LaurenSKahn

Since we have had entirely too much of hating people (Patricia Wells and Rick Steves) on this site recently, I think we are due for a few laughs. So, once again, I am sending a thread begun by me to the top and blowing my own horn. Also, some of the "amusing things" did result from home exchange and we recently have had a relatively sane discussion about that.

Anyone have any "bad funny" rules/experiences he wants to add?

Since I will soon go to Russia on vacation, I may have a few more of my own when I get back. Vodka jokes?

Beatchick

That was very funny, thanks Lauren!

But now you have me dreading my trip to Europe with the kids. Oy vey. But I did know enough to put them in separate rows of the airplane. Mine will be 15 & 12 when we go.

Do they ever stop bickering???

FainaAgain

Lauren, so you go to Russia?

A recent emigrant went back to Moscow to visit his relatives, and they ran out of mayonnaise. He went downstairs to buy some, and the sales lady asked him: where is your exchange jar? WHAT???? Exchange jar. It turned out they would sell food or drinks in glass jars and bottles only if you bring an empty one to exchange. He had to come back to that apartment for an empty jar!

I'm sure you'll have A LOT to tell here when you come back!

jamie1984

Good post! I agree w/ the Louvre putting the three crowned art pieces - the winged victory, venus de milo, and the mona lisa all in the same area. That would get rid of all the tourists wandering around lost (which is so easy to do there!) looking for one of the three. I, however, loved the Jacques Louis David paintings of Napoleon. The one across from the Mona Lisa of his coronation is one of my favorites!

LaurenSKahn

Maybe I should ship a box of empty jars to Moscow ahead of me--hee hee! I could make a few bucks--uh--rubles (or at least kopecks). Could help pay for the trip.

I actually sold eclipse glasses I brought from the US at the August 1999 eclipse. I was in the "zone" in Pirmasens, Germany (near the French border). I had to buy 50 pairs of eclipse glasses--essentially becoming a wholesaler--to be assured of having one. Turned out I didn't need them. Oh, I sold all my glasses. I saw about 70% of the eclipse and got totally soaked in a thunderstorm. Another funny Europe story. By the way, the sale of the eclipse glasses helped pay for my essentially useless trip back and forth to not see the eclipse.

And I still don't like David's painting at the Louvre no matter what anyone else says. ;-)

Insofar as the bickering question goes, the never stop bickering until they move out and live in different places. However, when they come back home, they pick up right where they left off.

padbrasher

That there is a separate entrance into the Borghese Gardens underground garage for motorbikes and that our VW Mininvan will not pass through the 3' wide entrance. And that it is possible for an American woman with rusty stick-shift skills to back that same bus up the winding, narrow entrance without a) removing the paint from the vehicle b)crushing an unsuspecting Vespa rider or c)murdering her hysterically laughing pasengers/family.

Ziana

WHAT???? Exchange jar.
You'll be surprised!
In Hamburg they have plastic boxes (like we have here in supermarkets for soda bottles etc)that folds flat. Those are cost 12euro and you have to always have one to exchange in the store.

They also collect plastic bottles from different stores and bring them back to those particular stores.

ALDI store IS German, did you know it?
So, if soda cost on the pricetag is 25CENTS - you will pay 50 CENTS and if you have a bottle to return - it'll be 25CENTS then.

These things you wouldn't know if you live in Hotel, would you?

NJgirl626

How true that the mishaps are the things you remember. On the first day of our first family trip to Europe we took the train from Menton ,France to Ventimiglia, Italy because it was market day(we didn't know that it's market day everyday, somewhere). After a full, hot day of schlepping and shopping we return to the station only to be told that there would be no more trains back to France. A crowd had formed in the information office trying to figure what had happened which resulted in no info at all and the subsequent order to leave the office whereupon it was closed and the shade pulled down. We eventually found a bus that would take us back to the border. Fortunately our hotel was only a couple miles from there, but seemed further due large purchases and having young kids(11,9 and 7). Hot and tiring, but we'll never forget it.

LaurenSKahn

"These things you wouldn't know if you live in Hotel, would you?"

Which is exactly what makes home exchange so interesting. You have to learn which bin into which to throw the glass for recycling--and the rules are different every place you go.

Despite having exchanged in Hamburg once, I never ran into the exchange drink containers. I mostly eat out now that I usually travel solo.

I did a lot more cooking when the kids came with me. They are, mercifully, grown and gone, so I rarely have to be present for bickering sessions or the dreaded "When do we get there?" question. The only successful response to that one was the parental stare.

Since I am going on an elderhostel trip to Moscow and St. Petersburg, I probably will not run into the exchange jar situation. When you think about it though, it is not a bad idea. Recycling is taken much more seriously in parts of Europe than it is in the US.

I did get a laugh about backing up that car. Another amusing thing is, "When you home exchange make sure precise directions are left as to how to put the car into reverse." There are apparently as many methods as there are models of cars when you are driving a stick.

goldwynn

LaurenSKahn: I rented an apartment in St. Petersburg last September for a month and a half (the third time) and shopped the local markets and cooked most meals. Never came across that scenario with the jar exchange. But did exchange my water bottles though. You`ll love St. Petersburg and Moscow.

LaurenSKahn

I can't wait for my Russia trip (with or without jars). It will be my first trip since 1990 that did not involve a home exchange for at least a good piece of the trip.

If you want another laugh, go read the long version of my 1999 attempt to see the European eclipse (which I accidentally posted twice).

Guaranteed to make you laugh. I promise.

FauxSteMarie

Given the recent thread on travel disaster stories, I am blowing my own horn and sending this one to the top again.

h2babe

Your post cracked me up Lauren!

I do agree with the Louvre thing -actually that's the only three that I saw, and yes it took me about 45mins, and by then, I was ready to leave!

I did miss to have ice in my coke.

I was shocked to also discover that I had to pay for my grocery bag when I had just spent about 80euros on food.

I want to add one: when you see free sachets of ketchup, stash some in your purse. Because there will be other time that you want extra ketchup with your fries, and they will charge you for them!

FauxSteMarie

Inspired by the Crazy Things I saw in Italy thread, this one is due for another go round.

Cole

Here's my two cents...

When arriving as a single man alone in Gatwick airport, be prepared for the third degree..ie, why are you here? How long are you here? Where are you staying? What is your business?

When arriving at Gatwick airport, all of the currency exchange stations are strategically placed at points before the ATM machinge, which charge much less of an exchange rate. DONT FALL FOR THIS!

That there are still restrooms in Paris with porcelain holes in the ground.

That when not speaking French and the menu has no Englich captions, you may get a raw steak for dinner!

That French museums have no English captions on any of their displays...I wonder what would happen to the French economy if English speaking tourists stopped going to France?

That you should never assume you are on the correct train to the airport, double check the kiosk and allow lots of time to travel.

That is traveling with relatives who pay for everything, get copies of the receipts. When exiting France I once again got the third degree from security because I could not PROVE that I was there on vacation by producing hotel and train receipts.

That you should never open a hot bottle of Harrods Lager in the airport waiting area save a loud pop and spray of beer all over the place. (Funny, nobody even flinched)

That you don't want to share seats with a leg shaker on a 10 hour flight home from Paris.

sohara

And here is my 2 cents:

In France, when ordering something with an 'egg' it most likely will be served raw.

If you go to Le Mont St. Michel go as early as you can to avoid the hoards of tourists or all you will see on the long hike up are other peoples' backsides.

If you don't at least try to tinkle on the train before it stops you may end up waiting hours if the staion toilets are out of service.

Make sure to carry a pocketful of euros in France for the toilets.

When your Paris hotel Visa machine suddenly breaks down as you are checking out and your taxi is waiting, just have a tantrum and refuse to run up the street and use your debit card to get cash.

People in the UK drink tea because no one there makes a decent cup of coffee.

That cute B & B just around the corner from Victoria Station in London has 3 flights of narrow stairs and barely enough room for your luggage.

Skip the 'full English breakfast' part of the B & B at above location, the eggs were runny, the bacon raw, the coffee weak, and the breakfast beans, just ugh.

Everything in Caen is closed on Sundays.

Don't try to be clever and take the Metro from CDG airport to your train station while hauling all your luggage. Better to spring for the taxi.

Don't panic if you end up going the wrong way on the Metro, simply get off at the next stop, walk through the tunnel, turn right, go up the stairs, walk through another tunnel, go downstairs, turn left and there you go!

On the Eurostar when you book a return ticket you will most likely be sitting front facing one way and back facing the other way.

Cream Tea is to die for in the UK.

ira

>Skip the 'full English breakfast' part of the B & B at above location, the eggs were runny, the bacon raw, the coffee weak, and the breakfast beans, just ugh.<

You mean it's not supposed to be like that? That's all we have ever gotten.

FauxSteMarie

Regarding the raw meat mentioned above:

If you can't read the German menu at a restaurant in Wedel, Germany (outside Hamburg), the fish may be raw!

Actually, it wasn't half bad and I survived to tell the tale.

cf5657

I have a few

That If you don't speak Italian, you'll swear the steak is so raw it's still alive. And you will die laughing at your travel partner for ordering it.

That Museums in Rome will shut down for the afternoon you have a reservation for after you've spent 3 hours in the Park trying to find the musuem and realized that you were on the wrong side of the park. And the museum will have a business meeting as the excuse to shut down the entire musuem for the entire afternoon.

That even though you were lost in the park in front of the royal palace in Madrid for 3 hours walking in circles and other people are following you becuase they are more lost than you, you will not have learned your lesson by the time you get to Italy.

That if the word charming is used to describe an apartment in rome, your broom closet at home is larger than the "charming" apartment in rome.

That a French bed is not designed for two people and is smaller than an American Full Size bed.

That you have to validate the parking ticket in the parking garage in Paris even if it says parking is free for 45 mins.

That if you do not validate the parking ticket and are in a rental car in Paris that has german plates on it people in cars behind you will start screaming at you in French and German.

That when you friend goes to get the parking ticket validated (twice becuase he forgot his wallet the first time) by the time he gets back the people will have figured out you are American and make you turn the car around in the parking garage that is not big enough to turn a car around in.

That driving around the Arc de Triomphe is a natural high.

That its not a good idea to use a pedestrian map of Paris as a driving road map. They don't list one way streets.

That it will take 4 different carloads of people from all over the world to figure out how to turn the gas pump on at a pay at the pump station in Italy even after watching an Italian do it.

That British Airways will make you sit in a packed airplane for 4 hours while they get the correct papers to fly the plane legally when it was only a 45 min flight to begin with and you could have taken a train from London and still been to Manchester faster.

That despite all of the crazy things you still find them amusing and want to go back for more.

Kate

Lauren, great post, always amazes how few people have a decent sense of humour on this board.

So a special "russian" edition to coincide with your trip:

In Russia, I have learned:

That the woman screaming at you in russian in the museum like you've committed a terrible crime is probably just telling you where you can hang your coat.

That the small bottle of mineral water in the mini bar in your hotel room will cost the same as a 3 course dinner for 2 outside the hotel.

That no matter how many layers of thermal socks you put on under your waterproof, fur lined gortex boots, you will still step in a freezing puddle of slush and get your feet soaked and frost bitten as soon as you try to cross the road.

That russian drivers see 6 inches of black ice as no obstacle to tearing down the road at 50mph in a built up area.

That even in multiple sub zero temperatures, russian men will still stand outside drinking bear wearing nothing but the obligatory black tea shirt and thin leather jacket.

That russians really do wear enormous furry hats and after a couple of days you'll understand why and be buying one too.

That no matter how much you detest the stuff, you will still be forced to down neat vodka with every meal so as not to upset the waiters.

That if it's -10 outside, the heating in every building will be 100F, so you will need to strip down to your vest in every museum to cope with the heat.

That you should NEVER attempt the underground (subway) in the rush hour.

That you should not attempt to find a taxi in the rush hour.

That it' quicker to walk home in the rush hour, even if it's 3 miles in the driving snow.

That putting salt on the roads or pavements (sidewalks) is for wimps.

That looking at the umbelievable opulence of the 400 hundred-odd palaces in St Petersburg it's no great surprise that the peasants got a bit miffed.