Surfergirl--I'm curious about something. In the US, if you're married less than 2 years (death or divorce), the green card is rescinded. How did your ex keep his?

I did. We met while I was on vacation in 1995. We were just friends or acquaintances for the first year and didn't keep in touch very much. Met up a year later and romance started. Did the long distance thing and then he made the move to the US.

He's originally from Massa Lubrense, Italy (by Sorrento & Positano) and I am from outside of New York City. We think we're lucky to call two of the best places in the world "home."

Yesssssss.....I married my norwegian viking and we are currently living in Oslo, Norway. We met at university and we've been together for about 12 years now.

It's enriching having a foreign husband. You get to choose the best of both cultures and make them as yours. True...sometimes it's complicated and challenging, but at the end of the day, it all works out....at least for us.

I feel blessed with my man......

wow everyone (crazymina)....thanks for all the support! I know, i got ahead of myself as to when the next time I'll see him will be....but it is 6 months from now, not in Dec but in March! I'm trying to sneak a little trip in there sometime in December, but with work and everything I don't know if that will be possible.

There are so many posts here that I forget who wrote what, but I remember someone saying it will only work if one of us is willing to move, and I totally agree with that. See, I love Italy, LOVE IT but he's from Naples first of all, and of all the places in Italy to settle, that would probably be my last choice. Also, I don't know if I'd want to raise my children in Italy. It's a great place, but there are so many more opportunities in the US. Good news for me, he doesn't want to live in Italy when he's finished with school, and loved Chicago when he was here. BUT...you know Italians and their mothers!? Especially the boys! It's almost comical. When I was there last time (in April) his mother kept asking me what was going to happen after I left Europe for good. (I had been living in Prague all last year). I tried to say to her that he was coming to visit "only for holiday" but she didn't want to hear that at all! He says she's strong and she will understand, but the other thing (and this is big) is that his younger brother died of Cancer about 2 years ago and I KNOW his mother feels like if he leaves she'll be losing all her children. I'd hate to be in the center of all this!

In the meantime, I'm learning on taking it all one day at a time, concentrating on my work, and yes...constantly searching for cheap airfare back and forth, just to pass the time and torture myself.

Thanks everyone for all the comments! Great forum Gelato Lover!

Oh, by the way, my boy is studying Engineering, specifically Telecommunications...do you think it will be hard for him to find work here?

Hahaha Laurie...my man is also in telecommunications. But in a different area. He does install for companies, PABX and a slew of other stuff I don't understand. We've been looking online to see what the telecomm market looks like for him, and so far, it's not overly great. But who knows what it will look like when he gets here.

I was the one who said one of you has to commit to moving. It's good news he's interested in coming to the U.S. But getting him here will be challenge...especially depending on how old you both are. My aussie is 32...too old for many of the young work visas. Too hard to get a company to sponsor him. So we either get married, or go for the greencard lotto. We did the latter. If you went the marriage route, you would most likely be supporting the both of you until he got his work permit...6-8 mos down the line, I believe. Unless you went down the legit fiance visa route, but that takes a while to get too.

I have heard of the Italian mother thing. Korean mothers are similar (I'm Korean). Heck, probably mothers of every culture are protective of their boys, especially if it's their one and only. My Italian male coworker said his mother chased his last girlfriend away (although I doubt he stood up to his mother). My Australian girlfriend with an Italian boyfriend is going through culture shock as well.

The good thing is that if the mother doesn't move with him, that your potential mother-in-law will be far far away. :-D

Hi again everyone,

dln - my best friend got engaged at the Wayside Inn (near the "water wheel")

crazymina - don't get me started on green card headaches! it took a lot of time filling out the forms, but my husband's got his and next year we can apply for permanent status!

I_jackson - hang in there! you have the right attitude about having an open mind and heart. i NEVER thought i would be married to an italian man and living in las vegas! sometimes the future holds unexpected surprises...

hamlet - i understand about the best of both worlds...we've got tons of free places to stay in emilia romagna, tuscany and calabria!

lwinokur - the italian mother is a very special breed. it was really hard for my in-laws to "let go" of my husband when he moved here 3 years ago. of course, his father tells him constantly that he can come home and start studying to become a dentist again...he loves his family very much, but about 2 days after he arrives there they are driving him nuts and he's ready to come home where "nessuno mi rompe le palle" (sorry, vulgar!)

Thanks again for all the well-wishes and comments!

Gelato lover...I'd actually be interested in your greencard stories (if you care to "get started. ;) ) You can email me if you want (don't feel obliged to though) so we don't clutter up this thread with it. No guarantees Aussie boy will get the lotto greencard, although we are hopeful. Probably wise to look at all our options.

But I take it you married him in Vegas, THEN did all the paperwork? I have heard the forms are monstrous. My cousin married an Australian girl and had to go through it. They hired a lawyer. Apparently, this Australian affection runs in my family. :)

The greencard lotto is definitely the easiest way to go, with regards to paperwork. But the odds are a bit slim!

crazymina,
You crack me up! You are right, we got married in Vegas first and filed the paperwork after. I will have to pull all the docs out to refresh myself on the timelines. It really wasn't too bad, I downloaded all the forms from the internet, filled them out carefully and mailed them in (certified mail, so there was no question that they had been received). Less than one year later we got the letter to schedule our "what color is his toothbrush" interview. BTW they don't really do that, at least not to us! The whole thing lasted 15 minutes and his green card (its actually yellowish-gold) came in the mail about 3 weeks later. All in all a pretty smooth process. I had looked into the fiance visa but it seemed like an added step since we wanted to get married anyway. Email me at [email protected] if you want to discuss further :> bye

Yup...that's why most people don't seem to go the fiance visa route. Why wait for a year apart, when you can just wait a year together? And your wait seems quite short!

Aussie and I don't want to get married to get a greencard. We want him to come first, then decide which way we'll go. I think he's afraid he'll marry me for a greencard, then think "Yikes! I've made the mistake of my life!" Then divorce me and hightail it back to the land of beautiful scenery and deadly things.

gelato lover--my husband applied for his green card right after we got married and it was the year the movie "Green Card" came out (with Andie McDowell and Gerard Depardeau, remember it?). We were scared skinny we'd be turned down! Especially when they asked to see wedding photos, which of course we didn't have on us.

Turned out okay, though.

Hey Gelato..I chuckled when I read that vulgarity..it was so long since I heard that expression..
Thanks for the LAUGH!!

Not all the Italian Mothers are like the classical stereotype that we see in tv or movies..

I am proud to say that I never chased any girl friend away and dont interfere in my son marriage at all.

Proud to say that I am A COOL mother in law, despite that my son is very close to me..
We have so much in common,especially in the cultural camp, after all I raised him, and he acquired some of my traits,my ways of thinking, my passion for travel and for knowledge..

lol Kismet, I'm sure you are a great mother in law. Whether the "stereotype" is the exception or the rule, I don't know. My sister in law loves my mother, and I know that she is a great mom...but I have to admit...from all of my Korean friends who married into Korean families, my mother is the exception, and not the rule.

Or maybe all my friends had bad luck, and Korean MILs are great. Who knows. I reckon I won't have to find out though!

Ann41: We left the U.S. after 3 months here, and he never returned (grace a dieu!). Actually, we still see each other every once in a while when I'm in England with my family, since we have many mutual friends.

The sad part was I lost my ability to work in England after moving back to the U.S. and not returning to England for 2 years. Still have my health insurance and pension money there though. Don't know if I will be allowed to tap into it when I reach that age, though.

Try a potential Iish Mother in Law...Nightmare. Their boys do no wrong it just kills me sometimes. No wonder so many men can't cook or clean. If my partners mother here in Ireland (Who probably is the exception) insults me one more time in an indirect way I will take her son away! :-) It may be a generational thing that is dying out (I hope) but Irish boys and their mammy's wreck my head.

One of my friends did, sort of. He met his boyfriend in Austria, I think. They live together in Germany now, it must be over 5 years. They're not married as such, for obvious reasons.

My Korean mother-in-law (and father-in-law for that matter) was an absolute gem of a person. I was so lucky to have known her as an individual, and to have had someone like her as a mother-in-law. We miss her a lot.

Oh no, don't get me wrong, I love my boy's mother! (I think....it's hard to understand her!) She's a doll, and has the love for her son any mother should. She's just already freaking out about him leaving her, and he still has a year and a half left of school in Italy before he can even think about leaving! She freaked when she found out he was coming here for a month for vacation...and now he's coming again for another month in March. That poor woman, I can only imagine what's going through her head.

As much of a drag as it is, that's one of the things I love about him. His family is incredible, such warm and loving people. And what a spice for life! I love ethnic families! Can you say My Big Fat Greek Wedding?

God, it's all so bitter sweet!

Rufus, it seems you were fortunate, and I'm glad. Out of all my Korean friends/relatives, they may love their MIL or FIL, but I don't know anyone where they like both.

Happy Friday everyone,

dln - you have no idea how much we panicked wondering what crazy questions they would ask us at the green card appointment. i even brought photo albums that chronicled our 5+ year relationship just in case...

kismet - there's tons more vulgarity where that came from...it's fun to swear in other languages!

crazymina - i wouldn't have gotten marreid for a green card either. the timing really just worked for us and we're planning on toasting our 50th anniversary under a tree in the tuscan countryside.

you are both right about Italian MILs not all being the stereotype. my MIL is a very giving person who defends my actions when my husband complains to her about me...albeit a rare occurence...ahem!

Thanks everyone for the great posts. I'm outta here for the weekend, have a fun one!

Sounds so romantic!!! How did you know that he was the one? And where did you meet? I am going to Florence next week to see if things could work between me and my honey. My story sounds a lot like yours. How long were you with him while you were on vacation?

lwinokur....it seems as if my story is also like yours.....how long have you been with your man, and how is it working? I am leaving next week for two wonderful and passionate weeks...but who knows what will happen!!!!!

Married an East Coast Polish-Italian cutie from CT. We have found that even the East and West Coasts are very different. I'm a SoCal girl of Mexican descent & a very traditional family but my motto growing up was & still is: traditions are meant to be broken. That hasn't worked too well with my Italian mother in law... she also has had a very hard time letting go... ;)

Here is an update to my Florence romance. We are getting married!!! Now I have to wade through the Visa process to bring him to California. I leave on the 7th and this will be the hardest goodbye.

We met in the Piazza de Republica, he had plans with his friends, but cancelled them after seeing me and came back to see if I would talk to him. He just sat behind me on the bench and I noticed that his friends were waiting to see if he would do anything, so I talked to him first. I think I knew when he picked me up at the airport and it was like no time had passed between the two of us. This is the most comfortable I have ever been with someone. Spending 30 days together is not real life, but if we survived one friend with a bad attitude and my step-mother (wonderful person) we were ok.

Any help of advice would be much appreciated. I have no idea how to go about this.

Lawyer, now I understand your fashion questions. Good luck.

This is a message for l_jackson. Congratulations on your engagement, but my advice is to make it a long engagement. Keep in mind that you know one another only since April 04 and the only time that you have spent with him is while you are on vacation (which, let's face it, does not give a clear picture of what daily living together is really like). It is also quite possible that there will be cultural differences to be surpassed. The only way to really know if he is the right man for you, and you, in turn, the right woman for him is to live your lives together (day to day rountine going to work, shopping, and whatnot) and then see how the compatibility factor works in - but a wedding prior to this "test" isn't a good idea. Marrying him now so that he can get a visa to be in the US is not a wise decision unless you are prepared to sponsor him (read: be also financially responsbile for him) no matter what the circumstances be. I wish you the best.

To l_jackson....Congrats!!! I am happy to hear that everything is working out!!! Even though you are leaving on the 7th, I am sure that you will find a way back soon. Now you understand my situation, the fashion questions do not seem so far fetched.....Also, how many times did you visit Florence since April? I have so many other questions...I hope I am not a pain!!! I am truly happy for you and your man...

Congrats I_Jackson! I hope for the best for you and your man...

I agree with Amelia...try and make it a long engagement. My Aussie and I have known each other since February 03 (1 yr 8 mos now) and spent quite a bit of time together. I'm still learning new things about him (as I think many couples continue to do!) Even though I adore him, marriage is not in the cards for me. Too scary (but I'm a commitment phobe!)

Have you heard of the U.S. Diversity Lotto? It IS a long shot (1 in 200 chance), but the aussie was selected for the 2005 fiscal year (which goes from Oct 2004-Sept 2005). It's a random lottery, and to enter it is very very easy. If you get selected for further processing, that's when the nuttiness begins. You've got to pray for a low enough case number, otherwise it's a false hope.

The 2006 diversity lottery opens up on November 5. The website, if you want to check it out is at

http://travel.state.gov/visa/immigra...iversity3.html

This may still be a long wait. If your fiance is chosen, it would not be until April-Jun 2005. The earliest interview he could get is Oct 2005, but it could be sometime in 2006. I realize that sounds very very far away, but it doesn't hurt to enter this thing. The nice thing about getting a greencard this way is that it will be on his own terms...if he can prove he is financially able to move, he can get the greencard, then come and find work right away. You could sign an affidavit of support as well, but if he goes on welfare within three years, you must pay back the government.

And if you were meant to be, you will be able to stand the test of time. Yes, it is VERY difficult (my man and I have recently hit a bit of a bump ourselves because when you don't see each other in months, it screws with your brain!) But I firmly believe that whatever is meant to happen, will happen...and happens for the best.

If you do choose to marry him, it will be like Amelia said...unless he has pots of money hanging about, you will have to support him. He will not be able to even get a work visa for a few months while you are together. Of course, the nice thing if you go this route is that you go through the red tape while being together, instead of apart, like I am doing!

For i_jackson -
Congrats on your happy news. I don't want to seem like a downer, but I agree with Amelia about a longer engagement. Sure, everyone is different and feels sure about "the one" at different speeds. I just wouldn't want you to be hurt or disappointed. At least for me, it was SO different living with my man outside the romance of the Italian vacation. And we had known each other for 4 years and lived together for 1.5 when we decided to get married. That said, I wish you good luck with the Visa stuff!

Thanks for the advice. I think that the time it will take to get the visa will be a good period to make sure each of us still want to be together. I know that it has been a short period of time, but I am following my gut on this one. I know couples who have been together for 20 years and are still learning things about eachother.

It is my idea for him to come here, he would be just fine staying in Italy, but I don't want to leave my job. Also, if he gets a fiance visa, it will give him a little time to see what I am like under my work pressures.

I promise that I will proceed with an air of caution.

lawyer630 : I met my Italian on vacation in Croatia last august so it's been just over a year now. At the time I had been living in Prague so the distance was still long, but not as bad as it is now that I'm back in Chicago. To go to Italy now frequently is impossible, with work, time and airfare prices, but from Prague I had a lot more free time on my hands and I could easily find cheap airfare. Things are OK now. He was just here for 5 weeks and we travelled all over the US, through AZ, Vegas, parts of Utah, Illinois, WI, MI, DC and NY, also, Niagara falls...it was the longest time I got to spend time with him. He still has a year and a half left of school, and then he wants to move here, which is a nice thought, but a year and a half is a long way off when you can only see someone for short periods of time a couple of times a year.

Regardless, I'm trying to keep my spirits high and my mind open. Since living abroad I've learned to appreciate home more and the people I left before...still, I can't go a day without talking to him and am thinking of him all the time. I've learned that there's no sense in sitting around missing someone when there's nothing you can do about it.

What's your story???