Cold feet
 

My daughter and I have been planning a trip to London and Paris for four months now and it's finally time to go on the 9th and I feel like I just can't do it! I'm worried about being able to function in Paris. I'm not as concerned about London. I'm foreseeing being lost and frustrated and just generally not having a good time in Paris, mostly because of the language difference and because neither of us speak any French, much, and have not been there before and it's just the two of us - two inexperienced travelers, suburban-dwelling, mini-van-driving, average American women - one with stars in her eyes about the trip and the other more realistic as to the potential problems and frustrations!

Actually, I think I know how you feel, I have experienced some of those feelings of anxiety in the past when going to certain countries alone where I have never been and do not speak the language. I'm not going to get into this any further as it's too personal, but just to say that even though I do experience certain kinds of anxiety, I sometimes force myself to do things that I am hesitant to do because I know if I do not, I would just never go anywhere or do anything new or interesting. The positive side to this is that you end up feeling a sense of accomplishment and pride in getting through it, and invariably nothing turns out as bad as you are fearing (it never has for me) so you gain experience and confidence for the next trip. So, all I can tell you is that other people experience the same thing, things will not be as bad as you fear, AND to give yourself a pep talk, just remind yourself that THOUSANDS of other American tourists manage to do this every year, many with as little experience as you, and nothing terrible happens to them. Really, think about, complete feebs go to Europe and manage to get around okay (I have known some, no names), just look around you when you get there and you'll see. Also, much of Europe is completely adapted to hordes of American tourists, so the language thing will not be as big a barrier as you may think. On the other hand, be prepared and don't do dumb things like I did in my youth or my niece (who is 20) did recently (and I warned her but she knew everything of course, and wouldn't pay attention to me). To wit, some rules: 1) do NOT arrive without hotel reservations; 2) do NOT go around the city without a city map and travelers phrasebook; 3) do NOT try to get something for nothing or cheap, or let "helpful" bystanders help you with ATMs, giving you "extra" tickets they have, lead you around metro stations, etc.; 3) learn to read a simple map, I know some people are completely incompetent at this, but you have to learn to read a city map and a simple subway line map. 4) do NOT try to scrimp and be cheap to save miniscule amounts for things that will really burn up time and energy and wear you down (ie, do not obsess over the few francs difference in various metro passes or agonize over whether an airport shuttle van service is 20F cheaper than a taxi, or that shlepping around luggage and making 3 metro changes will save you 50F on getting from train station to your hotel--take the cab); 5) stay close to city center, so you can probably walk to a lot of things and they will be more used to tourists; 6) RELAX and have fun, things will not be as bad as you fear, I promise.

Leigh,<BR><BR>If I were you, I'd go to the bookstore and get a book called "French or Foe" by Polly Platt. It's a pretty quick read, and it gives you some insights that will make your experiences in France a lot more pleasant. Americans and the French have different ways of doing and perceiving things, and by reading this book you won't be put off by what many Americans would consider rude or unusual behavior. And you'll be less likely to do or say something that the French might perceive as rude or unusual.<BR><BR>If you can pick up even a few common phrases in French--"Excuse me," "Please," "Do you speak English?" and so on--in addition to the useful phrases in the Platt book, it'll help immensely. My experience has been that the French are much more accommodating if you demonstrate that you've made an effort to learn even a little French and not assume that they should be expected to speak English. <BR><BR>Paris is wonderful. The Metro makes getting from place to place pretty easy, and my wife and I have always thought of Paris as the nicest large city we've ever been to. <BR><BR>I've got many more good memories than bad ones of my two trips to France. Having read the Platt book, I understand how I contributed to creating some of the bad memories. The next time I go, I expect I'll have an even better time because of what I've learned from reading the book. <BR><BR>Usual disclaimers apply--I have no financial interest in your buying the book, etc., etc.<BR><BR>I hope you and your daughter have a wonderful time!

I remember feeling exactly the same way, but it had more to do with leaving my house for 6 weeks than any fears about being in Europe. Just trust us that you are going to be just fine and the time with your daughter is so important. Remember, it isn't going to be a tropical vacation, there will be times of difficulty but it is so worth it. Christina did a good job of giving you some tips. Actually, you may enjoy Paris more than London in spite of the language difficulty. I wish you the best of luck.

Lee, you brought back wonderful memories for me. My sister and I took our first trip to Europe in 1994--both over 40, neither had ever been out of the country before, etc. At the last minute we became VERY apprehensive. However, we went and had the most wonderful time! Language barriers are not important. Everyone speaks a little English whether they admit it at first or not. Try speaking a little french to the person you need to communicate with (they appreciate that), then pardon yourself and ask nicely if they'll try English. It works! Menues are posted outside all restaurants, so you can look before going in (you'll recognize enough to order--you'll quickly see that bouf is beef, etc.) Since our first trip, we've gone back six times! Last January I lost her suddenly to a quick-moving cancer. PLEASE go and build up memories that you can share with no one else--just each other. I can't tell you how grateful I am that my sister and I scrimped and saved to take these trips. Please write when you get back and let me know how you did!

The language barrier should not be cause for cold feet. It adds to the ambiance and "exotic" feel of your destination. When I don't speak the language, I usually carry a small phrase book or dictionary that can come in handy for ordering food, shopping, etc. <BR>I was in Paris just last November and found the Parisians to be wonderful hosts, contrary to some of my pre-trip readings. I think that after you interact a time or two with the French upon your arrival, you will find yourself doing suprisingly well at communication. ie-you will find that they know more English than you expected, and you know more French than you expected. <BR>Hold your handbags tightly, don't ask bystanders for advice (ask your concierge, waiter, shopkeepers, etc), and be sure to wear your walking shoes...you will have a teriffic time. Paris IS all it's fabled to be.<BR>j.

One of the BEST reasons to travel is to cure you of exactly the things that you're concerned about. Once you find out that people everywhere have a lot in common, and that communication is less about language than about interaction, you'll never again be afraid to travel anywhere.<BR>If a foreigner traveling in this country approached you for help, and couldn't speak english, would you scurry for cover? I doubt it. You'd go out of your way to be helpful. The same happens when you're the traveler. So go on your trip, be comfortable with the similarities, and seek out the differences to broaden your experience.

Go, it is very normal to experience "cold feet".<BR>Doing the extraordinary is fun..when was the last time you really did something different?<BR>It is sooo exciting to travel to a new place. The other posts offer excellent advise. With your daughter, you will have the experience of a life time and this trip will wet your appetite for more adventure.<BR>Do learn some simple phrases as it is only being polite. Paris is a wonderful city, if you book your accommodation before you go that is one less hassle. Organise your transfer from the airport to your hotel with your agent..another hassle dealt with...<BR>Au revoir

Oh Leigh, please go and don't worry!<BR><BR>Until 3 years ago, I had never been anywhere that didn't speak English, except for Mexico, and even there, there was enought English spoken, and it is a culture that is not that foreign to Southern California where I grew up, so I was fairly comfortable.<BR><BR>We went to Paris to celebrate a big birthday. We arrived at 7:30 AM ,and were on the street exploring by 10:00 AM. We were terrified by our lack of French, intimidated by what we thought the French would treat us like, and by 2:30, we were tired, cranky, and hungry. <BR>We stumbled into a restaurant and I said my one memorized sentence "I don't speak French, but do you have a table for two?" Well, they did and they treated us like royalty. It broke the ice and we were sort of fearless for the rest of the week. It changed our lives. We are now going to Europe about 4 times a year, we are taking language lessons, and we are starting to think about buying property there. I don't mean to suggest that everyone will have a life-changing experience, but just want to say, don't be afraid. If you get lost on the Metro, pull out your map. Someone will stop and even if you can't understand them, they will point out the right station, pantomime, whatever, and you'll be able to get around. The major sites will almost all have english translations available.<BR><BR>Really, you'll do fine and you'll come home with the most wonderful memories and experiences. Please go and then post when you get back to tell us all about it - we all love to live vicariously thru other posters travels!<BR><BR>Bon voyage!

Thank you , Leigh and to all the people that have responded! Leigh, when I read your message my heart jumped because I thought..."that's me!" (even the suburban-dwelling, minivan part!) My husband and I leave for London and Paris in three weeks, and as excited as I am, I have many worries and am dreaming about things going wrong just about every night. These replies truly have helped! Thank you, everyone!<BR>And Leigh, as others suggested, I hope you post here when you return. Perhaps you'll give me a boost of confidence before my trip!<BR>Au revoir!<BR>Mary

Our first trip abroad was to London - our second to Paris. I found Paris much more comfortable &amp; enjoyable (we speak no French). We stayed in the 5th district &amp; walked everywhere.<BR> In London, there were streets that we were afraid to cross at night because the traffic was so frantic &amp; there were no traffic lights nearby. Also, my husband could never remember to look to the right first, before crossing the street. Traffic goes right up to the curb so I was always grabbing his arm just in time.<BR> To me, Paris was much more relaxing &amp; fulfilling!<BR> Go! You won't regret it.

I want to go, I am afraid to go, I cannot really afford to go, I am going. My mother always wanted to travel and could never get my father to go anywhere. She was not independent enough, nor did she have the means to go anywhere alone or with someone else. She is now in her 80s with advancing Alzheimers. I am 50 and this is my first trip to Europe (my husband won't travel either). I will overcome my apprehension because I know that someday I might not have the opportunity to go where I have dreamed of going. Do it now and enjoy yourself! My daughter and I will also be in Paris this month stumbling along with the other tourists. I cannot wait!

I totally agree with Christina!! You know, I've been to France (not just Paris) 4 years in a row and I still don't speak French. And France is my favorite country of all! I say please, thank you, hello, goodye. Otherwise I speak in English or use flash cards. The people are so warm and friendly, and are willing to help if you really need it.