Answers to OP (comical rant)
 

Since a lot of people (at least 2) expressed an interest in having a rant of stupid/lazy answers, let us start it ...

I've made some not too subtle references myself to regulars here, so let us keep it in a friendly way - I think I did but there will be some who will say I'm not funny of course.

ok let us go

1.
2. Weather will be 14C on the xxx with some rain in the afternoon
one of my favourite answers to 'what will be the weather on a specific date/location
3. why do you go to France, Germany is so much more interesting
(saw it recently)
4. You are spreading thin stay all time in one place
5. Avoid flights at all cost in Europe
(saw it recently, still not figured that one out)
6. Why do you take soo much luggage - I travel with one set of underwear and no socks for 25 days
7. Take trains everywhere - and take it in first class
8. stay in apartment when OP asks for a hotel and says he doesn't like apartments
9. stay only in hotels
10. cars are a hindrance, use public transportation
a classic, often true, used and overused everywhere for every situation
11. did you do some research?
12. Did you think at all ?
13. We stayed at hotel 'touristrap' 21 years ago, we oved it and they make their home marmalade
14. Avoid flights at all costs
recent one - still not understood that one
15 . Go to xxxx, take the RN25, follow ... I've been 234 times there, made a summary of the trip in 5432 pages and sent it to 50945097 people on Fodors
16. 'As Whathello says' - very useful post...
from another forum
17. you'll be fine


Tired... 1. was avery good one that I do/did and forgot when after my laptop crashed.

Your turn !

The 93 posts on your other thread of the same title aren't sufficient?

Remove the 5-6 of yours and it becomes quite acceptable.

Comical????

Yeah, could do better - counting on you then.

Suze, one thread is questions, the other answers. My favorite Q/A is the "are we crazy" variety and the answer is usually "yes."

>>Can someone recommend a hotel in Paris?<<

- We stayed in 1992 in Hotel de la Rue and we loved it.

Don't know which one is more stupid, the question or the answer.

If I were you, I'd skip [Milan/Brussels/Rotterdam/Manchester]. There's nothing to see there.

Don't wear [sneakers/backpacks/baseball caps/shorts]. Everyone will shriek "Tourist!" and slam the door in your face.

Try to reserve dinner at le Four Micro-ondes. We had a wonderful meal there; it was full of locals [people who don't speak English] except for us.

I always wear Buttugly walking shoes. They're very comfortable, but cute.

Be sure to carry a roll of toilet paper. It's scarse in Europe.

Tip the chambermaid in dollars; they appreciate it more than euros. (I actually saw this once).

Be sure to bring a cocktail dress to wear to dinner.

[To someone who asks about a visit to Utrecht.] I suggest you go to Delft instead; we had a wonderful time there.

[To someone traveling with an elderly parent] Don't bother buying a bus pass. You can walk nearly everywhere.

[to someone asking about budget lodging] We loved the Grande Hotel du Big Bucks. If you go in the off season, it might be within your budget.

[to someone who wants to experience real life] Don't miss the annual Palio dei Turisti Creduloni (a fake medieval festival dating from 1984).

[to someone traveling with three children under the age of 5] If you go to Nasenblutendorf, you can hike from one Alpine hut to another all the way to Spitzenfels.

Now that was at least slightly comical - if it weren't so sad.

What I'm always amazed at is the people who say trains are the only way to travel when the OP has clearly stated why they MUST drive (they are buying new car and driving in europe to get it to the US taxed as a used car; traveling with 3 toddlers and 100 pounds of kids stuff to be hauled everywhere; or whatever).

Sometimes a car is an absolute hindrance - despite the 100 pounds of kids stuff. An example is the Amalfi Coast in high summer - unless the traveller has an apartment/villa with parking.

If their lodging has no on site parking then they are directed to parking garages and some of them are far away from the lodging - so they're still dragging the kids and 100 pounds of luggage.

Bvlenci - that was so funny I was laughing so much and scaring the dog.

Do not fly Ryan Air on St. Patrick's Day.

There are high speed trains in a few countries, but they do not take passengers.

If you want to immerse yourself in the culture jump into a vat of yogurt.

Fifteen minutes should be more than enough time to clear immigration and get to a terminal at the other end of the airport. This is especially true at MAD, LHR, and CDG.

Be sure to touch all the fruit in a Paris market.

Do not worry about speeding in Western European countries, those cameras are for selfies.

<If you want to immerse yourself in the culture jump into a vat of yogurt.>

I would do this but unfortunately it's taking me half a day to unpack and leave my hotel, despite the fact that I'm only traveling with carry on luggage because I heard it's absolutely THE ONLY way to go! This may explain why I'm wearing <buttugly walking shoes>.
However, I am having an authentic experience by visiting lots of expensive restaurants listed in Conde Nast and avoiding places like Brussels, Rotterdam and Manchester because no one I know has ever been there. After all I am the most well travelled person in my small corner of the universe which means I know exactly what you should do, see, wear and think.

'Why do you want a bunch of strangers on a forum telling you what to do. Go get a guide book'.....

....which are also written by a bunch of strangers who tell you what to do

'Why do you want to stay there - <aka the heart of the action> - why don't you stay somewhere less touristy?.....

yep, I really want to do what the 'locals' do - get stuck in traffic, stare at blocks of apartment buildings and walk down dull suburban streets - I can save thousands of euro and do that at home.

I'm kind of fond of the answers to specific questions about an airline (using frequent flyer miles), a hotel (using hotel points) or a city (to visit family or conduct business).

The answers suggest a different airline, another hotel, or avoiding the destination entirely, without any reference to the question.

Don't go to xxx - there is nothing to see there [I have been there with a cruise ship excursion bus and have not seen anything but the toilet and the gift shop where our tour guide gets commission].

Wherever you are and whatever you do in Europe, do not rent a car but use the fantastic train system [Since my boyhood I am dreaming of trains and because we don't have trains here in Michigan it's my holy cause to convince everybody who travels to Europe of using the trains.]

Of course I wear flip-flops when I climb this rocky mountain trail because fashion police can't tell me not to do it! [Actually, I have never seen what a mountain trail looks like.]

Take travellers cheques to Europe [I use travellers cheques in my home country and I cannot imagine that the Europeans are so stupid not to accept them.]

In the U.S., we shoot at speed cameras [yes, I really found that quite recently!]

"If you don't want to stick out like a sore thumb, wear a black jersey top and black jeggings. You can dress this outfit up with a pashmina." (You can buy one from a street vendor for €4.50.)

"Don't eat at restaurants that have a menu in English." (Eat at the one of the other three restaurants in Rome that don't.)

"Travel with old raggedy shirts and underwear. You can throw them out as you go along to make room for souvenirs."

"Reserve tickets and tours every morning and afternoon of your trip. Get up at 6 AM to have breakfast and early entry at the Vatican Museums. Try to fit in a dinner cruise in the evening." That way you won't be able to change even one tiny detail of your plans, you'll spend two hours walking through the Roman Forum in the pouring rain, you'll be stuck in a pack of 5000 tourists in the Sistine Chapel on a glorious sunny day, and you'll be so exhausted you'll need two weeks to recover from the trip.

You must see Il Duomo, they really sing well.

And have a Brunelleschi or two, even though Italian beer is not as good as ours.

<i> 2. Weather will be 14C on the xxx with some rain in the afternoon
one of my favourite answers to 'what will be the weather on a specific date/location </i>

Someone whom I won't mention gave a response just like that very recently to a person who asked about the weather in Italy in April.

This person had addressed the forum as "Dear Sirs", from which I deduce that he's not European. For all of you Eurocentrics, in many other parts of the world not in the temperate zones, the question makes perfect sense. In much of Africa, India, the Pacific islands, southeast Asia, and Central America, the weather at certain times of the year, and in a given place will be reliably "hot and wet", "cool and dry", or "hot and humid with strong possibility of afternoon showers".

I don't think it's very funny to pull the leg of a person who may not be aware that the climate in Europe is entirely different from his experience.

Ah, it is me Bv. I like to answer like that.
And I added besides it that april is totally unpredictable -so I actually gave some useful info. Again, opening a bookguide will give you this kind of info. Whether in Europe or elsewhere.

But I think I'm a real bastard, from what some of you say.
I really should go and have myself psychanalized.

Good-bye, fellow Fodorites!

I am leaving home. This time, my destination is a monastery. Should turn me into a good boy.

I'm sure the guy who asked the question understood you were poking fun at his question, and if that amuses you, carry on.

Look, I like a little humor myself, but not at the expense of people who have less experience or knowledge than me. It's all right to make a litte fun of snobs or know-it-alls.

Do you really think I need to be patronized ?
And by you ?

"
"Travel with old raggedy shirts and underwear. You can throw them out as you go along to make room for souvenirs.""

now that is MY real travel strategy and I really do recommend it :-)

In the nicest way possible, and I really mean it, there is a running thread where a lovely lady has said "we are not public transport people", now I know what she means and I will advise where I can but, guys, you have to see how funny that is in Europe??

have a great day.

I love the way this thread has managed to keep the humour running without anyone getting "snarky"...

Yeah.

I've asked to have it removed actually.
Some people here only see the negative in everything and I am giving the stick they are using to beat me.

Feeling a little bit fed up...

Thanks for the positive guys !

Whathello

This thread will soon sink into oblivion. I would't worry too much about it. Humour is always appreciated although it's always subjective.

Do not feel bad. Bobby Kennedy said that 20% of Americans are against Mom and apple pie. Here is probably closer to 60%. I am not sure why this place is a self-righteous magnet.

Yes, don't feel bad. I howled laughing at some of this stuff.

It helps to have humour when you travel. So many things go wrong so laughing it off is way healthier than getting grizzly and ranting. As the Joker once said 'why so serious?'.

It is all a matter of perspective. People find a hair in their soup, take it as a personal affront, and will blame an entire country. Some people get pickpocketed and act like crime does not exist at home. Others call their credit card companies and have a more interesting story to tell.

You are right it all depends on the way you react to the world. Leave home, home.

Humour is a valve. It helps to let off steam and reduce overpressure.

I remember a thread a couple of years ago which dealt with the real persons behind the screen names and their roles they play here on this forum. Someone wrote "This forum is like a schoolyard" - you find the same type of guys here. And a few of them can be pretty annoying.

Thank you, Whathello, for posting this thread.

And let yourself being beaten. A spanking here on this forum is like a comic strip - it looks dramatic but it does not hurt. And it is fun to watch.

We used to have some quitty witty agents provocateurs here on this forum - at least one has died and others have become quite quiet.

And always remember: "Better losing a good friend than missing a punchline."

I always enjoy reading this type of post:
"Hello Experts! Will I experience any trouble with Customs or Immigration officials when my (fill in any country) visa expires during my 3-hour layover in Paris? Will I have time to go into the city to soak up some Parisian atmosphere and take photos from the top of the Eiffel Tower?"

Never understood why people don't go directly to government websites for information on visas, passports, what you can take through Customs, etc.

>>Never understood why people don't go directly to government websites for information on visas, passports, what you can take through Customs, etc<<

Much worse than the questions are the answers to this type of questions. I have read everything - from the ubiquitous "I have done soandso 15 years ago and everything went well" over risky and illegal advice up to the outright stupid.

OP: "I will stay in Italy for four months, but I have a visa only for three months. What shall I do?"

Answers:

"Talk to the officer and tell him the reason for your overstay. He will understand."
"Obey the speed limits. Then, you won't have contact with the police and nobody will notice that your visa has expired."
"Give the officers a smile."
"Go to the U.S. Embassy [!] and get your visa prolonged."
"Write a letter to the President of the United States [!]."
"Stay at cheap B&Bs where they do not want to see your passport."
"Check into the hotel under the name of another tourist. Buy him a drink for doing you the favor."
"After three months in Italy, travel to France or Austria and re-entry into Italy. The three-month period will start again."
"Join Berlusconi on a bunga bunga party and get his permit after showing him the photographs you took of the party."

<I like a little humor myself, but not at the expense of people who have less experience or knowledge than me.>

That is my issue with these thread. Making fun of people who come and ask a sincere question.

<why people don't go directly to government websites for information on visas, passports, what you can take through Customs, etc.>

Maybe newbies this a travel forum like Fodor's IS the place to ask?

"
Maybe newbies this a travel forum like Fodor's IS the place to ask?"


Relaying on posters on a travel forum for information regarding vivas, passports , et..
is not exactly smart.

Many people will believe anything they read on a chat forum, just because they think they know and like the person behind the avatar. The possibility that this person has never set foot in (fill in the travel destination) or has not ever encountered (fill in the problem), but might (or might not be) an ace researcher on Google never enters many people's minds.

I blame everything on the internet, where there's too much undocumented information - and that's the stuff that always appears first in the SEO's and what many people take as gospel truth.

As part of one of my jobs, I used to read government regulations. I would rather ask a human.

I found this today:

XXX (a city): not my favorite place since I had a client there and found it very strict in terms of closing times and limits to activities

No comment needed.