>>>>I didn't realize that it was supposed to be a joke...as it was not in the least bit funny..my error.>>>>>

So; you think I actually have a big book on the front of which I have written "Cholmondley's Big Book of Reasons Not To Go To America By Cholmondley Warner aged 43 and a half" in which i meticulously write down every reason I can think of not to go to America?

If I did you'd only need to open in to the letter G - where yopu would find "Guns" "Godbotherers" and "GWB".

I could leave the rest blank.

I swear the yanks on here are getting denser.

Hi Sandi,

I assume you're an American. You'd be surprised at the amount of Europeans that have the same smart aleck attitude towards the US as CW. I know quite a few here and they are usually warm-hearted people who just love to tease. But they are quite adamant about not going to the States.

Best weapon: tease them back. They adore putting up a good "fight."

Am I safe to assume "dog biscuits" is internationally correct?>>>>

Assuming you mean things like Bonios - ie biscuits you feed to dogs then that's what we call them.

Unless there is an American biscuit made of canines. Always possible I suppose. Anyone who thinks peeps are edible could probably eat dogs too.

*remembers Peeps and opens the book to page P*

*Starts to Google and realizes that CW's explanation is far more interesting*

Got it. In the US, biscuits are made of flour/grain and salt. They are not sweet. What's the British equivalent of these type of biscuits? (like DarVida)

C.W. We yanks understand your attempt at humor. It's just that we don't think the nastiness that you think passes for humor does. It's just nastiness.

If you want to say something truly funny, I'm all ears.

I just went to www.kfc.co.uk to see if they had managed to sell biscuits with their meals in Britain. No biscuits, same as continental Europe -- all eliminated long ago, when people would take one bite and throw it away. If you can't get the British to eat that stuff (and they're not fussy), I'd say there's no local equivalent.

What's the British equivalent of these type of biscuits?>>>>

I don't think we have anything close to what I understand by American biscuits. We do have stodgy things we eat with stews - dumplings.

I assume the yanks have dumplings, but I didn't think the yanks ate suet* so God alone knows what they make theirs out of. (or are they all to busy being po-faced and looking like they've sucked a lemon like some on here?).

*makes two new entries in the book "Suet - lack of" and "Faces like a pox-doctors clerk - abundance of".

<< guess Swings are swings but what are roundabouts in US?>>

Roundabouts are called roundabouts in the US, don't know what else you'd call them (big ones in dense urban areas also can be called traffic circles). I live in a suburb of Wash DC, and we have some roundabouts (they just tested putting one in at the end of my street) in the area, and everyone calls them roundabouts. Some people do call these neighborhood ones traffic circles sometimes, but the city administration and most folks usually call them roundabouts.

US biscuits can be a little sweet, depends on why you are making them and your recipe. Basically, they are a mixture of flour, some rising agent, some liquid, and butter or shortening, maybe a little salt. They are richer than bread (have more shortening).

I put a little sugar in my biscuit recipe when I'm making some for dessert, to be used with fresh fruit on top, and some whipped cream. This is a rich, sweetish biscuit that is crumbly when I use it for dessert. I don't eat biscuits at any other time, except maybe once a year or so on a vacation in a restaurant. If you were having it with a main dish, you probably wouldn't put any sugar in the recipe, it's just a substitute for bread (but more fattening as it has more butter/lard, whatever).

I've always wondered about "wheaten bread".
There must be very little bread that isn't made from wheat.

Mischka, yes, I'm American. And we say "in THE hospital."

That's another odd one.
I don't live in a huge town, but if I asked a taxi driver to drive me to "the hospital", he's say, "Which one, Mate?"

Also, "haitch" is very uncommon.
It sounds to me like Mrs. Bucket trying to be rafeened and thinking that dropping aitches is vulgar in all circumstances.

Americans say someone is in THE hospital

"Swings and roundabouts" refers to fairgrounds: I think the full saying was originally something like "What you lose on the swings you make on the roundabouts" (or vice versa), meaning there isn't much difference in the long run (but a bit more lively than "six of one, half a dozen of the other").
Imagine waltzers and carousels; or, on this board, snarky snipes vs. useful advice.

Americans say someone is in THE hospital

Yes, but as an earlier poster said, if my friends were told that I was in the hospital, they'd ask which one.
It's like saying that little Johnnie goes to THE school rather than little Johnnie goes to school.
One of my American friends told me recently that she was chatting with a group of friends including an Englishwoman and they were discussing fashion.
She said that the Englishwoman's face was a picture when one of the group said, "You'll never catch me wearing knickers!"
As you may know, knickers are what you people call panties.

Seriously - what do you make dumplings out of?

I quite like "seesaw" and "teeter-totter". In particualar beucase each sounds so amusing (to my ears) when spoken in an exaggerated accent - try saying teeter-totter with the proverbial plumb in mouth and seesaw with a Texan accent and you get the picture.

Our daughter's boyfriend from the UK was visiting us in the USA, and we were very amused when he told us he was going to put on his 'jumper'. Here in the US, a 'jumper' is a type of girls dress, not a woolen 'sweater'! Apparently the expression 'all set' is not used in the UK as a term for being 'ready'. As in - we finished our meal, and we are 'all set' to 'head out'.

"Faces like a pox-doctors clerk - abundance of".

Personal experience? - how do you know !

As to the "When you have something funny to say" - to my Brit sense of humour it is very funny, it is just a part of British humour that doesn't translate.

"biscuits - lack of - another reason not to go" is almost self depreciating
it is also so ludicrous as to be obviously humour to those brought up here.

Apparently the expression 'all set' is not used in the UK as a term for being 'ready'. As in - we finished our meal, and we are 'all set' to 'head out'.

zootsi - yes they are used in the UK, I know exactly what they mean and I'm sure I've used them many times. I suspect that 'all set' has a military derivation and 'head out' comes from watching too many Westerns. Modern youth doesn't have the association with either activity that those of us of a certain age do, or our parents did.

<<< Am I safe to assume "dog biscuits" is internationally correct? >>>

Made from real dogs?

As for ATMs - I call them ATMs

So how do Americans haul their waste away when there's too much for the Winnebago?

<<< You have to ask for ice in your drink. >>>

There's only 3 days a year when drinks get warm enough so you need ice to cool them down