in the Atholl Arms Hotel in Blair Atholl, Scotland. A young waitress asked me what I wanted for breakfast and I began to tell her. She did the immediate, 'full breakfast' and I quickly said, 'No, let me tell you how I want my breakfast.'

So I started, 'eggs over easy, bacon crisp, brown toast (meaning whole wheat bread)'. She was writing it all down but when I got to toast, she interjected, 'But all toast is brown!' Well, she had me there, all toast is indeed brown after toasting.

I explained what I meant by 'brown toast' and she said she would ask if they had any but she doubted it. In fact they did not, white bread or nothing.

Yes, Micheline, that was my Practice Wife who was a Brit. It seems that everyone feels entitled to at least one "Practice" Spouse now days. Many insist on several.

I finally got it right, at last. :-)

<i>LancasterLad on May 3, 14 at 4:11am
Croque madame and a demi-rouge is a wonderful way to start the day...</i>

That would be an excellent lunch. As for breakfast, go French Continental. You're not in Kansas.

How condescending, spaarme. Can you picture ordering a Croque Madame and a demi of rouge in Kansas? A French waiter would not bat an eye at such an order.

<i>nukesafe on May 4, 14 at 12:54pm
How condescending, spaarme. </i>

Laugh.

Waitress: 'OK, anything else?'
Me: 'That should do it.'

Exit waitress stage left.

Short pause.

Enter waitress, stage left.

Waitress: "The eggs, sir. Would you care for hen, duck, goose or bantam eggs? By the way, my name is Alice".
Him: "Hen eggs, please".
Waitress: "We have Buff Orpington or Leghorn eggs. Which might Sir prefer?"
Him: "Buff Orpington should do the trick".
Waitress: "Cage, barn, or free range, sir? There is a 40 cent surcharge for barn laid, and 80 cent for free range".
Him: "Barn laid would be great".
Waitress: "Now to the bacon, sire. We have Saddleback, Grace and Berkshire.Sadly, the Landrace is finished".
Him: "Saddleback sounds just the most excellent bacon that one could wish for".
Waitress: "Now, the wood chips used to smoke the bacon. Oak, larch or Canadian maple. Oregon pine and Australian Blue-gum are possible, but I would need to check".
Him: "Canadian maple, if that's not too much trouble".
Waitress: "My apologies, Sir, the milk with your coffee. Soy, cow, low fat, goat or Greek sheep?"
Him: "Cow, low fat"
Waitress: "You partner, sir, what might she prefer?"
Him: "Oh, for the love of Peter, Paul and all the saints in the panoply of heaven, give 'er what I'm having.
Waitress: "Thank you sir, and Manuel will bring your meals directly."

Cost for this inquisition - 15% to 20% of the pre-tax tab. 25% if they don't screw up.

Have a nice day. No thanks, I've got other plans.

For contrast, Italy, Venice, Bar Ai Artisti, Campo San Barnaba, yesterday.

Him: "Due cappucino, per favore"
She: no comment, places two saucers on counter, clients help themselves to two brioche from the hot box on the counter. Coffees arrive.

He: approaches cash register.
She: Due cappuci, due brioche, si?
He: "Si", hands over five euro, leaves the 20 cents change in the tip jar.

Ciao, ciao, buongiorno, etc.

Troppo facile.

Apologies. I omitted the passage about the selection of water, whether sir might like water with his breakfast.

Waitress: "Aquarius will be over shortly to take your water order. We have Perrier, spring, aerated or tap, just to give you a pre-emptive briefing".

He: "I'll have a single malt with whatever the water carrier recommends. I'm about ready for something strong right now".

I'm very fond of the farm-fresh eggs to be found at Le Pain Quotidien, a Belgian bakery chain with nice little cafés. Our favorite is on the Place du Marché St-Honoré, in the 1st.