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Are The Vikings Really Bad in Scandinavia in September?

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Betty and Billy Jones (
Hello, I'm new to the forum and am planning our (my hubby and myself) trip to Europe. We want to go to Scandinavia in late September, but our son's history book has storys about these Vikings. I for one don't want to be raped and pillaged while we're in our hotel room on our trip. I hope I'm not overreacting. Do you suggest we get those helmets with horns to fit in and not seem so "U.S." -ish? I could get the one with the braided hair hanging out and my hubby said he'd wear the one without the hair. We just don't want to be pegged as tourists when we tour around Dutchland and the Scandinavian country.

By the way, what language is spoken in Scandinavia? I assume Scandinavian but we'll spend most of our time in Amsterdam anyway while there. And how much would a typical McDonald's meal cost? Just for comparison of course. We want to eat raw meats and Raindeer and other Scandinavian meals so we really soak up the culture. Please help us! You all seem so knowledgeable! The Jones's.

P.S. Will the Scandinavian peoples take dollars or should we convert to Scandinavian dollars before we go? Where should we do that? Dunkeshien.

Bjorn (
I don't think it's fair to blame the Vikings every time somebody is raped or someplace is pillaged. Lots of us Vikings are hardworking and honest, despite having to put up with a bad climate and too many dried fish for dinner. So if you can't have a more open mind, maybe you should stay home. Those Dutch, on the other hand...

The Vikings have been a sorry excuse since Tarkenton retired.

Bjorn (
I never met a Viking I didn't like. Can't say the same about Americans, though.

Hey Bjorn, the lady asked a civil question. Being Irish, I blame the fact that we are a depressed and troubled people on the fact that YOU Vikings did SO much pillaging and raping on us in the 800s - now say you are sorry!

Re MacDonalds: don't forget to try the McMackeral burger (rolled, raw fish on a bed of lichen - has been very slow to catch on in the U.S. except for Minnisota) and their Caribou McNuggets with Lingonberry dip.

Re foreign exchange: They still use the battering system, so bring your old clothes, chewing gum (used is ok too) and nylon stockings.

Re fashion: Now in THIS field, I am an expert. Bring no less than 3 pairs of shoes for each day of your visit. A chastity belt, worn on the outside should help you avoid any unwanted attentions by amorous Vikings and horny reindeer. The helmet would be a nice addition to any outfit. For Spring, the designers are showing some interesting accessories including a long broadsword and matching shield.

Re language: try the language tapes put out by the Swedish Chef from the Muppets - “Furgen durgen swurgen” means "Can I have a room with a bidet that has a view of the Alps and the Eiffel tower."

If you are going in August than I would highly recommend the "ICE HOTEL" just a short taxi ride from Stockholm in the Artic Circle. I have heard that rates are very reasonable during high summer.

Hope this helps and look forward to your trip report. Best regards ... Ger

Book Chick
Ger, ROTLMAO!!!!!!!!

Mrs. Jones, please don't forget a nicely polished breast plate as part of your ensemble. (It can also deflect arrows effectively should the natives prove somewhat inclined toward violence.)

BookChick: ROTLMAO!!!!!!!! is that Viking or Gaelic???

Bjorn (
Ger, I really think you should get over this victim mentality. Nowadays everybody wants to blame somebody else for their problems. I wasn't even around in the 800's when your poor great-great-great-whatever was raped and/or pillaged, so why should I feel responsible. Besides, where do you think the Irish get their sparkling blue eyes? So you owe us a lot.

I do agree with you about the Swedish chef, though. We Vikings really appreciate it you can manage at least a few polite expressions like "What time does the sun rise around here?"

Another good idea for preparing for a trip to Scandinavia is to spend as much time as possible in Ikea. If you buy a lampshade there and wear it on your head during your trip, nobody will know you're not Swedish.

Bjorn (
Hi. Suddenly a lot of Bjorns entered the stage. I'm glad forenames and Norwegian competence do not go together. Bjorn is Norwegian for Bear. And Vikings are people from the viks, i.e. the small bays. Especially along Norway's western coastline. Some south of Bergen, at the entrance of Hardanger Fjord, you will find Alvik, the vik of the Al, old Norwegian for some kind of tree. So, here I am. Bjorn the Viking, alias Bjorn Alvik, or maybe beer all week?

Whatever you want, except for being described as a rapists or a Swede.

Certainly we know all the languages. Norwegian, however, is supreme to both Danish and Swedish or whatever "scandinavian" dialect you might prefer.

Denmark, Finland and Sweden belongs to EU. So do their money. Norwegian money is independent of that. The NOK is more dependent on your supreme USD. That's why we feel so well and are proud of ourselves all the time.

Welcome to Norway. Especially in September as the nights grow dark, waiting for the Trolls to come out and the snow to fall.

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