Do you pay when taking child's friend along?
Oct 13th, 2004, 06:19 AM
#1
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Do you pay when taking child's friend along?
Just wondering what the protocal is when taking a friend along. Our daughter who is a teen is balking at the thought of being with her parents and would like to invite a friend. Just wondering what our responsibility is as far as expenses? Everything including airfare or...what do you do? It seems like it can get quite expensive.
Oct 13th, 2004, 06:34 AM
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I always thought when you invite someone, you are the host and you pay. If it were me, I'd feel obligated to pay everything - except for gifts and souvineers.
It seems though times have changed, many times my kids were invited to birhtday parties at places where they were were expected to pay admission. Depending on how close you are to the parents, you can have a frank discussion about what you can afford and what they'd be willing to pay. Still doesn't sit right to me to invite someone and not be willing to pay.
The other side of it is, if my daughter were invited along on a trip, I'd volunteer to pay what I could afford.
Joelle
It seems though times have changed, many times my kids were invited to birhtday parties at places where they were were expected to pay admission. Depending on how close you are to the parents, you can have a frank discussion about what you can afford and what they'd be willing to pay. Still doesn't sit right to me to invite someone and not be willing to pay.
The other side of it is, if my daughter were invited along on a trip, I'd volunteer to pay what I could afford.
Joelle
Oct 13th, 2004, 06:38 AM
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I don't think there is any "protocol" that everyone subscribes to. I agree that for me, if I invited someone to accompany my kid on a trip I would expect to pay. And, if I were that child's parents and you came to me and invited my kid on a trip and wanted ME to pay I'd be giving you a few funny looks.
All of this because your child is "balking"????? Any chance of leaving her behind?
All of this because your child is "balking"????? Any chance of leaving her behind?
Oct 13th, 2004, 06:41 AM
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Sooner or later you'll need to have quite a talk with the parents of the friend so it should be sooner.
In addition to the burden of paying for the friend it sends a signal to the parents of the friend "OK, next it's your turn". So it makes sense to discuss this before any plans are made. First see how they feel about their teen going with you, discuss where you're going and see what they think. If you're too embarrassed to bring up the money issue, then you'd better drop the whole idea before it goes any further. There are going to much more "embarrassing" or personal things to discuss with the parents before the trip takes place.
In addition to the burden of paying for the friend it sends a signal to the parents of the friend "OK, next it's your turn". So it makes sense to discuss this before any plans are made. First see how they feel about their teen going with you, discuss where you're going and see what they think. If you're too embarrassed to bring up the money issue, then you'd better drop the whole idea before it goes any further. There are going to much more "embarrassing" or personal things to discuss with the parents before the trip takes place.
Oct 13th, 2004, 06:41 AM
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If I invited a friend along, I would pay for the friend, and would not ask his/her parents to contribute. However, if one of my children were invited to join someone for a holiday, I would offer to at least pay the airfare.
I think it all depends on how well you know the parents of the friend.
I think it all depends on how well you know the parents of the friend.
Oct 13th, 2004, 06:53 AM
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Thanks for the quick responses. I, too, would offer to pay for airfare. As a matter of fact I did pay for it last year when my daughter went to Key West with a friend and then we offered to pay for the other expenses upon their return, but parents said it was their treat.
Just wondered what everyone else does...so thank you again.
As far as "balking," she would go with just us, but at 16, would enjoy the experience more with a peer since she is an only child. She's taken numerous trips with us and now would prefer the company of someone her age.
Just wondered what everyone else does...so thank you again.
As far as "balking," she would go with just us, but at 16, would enjoy the experience more with a peer since she is an only child. She's taken numerous trips with us and now would prefer the company of someone her age.
Oct 13th, 2004, 06:55 AM
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We have done this also, as did MY parents 
Airfare is taken care of by the guest childs parents, and any spending money they want to add.
We take care of rooms, food etc.
I found it always worked out very well.
Airfare is taken care of by the guest childs parents, and any spending money they want to add.
We take care of rooms, food etc.
I found it always worked out very well.
Oct 13th, 2004, 06:58 AM
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When my daughter graduated from High School in 2000 we took her and a girlfriend to Europe. Since my husband has so many frequent flyer miles we gave the friend a ticket. I asked her to pay for 1/4 of the room, her meals, admissions, train fares, and anything she bought. I kept a log of expenses (food and hotel) and gave her parents a bill when we returned.
As to paying for everything when inviting someone, I have this thought for you: If it is free, it is worthless. I felt that by asking her to pay for some of her expenses she might take more of an interest in the trip than if we just gave it to her. Her parents required her to earn some of the money. We also required our daughter work a bit for her trip as well.
We did have a few problems in that this child was not as mature as our daughter. She wanted to shop and not go to museums. I solved this by shopping on the way to the museum. We did what they wanted, and then they were required to do what we wanted.
Florence was the worst. At one point I lost my cool and asked this child, so what are you going to tell your friends you saw in Europe when you get home? shoes? I finally discovered that if I got them in a taxi and went straight to the museum, there was no stopping to shop. I paid for the taxi.
I tried to get the girls involved in the planning stage but didn't have too much luck. My daughter did like the Idiot's Paris and London books because the printing was larger, easier to read.
As to paying for everything when inviting someone, I have this thought for you: If it is free, it is worthless. I felt that by asking her to pay for some of her expenses she might take more of an interest in the trip than if we just gave it to her. Her parents required her to earn some of the money. We also required our daughter work a bit for her trip as well.
We did have a few problems in that this child was not as mature as our daughter. She wanted to shop and not go to museums. I solved this by shopping on the way to the museum. We did what they wanted, and then they were required to do what we wanted.
Florence was the worst. At one point I lost my cool and asked this child, so what are you going to tell your friends you saw in Europe when you get home? shoes? I finally discovered that if I got them in a taxi and went straight to the museum, there was no stopping to shop
. I paid for the taxi.I tried to get the girls involved in the planning stage but didn't have too much luck. My daughter did like the Idiot's Paris and London books because the printing was larger, easier to read.
Oct 13th, 2004, 07:00 AM
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Let your child do all the talking with her friend, so friend can go to parents and tell them she wants to go. Friend's parents most likely will contact you, and just tell them what plans are...no invitation from you ever..
1- you are not inviting, you are just taking their daughter along.
2- pay for the meals and hotel room, anyway your daughter needs her own room at 16.
I think friend's parents should pay..she is being invited to join...
1- you are not inviting, you are just taking their daughter along.
2- pay for the meals and hotel room, anyway your daughter needs her own room at 16.
I think friend's parents should pay..she is being invited to join...
Oct 13th, 2004, 07:01 AM
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Don't you guys remember what it was like to be a teenager and how desperately embarrassing your parents were?! (Mind still are!)
With regard to payment though, it reminded me of when I was 12 and our neighbours invited me to go with them to their apartment in Spain to accompany their two daughters. We took the ferry across the Channel and then spent two days driving through France and Spain to get there (they had only just bought the place and had a lot of stuff to take there).
It was a great holiday and my parents had given me sufficient money to take them out for dinner one evening (we actually rarely ate out that fortnight so it was a bit of a treat) and also to ensure that I paid my way with regard to drinks/ice-cream on the beach etc.
Upon our return they presented my parents with a bill - covering my fifth of the ferry fare (bear in mind that you pay for the car, not the number of people, £4 a day for food and sundry other things (I'm surprised they didn't charge for my accommodation in the apartment THEY own!!).
My parents were horrified at how 'vulgar' this appeared, duly paid up and never quite saw their neighbours with the same eyes again.
I would say that if taking her friend involves a flight then it's fair enough to ask the other girls parents to pay (assuming that you know they can afford it otherwise it might be embarrassing for them). You should probably expect to pay for everything else, although they will probably offer if she's an expensive addition to your holiday (which I clearly wasn't in the situation above!)
With regard to payment though, it reminded me of when I was 12 and our neighbours invited me to go with them to their apartment in Spain to accompany their two daughters. We took the ferry across the Channel and then spent two days driving through France and Spain to get there (they had only just bought the place and had a lot of stuff to take there).
It was a great holiday and my parents had given me sufficient money to take them out for dinner one evening (we actually rarely ate out that fortnight so it was a bit of a treat) and also to ensure that I paid my way with regard to drinks/ice-cream on the beach etc.
Upon our return they presented my parents with a bill - covering my fifth of the ferry fare (bear in mind that you pay for the car, not the number of people, £4 a day for food and sundry other things (I'm surprised they didn't charge for my accommodation in the apartment THEY own!!).
My parents were horrified at how 'vulgar' this appeared, duly paid up and never quite saw their neighbours with the same eyes again.
I would say that if taking her friend involves a flight then it's fair enough to ask the other girls parents to pay (assuming that you know they can afford it otherwise it might be embarrassing for them). You should probably expect to pay for everything else, although they will probably offer if she's an expensive addition to your holiday (which I clearly wasn't in the situation above!)
Oct 13th, 2004, 07:05 AM
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The first time I did this, I asked others who had taken friends on school Spring Breaks. The response was almost universal: have the kid's parents pay airfare; you assume the cost for the rest except for souvenir money, etc.
We now have had a friend or friends on vacation around six times or so. One of the best reasons to pay for everything else but airfare is that by doing so, you call the shots.
We now have had a friend or friends on vacation around six times or so. One of the best reasons to pay for everything else but airfare is that by doing so, you call the shots.
Oct 13th, 2004, 07:06 AM
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I would have never sent my children anywhere with people that I did not know or talk to, so when we did this sort of thing, we talked this out with the parents, who were friends of ours.
You set your rules for the kids before you leave, everyone involved knows about costs and what is or is not allowed. Most often when we and friends have done this sort of thing, the kids practically live at each others homes anyway , so one usually knows what to expect from the guest child.
Obviously, if one is doing something like this- one knows that the child is hardly expected to pay for a guest. Parents still do pay for their own children.
You set your rules for the kids before you leave, everyone involved knows about costs and what is or is not allowed. Most often when we and friends have done this sort of thing, the kids practically live at each others homes anyway , so one usually knows what to expect from the guest child.
Obviously, if one is doing something like this- one knows that the child is hardly expected to pay for a guest. Parents still do pay for their own children.
Oct 13th, 2004, 07:13 AM
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I did this in April when I took my two teens overseas. I figured my daughter at 13 would still be fine with "only" me. But, my 16 yr old son would have a much better time with a good friend.
I told the family of the boy if they would pay the airfare, I would pick up the rest. Of course, he nbeeded to bring his own $$ if he wanted to buy gifts , etc. But the room, food, admission to places was covered.
It was WELL worth it for us !!!!
We all had a great time.
but, not everyone wil want to or can do this.
This summer I will be taking my daughter overseas ,and she will hopefully bring a friend.
The family will need to pay the airfare, but I am happy (again) to pay the rest.
IF, the family offered to help pay would not reject it.
One very important thing!!!
Make sure you get along well enough with the friend.
A few yrs ago, I rented a beach house in a state over 500 miles away.
Each child brought a friend. My daughter's friend turned out to be not the best choice, for either myself or daughter. The boys ignored it, but it became a long week.
Good luck with this situation.
I told the family of the boy if they would pay the airfare, I would pick up the rest. Of course, he nbeeded to bring his own $$ if he wanted to buy gifts , etc. But the room, food, admission to places was covered.
It was WELL worth it for us !!!!
We all had a great time.
but, not everyone wil want to or can do this.
This summer I will be taking my daughter overseas ,and she will hopefully bring a friend.
The family will need to pay the airfare, but I am happy (again) to pay the rest.
IF, the family offered to help pay would not reject it.
One very important thing!!!
Make sure you get along well enough with the friend.
A few yrs ago, I rented a beach house in a state over 500 miles away.
Each child brought a friend. My daughter's friend turned out to be not the best choice, for either myself or daughter. The boys ignored it, but it became a long week.
Good luck with this situation.
Oct 13th, 2004, 07:15 AM
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I wouldn't invite anyone along without the full expectation to pay for everything (except souveniers). If that were a huge burden, it might not be a bad idea to have the daughter and her friend (since they are 16 and have some lead time) to earn some money to offset the cost of her airfare. It might make them anticipate and appreciate the trip better.
Oct 13th, 2004, 07:21 AM
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lucky03: Only just read that your daughter is 16. I think that you're lucky that she's going at all! Definitely take a friend as well, you'll all have a much better time; she can go off and do her own thing and you can be assured that she's not on her own. And that means that you and your husband can have time alone and add a bit of romance to your holiday/marriage!!
Oct 13th, 2004, 07:33 AM
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Our experience was quite good. we made the flight reservations (so no screwups) and were reimburses by the parents for the ticket. The kids could eat with us (we paid for both) or do their own thing which they paid for. keeping a detailed accounting of expenses is not what i am on vacation for. Money for museums, souviners was also our guests responsibility. I would feel uncomfortable on having another parent pay for my kids airfare as it is a large expense. Actually if the kids are good about travelling on their own you may not see them very much anyway.
